hopefulforthefuture Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Hi, Im new so any help would be much appreciated!! so i started dating a guy about 4 yrs ago and we broke up around the 2 yr mark but got back together after a few months... he is 27 and im 26 in the last 2 months we've both had alot of stress including switching jobs, going back to school, moving, etc etc... i live on my own and he lives with his parents..(he has an excellent support system in his parents and friends) i havent been able to sleep lately and have been really irritable and on a short temper... hes just completely stressed out with a new job in a high position... anyways... so for the last 2 yrs conversations kept turning into talks of marriage which were driving him nuts.. i stopped bringing them up lately and now he was bringing up the future and even took me ring shopping last month... he told me that he will propose by june 2007 and hopefully we can get married by 2009.. he wanted to finish his mba but compromised since he knew i wanted to get married and he wanted to get married and said we could marry part way through his mba... well i now realize i have had some resentment about marriage or ive somehow managed to become obsessed with the idea of marriage and i always manage to pick a fight at a wedding we go to and low and beyond the last wedding we went to was this past Saturday... after the wedding ceremony a disagreement blew up into the worst yelling match ever and i know it didn't have to escalate but it did.. he told me 'i never want to see you again, its over, i feel all warm and fuzzy thinking i wont be seeing you, i stopped loving you long time ago, i don't want to marry you, i hate you, you cant force me, if we see each other it will be when we both have kids of our own'... he kicked me out of his car and said he was going to the reception alone well he called me an hour later and told me to get ready for the reception and i asked him why i should go if he never wants to see me again and he said 'you are right, lets stop playing games, ill go alone, goodbye' so that was a week ago and ive called him twice to leave messages that were calm and i said i was here for him if he wanted to talk...and also one email... i have realized alot about myself and that i was trying to be too controlling and impatient with the marriage thing when i should have been more supportive of him wanting to go back to school .. i put too much pressure on the guy... i should have just waited since he already gave me a deadline... i love this guy sooo much but am i to accept what he said at face value that it is over? if we have an argument he will usually call me back a couple days later at the most but this as already been a week....everything he said was pretty good at pushing my buttons,,, im just kicking myself now cause i now realize why i haven't been sleeping.. its because im angry with myself for hurting him and hurting myself...i have been alienating myself from friends/family/stuff that makes me happy and focusing too much on marriage, etc... although im crying and not eating im trying to slowly work on issues i have...i started talking to my parents everyday now, i use to not want to go to work but i think its the only thing keeping me going, im exercising and praying alot, ive gotten into contact with alot of friends.... im one who would speak before thinking, and react before thinking what my actions would do to affect the other person...i am now thinking before i speak and trying to be more patient and less moody...i know i need to grow up and be more mature. i know its a blessing from God that this happened because its a big wake up call for me to grow and realize things...im trying to tell myself to 'let go and let God'..and that 'if i let him go and he never comes back then he was never mine to love to begin with'... but geeeez is there anytime i can go to save this from ending? any advice would be greatly appreciated... i dont want to loose him or push him away further.. sometimes i feel like i should just walk over to his house and make him talk to me but i respect his parents and dont want to worry them...a few days prior to the fight he was telling me how much he is trying to make me happy and yea, hes always affectionate and caring, he has never cheated on me, he always calls me and emails me ... but i always manage to fight at the wrong time and the wrong way... i realize he is not perfect and know what he said was wrong and that it takes 2 to let an argument escalate but i know and understand where he was coming from cause i think if anyone put so much pressure on me i would be pissed off... this site has been very useful as it helps me to see i am not the only one going through this emotional time... the idea of NO CONTACT is interesting to heal myself... but is this sometime i should do ASAP? i have for 2 days so far... what should i do folks?! is it over? is it too late?
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