JaneInVegas Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 This is a very old issue between me and my boyfriend. We've been together 2 years, and almost the entire time he's been talking to 2 of his ex's. I have repeatedly asked him to stop. He says there is nothing wrong with it, because they're 'just friends'. One of them he was going to marry, and the other one, they only broke up because she moved out of state. I got to my saturation point, and told him one night about 2-3 months ago, "You have 3 options. Break up with me, or give me the password to your online cell phone records, or swear on your mother & grandmother's life you'll never speak to either one of them again". He hemmed and hawed around for about a half an hour. Finally he grabbed my hand, and very tenderly and sincerely told me he swore on his mother's and grandmother's life he never would speak to either one of them again. We've been getting along very good ever since. Something happened a couple of days ago to make me suspect he was talking to one of them again. So I figured out his password, without telling him about it. Yeah I know, that was really wrong of me, and I have apologized to him. But here's the kicker ... he NEVER stopped talking to either one of them! Every single month he called both of them at least once, and one of them was a couple of times every week since he swore. He said, "What's the big deal, we're just friends!" I reminded him of the night I gave him 3 options, and I said, "If you knew you would never be able to stop talking to them, you should have told me so and broke up with me." He then switched his defense to "I can't believe you hacked into my phone records!" I apologized (I really feel bad about doing that) and then said, "So which one of us committed the bigger sin here John?" He quietly said, "We're about equal I guess." So here's the deal. He refuses to stop talking to them. I asked him if their 'friendship' was more important than having a girlfriend that loves him. He never came up with an answer for that. Do I just give up on our relationship? Do I give in and tell him I don't care if he talks to them? I really don't want to lose him, but my pride is really eating away at me here. Any advice is much appreciated.
a4a Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Well I don't think you can trust a guy that says he will never speak to them again but does so. I could not. If he is only talking to them once a month ask him why he chats with them, what do they share in common at this point besides having a past relationship. Why the need to hide it from you?
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Well this is a tough one, isn't it? He looked you directly in the eyes, and swore on his grandmother's grave that he would never speak to them. His grandmother is probably *spinning* in her grave now after he fed that line of BS to you. Seriously, why do you want to be in a relationship with a guy who can look you in the eyes, swear he is telling you the truth, and be flat-out lying? Not to mention a guy who thinks talking to his exes is more important than your feelings. How will you *ever* be able to believe him about anything again? You've gotten ample warning about this guy. If you continue in this relationship, then you are simply a fool.
Author JaneInVegas Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 You've gotten ample warning about this guy. If you continue in this relationship, then you are simply a fool. ... sigh ... yeah, I know The heart is a stupid SOB. I just need to cut the cord and get it over with.
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