Guest Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 So, I have been on this dating site for the mentally ill, and have been getting all sorts of men interested in me. But the most memorable is certainly going to be the Pilot. He was on the site looking for a shy, supportive, and non-judgmental woman, all of which are things I've written about in my biography. So this guy goes ape over me, and I found myself giving out my chat address. So we've been chatting. He is head over heals in love with me, and this is after less than a week. He thinks god brought us together. He's a Catholic, I'm a Buddhist. He is flying out of London on the London-Paris run regularly. He is a widower who is aggressively looking for a mother for his two children, who live with his brother in Nigeria. He wants One Big Happy Family and to be able to be with his kids (ages 11 and 15). He refuses to answer specific, difficult questions, and has already got his kids calling me "mom" after one week. That is, if he's telling the truth. He wants to take me on a romantic flight across Paris. He has been saving up his time off, and will get 4 months off starting next month sometime. And he wants to bring his kids home to the States, and wants to come back himself. All he needs is the perfect wife and mother to make it all happen. He calls me "my love" after only 6 days of chatting. He's only seen a close-up picture of my face. He doesn't ask about my illness, or how I feel about this happily ever after family arrangement. He just assumes that I'm on board with the whole thing. He does have positive traits, like liking cultural events and dancing, plus being with family and friends. Yesterday, when he was not paying attention to me on the chat board while he was in the pilots' lounge, I decided after 30 minutes of being ignored to cut it off. I was nice about it, but I wasn't going to sit around on my computer waiting for his attention. So I haven't heard from him today, which is both a relief, and a bit of a stressor. It's flattering to be pursued so aggressively, especially from someone with a career like a pilot or a doctor. But I am also beginning to wonder, as a nurse friend of mine pointed out, if he is an abusive man looking for a weak woman to turn into his nanny. Oh, and I'm 8 years older than he is. I feel, like I said, both flattered and alarmed. Something just doesn't seem right here. How would any normal man find a "wife and mother" off the internet and be ready to settle down and have a family with her after less than a week? And he hasn't bothered to ask me how I feel about being a mother again. Frankly, I have my reservations. And as a mother, I would have reservations about putting any children with a step-parent who has a mental illness. And why was he on that site? Surely a pilot comes in contact with plenty of women ready to jump into his life? And yet he is doing his best to sweep me off my feet. Xxan says that I should be looking for a relationship with a healthy man, and that one mental illness in the family is enough. She also points out with grad school, trying to find a job, and having a relationship with my own son seems to be enough for me right now. (I hope I am remembering her words correctly.) And my sister, a retired flight attendant, points out that Mr. Top Gun is a PILOT. And they have womanizing reputations. Sooo-- I guess I'm stepping back from the pilot. It sure was an interesting ride. And I don't know, maybe I should step away from this mental illness dating site altogether. I've attracted a lot of attention, but maybe it's distracting me from things like DBT, Buddhism, grad school, etc.; in other words, from things that are important to me that help shape who I am. I am definitely running behind in grad school, and this term there is not a "reflection week" that allows us to catch up with studies. What do you think? Should I dump the Pilot or not? Should I even be pursuing relationships at all right now, much less with the mentally ill, or someone looking for easy prey on such a site? My sister said that we attract people who are at our same level of emotional maturity. I'm just coming out of a divorce and have terrible financial troubles. Which was part of the Pilot's appeal, I have to admit. When you don't know where your money is going to come from, you can't help but be vulnerable to someone who is comfortably well off. But am I, because I am recovering from a painful (yet friendly) divorce, attracting men who are also not in a strong emotional place? I need feedback, please.
Guest Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 How would any normal man find a "wife and mother" off the internet and be ready to settle down and have a family with her after less than a week? First of all, if he's on the site, isn't he not 'normal' anyway? Anyway - how would he find her and be ready to settle down? He'd do it in a heartbeat if he thought it could get him and his kids a free pass from immigration. You know nothing about him except what he's told you - it could all be a pack of lies. And never, EVER, trust anyone who claims to be in love with you too fast - and this goes 10 times for someone over the internet that you haven't even met. Don't let desperation or dollar signs or anything else lead you into a relationship with a guy like this!!!!!! If he hadn't already tried to scam you with this whole 'in love' thing, I might say meet him and see what he's like but in this case, I say RUN FAR AWAY!
Craig Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 My question is why are you copying and pasting from a blog dated Sunday, July 24, 2005 entitled "The Pilot"? http://borderlinesavvy.blogspot.com/2005_07_01_borderlinesavvy_archive.html
lindya Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 My question is why are you copying and pasting from a blog dated Sunday, July 24, 2005 entitled "The Pilot"? http://borderlinesavvy.blogspot.com/2005_07_01_borderlinesavvy_archive.html Ahahaha. I'm glad I caught this one before it got deleted.
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