What time is it?

[Guest]

I have been married for 5 years with my high school sweetheart. We always had an on going discussion about sex frequency and length of time spent on sex. We are both in our late 20s and she says that we don’t have enough sex or not long enough. We on average have sex 2-3 times a week lasting 30 – 45 minutes (not including foreplay). She says we are young and should be having sex for at least an hour and everyday and 2 and 3 times a day.

 

She loves to have sex with me and says I am good; she just wants more of it. This has gone on for 5 years and now she is saying our sex drive don’t match and she is not sure if she can stay with me. We have 2 kids and now she is entertaining leaving me and the kids because I can’t go at it everyday. Is there something I am doing wrong?

 

I was not against trying to do it everyday so long we start early in the night, with a full time job, 2 kids and a house to take care of I get very tired. I suggested that she help me with the house chores that way I will not be as tired and we can have time allocated to sex every night. She refuses because she says sex should not be scheduled. I ran out of ideas and options.

[JadeStar]

She loves to have sex with me and says I am good; she just wants more of it. This has gone on for 5 years and now she is saying our sex drive don’t match and she is not sure if she can stay with me. We have 2 kids and now she is entertaining leaving me and the kids because I can’t go at it everyday. Is there something I am doing wrong?

 

 

This is just my opinon on the matter, but 2-3 times a week 30-45 minutes is actually not that bad considering some other peoples sex life, who don't even have that and wish they did. Personally if shes telling you she can't stay with you becasue your sex drives don't match without even trying to fix or work on things, then she is using that as an excuse for a deeper issue. You need to get to the bottom of whats really going on. How is everything else in your marriage other than what she feels is not enough sex?

 

 

 

Jade

[Craig]

She says we are young and should be having sex for at least an hour and everyday and 2 and 3 times a day. . .

she says sex should not be scheduled.

What? She wants sex 2 or 3 times a day for at least an hour and that isn't a schedule? When, if I may be so bold, are you going to do anything else besides take care of the kids, work and sleep? Note that taking care of the house isn't included in the list.

 

I mean think of how your day would go...

 

5:45 am wake up have sex*

7:00 am get ready for work, attend to the kids and leave for work

5:45 pm get home and shower

6:00 pm have sex*

7:15 pm eat supper

8:00 pm attend to kids, put kids to bed

9:00 pm have sex*

10:15 pm go to sleep

 

* Foreplay is not necessarily accounted for in this scenario depending on what your wife's expectations are.

 

The fact that bills go unpaid, the house isn't cleaned, the yard work isn't done, cars go unmaintained, groceries aren't purchased, clothing becomes worn and frayed because you don't have time to buy any new clothing....etc. What the heck is she thinking? What ever it is, is not realistic when you have a family and the responsibilities that go along with it.

 

There is something else going on here. I mean it's not just sex or lack of sex.

 

How would you describe your wife's personality?

 

This is a situation where marriage counsellings with a psychologist would probably give you some information about what is going on.

[Craig]

...if shes telling you she can't stay with you becasue your sex drives don't match without even trying to fix or work on things, then she is using that as an excuse for a deeper issue. You need to get to the bottom of whats really going on.

Exactly!!!

[IpAncA]

Umm there is more going on then the sex. She should not be complaining about the 2-3 times a week thing. Thats pretty good since you have a job, kids and such. I can't see myself doing that 2-3 times a day. I guess I could do it while I'm working. I'm sure my guy would be thrilled about that lol...

[norajane]

Does she have a job? Why won't she consider helping with the house chores? Does she do anything in the house or with the kids, because you've made it sound like she doesnt. What does she plan to do with the kids while you're having all this sex?

 

There's more to this story - it doesn't make a lot of sense.

[Bacon]

Ok I'm new here but you do have an interesting topic. I wonder how come your wife wants sooo much sex everyday . Personally I don't have much sex drive....so makes me wonder. But anyway, i think you might need to talk to therapy concerning your wife. Maybe she needs some professional "treatments" on her sex issue. Good luck!

[RecordProducer]

I suggested that she help me with the house chores that way I will not be as tired and we can have time allocated to sex every night.

Help you with the house chores?

 

You are saying that you do everything in the house, but she doesn't? This sound like the reverse case to me. I have a feeling that this is a wife posting as a husband to see if she will get different responses than a man would get. I don't think the replies should differ depending on gender.

 

If the frequency is stated precisely as it is, I think 2-3 times per week with all the obligations is PLENTY. But I am sure for someone with a very high sex drive (is your spouse on steroids or some sex-drive boosting drugs?), it's still frustrating. If your spouse wants to leave because of this then let them. You can't make yourself have sex every day.

 

Your options are basically these:

 

1. Tell them to take it or leave it;

2. Find a compromise where you will have to NOT enjoy or even fake pleasure half the time in order to make them happy;

3. Please them in other ways and accept it as an obligation, just like you wipe your kids' asses.

[Romeo Must Die]

Do not sleep on this comment. This could be a bad sign that she has at least considered the possibility of looking for someone else to satisfy her sexually. I would definatly lay down some boundaries and what the repercissions would be if she strays from the marriage.