UGHdating Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Ugh. Im all confused. & and I think I kinda f***ed things up, but not intentionally.... the date I had was really nice, too nice. Then he took me home and basically, just tucked me in bed and left. No make out session at all! Which confused the heck out me, but I was like ok...I thought it was mainly because I hit the bottle of wine too much and being the light that I am, got a bit drunk. It was sweet of him that he didn't take advantage of that. So later this week we were talking chit chatting and he came out and said, that he could tell that we are going to become really great friends, he could tell. I was like huh? where'd that come from? (mind you this in my head) what I really said was, uhh ok And he went on about how he likes to hang out with me cause Im cool and that we are just kicking it. So I played it off and said yes, we are just kicking it. And then somehow we got in our conversation to that night that he was drunk and I made a joke to him about how funny he was for all the crazy stuff he said to me, and then he goes and laughs and goes well, you should have heard what you were saying to me the other night. And I dont' remember saying anything wrong, and he goes into detail.... I guess when we had gotten in the cab, he had tried to get fresh with me (ie kiss me) and I said to him, "youre never going to get my goods cause the moment I do give it up to him, you'll go bye bye." he supposively said, that's not the case with him. And then when we got to my place he was saying how he really liked me and he understood that I wasn't ready and that he would wait and then I totally shut him down by saying that - " you don't gotta lie to kicki it, eah, no matter to me anyways I got what I wanted and I'm done with you kid." after he told me everything I said that night it all came flooding back to me and I am thinking DOH! Why the heck did I say all that, damn alchohol. So now I madeit really seem like I don't like him, that i used him and that would explain him saying all that friend sh*t, or maybe that's still part of his game? damn it. I wanna call him tonight, but I am trying to keep my distance from him this weekend as I am sooo embarassed that I said that to him. I am suppose to see him on Monday for a conference (oh yeah I don't think I mentioned this before but we work together, but we rarely see each other, due to the nature of our work - but yeah , that makes it a tad complicated) In any case my point: I might have f***ed this up. My friend thinks he really likes me but I scared him off, though I still think he is really playing the game. TO be continued?
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Sooner or later you have to decide if you trust this guy. Doing this little dance that you two have going on can't last long. It gets boring and one of you is gonna get fed up and say goodbye. Either take a chance (shield your heart, take it slow!) and GO FOR IT, whatever happens, happens, OR stop dating him completely. Fact is now, you don't trust him at all because of his previous actions with other girls. Talk to him, to see how he feels. Lay it out for him and tell him what you want, then see what he wants.
MikeC Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 If I were in your shoes, this is what I would do. Tell him that you give him the benefit of the doubt about what was said that night in question. Tell him that if you truly did say those things that you don't remember and that you aren't that type of person. It seems as if you are complicating it way more than it should be. Just tell him how you feel.
monkey00 Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Whether or not you choose to take the advice of people here is your choice. As i stated in your ealier post, give the guy a break. All the while with you, has he done/said anything about/with other women in your presence or was all his attention focused on you? There's a time and place for everything, there's nothing naive about taking the situation for its face value. A lot of times the situation can be simpler than you believe it to be, no point in complicating a non existent situation (your belief in him being a player)... e.g. a person suffering from paranoia/ self consciousness = creating problems for him/herself when it doesnt exist. The way I see it both of you just need to let your guard down and stop playing games. If this keeps up, none of this will go anywhere.
DanielMadr Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Ugh. Im all confused. & and I think I kinda f***ed things up, but not intentionally.... the date I had was really nice, too nice. Then he took me home and basically, just tucked me in bed and left. No make out session at all! Which confused the heck out me, but I was like ok...I thought it was mainly because I hit the bottle of wine too much and being the light that I am, got a bit drunk. It was sweet of him that he didn't take advantage of that. So later this week we were talking chit chatting and he came out and said, that he could tell that we are going to become really great friends, he could tell. I was like huh? where'd that come from? (mind you this in my head) what I really said was, uhh ok And he went on about how he likes to hang out with me cause Im cool and that we are just kicking it. So I played it off and said yes, we are just kicking it. And then somehow we got in our conversation to that night that he was drunk and I made a joke to him about how funny he was for all the crazy stuff he said to me, and then he goes and laughs and goes well, you should have heard what you were saying to me the other night. And I dont' remember saying anything wrong, and he goes into detail.... I guess when we had gotten in the cab, he had tried to get fresh with me (ie kiss me) and I said to him, "youre never going to get my goods cause the moment I do give it up to him, you'll go bye bye." he supposively said, that's not the case with him. And then when we got to my place he was saying how he really liked me and he understood that I wasn't ready and that he would wait and then I totally shut him down by saying that - " you don't gotta lie to kicki it, eah, no matter to me anyways I got what I wanted and I'm done with you kid." after he told me everything I said that night it all came flooding back to me and I am thinking DOH! Why the heck did I say all that, damn alchohol. So now I madeit really seem like I don't like him, that i used him and that would explain him saying all that friend sh*t, or maybe that's still part of his game? damn it. I wanna call him tonight, but I am trying to keep my distance from him this weekend as I am sooo embarassed that I said that to him. I am suppose to see him on Monday for a conference (oh yeah I don't think I mentioned this before but we work together, but we rarely see each other, due to the nature of our work - but yeah , that makes it a tad complicated) In any case my point: I might have f***ed this up. My friend thinks he really likes me but I scared him off, though I still think he is really playing the game. TO be continued? 1) I would not believe you, that you dont remember if you were not in coma. In Vino Veritas 2) I would think you tried to tease me and you tried to shyt test me for my needines or whimpiness in the most blatant and childish way accusing me of those things. It is like him asking you 'Are you a spineless wh0re?' You know he cant mean it seriously but its just rude. Every time I feel girl wants me to make me nervous I just smile and turn it to joke 'Are you a spineless player? No Im just pretending to be one I thought your type of girl would love it.' But deep down I want to throw up....what a disrespect and childish way to test character. 3) You were drunk but you should apologize anyway...he was hurt because you were playing with him forcing him to act like a wimp. 4) Dont drink and dont play games. Then you come as more better person and selfassured girl/woman. It was harsh advice but it was harsh to ring a bell.
Island Girl Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 And then somehow we got in our conversation to that night that he was drunk and I made a joke to him about how funny he was for all the crazy stuff he said to me, and then he goes and laughs and goes well, you should have heard what you were saying to me the other night. And I don't' remember saying anything wrong, and he goes into detail.... I guess when we had gotten in the cab, he had tried to get fresh with me (ie kiss me) and I said to him, "you're never going to get my goods cause the moment I do give it up to him, you'll go bye bye." So the conversation went there because he wanted it to go there. Enough was said that he wanted to MAKE SURE YOU knew what had happened. 1st mistake - getting so loaded that ANYTHING could have happened. That is a big no no - not only because of what horrible things CAN happen when you are like that but it is a red flag to a guy that you wouldn't be a girl he wouldn't have to worry about. Quite the reverse. You made the mistake, by saying what you did, of letting him know YOU are playing a game. This isn't something you should have EVER done - if he is a "player", more than likely he is not orchestrating ANYTHING. What a "player" does is use the girls that let him. He is not pre-thinking, he is acting in the moment and getting away with what he can. It is a very rare man that really picks a girl out to go after her, spend the time and effort to woo her and make her really like him, just to get some and dump her. There are too many willing girls that aren't even a quarter of that effort. he supposively said, that's not the case with him. And then when we got to my place he was saying how he really liked me and he understood that I wasn't ready and that he would wait and then I totally shut him down by saying that - " you don't gotta lie to kicki it, eah, no matter to me anyways I got what I wanted and I'm done with you kid." You basically told him, after letting him know you are playing a game with him, that if he DID have any serious thoughts about you he was looking at a big open wound if he went any further. You flat out told him you'd break his heart. That kind of comment sticks in a guys head like super glue. So later this week we were talking chit chatting and he came out and said, that he could tell that we are going to become really great friends, he could tell. I was like huh? where'd that come from? (mind you this in my head) what I really said was, uhh ok And he went on about how he likes to hang out with me cause I'm cool and that we are just kicking it. So I played it off and said yes, we are just kicking it. He is letting you know he is done pursuing any kind of relationship with you. You let him know enough that he wanted to make sure to let YOU know he is done. Nothing serious. It isn't. And it won't be.
Walk Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 I knew my bf's reputation for a long while before we ever dated. He was a huge player. Huge. At least, that's the story I heard from several different friends of his. And he told stories of many one night stands, or girls he only dated for a couple weeks.. etc. etc.. Anyway. One night my (not yet) bf and I were hanging out and I don't remember how it came out, but I flat out told him that I thought he was only there for the sex, (we hadn't had sex yet) and that he was a man whore. He was livid. Never seen someone get so pissed. He asked why I thought that, I laid it all out on the table for him. Didn't hold a single punch. Told him exactly how I felt, what I thought, everything. Figured I already screwed it up, what more harm could I do by setting it all on the table. So... I went about my life. But he called me about two weeks later. We chatted. Caught up. I told him I had figured I'd never talk to him again.. He asked why. I said I realized I'd insulted him, and it hadn't been my intention. He said he understood that I was worried, and I was just being honest about my concerns... We're still dating several years later... I say, lay it all on the table for him. All he has to go on right now are the words you said to him that night. He'll think that's how you honestly think. Tell him why you said it, and how you really feel. 99% chance he feels exactly the same way as you. But he's too chicken to say it. Otherwise, he wouldnt' even be messign around with the whole "friends" thing. He would've moved on to the next right then. I really don't feel he's trying to play you like you think. Honest. You would've been out, and someone a little less unattainable in. Talk to him with honesty and truth. You don't have to gush about your feelings, but communicate your thoughts to him. Or stay in the friends zone, but if you wait, you'll never get out of it.
Walk Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 1) I would not believe you, that you dont remember if you were not in coma. In Vino Veritas If I drink too much, I have lots of areas I don't remember at all. Even when people tell me what I did. I have no memory of it. It more common then you admit, to have "black out" periods when drinking.
DanielMadr Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 If I drink too much, I have lots of areas I don't remember at all. Even when people tell me what I did. I have no memory of it. It more common then you admit, to have "black out" periods when drinking. You shouldnt drink then Being rude while drinking is turn off for a guy. It can be repaired by sincere apology. 'I said some stupid thinks yestarday....I am sorry' and thats it.....making strategies wont make it better. (thats for UGHDating)
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