Guest Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 I've been in a relationship with this guy for almost 4 months now, but I still can't accept the fact that he had another sex partner (just oral). Although it was just oral, it still makes me sick to know that he was intimate with somoene else. Should I just try and forget about it as if it never happened. He told me everything that happened and it's just like a film playing in my head over and over again.
norajane Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 WHY did he tell you everything that happened? Did you ask for details? WHY? If you want to say with him, you will need to forget about it. It's in his past and has nothing to do with you. It's not so easy to find men who have never done anything with anyone, so you're likely to have this issue with pretty much every other guy you ever meet - and most of them will have done a lot more than oral. If you're looking for a virgin who has never had any sort of intimacy with a girl ever, maybe try to meet a religious guy or a very shy one.
MikeC Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Besides the fact that he described it, you shouldn't even worry about this. The past is something you can't change. Work on the future.
CrushedOrgans Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 yeah...i mean, you have to start somewhere, there has to be a first. sorry it's not you, but it's you now and he's not with her. i don't get why people are so hung about the past and other things that they cannot change, and that have nothing to do with them anyway. sorry if it seems like i think you're being a little silly, but i do. i think you should just relax. there are so many worse things in the world than knowing your current boyfriend engaged in a normal activity with his past one. it's great to have standards, but it's unhealthy to be so unrealistic, and you're going to have a very hard time finding a man with even less experience than a blow job.
London Kid Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Sorry to be blunt but - Get over it! It shouldn't be an issue, so what if he's been with another girl? If you're serious about the relationship then i don't think it should be a problem.
Mythical Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Sorry to be blunt but - Get over it! It shouldn't be an issue, so what if he's been with another girl? If you're serious about the relationship then i don't think it should be a problem. I 110% agree this is ridiculous, I don't think there are many guys that havn't hade sex with multiple ppl. Don't worry about it. I know ppl that are with ppl that have been with ppl in thier double digits it really doesn't matter to the current relationship if the person is trustworthy, honest and you guys care for eatchother
moman Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Next time do NOT ask for details. I have learned this lesson the hard way.
moredeborah Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 I wish my boyfriend's past only consisted of oral sex with one person. Think of all the things a man can do sexually with another person. Then, think of it happening with more than just one person. This is what other people have to deal with. But we're not talking about other people, we're talking about you. In an experience like that, I have just let time try to heal the wounds. I consider myself an unforgiving and unforgetting person. Sometimes I am reminded of my boyfriend's sexual encounters with other women and I cringe, but then I work to just push it out of my mind.
norajane Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 In an experience like that, I have just let time try to heal the wounds. I consider myself an unforgiving and unforgetting person. Sometimes I am reminded of my boyfriend's sexual encounters with other women and I cringe, but then I work to just push it out of my mind. What wounds? What is there to forgive or forget? If a person has sexual relations with someone before meeting you or before going out with you, it has nothing to do with you and there is nothing to forive, forget or feel wounded about. His/her past has nothing to do with you or your relationship. It's not like he cheated on her. He was with someone before ever going out with her. Why should that hurt her at all?
riobikini Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 re: Guest: "...makes me sick to know that he was intimate with somoene else..." Guest, if you are looking for a virgin, you need to ask that question up front, in the very beginning. Because all but absolute virgins have a *sexually intimate* past of some kind with someone. -Rio
moredeborah Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 What wounds? What is there to forgive or forget? quote] I guess that wasn't really the way I wanted to say it. I just wanted to let her know that this happens to a lot of people. There's nothing wrong with being jealous of your lover's past but she's just gotta try to forget about it and move on because you are right: it's not like he cheated on her.
Walk Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 The concept of being upset that my partner had a partner prior to me is really foreign. Like, "Out there" foreign concept. Even the first guy I had sex with... I knew he'd had other partners prior to me.. The guy directly after that... he'd had one partner, but did everything thinkable with her... Just never occured to me to be jealous and hurt when the guy didn't even know I existed when he knew that other girl. Anyway... to address the issue though. I've had a few partners in my past. Each of them have been different. No one is the same... and what makes it Special is not the number, or what I did, but WHO I'm with. I feel differently about sex with my bf, because he is incredibly special to me. It's not the same as anything, or anyone else. So although I may have done things like this with other people, it's NOT the same. It's unique, its special, it's magical with my bf. The others only showed me the difference so I would understand when I found it. I guess the closest I can come to describe it (and this pales in comparision)... You know when you go on a trip with someone, maybe you've been there before with your mom or your family.. but this time you go with your bf... it's different, it's special. It's better and more fulfilling. Just because you'd gone there once before, doesn't take away the magic of going with the person you love. Seeing the love and excitment in their eyes as they discover and learn new things about you. Even just going to the mundane grocery store, become special depending on the person you are with. So although your bf did oral with someone other than you... it in no way compares to you sharing that with him. Anyway.. I know this is true.. I'm not sure I explained it very well though. But the person makes it special, not the deed. Either accept it, or allow your low self-esteem and insecurities to push him away from you.
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