More then one?

[basscatcher]

Alright, I have a question I would like honest answers.

 

I was told that it is common for women to date more then one man.

That a woman will say she is only seeing one man but in reality most women have another they date on occasion or are in communications with and having possible 'dutch' type dates to get to know one another, etc.

 

Is this true for the most part.

 

I'm aware that there are women who only date ONE guy and wouldn't even think about stringing another on the side whether it be serious or innocent..

 

So my question is still posed---"It is common for women to date more then one man?

[amaysngrace]

"It is common for women to date more then one man?

 

 

I've dated more than one man at a time in the past. I was just trying to get to know them better before deciding if I wanted to take it to the next level of seeing them exclusively.

 

I would never have something waiting in the wings if I'm in a committed relationship. I think by doing that I'd be setting myself up for failure in my current relationship.

 

And at the same time, if I were entertaining the thought of being with someone else while involved with another, to me that would suggest the one I'm involved with isn't providing me with the emotional needs I'm investing into our union - leaving me drained, and if that's the case, that's when I leave.

[basscatcher]

amaysngrace--thank you for your insight.

[KittenMoon]

I don't see anything wrong with dating multiple people casually. But if it progresses to a physical level, that's where I think it gets dicey. I wouldn't want to kiss, or even hold hands with a guy who is doing that with any other girls. But that's my preference.

 

But I can see how dating multiple people can be good in just a "getting to know you" vein.

[basscatcher]

I don't see anything wrong with dating multiple people casually. But if it progresses to a physical level, that's where I think it gets dicey. I wouldn't want to kiss, or even hold hands with a guy who is doing that with any other girls. But that's my preference.

 

But I can see how dating multiple people can be good in just a "getting to know you" vein.

 

I understand your point of view.

[a4a]

keep in mind the grass is not always greener on the other side.

 

but on the dual dating thing..... yes if it is casual sure, but if you start with the ' love you' stuff you have a problem if indeed you mean it as a non friendship sorta thing.

 

Be careful, you may end up pissing off both guys....... and think of the guy who does not mind if you date other guys with the "love part" involved. Most likely he himself will be dating others with love feelings (or he is a manipulative jerk). So don't be hurt when the tables are turned.

[KittenMoon]

Pada- I'm guessing this thread is about the two guys you've posted about before, and I think you need to identify what you want.

 

Is it a traditional relationship ending up with one guy, on a track to long termness, full intimacy, and/or marriage?

 

Or is it simply the fulfillment of physical and emotional needs, while maintaining your life fairly independently, without rigid ties?

 

 

I really think "how we date" is directly tied to "what we want" and unless we match the right path with the right destination, things can get extremely difficult.

 

Just my thoughts.

[basscatcher]

One of the guys I see said that its common for women to date two men at the same time.

 

He stated there are men out there who are disillusioned thinking that the woman they are dating is only seeing them and isn't searching out others.

(comparing).

 

I found it hard to believe that most women do this.

As I thought about what he said I began to think maybe he is right.

 

I look at my gfs and how they go about their relationships.

and almost every gf I hang around with and have normal communication with is doing the same thing I am.

 

I never admitted i was doing the same thing.

I'm seeing two guys. I'm spending time with two guys.

I'm communicating with two guys.

I have feelings for two guys.

 

I'm no different then my friends.

 

Then the other question I wondered is related to the saying "Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are."

 

OMG if you look at my friends then you can see who I am. 'Birds of a feather flock together"

 

I'm speaking about looking at my casual friends and associates. I speaking about my close close friends. We are very much alike..

 

Back to the question I posed.

 

Is it common for a woman to date 2 guys. Am I in the norm or am I not in the norm. Is my situation much more squewed then the norm?

 

I can't deciede where I will be most content. Who do I really want? Who is actualy better for me. They both have strengths and weaknesses.

 

So as for the dynamics of dating 2 guys is it normal to do this until something really faulters and one is ejected either by choice or cause?

[a4a]

One of the guys I see said that its common for women to date two men at the same time.

 

This says he is not looking for a serious relationship with you..... you will not ever be exclusive with him. Unless he is soley saying "casually dating".

 

 

He stated there are men out there who are disillusioned thinking that the woman they are dating is only seeing them and isn't searching out others.

(comparing).

 

Again this is off base big time. Unless again it is about casual dating only..... not looking for a full time or LTR with serious feelings.

 

I found it hard to believe that most women do this.

As I thought about what he said I began to think maybe he is right.

 

Cause he knows how to manipulate you.

 

 

 

I never admitted i was doing the same thing.

I'm seeing two guys. I'm spending time with two guys.

I'm communicating with two guys.

I have feelings for two guys.

 

Do the two guys know this?

 

 

 

 

 

Is it common for a woman to date 2 guys. Am I in the norm or am I not in the norm. Is my situation much more squewed then the norm?

 

If it is casual then yes..... fun dates movie, dinner, but when you start sleeping with them I do not think it is 'normal' but I would call it not good or honest unless all parties are aware, and if that is the case why not just have a threesome

 

I can't deciede where I will be most content. Who do I really want? Who is actualy better for me. They both have strengths and weaknesses.

 

Keep this up and you may not end up with either. If you are lying or hiding this from either one of them.

 

So as for the dynamics of dating 2 guys is it normal to do this until something really faulters and one is ejected either by choice or cause?

 

Sure just like MM and MW keep up affairs until they get busted.

[elijahBailey]

I can't deciede where I will be most content. Who do I really want? Who is actualy better for me. They both have strengths and weaknesses.

 

yeah, that's a toughie. Is there no way to find out who's gonna be more fun when the lights go out without going exclusive yet?

[amaysngrace]

So as for the dynamics of dating 2 guys is it normal to do this until something really faulters and one is ejected either by choice or cause?

 

 

I think it ends with guy #2 when you want a deeper relationship with guy #1.

 

If this doesn't happen and you don't see yourself with either of them long-term, then you need to pursue other options.

 

The important thing to remember is it's your choice. If neither of them are worth choosing and you've given them a fair amount of time to step up, then you owe it to them and mostly yourself to step out.

 

Remember, no one person can change your life but you. Know this going into a relationship and you will never be vulnerable by the power you've given away that you should've kept for yourself.

[a4a]

Pada a easy way to choose is to think:

 

what is it that I offer them to want to be with me?

 

What is it that you bring to them.

[basscatcher]

This says he is not looking for a serious relationship with you..... you will not ever be exclusive with him. Unless he is soley saying "casually dating".

 

I don't think this is true... He is slow, methodical, and doesn't rush..

Friday he took me to meet a dear and old friend. She owns a local establishement and I bet she is near or in her 70s.

He introduced us and they carried on like they were mother and son (its not his mom).

After about an hour there he asked her what she thought of me..?

I was shocked he would ask anyones opinion of me.

She told him she didn't know because I hadn't said much for her to make a comment. I mostly laughed at him and his personality. (he is charming and very funny.)

 

When the place cleared out. She locked up and the 3 of us remained for about another hour to hour and a half. He looked at me and told me that I can ask her anything I want that it was ok and safe for me to speak my mind.

 

I couldn't understand what he was doing. He wanted me to talk with this elderly lady freely and openly about him. He wanted me to tell her my frustrations with him and ask her questions. I couldn't do it.

I made one statement to her which was "This man can go 2-3 months with no contact. 2 weeks is frustrating enough."

She turned towards him and unloaded at him.

She told him 'If you find a woman you like you better damn well hold onto her! Do I need to hit you upside the head with my bat?"

 

And he put his head down for a moment. I got up and went to the bathroom. I came back and they were huddled over the bar talking softer.

I purposely took my time in the bathroom to give the two of them time together.

When I came back she was intense with him and he looked like a little boy. Neither of them treated me any differently. It was still a good atmosphere. And when we left. He paid for all the drinks (not like him), we drove to another place where he opened my door for me (not like him either). He stayed with me most of the time (not like him). He was opening up to me about himself (not like him.)

 

These actions were not that of a man who is seeking me casually.. He is scared.. He is cautious..

 

 

Do the two guys know this?

Yes. they both know I have interest in both. They know of each other and are familiar with each other.

I found out they recognized one another from local 'watering holes.' But, don't know each other personally.

 

 

If it is casual then yes..... fun dates movie, dinner, but when you start sleeping with them I do not think it is 'normal' but I would call it not good or honest unless all parties are aware, and if that is the case why not just have a threesome

I've only had sex with one of them since both of them came back into my life. The other one I can't because I don't feel right spreading myself thin sexually.

 

Keep this up and you may not end up with either. If you are lying or hiding this from either one of them.

If I don't end up with either of them then that is what happens. Maybe I'm not suppose to end up with either of them. I don't know. I'm letting this play out.

 

Sure just like MM and MW keep up affairs until they get busted.

I'm not busted. They both know I'm seeing the other.

Neither are completely happy and supportive of it.

One is patient and understanding and the other is full of jealousy and fear..

They both know and they both stay. So its on them whether they get their feelings hurt..

 

I'm not lying to either. I don't tell all details about the other. Thats just mean, cold, and harsh.

[basscatcher]

yeah, that's a toughie. Is there no way to find out who's gonna be more fun when the lights go out without going exclusive yet?

I already know this.

I dont' base my choices on who is better under the sheets...Its not a deterimining factor