Conflicted Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 This may be a long post but it needs a little background. I have been married for 6 years, we've been together for 11. For the past 5 or so years my H has been emotionaly and verbally abusive to me. I have spent so many tears and crappy days crying over him and over us, I've lost count. I thought I couldn't live without him and would cease to exsist if we were not married. Well about 2 or 3 weeks ago I shed my last tear. Something inside me snapped and I realized 1) I wasn't going to take is crap anymore 2) I would be OK if we were not together (life would go on). Well, he felt that for the 1st time and freaked. He vowed to never do that to me again. Problem is he waited till after I "went over the edge" before he had this revelation and I am starting to feel I may never be the same. After many marathon conversations, he has stopped becoming E abusive. I have a completely different problem now. He won't let me out of his sight and is being totally clingy. I have wanted this for so long, but I am in a different place now. I want space and time to heal and he wants to be with me 24/7. If I could have my way, we would separate for a few days/ weeks so that I could gather my thoughts and gain perspective. However, everytime I bring it up he starts balling and saying that it won't help or solve anything. So I stay home and suffer. He wants to be all kissy face and close to me and I just want to scream. I want to be alone. Alot has happened to me over the years and it's alot to process and he just doesn't get it. I think he feels that he's better, so why can't I be but it doesn't work like that. Now I feel myself plotting lies so that I can get out of the house. He wants to spend all this time together and I want to breathe. I feel very smothered. I want to go to MC but he feels "fixed" and doesn't see the point. So in order to keep myself sane and to keep him from falling apart, I fake my feeling and play kissy face and spend time with him, but on the inside I am dying. I don't know what to do?
Craig Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I want to go to MC but he feels "fixed" and doesn't see the point. So in order to keep myself sane and to keep him from falling apart, I fake my feeling and play kissy face and spend time with him, but on the inside I am dying. I don't know what to do?Maybe it is possible that he is "fixed" but I wouldn't believe it. I could be wrong. If he's a textbook E abuser then he is going to do it again. I'd recommend that you go to MC alone or IC because this isn't about your husband anymore. After all he said he was fixed but you are still hurting and if he was fixed wouldn't he (and you) be talking openly about how you feel?
Sup Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 You need to TELL him, MARRIAGE COUNSELING OR I'M GONE! And stand to it, he may need pshycologically counseling too, he may have grown up in that kind of environment, or he could be Bi-polar. Whatever you do DON'T cheat on him, at least you got his attention, some people can't even get that much!
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