Difficulties coping.. some thoughts and inputs

[Confuggled_one]

hey guys,

how you doin? I recently came back from a trip, which made me realize a lot of things.. and it also made me kinda hurt. but besides that i think im on the way to recovery.. however, things have been difficult for me with friends as well. it makes me sick just to think bout it. but besides that i hope i can point out a few things that hopefully might make some of you that are on this site feel better? i've been having long talks with a variety of people, and they all gave me input.. made me realize a lot of things.. and im not sayin that im the master and know everything.. these thoughts are just my two cents on the whole 'love' issue.. i may get lost in my thoughts while typin.. so some parts might not make sense. if that is so please excuse me

 

So talkin to my best friends these past few days while we were out chillin in another town made me realize one thing that i have never realized: Some people mistaken love for lust and need. I think that's what i didnt want to accept at first; the fact that my ex gf didnt love me and that she only had lust for me and only needed me because i was always there to support her and give her whatever she wanted (not to mention to make her feel better).. in other words, i gave her unconditional love, but when it came to me it was never equal. She'd never do things for me nor would she even care about how i felt in situations. it was all about her.. that really hurt at first.. cause i never understood why she treated me the way she did.. hold on lemme rephrase: cause i never learned how to ACCEPT the fact that she just didnt feel the same.. Moreover, i've always blamed the way she acted on her having BPD... which was wrong of me because i was escaping and making myself feel better by finding an excuse for her actions and not actually coming to the true conclusion that she just didnt feel the same.

 

I think I've also forgotten some things that i have done to contribute to the way she acted.. but it was mainly because i was so desperate to make her feel the way i felt about her.. deep down i knew she didnt love me.. but i always thought to myself "maybe if i tried a little harder this time.. things will work out.. maybe she'd look at me the same way i did and compromise, understand, and sometimes change certain things about her".. but i was wrong. I was in a contious cycle that never ended.. i was always treated the way i have always been.. i was wondering when she would ever return to the state when we first started dating.. but that's just a unreachable dream.. and she was like that because we all forget.. when people start to date .. things are always beautiful because of that spark that is there.. we tend to forget about all the bad times we're goin through and try to focus on that happy beginnin we had.. and the way we pictured them to act for the rest of our relationship/life. That was another big mistake that i made.. and that contributed to my downfall/depression and the way i felt after the break up.

 

what messed me up the most is the fact that i never learned how to accept or let go of the things that were so obvious. I knew deep down that she just didnt feel the same, she just wanted to leave.. but i kept holding on in hopes of it to work out. that was the first mistake, but what made it worst was the fact that i kept falling for her stupid games even after the break up. She kept tellin me that she loved me, that she had hope for the future.. but guess what? It's just a dirty game she played on me because if she really did love me she would have never treated me this way. She is so bad to the point where she is trying to tear every single friendship i have, and spoil my reputation... and she actually pulled it off.. and that was because i kept holding on to her and i allowed her to.. i still let her in my life, i still introduced her to my friends, only allowing her to take them away from me. call me nice but i really think that was a retarded move. she kept doin it too.. even now she still does it. i guess what im trying to say now is that sometimes we only remember the good things bout people, we forget what they do behind our backs/ to us. a lot of people here just cant let go.. even when their exes treat them like ****.. and im a perfect example. we cant come to realization or we just DONT want to realize that our exes left us because they dont feel the same way. maybe for some rare cases this isnt true.. but when your ex tells you "I love you, but i cant be with you right now" i believe that is just a dirty game they play on you.. they just want you to be there for them when all else falls. We all gotta pull ourselves together, open our eyes, and just accept the facts.. the fact that we were treated horribly and unfairly.. (Im not speaking for ALL cases, but just cases similar to mine).

 

I am a guy, and I could always control my feelings really well.. only when it came to this, i became the biggest mess and the most depressed person i have ever met. Who knew that i could become like this.. i always thought when i was a bit younger people who have heart breaks over the ones they love are just plain dumbasses.. but i guess i know why people feel the way they do. and i take back what i have said about that.. i guess i was just asking for the heart break medicine but i cant blame everything on my ex because I DID LET HER DO ALL THIS TO ME, so 50% of this is my fault. If i stopped, and just left.. like all my friends asked me too.. i would not be nearly as hurt as i am now. sometimes when we're in a relation we just dont see what is goin on.. we need other people to help us realize things because we're so caught up.. so maybe next time when you guys talk to your friends you should listen to what they have to say and actually think about it seriously

 

i posted this quote earlier.. but maybe some people might not visit that thread so here ya go:

 

"If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want."

 

remember that if people do love you just like they say they do.. they will show you respect, care, affection, undying attention, and the whole nine yards.. they'll be there for you, and walk this road with you TOGETHER. you and your lover will have to work together, compromise, and just respect eachother. at times you or her/him might have to bend your back.. but not a lot of the times.. and when times get rough you'll both ride through it together.. not leaving one person behind.

 

and for all the nice guys/girls out there:

dont be the ones your exes fall back on.. dont let them use to as a safety net. you deserve a lot better because if you can give such unconditional and unendless love.. you can do it again and for someone who actually cares to receive and give it back to you (In other words, someone who deserves it). at times you just dont feel like datin, or you just believe you cant find anyone else.. but know this.. if you were able to give love, attract your exes, and make your exes stay for a while.. it's a gurantee that you will find someone better and worthwhile. dont ever lose hope.. but dont ever let your exes play a dirty game with you. you all deserve better.. and im just shoutin out to all of ya that got f***ed over. i feel ya'll.

 

just picture it this way this is the example my best friend gave me:

Picture your exes jumpin off the highest building in the world.. falling and lookin at the floor.. we're all down there.. waitin to break their fall.. or atleast they think we are or are hoping we will be there forever. as they fall, they meet many new people.. waiting for them to catch them and then take them away and love them the way they desire.. but as they fall, most of the time it just wont work out.. and they know themselves.. that's why they keep us around waitin.. but look deep inside yourself.. we just dont deserve it. walk away from that spot.. live your own life.. meet people.. and just walk away being the one who catches them when they fall. and when we realize the fact that just dont deserve our attention/love.. they will realize that they have made a stupid mistake for hurting us and makin us leave.. maybe some will, maybe some wont.. but now it's time to care about yourself. walk away, dont be that safety net.. no matter how deeply you feel about that person. it's time to just wake up.. for the better.

 

i may sound a bit stupid for sayin the things ive said.. maybe someone posted this before.. i know im rather young to be talkin like i know everything.. but then again these are just my two cents. i hope this helps someone.. and if anyone has any crits/comments.. please post it.. if you guys got questions.. just post it too.. i'd love to interact with some of you guys and know what you feel about what i have said.. thanks again.. i feel like a loser doin this but haha.. maybe it can help some of you just like how this has helped me

[AriaIncognito]

Wow. I know you say you are young, but I think that post was wise beyond your years. I can feel all of what you wrote about in that post. I feel like it was written from my point of view, or even written about what I've been through. It's quite difficult to see it written too, let me tell you, but you have many many valid points.

 

Thanks for taking the time out of your day to try to help others who might be hurting such as myself. I know sometimes we here on loveshack take each other for granted, it's hard to not be selfish when we are hurting so much. So, thank you.

 

Jennifer

[Confuggled_one]

Wow. I know you say you are young, but I think that post was wise beyond your years. I can feel all of what you wrote about in that post. I feel like it was written from my point of view, or even written about what I've been through. It's quite difficult to see it written too, let me tell you, but you have many many valid points.

 

Thanks for taking the time out of your day to try to help others who might be hurting such as myself. I know sometimes we here on loveshack take each other for granted, it's hard to not be selfish when we are hurting so much. So, thank you.

 

Jennifer

 

Hey AriaWoman,

Thank you for your kind words. This may sound mean but i mean it in a positive way.. so please dont misunderstnad my meaning: I am glad that i am not the only one who feels this way. It is always good to know that through tough times, you have people on the same boat so we can all help eachother out.. that's the beauty of the internet we can all share our thoughts, and probably add some more thoughts or a big brainstorm group to help eachother out.. that's what i kinda wanna do with this thread.

 

Thank you for actually responding when you are so hurt. Im glad that i can actually give some input that someone can relate to.. trust me.. this pain will only last so long.. if someone can walk away from our lives, that means we are bound to find someone better.. you gotta stay strong and look towards the future.. you got us here on loveshack.. anyways.. i would love to hear more about your progress of healing..! im going to read your thread now.. hope all is well jen.

 

-Confuggled.

[jimmy20013]

Hey Confuggled, good post man. Been there, done that. I was almost in the same situation sans the gf's mental disorders. I also was good at controlling emotions till I was dumped. I went haywire and got depressed. Oh well....lesson learnt.

 

Thanks and stay strong man.

[Confuggled_one]

Hey Confuggled, good post man. Been there, done that. I was almost in the same situation sans the gf's mental disorders. I also was good at controlling emotions till I was dumped. I went haywire and got depressed. Oh well....lesson learnt.

 

Thanks and stay strong man.

 

Hey Jimmay,

Whuttup? Im glad you like the post. I think everyone has to go through this period of pain or actually the phase of a break up. But it's true, it sucks and messes us up. if we can pull through and fix ourselves we'll come out 120398120932190312093821903 times better.. so dont think this wasnt worth it cause there's always a positive side to a negative situation. next time if you have a similar gf you know what to do..

anyways, i hope you feel better. stay strong yourself.. peace