my gf tells me she needs time for herself, me

[jtorre]

my gf and i currently split up about a week ago...im 22 and shes 19.. (some of her past relationship back ground)--> shes dated two guys thru highschool, long term, serious relationships. She comes from a good family, was never a crazy partier or anything...broke up w her highschool bf last october or right around that time..was single for about 6 months before she met me..during that time she was single, hanging out w her friends and watnot, going out partying, experiencing the typical college life w her sorority sisters. i met her this past march, we hit it off really good, at this time she told me she was sick of the whole partying scene and she was glad that i wasnt in a frat or anything like that. we took things slow and started officially dating ova the summer. She ended up deciding to go to cosmetology school about an hour and a half away from our school where we met, decision which i helped her make thru all the advice i gave her since she was just wasting her time here at my school. we fell deeply in love, everything was great, she said that she wanted to still be w me and that we could still work it out. a couple of her close highschool friends attend a college about 5 minutes away where her cosmo school is so she was always glad that she had close friends near by. we were doing great in the relationship as we would switch off long weekend visits (which was the only free time we both really had due to our schedules)..we'd go out to dinna, hang out at her parents house since her parents live in the same town as the cosmo school...we did stuff that couples do.. cute stuff if you will...she lives in an apt w two single girls, who drink a lot, are always out and simply cant get bfs who at first she didnt get along w but who she was recently spending more time w, watching movies and stuff and just doing typical roomate stuff..the girls liked me, they were always nice to me when id come visit and watnot...either way lets cut to the chase...my gf would get to see her gfs about maybe once a month tops, either shed go to Uof I to see her girlcousin who she grew up wfor the weekend and shed always call me when she was w her bla bla, in other words she never gave me a reason not to trust her....besides that everyweekend we'd be together.....last weekend she went back to her actual home town where she grew up for a family party w he cousin..i gave her space meaning i wasnt calling her everyfive minutes, we talked here and there and i always told her to have fun and watever..after the party her and her cousin got together w her highschool girlfriends, hang out,went shoppin partied or watever same thing on sunday...... i noticed though that starting sunday she was short w me or watever, she got really messed up on the weekend, dont wanna give details but it wasnt alcohol..shes not a druggy orwatever but when shes w her cousin she does "watever"...came back on monday and all of the sudden she said she was confused and needs time for herself..that she did a lot of thinkin on the weekend, that she loves me and wants to be w me, and that she can honestly see herself marrying me, but that right now she needs time to figure her things out, to go out w her girls and not worry about ditching me on the weekends, since everytime she did so, she felt bad cuz she felt like she needed to be w me, since it was the only time we shared together...me and her talked so much on the phone and i could almost say that she was dependent on me, i did a lot for her and i was always the first person she came for advice or anything...... she said it was nothing i did or its nothing personal, it was a feeling that she only understodd...she spoke to her mom about the whole issue..she cried, and kept saying that she loves me, she just doesnt wanna be a bad gf..of course i freaked out and was very upset and right away asked if she met someone or watever, and she said no....she wants time forherself to do her own thing since shes gonna be the first one outta all of her gfs to graduate and be out in the real world..she'll be done w school b4 shes 21..she said the timing was off....we fought throughout therest of the week, i kept bringing it up, spoke everyday and towards the end of the week i told her that i understaood were she came from but i just wanted to know that if she was gonna go around dating guys and watnot that i didnt wanna deal w this, id rather just break it off and move on...she said that right now she wants time forherself..time to be able to see visit her friends at other school and stuff whenever she wants, but that she didnt wanna be in a relationship........friday nite her gf came to see her and i talked to her that nite, she aimed me and i was simply being nice and told her to enjoy herself..saturday i was tailgating all day cuz iit was homecomin weekend, i was out at the bars and watever, she was still on my mind but i guess she was hanging out w her roomates, drinkin some beers and watever..later on thenite she called me at 9 45..asking what i was up to, saying baby this baby that...i told her i was out at the club and she asked if i was having fun and watnot..told me to say hi to all of my friends for her..then she went on to tell me that she was at a bar over by her school w her two roomates..i told her that was awesome, to have fun bla bla..she said baby im calling to see how ur doing...also called to let u know that i got a raise at my job...towards the end of the convo she said she sentme kisses told me she loved me and to have fun..talked to me like she always talked to me when we were fine and going out...then she called me again that nite, called which i missed, called her back and she told me she was laying in bed about to go to sleep and that she was calling to make sure i was okay..briefly talked to her, asked her if she wanted me to let her go and she said not really..i had to let her go cuz i was waiting for my friend kat to come in the club, told her i loved her, she said it back..i told her to give me a call, she asked when i told her to call me yesterday(sunday) and she didnt call...............................................im so upset about things, i just wanna do the right thing...please tell me what u guys think about the situation and what i should do...............i apologize this is so long but its killing me and i need advice..thank you all...j

[moman]

Good luck buddy, sounds like you have a confused woman on your hands. Give her a little space and I bet she will come running back to you.

[jtorre]

so i get home last nite and she left me a message on myspace saying that she tried to call me on sunday (just like she said she did) and yesterday morning on her way to work but that i never answered...right after i read that message after i signed on AIM she aimed me right away and asked what i was up to and watever...i asked her if she wouldnt mind me calling her if she wasnt busy but she said she was in the middle of doing some research for her class..she said shed call me back..so she did. we had a really good talk, i was cracking jokes and watever, making her feel confortable just like when we met. we called each other baby this and baby that here and there..and when i told her that i was at my buddies house she started questionin what i was doin and who i was with....wetalked about the weekend and everything and i asked about when she tried to call me...sunday at like 10 30 which i was probably on the phone w someone else, and yesterday mornin before work, time when i was in class...we talked for about 40 miuntes then her gf missy who had something important to tell her..she said shed call me back, not even 10 minutes later she called me back, we spoke for 20 more minutes and then we ended the convo by saying i loveyou to each other, i said it first but she said it back, i played off like my phone cut off when she said it, so i said "what" and she said love you too....i asked if she wanted me to call her today or if she wanted me to call and she said she'll give me a call today or something.............................im happy shes making efforts to call and that our convos are not awkward and rather how theyve always been...i hope she still loves me and starting to realize that shes making a mistake by putting a stop to this...what are my next steps??what do i keep doing? is she just messing w my head..i dont think so?? help.....

[SmoochieFace]

Good luck buddy, sounds like you have a confused woman on your hands. Give her a little space and I bet she will come running back to you.

 

The vast majority of 19 year-old girls are confused. Nothing new about that.

[jtorre]

yeah i know that, but i i dunno what the next step is for me... i know my story is long and im sorry and i would like to hear more people's opinions on things...i appreciate it, i wanna thank the two people that took time outta their busy days to respond....i personally see her phonecalls and effort as a sign that she still loves me and wants to keep contact w me....i hope she starts realizing what she could lose and that partyin w her friends and stuff is not what makes her really happy...its not the same kinda happiness and attention that ur bf or gf can give you