How to be an alphamale???

[Moai]

And thats what I mean't by bad-boy attitude. I know better than to be a jerk but I don't need to sacrifice my needs, my wants and my desires to be in a relationship. I also need to "demand the respect that I deserve."

 

Yes I admit I made a mistake in dating an insecure woman but the heartbreak is there. I am working on it and thats why I am here.

 

And that's awesome! It's funny, but if you demand to be treated a certain way, you'll find that everyone does. Also, provide your own example by treating people the way you want to be treated, namely with honestly, courtesy, respect, and strength.

 

In reality, it isn't so much adopting a particular "attitude", it is actually just being a complete human being. Love yourself, pursue your work and your passions with vigor, be kind, generous and happy and the rewards will take care of themselves.

[Moai]

Well then don't call it 'badboy attitude'. You're confusing all the young guys out there with that terminology. Just call it 'masculine confidence' or something along those lines.

 

Most people will think badboy=jerk, etc.

 

And this 'challenge' or 'danger' stuff is overrated too. May work with early twentysomething girls but not necessarily with real mature women.

 

Whoops... I forgot. Most guys only want the early twentysomething girls so never mind.

 

Real, mature women get bored with lapdog men, just like the twenty-somethings do. They want a real man, too. They may not fall for the badboy thing anymore, because they probably have before and know better, but they still respond to confidence and strength.

[luvtoto]

You can be confident and masculine and be "nice". If you can do that you will become a chick magnet. Of course, if you are a "real" man you will pick the "one" and ignore the rest. IMO a real man doesn't sleep around or play the field to bolster his ego. he wants one woman, a real relationship, and a family.

Amen,

....

(sorry, I'll stop ) There is just some really good advice on this thread.

Maoi, you are on a ROLL!

[Moai]

Amen,

....

(sorry, I'll stop ) There is just some really good advice on this thread.

 

 

Thanks! And thanks to everyone who had nice things to say also. Some hard-fought lessons, I kid you not.

[luvtoto]

Thanks! And thanks to everyone who had nice things to say also. Some hard-fought lessons, I kid you not.

I believe you. Been through the mill a few times myself, so I know exactly what you are talking about. It's not about being a jerk to a woman. I've dated different kinds of men. My current BF has confidence to spare...but he is in NO way a jerk or an a-hole. Not even close! He's actually the nicest, sweetest, most generous man I've ever known. He just has that confidence thing going for him and he believes in himself.

[SmoochieFace]

Real, mature women get bored with lapdog men, just like the twenty-somethings do. They want a real man, too. They may not fall for the badboy thing anymore, because they probably have before and know better, but they still respond to confidence and strength.

 

I think, based on my experience since I am neither a 'lapdog' nor a 'challenge', that real mature women (at least the ones I've been with) want a balance. Someone who is more or less in the middle.

 

Some real mature women just want an honest ordinary everyday nice guy.

[magichands]

Real, mature women get bored with lapdog men, just like the twenty-somethings do. They want a real man, too. They may not fall for the badboy thing anymore, because they probably have before and know better, but they still respond to confidence and strength.

I'm with Smoochie on this one. Your whole paradigm reeks of subtle game-playing. Whatever works for you, though (as it seems to be working).

 

I prefer to think, rather than fall for stereotypes.

[SmoochieFace]

I'm with Smoochie on this one. Your whole paradigm reeks of subtle game-playing. Whatever works for you, though (as it seems to be working).

 

I prefer to think, rather than fall for stereotypes.

 

Thank you. And I especially like what you wrote in bold.

[Ruff Ryder]

Ok this is it......

 

And Alpha male - First up doenst curse at woman thats an abusive male. You dont wanna be that cause then an alpha male will whip your ass.

 

2nd thing an alpha male is some one whom controlls his emotions and thoughts. He has an abillity to make people rally behind him for any cause. His fears are none and he knows only the bounds of his own confidence...

 

You wanna be an alpha male drop the cocky f### woman attitude and develope a no matter what happens Ill come out on top attitude and youll be ahead of most men.

[Moai]

I'm with Smoochie on this one. Your whole paradigm reeks of subtle game-playing. Whatever works for you, though (as it seems to be working).

 

I prefer to think, rather than fall for stereotypes.

 

What stereotypes?

 

Nothing I am suggesting is a "do 'x' and you'll get any girl you want" thing.

 

People are attracted to confidence and happiness. If you are confident and happy you will be more attractive. That isn't a game, or manipulating anyone--except maybe yourself.

 

It isn't like you have to be like one particular man to be happy, either. The key is to be happy with yourself, and to be happy whether you are single or in a relationship. SHort guys, tall guys, athletic guys, bookish guys, nerdy guys, biker guys--whatever, they all attract women. No matter what kind of guy you are, be confident.

 

These are things that any man should be doing for himself, all the time. They have nothing to do with women, per se. Everyone, men and women, should be going after life with passion, and doing what they can to be as happy as they can as often as they can.

 

I have had a few long term relationships and more than a few flings, and I found that what made me unhappy in all of them was me more than anything. I didn'y know that at the time, of course.

 

"The one thing that all your failed relationships have in common is YOU."

 

After my last failed relationship--one where I pursued a woman all wrong for me who I actually didn't like very much--I realized that I would never be happy as long as I placed my happiness in another person, instead of myself.

 

I looked at all my past behavior, and the common thread was I wasn't taking care of me. Ever. I got involved with women with severe emotional problems on more than one occaision, or would go after a woman and then get bored once I had her.

 

I decided that I would only do things that made me happy from then on (this is about a year ago). I have always wanted to play guitar, so I went down to a friend's music store and bought one. I am getting pretty good, too! I always wanted to learn a foreign language, so I took some Spanish classes--which I am still doing because language seems difficult for me to learn.

 

I got a job one day a week tending bar, both for the extra money and to get out of the house on one of my days off. I joined the local Skeptic's society, as I have always been interested in that. I began to expand my music collection, and listen to bands I had never heard of (I now have a great lounge/exotica collection). I started to excercise more, which I backslide on sometimes but it is a long road--or so I tell myself.

 

I stopped lamenting my failures with women and saying the same old things all men say, "women are b***hes, chicks don't dig me, women like jerks" and on and on and on. I figured maybe I'd hook up with someone special and maybe I wouldn't but in the meantime I wasn't going to waste any more of my life sitting around waiting.

 

Nobody should, either. Men or women. I think confident men have a certain way about them, as do confident women. I also think that people who have respect for themselves behave in a particular way, too. And being confident and respectful of oneself is a great way to not be "played" in the game of love.

 

I don't think anyone has a "game-free" relationship. I mean, you flirt with your SO, right? Isn't that a game? Open, honest communication is the conerstone of a healthy relationship, absolutely, but within that the little word-games and jokes make it all fun, and keep me a man and her a woman. The game are bigger early on in a relationship, I think. And at the end. The key is to not let it end if you love the person....

 

Call it a game, call it a dance, but the whole thing should be FUN, first and foremost. If it isn't, you are doing something wrong.

 

And now I have an amazing relationship and I am going to marry her.

[ilmw]

What stereotypes?

 

Nothing I am suggesting is a "do 'x' and you'll get any girl you want" thing.

 

People are attracted to confidence and happiness. If you are confident and happy you will be more attractive. That isn't a game, or manipulating anyone--except maybe yourself.

 

It isn't like you have to be like one particular man to be happy, either. The key is to be happy with yourself, and to be happy whether you are single or in a relationship. SHort guys, tall guys, athletic guys, bookish guys, nerdy guys, biker guys--whatever, they all attract women. No matter what kind of guy you are, be confident.

 

These are things that any man should be doing for himself, all the time. They have nothing to do with women, per se. Everyone, men and women, should be going after life with passion, and doing what they can to be as happy as they can as often as they can.

 

I have had a few long term relationships and more than a few flings, and I found that what made me unhappy in all of them was me more than anything. I didn'y know that at the time, of course.

 

"The one thing that all your failed relationships have in common is YOU."

 

After my last failed relationship--one where I pursued a woman all wrong for me who I actually didn't like very much--I realized that I would never be happy as long as I placed my happiness in another person, instead of myself.

 

I looked at all my past behavior, and the common thread was I wasn't taking care of me. Ever. I got involved with women with severe emotional problems on more than one occaision, or would go after a woman and then get bored once I had her.

 

I decided that I would only do things that made me happy from then on (this is about a year ago). I have always wanted to play guitar, so I went down to a friend's music store and bought one. I am getting pretty good, too! I always wanted to learn a foreign language, so I took some Spanish classes--which I am still doing because language seems difficult for me to learn.

 

I got a job one day a week tending bar, both for the extra money and to get out of the house on one of my days off. I joined the local Skeptic's society, as I have always been interested in that. I began to expand my music collection, and listen to bands I had never heard of (I now have a great lounge/exotica collection). I started to excercise more, which I backslide on sometimes but it is a long road--or so I tell myself.

 

I stopped lamenting my failures with women and saying the same old things all men say, "women are b***hes, chicks don't dig me, women like jerks" and on and on and on. I figured maybe I'd hook up with someone special and maybe I wouldn't but in the meantime I wasn't going to waste any more of my life sitting around waiting.

 

Nobody should, either. Men or women. I think confident men have a certain way about them, as do confident women. I also think that people who have respect for themselves behave in a particular way, too. And being confident and respectful of oneself is a great way to not be "played" in the game of love.

 

I don't think anyone has a "game-free" relationship. I mean, you flirt with your SO, right? Isn't that a game? Open, honest communication is the conerstone of a healthy relationship, absolutely, but within that the little word-games and jokes make it all fun, and keep me a man and her a woman. The game are bigger early on in a relationship, I think. And at the end. The key is to not let it end if you love the person....

 

Call it a game, call it a dance, but the whole thing should be FUN, first and foremost. If it isn't, you are doing something wrong.

 

And now I have an amazing relationship and I am going to marry her.

 

I could not agree with you anymore...

 

Been in the same boat...been a Jerk.. needy... unhappy... moody... the list goes on... got dumped... cheated on... treated like crap...

 

but when I was confident... happy... had direction in my life... I had a happy real... healthy relationship....

 

Lose the good side... and your relationship goes down the crapper:p

 

If you are happy with yourself... it shines through... when you are not... the negativism.. just leaks out all over the place... leaving a stain.. that.. well others want to avoid...

 

Be happy...cause if you arn't.. no one else realy can make you.

 

Sing the old Ren & Stimpy song "happy, happy, joy, joy"...it always makes me happy:lmao: :lmao:

[jimmy20013]

Maoi, your advice exhibits experience. I bet you have been around the mill a couple of times. Anyway, I know now what I need to be an alpha male. Actually, its something I always knew but just didn't take it to heart.

 

Funny thing is that when I adopted the confident and masculine attitude and started standing up for myself in my relationship is when my ex dumped me. She was fine as long as I let her control me. So I guess she did want a lap dog and its a good thing that its over but as I said earlier, the heartbreak is there. The first cut is always the deepest and this is my first breakup.

[Island Girl]

I think, based on my experience since I am neither a 'lapdog' nor a 'challenge', that real mature women (at least the ones I've been with) want a balance. Someone who is more or less in the middle.

 

Some real mature women just want an honest ordinary everyday nice guy.

 

The terms lapdog or challenge are not excluded by being "an honest ordinary everyday nice guy".

 

You can be "an honest ordinary everyday nice guy" and STILL have the 'lapdog' problem (usually the case actually) and an "honest ordinary everyday nice guy" can still be a 'challenge' (VERY appealing).

 

Actually the latter, well, this is the "dream" guy for most women - every woman I have ever known my whole life -- young women, older women, gorgeous, not so gorgeous, etc.

 

Moai you are dead on correct.

 

As far as "game playing", etc. - we ALL do it -- we ALL have our own ways of letting people know we are attracted and interested. If it is mutual, the "dance" begins. Maintaining interest level, establishing intimacy, etc. It is all a dance with a partner. Getting closer but not stepping on the other person's feet. A yin & yang if you will.

 

Men and women are completely alike only at the most basic level, i.e. we want love, we want to love, we eat, sleep, etc.

 

Beyond that is a complexity of nuances.

 

Just as a couple of examples:

 

We communicate differently. We have different perceptions of situations A LOT of the time. We demonstrate emotions differently most of the time as well.

 

The fact that we ARE different isn't something TERRIBLE. This is what attracts us to each other. This is what we seek from each other. It should be celebrated.

 

The Alpha Males know how to communicate to get their needs met. Whether they are brilliant enough to be able to give the woman what she needs as well - that is what defines 'a keeper'. The man we all would like to have with us body, mind, heart, etc. Forever.

 

This Alpha male has a female counterpart as well - and that is the woman that has the qualities men find so attractive (beyond looks).

 

Some people like to believe in a pipe dream, that men and women are the same (we aren't) and that just being open and honest is somehow a cure-all to find love everlasting -- it isn't. There are all of the subtle ways we communicate with each other that gets results we want or it doesn't.

 

Call it games or whatever - ALL of us do it every single day.

 

The breakdown of the whole 'game' thing is just the ways we go getting what we want to be happy in daily life.

 

Everyone does it every single day.

 

Examples? Okay.

 

You do it when you want to challenge your boss for a raise. - You think about what you want and how you're going to go about it, what points you'd like to get across, etc. Is that a game? Nope. It is life.

 

You do it when you're working with co-workers to maintain a simbiotic relationship. Is that a game? Nope. It is life.

 

And you do it in relationships with a significant other or spouse. We all say things a certain way or make a point a certain way - it isn't game playing - it is taking the other person's reactions, feelings, etc. into consideration and maintaining a cohesive bond.

 

The people who do not understand this and want to nay-say or call it game playing are usually the same ones who are unsuccessful.

 

The people who can effectively communicate these needs and get them met while still maintaining the other person's balances are successful.

And if two of these people get together - badda boom badda bing - the stars align and it is BLISS.

[mental_traveller]

Then why did she go?

 

A real man wouldn't give a damn why some broad left him.

[jimmy20013]

A real man wouldn't give a damn why some broad left him.

 

 

Exactly and thats the kind of attitude I am going to adopt. She left, her loss, too bad.

[jimmy20013]

If I were you, Jimmy, I'd take a good look at yourself before finding fault in others. This seems to be your biggest flaw, IMO.

 

What do you want me to say? That I am a bad person and she left because I did something wrong.

 

You're in denial of who you are, and if you had an open mind, you could have actually benefitted from the wisdom that's been given to you.

 

Not true. For the past 6 months I have reflected on myself and I know who I am.

 

I feel really stupid for taking up my time to respond to you. No worries, though. It won't happen again.

 

Thanks for your time, I appreciate it.

 

 

PS I've been taught that if many people say the same thing about you...it's probably true! Ciao!

 

Thanks for that. I am sure you didn't mean that in a positive light but that did help because people around me have been telling me that I am a wonderful person and I had a hard time believing that. As you said, if many peope say the same thing.........

[Island Girl]

Check out the "Money or Love" thread. Once you have the money, you can buy all the women you want.

 

WRONG. Absolutely wrong.

 

There ARE some women that can be bought for sure -- but I doubt those are the ones you'd truly WANT.

[SmoochieFace]

You can be "an honest ordinary everyday nice guy" and STILL have the 'lapdog' problem (usually the case actually) and an "honest ordinary everyday nice guy" can still be a 'challenge' (VERY appealing).

 

You can also be 'an honest ordinary everyday nice guy' and be neither of those things. I believe that is what I said earlier. I am neither a lapdog nor a challenge.

 

All this labelling and pigeonholing is really getting to be old...

[SmoochieFace]

try being an asian male... those people never gets girls.

 

 

Oh really? So why is it that China has such a huge population? Or are all those births there the result of the Immaculate Conception?

 

Stereotypes are really DUMB. Really.

[SmoochieFace]

I find that offensive because I am asian.

 

Don't sweat it. You shouldn't be offended by ignorant comments.

[mental_traveller]

Exactly and thats the kind of attitude I am going to adopt. She left, her loss, too bad.

 

That's the spirit! Remember, we all started out knowing nothing about relationships, and most made the same dumb mistakes. Nothing wrong with that, just learn from it and don't make them twice! It sounds like you'll have no problem getting back to normal - just collect yourself, then have fun being single for a while & dating around, you'll meet plenty of women better than your controlling ex.

[jimmy20013]

Thanks man. I seem to have pulled myself together. Finally after more than 6 months I can say that I am over her. I am sure that somewhere down the line I will feel a little pain here and there but time will take care of that too.

 

Also I was depressed for about 4 months and I pulled myself out of that too or atleast I am on the verge of that.

Life is great and no one person can ruin my life.

 

Watch out girls, I am back!!!

[thekhris]

Contrary to what you see every week on 'Sex and the City', women are the complete opposite of men in that, the more *anonymous* the sexual encounter, the LESS gratifying they find it to be. Unlike the fictional uber-slut Miranda, satisfying sex does not begin and end with the quest to find someone new to have an orgasm with. For the vast majority of women, the MORE connected they feel to their partner, the more overwhelming the total sexual experience is for them.

 

Just the reverse of typical male thinking, right? Men are intensely turned on by the thought of having sex with a woman for that very FIRST time, or by scoring a one-night stand with a perfect stranger, or perhaps fantasizing about being in a porno movie and having wanton sex with dozens of hot women he hardly knows. The common link between all these scenarios is that there is NO emotional bonding involved. Hell, there's hardly even an exchange of names! For the man, the more anonymous the sex the more *exciting* the idea of the conquest.

 

 

How the two genders make use of (and even exploit) this knowledge of each other's romantic weakness, however, is an entirely DIFFERENT story.

Women know exactly how to turn men on by manipulating this hardwired 'quirk' in their character that absolves them of the need to actually know anything about a woman who has triggered his desire to mate. How? Simply by pushing this uniquely male "anonymous sex" button long and often... by acting sexy AND remaining emotionally aloof at the same time. The stripper, the table dancer, the whore. The molten hot stranger. Any persona will do -- and all are quite useful when their design is seduction!

 

Men, on the other hand, seem mostly clueless about how to turn the tables and pull off the same trick. In fact, the prevailing feeling is that female lust is such a mysterious and unfathomable 'holy grail' so rarely encountered in real life that it's taken on a kind of mythical quality. I guess some women just have it for certain men... and not for others, and there's no understanding the reasons why.

 

 

But can female lust be triggered by the deliberate actions of a man? I say absolutely yes. Women get sexually turned on just as men do of course, but -- owing to differences in reproductive biology -- by a completely different set of mental processes. Men go for a VISUAL look that suggests youthfulness and thus fertility. But females aren't interested in a man's age so much because males remain virile well into the later part of their lifespan.

 

What they look for, instead, are signs of male POWER.

 

 

You see, women possess a deeply-rooted pre-intellectual *instinct* which compels them to submit themselves for copulation in the presence of what they sense to be a DOMINANT MALE. They cannot help feeling like this -- despite the fact that the modern woman manages to suppress the urge to act on these feelings most of the time (but, not always...). So when a man learns how to project the most subtlest of gestures, actions and attitudes that suggest he's a "dominant male", he can force a woman's subconscious mating desires to become aroused WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT.

And some of them won't like it a bit. She may get upset because you've forced her to experience a potent feeling which she may feel compelled to conceal with the workings of her more rational mind. And yet when a woman consents to have sex with a man who has set off these automatic desires in her, she stands to enter into the hottest, most fulfilling sensual experience that it is possible for her to have. And she knows it.

...AND she's also frightened of it -- because once unleashed in this way, it can be difficult to stem the cascade of all-consuming passion. She risks taking the kind of social and romantic chance that only happens a precious few times in her life. Can she allow herself to become addicted to a man who can make her see stars?

 

By learning to adopt the actions and attitudes of the dominant male, it is possible to create these sort of emotional disturbances in women at will. Almost any girl that you can manage to talk to in a SPECIFIC sort of way can have her "lust triggers" ignited like a blow torch.

 

And when the ability to seduce becomes more a skill than mere luck, your chances of suffering the humiliation of being rejected vanish too. Now you have done more than learned to act the part of a dominant male, you have *become* one. And truthfully, there's no real difference

[thekhris]

Contrary to what you see every week on 'Sex and the City', women are the complete opposite of men in that, the more *anonymous* the sexual encounter, the LESS gratifying they find it to be.

 

Unlike the fictional uber-slut Miranda, satisfying sex does not begin and end with the quest to find someone new to have an orgasm with. For the vast majority of women, the MORE connected they feel to their partner, the more overwhelming the total sexual experience is for them.

Just the reverse of typical male thinking, right?

 

Men are intensely turned on by the thought of having sex with a woman for that very FIRST time, or by scoring a one-night stand with a perfect stranger, or perhaps fantasizing about being in a porno movie and having wanton sex with dozens of hot women he hardly knows. The common link between all these scenarios is that there is NO emotional bonding involved. Hell, there's hardly even an exchange of names! For the man, the more anonymous the sex the more *exciting* the idea of the conquest.

 

How the two genders make use of (and even exploit) this knowledge of each other's romantic weakness, however, is an entirely DIFFERENT story.

Women know exactly how to turn men on by manipulating this hardwired 'quirk' in their character that absolves them of the need to actually know anything about a woman who has triggered his desire to mate.

 

How?

Simply by pushing this uniquely male "anonymous sex" button long and often... by acting sexy AND remaining emotionally aloof at the same time. The stripper, the table dancer, the whore. The molten hot stranger. Any persona will do -- and all are quite useful when their design is seduction!

 

Men, on the other hand, seem mostly clueless about how to turn the tables and pull off the same trick. In fact, the prevailing feeling is that female lust is such a mysterious and unfathomable 'holy grail' so rarely encountered in real life that it's taken on a kind of mythical quality. I guess some women just have it for certain men... and not for others, and there's no understanding the reasons why.

 

But can female lust be triggered by the deliberate actions of a man? I say absolutely yes. Women get sexually turned on just as men do of course, but -- owing to differences in reproductive biology -- by a completely different set of mental processes. Men go for a VISUAL look that suggests youthfulness and thus fertility. But females aren't interested in a man's age so much because males remain virile well into the later part of their lifespan.

 

What they look for, instead, are signs of male POWER.

 

You see, women possess a deeply-rooted pre-intellectual *instinct* which compels them to submit themselves for copulation in the presence of what they sense to be a DOMINANT MALE. They cannot help feeling like this -- despite the fact that the modern woman manages to suppress the urge to act on these feelings most of the time (but, not always...). So when a man learns how to project the most subtlest of gestures, actions and attitudes that suggest he's a "dominant male", he can force a woman's subconscious mating desires to become aroused WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT.

 

And some of them won't like it a bit. She may get upset because you've

forced her to experience a potent feeling which she may feel compelled to conceal with the workings of her more rational mind. And yet when a woman consents to have sex with a man who has set off these automatic desires in her, she stands to enter into the hottest, most fulfilling sensual experience that it is possible for her to have. And she knows it.

...AND she's also frightened of it -- because once unleashed in this way, it can be difficult to stem the cascade of all-consuming passion. She risks taking the kind of social and romantic chance that only happens a precious few times in her life. Can she allow herself to become addicted to a man who can make her see stars?

 

 

By learning to adopt the actions and attitudes of the dominant male, it is possible to create these sort of emotional disturbances in women at will. Almost any girl that you can manage to talk to in a SPECIFIC sort of way can have her "lust triggers" ignited like a blow torch. And when the ability to seduce becomes more a skill than mere luck, your chances of suffering the humiliation of being rejected vanish too. Now you have done more than learned to act the part of a dominant male, you have *become* one. And truthfully, there's no real difference