EndoftheRope Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Long story short, my H gave me reason to suspect he was up to no good. I finally put a keylogger on the computer to get at the truth. Months later, after I'd taken it off, he found out I'd put a keylogger on, and I believe he put one on, himself, in retaliation. The only thing I have to hide in my computer activity is coming to places like LS to cope with what was at the least two EAs and possibly two or more PA's, and his continuing lies about it. My question is whether the screen I glimpsed last night sounds like a keylogger anyone is familiar with. I came down and spent some time on the internet last night when I was upset with him (another lie). I went to marriagebuilders and left a message, and cleared the history. He came down at 4 in the morning and pulled up a split screen on the internet that looked like the "history" page of the newest microsoft works (the free one that comes with the computer). The right half of the screen was a list of file names (apparently), each line with a rectangular box, with rounded corners, around it, and the lines alternating orange and white (cream and peach, something like that). The left half of the page was white and looked like the 'history' page that comes up on the left half normally. However, it was a long list, whereas I had cleared the history. It also looked a little like what comes up under 'my computer,' with lists of files and subfiles under it. When I got up after he left and double checked, the history itself was only the last page I'd gone to before hitting clear history. Does this sound like a keylogger anyone has used?
Sup Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 How did he find out that you installed a keylogger?
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 You two need to talk instead of checking up on eachother behind eachother's backs. Tell him that you installed one a while ago, and see what he says about his activity now.
Author EndoftheRope Posted October 22, 2006 Author Posted October 22, 2006 Yes, I know we need to talk, but he makes it impossible. He certainly wasn't going to admit to me that he was getting way too friendly with the office tramp and he's not going to admit he's got a keylogger on, either.
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Aren't there programs that can find keyloggers/spyware on the computer? So that way you'll know for sure if one is on or not?
CrushedOrgans Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 if you're not planning on leaving him, and it doesn't seem like you are, i don't see what good any of this is going to do for you. you didn't leave when he cheated on you multiple times, so what difference does it make what he's doing online? anyway, you took off the keylogger, but you still don't trust him. now you think he has one to check on you. you both sneak around and hide things from each other. finding out he has a keylogger is just going to make you mad, but not enough to actually do anything about the real problems in your relationship. how is knowing going to help you? why are you together exactly?
PoorMe Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 There are a ton of different keyloggers out there. When I chose mine, I made sure it was undetectable - I'm pretty sure many of them are like that. You could try a spyware detection software, but I'm not sure it would work. I think the only way to tell would be to put your keylogger back on there (use a CD rather than install directly from the internet so he can't see the sight you went to) to see if he types in the keyword to bring it up. But, I do agree with the other posts, if you didn't get anything from the other keylogger, there might be nothing to find on the computer. And if you have nothing to hide, let him watch away. Communication is key - I learned that the hard way - if you can't open up to each other, try counseling. If that doesn't work, are you willing to stay in that kind of marriage?
Guest Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 i believe installing a key logger might be a criminal offence...i think someone should think before they do something so insane
jmargel Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download/ is a good anti-spyware, anti-keylogger tool. Install it, run the update, then scan. There are many keyloggers out there so it's hard to tell what he was doing. However if you two haven't gone to MC or even attempted to resolve what is going on in your marriage then you can't expect anything to get resolved.
stoopid_guy Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 There are a ton of different keyloggers out there. When I chose mine, I made sure it was undetectable - If you can install it, someone else can detect it.
Art_Critic Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 If you can install it, someone else can detect it. so true.. being in IT I only need to use regedit and about 45 secs maybe a mins tops in order to find a keylogger. By the way.. the casual windows user should not use regedit unless they what they are doing.
PoshPrincess Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 I don't know anything about key loggers or whatever. Never knew such things existed but I am sure I would do my best to get one if I was in your position! However, he has cheated before you say, more than once. He's treating you like a dog and, sorry to say, but you are being a complete doormat. I'm not saying that to have a go at you, just to try and make you see what he's doing. Get rid of him - you deserve so much better!!!! No one deserves to be cheated on once, but in happens, never mind time and again. It's easy for me to say of course but leave him and find yourself a decent guy who gives you the love, respect and honesty you deserve. Maybe get some IC to build your confidence up. I don't know whether MC would make much difference as he doesn't even appear to be sorry for his actions! Lots of luck.
Chapter2 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Exaclty, this isn't about the key logger...its about the fact that when you continue to take someone back over and over that has continually betrayed your trust you will continue to get the same behavior from them. It sounds like a big untrusting, suspicious mess. if you're not planning on leaving him, and it doesn't seem like you are, i don't see what good any of this is going to do for you. you didn't leave when he cheated on you multiple times, so what difference does it make what he's doing online? anyway, you took off the keylogger, but you still don't trust him. now you think he has one to check on you. you both sneak around and hide things from each other. finding out he has a keylogger is just going to make you mad, but not enough to actually do anything about the real problems in your relationship. how is knowing going to help you? why are you together exactly?
luvstarved Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Well I agree with those who say that all of this back and forth "retaliation" is not much of a foundation for an ongoing healthy relationship. Maybe you enjoy all the subtrefuge and investigative work... ANYWAY, a keylogger is not that easy for a novice to detect but a breeze for a pro... But if I understand you correctly, you cleared the browser history...right? That would not hide anything from a keylogger, which would have already recorded all your keystrokes, sites visited, etc. If you did a REAL clear and deleted temp files and cookies, that would have gotten rid of what would be detectable even WITHOUT a keylogger, but a good keylogger would have retained everything anyway. As far as I know, there isn't any way to thwart a keylogger short of detecting it and disabling it.
Author EndoftheRope Posted October 24, 2006 Author Posted October 24, 2006 why are you together exactly? I don't know if he's had full blown physical affairs. I would without a doubt classify it as 'emotional affairs,' he insists they're 'just friends', of course, and since I put my foot down when I found out about the second, and realized (just in the last year or so) the length of friendship with the first, I have no reason to believe there's been a third. (I am, of course, keeping my eyes and ears open.) We are together, at this point, 1) because I don't want to put my kids through divorce, 2) divorce will destroy us financially, and 3) there are improvements, and I guess I keep hoping there will be more such that divorce can still be avoided. I don't ask anyone to agree with or approve my reasons, but they are my reasons for the time being. Someone asked why not just let him see whatever I do online. For the most part, that is my attitude, as the biggest thing I have to hide is coming to loveshack. But I am still curious if he really does. I think I know now, btw, what it was I saw, and it was not a keylogger. Jmargel, we have been to Retrouvaille and mc. We are attempting to resolve things. Although I ultimately disagreed with the last counselor's advice to just pretend everything is okay, there were some improvements with his help, and I believe he got some things through to my husband about proper behavior in marriage. PoshPrincess, he would argue that he treats me like a queen. (And he could in fact make a good case for it.) There are without a doubt huge, residual problems with trust, but I have some reason to believe he really did end contact with these women, I am not letting it rest, he has been put on high alert that the next 'friend' I find means divorce, and he is doing some things very right. All problems will not be solved in a half hour. Especially not with all those commercial breaks. I'm a little surprised at the strong opinions about what a lousy marriage this is. Not only am I very aware there are problems here, but does anyone posting for help on the infidelity forum have a great marriage?!
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