Guest Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I know its the worse game to play after a breakup. My buddy constantly tells me not to cuz I'll drive myself nuts. But I physically can't stop it. A month ago we both had hectic schedules that made it difficult to see each other. She constantly had to cancel on me cuz she has two jobs, one of which a business she owns. The night she decided to end it she canceled on plans we had. Instead of understanding, I was a jerk about it, like I had been for the past few weeks. She basically said she cant be in a relationship where she feels like a let down. And that she wasn't sure if we were just really great friends or what? For the past 3 weeks we've talked on the phone, emailed, and texted. And I thought I had a shot. Last week she calls and flat out tells me she doesnt have that spark and doesnt want to be in a relationship with me. I wrote her an email after that just taking the high road and saying I wish things could have worked out and im sorry they didnt and how much I cared for her. She wrote back basically saying the same thing and said it always seemed like I was hesitant. This is the part I regret. She is a beautiful girl that tons of guys want. And over the course of 3+ months I barely made a move on her. All we did was make out a few times and I was always even shy to hold her hand. We messed around one time but it never led to anything cuz I was nervous with her. I cant help but think if I would have let things get more 'romantic' it could have changed the whole relationship and we would have been much closer to each other. Instead I was too hesitant and made it seem like we were just really good friends. Last month I was in a weird mood and she thought I was breaking up with her. She sent me txt after text asking if we were okay and wrote me an email. Now when she was thinking of breaking up with me, instead of doing that, I go out with my friends, 2 of which are girls, and it only made her angry, and thats what drove her too it. All i had to do was call her and talk to her. Say I hope we're okay and that I care for her. Instead I made her mad and just pushed her to her decision. I hate this I hate this. The only escape I get is sleep and even then Im awake every hour thinking about her and I cant stop. Asking myself why I never bought her flowers, why I was always so hesitant, why I never just grabbed her and kissed her while we were in public. That would have made it so we werent just great friends. I had this girl that was way out of my league, that tons of guys like, and I never made a move with her. Of course girls aren't going to like that and find someone who will. I cant believe I did the things I did, and I cant believe I didnt do that things I should have. In the email she ended it with "I hope we can still be friends and who knows what will happen....." I in no means am reading anything into this, as the night before she told me she didn't have that spark and that it 'probably was not going to happen' but why say that?? Why? I just feel so embarrassed, so alone, so hurt. Some guy is going to have what I had for the past 3+ months and Im stuck here killing myself wondering why I didn't appreciate it more, like he will. Why can't u realize how lucky you are until after?? How do you get happy again? How do u stop the what if's?? i cant do this. I just started a new job and I cant concentrate one bit. There has not been a 2 minute period in the last 3 weeks that have gone by and I havent thought about her. I don't want to do this anymore but I have no power to stop. I miss her so much and had so much hope that things could be worked out, and they cant. All because I made it seem like we were just really good friends. All because I didn't call her that night and tell her I care about her instead of go out with my friends and make her mad n jealous. I know u all are feeling like I am and am wondering how to make it stop, but if anyone knows, please tell me. I can't live my life like this anymore. I haven't even cracked a smile in over 2 weeks.
magichands Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Why can't u realize how lucky you are until after?? You need to listen to more Joni Mitchell. It's not too late. I do know a little of the sort of pain you're feeling right now. And I'm sorry. But you can't make her change her mind. It's likely that the more you push, the more she will pull away.
silentcharon Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Oh, hun, hang in there. The very least you can do is take this as a valuable lesson, not to repeat your mistake if you find someone else.
magichands Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 The very least you can do is take this as a valuable lesson, not to repeat your mistake if you find someone else. I couldn't agree more. And hopefully this will pay off big for you. Or it will haunt you to the grave, haha. Life can be a bitch sometimes.
Art_Critic Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 But you can't make her change her mind. It's likely that the more you push, the more she will pull away. this is a bit of good insight.. I happen to be a what if'r and it never seems to get me anywhere. Your buddy is right.. it will drive you nuts and then you will do something stupid to push her further away. The best thing you could do is pay attention to you right now.. workout..get a hobby.. even a new GF.. but try and not think about the what if's .. those you can do nothing about.
magichands Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 but try and not think about the what if's .. those you can do nothing about. It's true. Maybe consider a comedy or two - you need to get that smile back on your face. And don't take yourself so seriously. I mean, I'm a pink elephant...they aren't even real!
jimmy20013 Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Let me tell you something that will help you. I did everything what you failed to do and still got dumped. I agree that you should do sweet things in a relationship but that shouldn't be the basis of one. By the way I am a what if'r too!! I have been doing that for the past 6 months now. But I know there is nothing more I could have done/
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