Sup Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Ok, First of all, this thread is not personally about me. It's about a co-worker who works in the same department as me. We work in a factory. Well, approx. 2 1/2 years ago I noticed that she and another co-worker seemed to be getting close, how I noticed is really not that important. So I told her that it seemed to me that they were getting close to each other, I made sure before I said anything that I wasn't accusing her of anything. Both of these co-workers have spouses, I met her husband about 3 years ago, she had her baby about 2 3/4 years ago. Now, I haven't seen them kiss or nothing, but, they ALWAYS/almost always seem to be talking, working, and hanging around each other. There doesn't seem to be enough evidence to really think that there is something going on, however, within the last month/month 1/2 I saw the other guy sitting in her truck at the stop light after working overtime, this was on a Saturday afternoon, I was in the other lane and I could see him, I dunno if he saw me or not, but, I don't think that matters. The other thing is, that I have caught other co-workers talking about them most always working together, you know, kinda saying something in reference, like saying something, but, not saying it, ya know what I mean? So apparently, other people notice this too, I don't know if these two know that though. Now this same woman has said in the past that I'm paranoid a few times (YEAH RIGHT!) over the course of the 2 1/2 years, well hindsight being 20/20, I know that this is the phrase used by cheaters. I have noticed she has given me looks of some sort, almost like a stare, sometimes they both did this together. I have seen something like her having DOE eyes, (almost teary eyed) at times when she looked at me. I'm getting pretty sick of seeing them do this in front of everyone, and do this to their spouses. Believe me, I'm not trying to see them, I try to ignor them. Sometimes I REALLY want to tell her husband about what has been going on, but it doesn't seem to be much to go on. I know people can/could be wrong about what they see, however I don't think I'm seeing this wrong. Now, I'm NOT asking for advice what to do, I'm just wondering, what do YOU think about this situation? All I ask is no bashing please, I didn't want to see this kind of stuff in the first place. This REALLY is starting to make me SICK!!!!! :sick: :sick: :sick:
Author Sup Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 It's a relief to get this off my chest though.
greeneyes78 Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 I always find it amusing when people mind others' business. What is it to you? Even if they had an affair, are you the spouse that's being cheated on? Or do you have feelings for one of these people?? I don't get it. Leave them alone. Leave them alone. Leave them alone. It's none of your business!!!!!!
luvstarved Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Sup, Jeez I can understand your having thoughts about this, you have been witnessing it for quite a while and posting on here is supposed to be a place where you can feel free to voice your concerns and ask for constructive feedback, so you shouldn't be bashed for it. I would think about it, too, if it were in my face at my work place all the time. Having said that, there really ISN'T anything you can DO about it. It sounds really irritating and uncomfortable but unless something overt happens you can't really react to it...
elijahBailey Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Sup, I'm not bashing you alright. But, I'm getting the vibes that you have feelings for her? Maybe it's unconscious, I don't know. I apologize if I've misread it, though.
Author Sup Posted October 24, 2006 Author Posted October 24, 2006 Sup, Jeez I can understand your having thoughts about this, you have been witnessing it for quite a while and posting on here is supposed to be a place where you can feel free to voice your concerns and ask for constructive feedback, so you shouldn't be bashed for it. I would think about it, too, if it were in my face at my work place all the time. Having said that, there really ISN'T anything you can DO about it. It sounds really irritating and uncomfortable but unless something overt happens you can't really react to it... Thanks, I know there's nothing one can do, But at least I have the peace of mind about giving that warning before this started, and I'm assuming that it was before it started. Elijah: No, I don't have any feelings for her, but, to work in the same dept. with someone for a few years before something like this, then see them resort to this, well, you lose respect for people like that, It's like you know they can make better choices, but, they CHOOSE to do what they do. But at least this helps me vent, maybe that's all I really need. I did consider her only a friend, with all honesty, but, no longer.....
stoopid_guy Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 I did consider her only a friend, with all honesty, but, no longer.....It does sound like they might be "up to something," but do you expect your friends to be perfect? Do you know the whole story? It might be innocent, they might have "open" marriages, they might just be stupid. How much does that change the people they are? No one out there is purely good, and no one out there is purely evil.
Author Sup Posted October 24, 2006 Author Posted October 24, 2006 It does sound like they might be "up to something," but do you expect your friends to be perfect? Do you know the whole story? It might be innocent, they might have "open" marriages, they might just be stupid. How much does that change the people they are? This is True.
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 I always find it amusing when people mind others' business. What is it to you? Even if they had an affair, are you the spouse that's being cheated on? Or do you have feelings for one of these people?? I don't get it. Leave them alone. Leave them alone. Leave them alone. It's none of your business!!!!!! If you saw someone getting mugged would you say leave them alone, it's none of your business? Come on, is what either the married cheaters doing fair to their spouses? No it isn't.
Author Sup Posted October 24, 2006 Author Posted October 24, 2006 By the way.... This is not my story, just something that I observed, without trying of course.
brainless twit Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Personally, as a BS whose husband had an EA with a coworker, I would have been thrilled if another coworker had cared enough to call me and share concerns about what was going on. Could have saved me a lot of heartache. I have a feeling that your coworker's wife probably doesn't even know her husband is friends with this woman, but even if she knows, she probably isn't aware of how "close" they've become. If you really feel a sense of moral obligation, why not send her an anonymous letter? Don't accuse her husband of a physical affair if you don't have proof, but let her know that his friendship seems inappropriate and you're concerned. Don't listen to the people who are telling you it's none of your business. Really, it's not, but the betrayed spouse would thank you for making it your business. These people obviously haven't worn those shoes.
Author Sup Posted October 24, 2006 Author Posted October 24, 2006 Personally, as a BS whose husband had an EA with a coworker, I would have been thrilled if another coworker had cared enough to call me and share concerns about what was going on. Could have saved me a lot of heartache. I have a feeling that your coworker's wife probably doesn't even know her husband is friends with this woman, but even if she knows, she probably isn't aware of how "close" they've become. If you really feel a sense of moral obligation, why not send her an anonymous letter? Don't accuse her husband of a physical affair if you don't have proof, but let her know that his friendship seems inappropriate and you're concerned. Don't listen to the people who are telling you it's none of your business. Really, it's not, but the betrayed spouse would thank you for making it your business. These people obviously haven't worn those shoes. Thank You for your input. That's the problem though, There's insufficient evidence to back up a claim like that, like someone already said, it could be harmless, but, then again I saw something like this before, but wasn't sure then, it was just not up close and more personal, like right in my face kinda like thing. I think people don't want to risk being wrong under these circumstances, then that phrase pops up about the messenger ALWAYS gets shot. I don't plan on saying ANYTHING as of yet, at least not until there's more evidence. I welcome any comments please. Has anyone else here gone through something like this? Thank You.
greeneyes78 Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 If you saw someone getting mugged would you say leave them alone, it's none of your business? Come on, is what either the married cheaters doing fair to their spouses? No it isn't. I hope you realize that you're comparing apples to oranges??
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 I always find it amusing when people mind others' business. What is it to you? Even if they had an affair, are you the spouse that's being cheated on? Or do you have feelings for one of these people?? I don't get it. Leave them alone. Leave them alone. Leave them alone. It's none of your business!!!!!! I think it's any humane person's business if an innocent person is getting treated like crap. To the original poster - so far you have suspicion but really if you want to do anything about it, there's a lot more you have to think of. Firstly you have to get pretty much concrete proof, before you even think of going to either spouse or your boss. Second, what's the workplace policy on affairs with colleagues? Some places specifically forbid them, others don't make it an issue, it can depend on your co-workers thoughts etc. Third, even if you find 100% proof, are you sure that telling the spouses is the right idea? They may well get mad at you, or may be having affairs themselves, or treat their spouse abusively which has caused this in the first place. Basically, you should make damn sure you have all the facts before you consider any kind of stirring. However, if you get it all and it's simple wrongdoing by these 2 co-workers, then you might want to consider letting their partners know. You don't have to say it directly, just an anonymous tipoff can be enough.
Guest Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 I've already sent the info i had, to the parties involved and sprinkled it [the news] to those on the sidelines as well...oh well, too late now
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Yeah, I guess apples and oranges. Mugging isn't all that serious. I'd rather be mugged than have my wife cheat on me. From what I've seen of these cheating threads is that cheaters just don't know right from wrong in general or they don't care about doing right instead of wrong. It's all realtive, grey... there's always an exception and a reason. But no greeneyes, someone mugging someone and someone cheating on their spouse isn't all that much different. Both are wrong. And people shouldn't just stand by and let either happen.
CastingPearls Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Knowing about a possible affair is a difficult situation. Anyone who has been cheated on will tell you YES, rat them out! They deserve to be caught! But who wants to be the bad guy who made everyone unhappy? If you are able to encourage her to confess on her own, it would be better. At least she would be doing the right thing, but it takes more courage than most people have. So sad. No good answer for this dilemma.
greeneyes78 Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 But no greeneyes, someone mugging someone and someone cheating on their spouse isn't all that much different. Both are wrong. And people shouldn't just stand by and let either happen. And so it's her business to "save" them as a couple, because she knows the dynamics of the relationship and she knows all the ins and outs of their marriage... and so she should go ahead and play God. Oh okay, now it makes more sense.
elijahBailey Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 I'm a little surprised by the general consensus here that we should inform the BS. I personally have nothing against that. But I see people cheating all around, so why is it that the BS is rarely informed? It's either that people don't see people cheating or that they see it but they just can't be bothered. I suspect it's the latter. Sad, and the divorce stats tell the whole story. I feel that cheating is subtlely being glamorized. We see it everywhere and hear it all the time, it's almost like ..... "what's the freakin' big deal with it".
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 And so it's her business to "save" them as a couple, because she knows the dynamics of the relationship and she knows all the ins and outs of their marriage... and so she should go ahead and play God. Oh okay, now it makes more sense. No, it's treating people as we'd like to be treated. You konw Golden rule kind of thing... If my SO was fooling around I would sure appreciate if someone informed me instead of keeping me in the dark. If my "friends" didn't tell me then they weren't really my friends.
Author Sup Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 OK....... I have noticed something recently, very recently. Now mind you, since I spoken to the lady I had posted about, in a way that was NOT accusing, I had not brought up the issue again since that time, well, I have noticed looking back that this person has been acting rather nasty, not all at once mind you, It didn't start right away, but increasing over the last 1 1/2 years. Is this typical behavior of a cheater, I think it is, if I remember from previous posts. Still doesn't seem like enough evidence........
greeneyes78 Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 No, it's treating people as we'd like to be treated. You konw Golden rule kind of thing... If my SO was fooling around I would sure appreciate if someone informed me instead of keeping me in the dark. If my "friends" didn't tell me then they weren't really my friends. Well, then I'm obviously missing something here... I was under the impression that the original poster wasn't friends with the people in question, but coworkers. Huge difference. If my best friend's husband cheated on her and I found out about it, she would for sure get all the juicy details and a fair warning about the state of their union. If my secretary's husband cheated on her, on the other hand, I would feel that it's not my place to intervene... because quite honestly, who knows what my secretary might be up to herself. Again, none of my business. Someone recently at my office got a written warning from HR for "spreading rumors" about a certain couple with suspicious behavior. I bet that was worth a while...............
Author Sup Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 I NEVER said that they ARE having an affair, it may be possible. But I was asking the question, from what I have typed, is it possible, or are they.....
i2wtbl Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 This is ridiculous. If anybody else thinks hat it's a good idea to spill the beans, bless your heart... this is ridiculous.
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