Cardinal64 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Hello again all. For those who have dealt with a cheating spouse and have later moved on with their lives through separation or divorce - how long did it bother you? Many times I keep thinking of my wife with this other man. It burns an image in my mind When will this eventually go away? thanks again Cardinal64
Pyro Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Hello again all. For those who have dealt with a cheating spouse and have later moved on with their lives through separation or divorce - how long did it bother you? Many times I keep thinking of my wife with this other man. It burns an image in my mind When will this eventually go away? thanks again Cardinal64 Yes, I am happy to say that the pain will go away. When you are ready to move on is when the pain will go away. My last GF cheated on me and I absolutely refused to let her selfishness keep me down. I was over her relatively quick. For me, it was mind over matter.
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Hello again all. For those who have dealt with a cheating spouse and have later moved on with their lives through separation or divorce - how long did it bother you? Many times I keep thinking of my wife with this other man. It burns an image in my mind When will this eventually go away? thanks again Cardinal64 Well, I didnt divorce my wife after her affair, we stayed together and things are good. We have had a very long haul and a few bumps. But over all, things are good and my pain is all but gone. Still have lingering angry and depression at times...but I dont think it ever goes away completely. Her new IC told her it can take up to 10 years to get over the pain and thoughts of the affair.....I sure hope not. Its been over 2 years now and its still with me....but not as bad as before. My friends wife cheated and left him. We talked the other day and he told me he is OK. He wnet thru all the staged realtivly quick....about 1 year in total for him to move on and be OK with himself. But I cant say it still doesnt bother him a little bit. You have a long road ahead of you. Dont stay in the place your at right now...that limbo place is a killer. if your wife doenst want to work things out....then grant her that wish and start movng on. The faster you start to heal yourslef the better for you in the long run. Dont dwell...as hard as that is to do, you must try to accept and move on. Look up the 5 stages of grief over a loss. they are: Denial Bargining Anger Depression Acceptance. They dont all occur in order. Mine went Denial, Bargin, Depression, Anger, and I am still in acceptance mode...with a little anger here and there still. Depression and anger were the hardest for me.
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 differnet guys will react differently. Generally I think the more deeply a guy loves his wife and the more faithful he's been the more it's gonna hurt. I mean if some guy basically didn't care about his wife, their relationship is almost dead anyway, he's probably not going to care much that she had an affair becuase of his inattention to her. He's leaving the relationship anyway. I don't think I could ever get over it. In fact I know I can't. I still wonder about my 1st gf, two gfs and a 32 year marriage later. I still flash back to her sometimes. First love I suppose. And the first cut is the deepest. And I know that if I was to stay with my wife after she had an affair that I would have to find a woman to have my own affair with. That wouldn't erase the pain, but I do think it would make it less painful. I wouldn't tolerate her having sex with someone else and my not being allowed to. That just wouldn't fly.
bigmil Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 hey man -- maybe try this aproach: try to feel happy that you found out now about the true nature of your wife. Don't waste you rlife with this woman. If you've been a good loving husband and she does this to you then screw her -- she doesn't deserve you. Don't think about the good things about her -- think about how that evil, selfish whore lied and cheated on you. She is worthless. Noone will ever be happy with her because she has no integrity. Seriously -- be happy you got rid of this weight. There are many beautiful, caring women out there that have integrity. IF A WOMAN CHEATS ON YOU SHE IS DONE. SHE IS AN AFTER THOUGHT. SHE IS TRASH AND AS A MAN YOU SHOULD TURN YOUR BACK AND BE THANKFUL THAT YOU DISCOVERED HER TRUE NATURE.
CastingPearls Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 I finally divorced my husband of 26 years after numerous affairs and increasing gambling and alcohol abuse. He never showed an ounce of remorse or made any attempt to change. I hate to walk away from a commitment, but with help I reclaimed my self respect. We never had any counseling together-he said it was my problem if I wasn't happy. It's been over a year and the pain and depression still come over me at the most unexpected times-my gut clenches and the tears well up. I was totally addicted to him. I know I'm better off now, but that doesn't stop me from being angry, hurt and tired. That's the bad part. The good news is that at first I felt like that EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now it just sneaks up once in a while, so I suppose eventually it will stop altogether.
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 .. Don't think about the good things about her -- think about how that evil, selfish whore lied and cheated on you. She is worthless. Noone will ever be happy with her because she has no integrity. Seriously -- be happy you got rid of this weight. There are many beautiful, caring women out there that have integrity. IF A WOMAN CHEATS ON YOU SHE IS DONE. SHE IS AN AFTER THOUGHT. SHE IS TRASH AND AS A MAN YOU SHOULD TURN YOUR BACK AND BE THANKFUL THAT YOU DISCOVERED HER TRUE NATURE. Excactly. She's just not worthy of you and you deserve much better. I finally divorced ....-he said it was my problem if I wasn't happy. Well he was right about that. If he was making you unhappy, for 26 years, then you needed to find a better man. Nobody is responsible for your own happiness but you. Being with someone you like and enjoy may make you happy, but it's not them that is doing it. If that makes sense. It's been over a year and the pain and depression still come over me at the most unexpected times-my gut clenches and the tears well up. I was totally addicted to him. I know the feeling. I know I'm better off now, but that doesn't stop me from being angry, hurt and tired. That's the bad part. The good news is that at first I felt like that EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now it just sneaks up once in a while, so I suppose eventually it will stop altogether.26 years? No I don't think it will ever go away completely. But finding a decent man may keep your mind occupied on more pleasant things.
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