What does he need?

[Roo]

I've been dating this guy for almost a year. The last year has been fantastic. We have confessed our love for each other, talked about our future, marriage, children, the whole nine yards.

 

In a month and a half we are taking the trip of a lifetime. Just the two of us, backpacking for two months. We have been planning for the last six months, but the last month has been awful. To pay for the trip, I have been working two jobs and I also attend college...so needless to say I am worn out and stressed out. I come home and all I want to do is eat, veg, then sleep. Last night he confronted me and said that I don't do enough for the relationship. I don't show my love and shower him with attention (his words, not mine). I know that he is insecure; mostly from his harsh upbringing. He told me that he can't continue to fullfil his goals unless I encourage him...coddle him. (Bulls***?) I do encourage him and express how great I feel he's doing. But what else am I to do? I cannot change a person who lacks self-confidence into a shinning star. I don't know how to help him. I want him to understand that everyone dislikes themselves at some point. But I don't know how to break the mold he has put himself into....in fact I can't, he has to, but what should I do????

[Rick]

I myself can be a little on the feminine side when it comes to relationships. Always wanting attention, always want to be told that I am the only one and how happy I make the other so happy. However, this situation sounds a little different. First thing I would do is look at yourself, your actions. If for most of your relationship you have been showering him with love and attention and all of a sudden that stops, then it can put forth an image that you are complacent and don't need to show him affection. In any given relationship the fire dyes down during the road, there is nothing anyone can do about it. But that doesn't mean that it is out.

 

Try doing just little simple things to show your love for him. But if showering and coddling is "needed" in order for him to be happy, his problem could lye a lot deaper than you are able to help him.