jjmac Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Long story short I met this girl 10 months ago, we never fought, things were perfect… About 3 months ago she mentioned I don’t work hard enough to reach my goals, I’m still in school, a student, and pretty much stuck going to class before I can get a real 9-5 job etc… Well she broke up with me using the, “I need space,” line. Her logic was, “things between us are so serious, and I’m not sure I can picture us in the long haul, I need time to think.” I simply said, “I understand and take the time you need.” For the first week of this breakup things were normal EG we still saw one another, the second week she just never called me… About a week past and I decided to text her, “hope you’re doing well.” Don’t hear from her for a few more days, then she calls saying she misses me and wants to go out… We do, just like old times, no talk of relationship status other than her dropping this line, “I don‘t think we‘re over I just need more time.” It goes back and forth like this for about 2 more weeks. This weekend she called from out of town saying how much she misses me and how she can’t wait to see me when she gets home, next day she gets home and sounds completely different, not as needy as the night before and apparently no intention of wanting to meet up. I’m always very passive on the phone and in person, don’t crowd her or talk to her about serious things, I just try to have fun… I have however asked her point blank, “are you seeing someone else, because it’s fine if you are, I’d just like to know so we can forgo these games,” and she swears up and down she’s not seeing anyone… Which I believe at this point… She asked me if I was seeing anyone, and I told her, “I see girls as friends all the time, her retort was, “please don’t date, I just need time and I do picture us back together…” Anyone ever been in a situation like this, it seems some nights her mood is conducive to getting back together, other days she seems like she wants to be 100% independent, the only constant is her line, “I see us back together soon, I just need time.” It’s getting hard for me to sit around waiting for her, as secretly I fear she’ll call one day and say, “I’ve met someone sorry.” I’m really unsure as to what to do in this situation other than tell her I care and give her the time she wants… I do love this girl and am really confused as to whether things will work out.
gfto Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Long story short I met this girl 10 months ago, we never fought, things were perfect… About 3 months ago she mentioned I don’t work hard enough to reach my goals, I’m still in school, a student, and pretty much stuck going to class before I can get a real 9-5 job etc… Well she broke up with me using the, “I need space,” line. Her logic was, “things between us are so serious, and I’m not sure I can picture us in the long haul, I need time to think.” She is no longer interested in you. When this happens, the best thing you can do is just disappear and don't answer any calls or e-mails from her. Move on and get some new phone numbers!
Author jjmac Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 She is no longer interested in you. When this happens, the best thing you can do is just disappear and don't answer any calls or e-mails from her. Move on and get some new phone numbers! Well that is what I've pretty much been doing, but as far as her not being interested it's difficult to believe based on the things she's still saying... Like, "please don't date," and, "things are not over I do see us back together." She's always been grounded and honest, so why try to hold onto something you're not interested in? Also not too long ago a friend of mine did this to the guy she was dating, she said she, "just needed a break," I don't know the exact details of the situation but two months later they're back together and doing well... I'm lost in all of this dating stuff, honestly, hah
gfto Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Well that is what I've pretty much been doing, but as far as her not being interested it's difficult to believe based on the things she's still saying... Like, "please don't date," and, "things are not over I do see us back together." Trust me. "I need space" = "I'm not interested in you." Don't fall for this "things are not over; I see us back together" nonsense.
Author jjmac Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 Trust me. "I need space" = "I'm not interested in you." Don't fall for this "things are not over; I see us back together" nonsense. Well while I'm doing my own thing, I don't know if I'm ready to cut things off 100% yet... When she calls, and I'm able to answer, I'm thinking I will, at least for another few weeks... I know I've needed space before, and it def didn't mean, "I'm not interested in you," it just meant, "I need to see what things are like in my head without you around for a little while." Whenever I've not been interested with girls in the past I've simply said, "we need to break up, it's not working." I'd like to think when you're over the age of 18 you'd be mature enough not to play games anymore.. Although I'm def not sick to my stomach and losing weight over this... I mean it does hurt more sometimes than others, I know I love this girl... But I'm still 100% out and having a good time when I can.
gfto Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 I know I've needed space before, and it def didn't mean, "I'm not interested in you," it just meant, "I need to see what things are like in my head without you around for a little while." If you were dating an intelligent, caring woman, who was also a dead ringer for Heidi Klum, would you "need space" or "need to see what things are like in your head without her around for a little while?"
Author jjmac Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 If you were dating an intelligent, caring woman, who was also a dead ringer for Heidi Klum, would you "need space" or "need to see what things are like in your head without her around for a little while?" Sure, sometimes you just need to take a step back from things no matter how great or great looking that situation is to simply, “reflect,” on your own goals and as to their progress. Things could be awesome, but maybe there is something that just doesn’t feel right, and you need time without that person to get your own feelings under control… I know I’ve been in this same situation before, but I’ve never really been on this end of it… No clue as to her reasoning, maybe she is tired of me, who knows… Being here now, I don’t agree with, “it’s over, move on” but I do agree I need to assume that and start acting the part and tying to move on. The more I think about it, I believe there is no point in hanging out and acting like we‘re together when we‘re not. she knows who I am, and if she wants to try again, she’ll come right out and say it…. All this is really going to do is prolong the, “healing,” process. Also my main goal for this thread was to hear from some people who’ve been where I am now, and how it worked out…
upsetnhurt Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 JJ, I have been exactly where you are and you are right in that it is ok for people to take a step back and rethink their goals in life. You wouldnt want to be with someone who is unsure of wanting to be with you. What's not ok is for you to continue to be there for her and provide her with any comfort that you are sitting back waiting for her to make up her mind. That will be the worst approach you can possibly have. Think of the saying, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free." If you feel comfortable that you have told her how you feel about her already, simply go no contact and let her figure out her own life on her own dime. I know you might think you will be pushinh her away yet it will have the opposite effect, that being it will force her to make up her mind one way or another. I hate to admit that I was in the same position with my ex gf recently and the worst thing I did was let it go on for too long, a year and then some. She continually said for me to be patient and we continued to spend lots of time together and in a sense we continued to be bf/gf with intimacy without the responsibilities of being in a relationship. I grew quite frustrated and then found out that she had joined various dating sites, etc. That was enough for me and I finally left.......... Best of luck to you.
Author jjmac Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 JJ, I have been exactly where you are and you are right in that it is ok for people to take a step back and rethink their goals in life. You wouldnt want to be with someone who is unsure of wanting to be with you. What's not ok is for you to continue to be there for her and provide her with any comfort that you are sitting back waiting for her to make up her mind. That will be the worst approach you can possibly have. Think of the saying, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free." If you feel comfortable that you have told her how you feel about her already, simply go no contact and let her figure out her own life on her own dime. I know you might think you will be pushinh her away yet it will have the opposite effect, that being it will force her to make up her mind one way or another. I hate to admit that I was in the same position with my ex gf recently and the worst thing I did was let it go on for too long, a year and then some. She continually said for me to be patient and we continued to spend lots of time together and in a sense we continued to be bf/gf with intimacy without the responsibilities of being in a relationship. I grew quite frustrated and then found out that she had joined various dating sites, etc. That was enough for me and I finally left.......... Best of luck to you. That's good info, I decided after this week, if she's doesn't make up her mind, I'm going to write a small letter telling her the situation we're in now isn't work and we need a, "clean," break. She'll either call me when I least expect it, or I'll never hear from her again... either way I think I'll be better off in the long run.
Guest Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 if she's doesn't make up her mind, I'm going to write a small letter telling her the situation we're in now isn't work and we need a, "clean," break. dude, she has already made up her mind. you're out
Author jjmac Posted October 24, 2006 Author Posted October 24, 2006 dude, she has already made up her mind. you're out Prob, that's what I assume that the second a breakup happens... although in past relationships of mine, you'd be wrong... They seem to always come back, then it's just never the same and I end up dumping them... oh well
SmoochieFace Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Well that is what I've pretty much been doing, but as far as her not being interested it's difficult to believe based on the things she's still saying... Like, "please don't date," and, "things are not over I do see us back together." She's always been grounded and honest, so why try to hold onto something you're not interested in? Also not too long ago a friend of mine did this to the guy she was dating, she said she, "just needed a break," I don't know the exact details of the situation but two months later they're back together and doing well... I'm lost in all of this dating stuff, honestly, hah That's girl-talk. Don't listen to that horsezhyt. Yeah, she doesn't want you but she doesn't want you to see anyone else. Classic. Tell her that things ARE over and do not contact her again and do not allow her to contact you.
Author jjmac Posted October 24, 2006 Author Posted October 24, 2006 That's girl-talk. Don't listen to that horsezhyt. Yeah, she doesn't want you but she doesn't want you to see anyone else. Classic. Tell her that things ARE over and do not contact her again and do not allow her to contact you. Well she called over the weekend saying how much she missed me etc and I was like, "yeah ok," then she's been calling on and off since sat but I haven't been responding... I'll just keep that up until I'm over this situation, I'm not even going to bother writing a letter, pretty much a waste of time... Thanks guys
Author jjmac Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 Well some good advice in this thread... but apparently she wasn't lying when she said she needed time, because she came back today...
Author jjmac Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 As I said we're back, but things def don't feel the same just yet... anyone get back with an ex and feel it's a little weird at first? how did it work out for you?
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I have been in a very similar situation. My bf broke up with me against my wishes and said some similar things to me. But then he strung me along because he needed time to think but continued to call me everyday.. he kept changing his mind about wanting to see me. he made me feel like there was hope for the future. i think he just wanted to make sure he wasnt making a mistake, and distanced himself in the meantime. things didnt work out, he is seeing someone new now. my best advice would be to be very careful, even though she came back. trust your gut, protect your feelings. do what is best for you. she has indicated to you that she is not sure about the way she feels and that usually points to a not so happy ending.
Author jjmac Posted November 14, 2006 Author Posted November 14, 2006 I have been in a very similar situation. My bf broke up with me against my wishes and said some similar things to me. But then he strung me along because he needed time to think but continued to call me everyday.. he kept changing his mind about wanting to see me. he made me feel like there was hope for the future. i think he just wanted to make sure he wasnt making a mistake, and distanced himself in the meantime. things didnt work out, he is seeing someone new now. my best advice would be to be very careful, even though she came back. trust your gut, protect your feelings. do what is best for you. she has indicated to you that she is not sure about the way she feels and that usually points to a not so happy ending. well you couldn't be more right, we got back together for around 3 weeks or so... things were going well, but last night again she said she didn't know how she felt, and we broke up for good I think... She said she didn't think it was fair that she's back with me again, and still isn't sure about her feelings... I think last night was the legit breakup as I now know I wouldn't put myself through this again... really sucks pretty broken up again... I don't know what her issue was, but I simply can't deal with it... I walked out and pretty much said, "please don't call me for a while, it'll be too tough being your friend right now." Oh well, I'm sure after a few days I'll be ok, just really down right now.
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