Lights Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 A long ways back I saw a certain pair of women in the gym. They appeared to be friends and training partners. Since then I had occasionally seen the two in a distance, only as a pair together. I have never witnessed one of them alone. I ended up encountering them again and met them a month or so ago when they came by a room that I was in. They seemed friendly, to a point. I encountered them both again a few days ago. They seem interesting and fun, but I do not know what I would do if I wanted to get to know them a bit better. What does one do in these situations? I do not know if they will be interested--they could merely have been being polite when I met them. Does one ask both of them out at once or ask for both of their phone numbers?
Leikela Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 So you're saying that you are interested in dating both of these women? Has it ever occured to you that they may be lesbians?
Author Lights Posted October 22, 2006 Author Posted October 22, 2006 So you're saying that you are interested in dating both of these women? Has it ever occured to you that they may be lesbians? To answer your second question, anything could have been the case. That's a possibility as well, although I didn't see any flirtation between them. To answer your first question, I'm saying it might be fun to get to know them a little better. They were both cute, obviously shared at least one interest that I have, and were somewhat friendly when I talked to them (after all, the gym isn't meant for socializing). Regarding both questions and the overall situation though, I just don't have much of anything to go on.
magichands Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 What does one do in these situations? You need a partner in crime.
Author Lights Posted October 22, 2006 Author Posted October 22, 2006 You need a partner in crime. I'm not sure how that would be possible. Outside of work most of my days are spent alone, and I don't have the ability to immediately summon single friends to wherever I happen to be when a pair of cute women come in distance ranges wherein socializing might be possible. (Even if I did, this isn't really a normal occurrence for me.) What's the effective thing to do in the situation?
Sand&Water Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Reply: Question: Do they look alike? In other words, share similar features? IF yes: This is good news. You can use this to your advantage. Ask them, IF they are sisters [siblings]. IF, both girls, respond with a Yes -then you've broken the barrier. Continue with conversation. IF, both girls, respond with a No -then indicate, fakingly, that they seem to share a close friendship bond, and you would have sworn they'd be siblings [jokingly]. Broken the barrier. Continue with conversation. In, either case, ask for their telephone numbers. Don't be shy. Convince yourself. Courage. Find it within you. Brainstorming. Sand&Water
magichands Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 What's the effective thing to do in the situation? Pick one. They don't come as a package deal.
Author Lights Posted October 22, 2006 Author Posted October 22, 2006 Reply: Question: Do they look alike? In other words, share similar features? No, they definitely do not share any similar features. I do not know what exactly is between them; they could be friends who are intense about their training, or as Leikela pointed out, for all I know they could be lesbians, but I have no way of knowing anything there. In, either case, ask for their telephone numbers. Don't be shy. Convince yourself. Courage. Find it within you. Brainstorming. Sand&Water The possibility of conversation is likely to be limited, as was the case when I met them--like me, they were very much there to train, not to talk. Do you recommend asking directly for their numbers if I next see them? I.e. something along the lines of "Hey, I'd like to meet you two sometime without interrupting your training. What are your phone numbers?"
MadDog Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 You're in luck. You've met a pair of women that likes to do EVERYTHING together. The most obvious next step is to ask them for a threesome. No need to beat around the bush here.
Guest Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 no...red flag! alert! they are a pair. they don't talk - they train. they'll get u into a 3some, then tie u to the bed post and slap u silly and take all your L'strange and nena halo cds! go to another gym!
Leikela Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Well if you're interested in them both, then just try to get to know them better. Think of an ice breaker. Comment on something about them. I wouldn't ask outright for their phone numbers. If a guy asked me and a friend of mine at the gym for our numbers after only seeing him a few times, I would be totally turned off and think you were weird. Don't rush anything. Take it slow and let something develop.
magichands Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Think of an ice breaker. MadDog has the ultimate ice-breaker. I would go with that. But if you don't manage to pull it off as a joke, then they may pull it off for you.
Leikela Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 MadDog has the ultimate ice-breaker. I would go with that. But if you don't manage to pull it off as a joke, then they may pull it off for you. Yeah, that is the ultimate ice breaker. It would be a good way to find out if they have a sense of humor or not! hahaha
Author Lights Posted October 22, 2006 Author Posted October 22, 2006 Well if you're interested in them both, then just try to get to know them better. Think of an ice breaker. Comment on something about them. I wouldn't ask outright for their phone numbers. If a guy asked me and a friend of mine at the gym for our numbers after only seeing him a few times, I would be totally turned off and think you were weird. Don't rush anything. Take it slow and let something develop. That's part of the problem. Without phone numbers, I have no way of knowing if or when I will see them again except by pure chance, and thus will have no way to get them to meet in a place where I can get to know them better. I've commented about their training and asked if they trained for any particular sport (they just like to train and keep in shape) and the music they often play in the background (it's just a good rhythm that they like for things like jumproping). They smiled when I talked to them, but "conversations" were pretty perfunctory (less than a half-minute total) before they got back to training. The situation just doesn't lend itself to conversation, so getting to know much more about them via talking on the spot is unlikely. For Guest, MadDog, and magichands: If your statement regarding asking them for a threesome is something you seriously recommend: It's highly unlikely that I'd have the sexual stamina for a threesome. However, if it is something specifically to be asked as a joke, I will need to know how to specifically ask it in a fashion that lends itself to being viewed as a joke that makes me be seen as attractive. If your statement is some kind of joke at my situation, please do not waste my time. Leave your little jokes for other people's threads. I have opened myself up here on this forum, and I do not appreciate attempts to joke at and belittle me and my situations as I seek to improve myself and my life.
Leikela Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Lights, You will definitely need another approach then. What exactly are your intentions here? Do you just want a sexual relationship with these two? It is kind of hard when you're interested in two people and those two people are always together. You haven't scoped out any women who are alone that you're interested in? You could try just outright asking for their phone numbers but I'm not sure how well that would go over. It's worth a try. Sorry I'm not more help to you.
Author Lights Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 Lights, You will definitely need another approach then. What exactly are your intentions here? Do you just want a sexual relationship with these two? It is kind of hard when you're interested in two people and those two people are always together. You haven't scoped out any women who are alone that you're interested in? You could try just outright asking for their phone numbers but I'm not sure how well that would go over. It's worth a try. Sorry I'm not more help to you. My intentions are to get a separate casual first date with each of them so I can meet them more effectively and get to know them. If sexuality results, so be it (with the two individuals separately, or one of the two, or whatever happens), and if not, so be it as well. Yes, that's also another reason why this is a strange situation. I normally don't get a chance to scope out women ahead of time; usually most situations I'm in are fast-moving ones where I usually only encounter a person once, so this is a bit new to me, plus the two together and all. Again, all of this depends on when or whether or not I encounter them again at a distance and time that lends itself to talking to them, so I'm not putting too much weight on this particular pair anyways. If that happens, I'll see what I can do.
Island Girl Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 after all, the gym isn't meant for socializing Gyms have always been 'meat markets' to a certain extent. People meet, talk, make friends, hang out, -- it won't seem unnatural if you are friendly to these girls. Just strike up a conversation about what they do, are they roommates, you see them there all the time - whatever. You'd be surprised at how many people are willing to have a friendly chat at the gym. --- The only gym I wouldn't do this in is a "working" gym like for boxing training, etc. Those guys are serious about their stuff!
Author Lights Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Apparently, they aren't as inseparable as they looked. I saw and encountered one of the two without the other today. I passed by and waved, and she said hi. I sat down nearby to stretch out and tried to start conversation. She did not respond at all--although this could have been unlucky timing, since she was in the process of doing mass numbers of situps as she and her friend often do. As I passed other places wherein she was in my field of vision, I noticed that she did not have a problem talking when other people she knew came by, although when our paths crossed later this night, she made no indication of noticing me. At this point I decided to write her off. Strangely, when I was on the way out, I encountered her again and she seemed to be somewhat talkative and friendly, asking me about holiday plans and the like. I was unable to ask if she was single before we got cut off when a man she claimed she had to give a ride to came by. She smiled, reached out and touched me on the chest area of my coat (not sure if this is a touchy-feely person's neutral new friend touch or if it was a literal brush-off--this definitely wasn't characterizable as a "I can't keep my hands off his chest" movement), and went off with the man in question. I suppose that I should have been I should be more forward and simply asked for her number on the spot and terminated this drawn-out saga, instead of holding conversation. I'm not so sure how promising this is. I may find out more if I encounter the other one. Gyms have always been 'meat markets' to a certain extent. People meet, talk, make friends, hang out, -- it won't seem unnatural if you are friendly to these girls. Just strike up a conversation about what they do, are they roommates, you see them there all the time - whatever. You'd be surprised at how many people are willing to have a friendly chat at the gym. Maybe you're right, Island Girl. I did see two people successfully meet happily earlier tonight.
Author Lights Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Another update. I ran into the same one today, and she was alone again, not with her friend. I asked her if she was single. It turns out she's seeing someone, so this one's over (to her credit, she was really sweet and friendly about it, which many people aren't these days). If I run into the other one, we'll see what happens. If not, then whatever. Now that I think about it, sorry if I'm making this sound like an angst-y teenager's weblog. Anyways, to those who offered genuine advice about this somewhat strange situation, I thank you.
Author Lights Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 This time at the gym I encountered the other one; she too apparently now actually showed up alone. The timing may have been unlucky (she was working out at the time), but it didn't appear to be possible to wait for another opportunity. I asked if she was single. She grimaced, said "I'm working here.", and put her headphones back on. I have written her off. I guess the lesson learned is that I should be forward as soon as possible and avoid letting things turn into drawn-out sagas. Although I suppose, despite the title of the post and the nature of the original situation, this didn't really end until the pair somehow became separable. Leikela, Sand&Water, and Island Girl, thanks for your posts. If anyone else has some insights to share, you're definitely also welcome to post up.
Leikela Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I am sorry to hear how it all ended. To be honest, I think being that forward is part of the problem. If a guy I didn't know approached me at the gym and asked if I was single, I would kind of be taken aback. As a woman, you can usually tell if a guy is interested in you in his body language and by the way he looks at you. If the woman is interested, she will flirt back and that is usually a sign for the guy that she is interested in him. Once that is NON-VERBALLY established, then things can move forward. I wouldn't think too much about trying to date someone. I would focus on being able to recognize and respond to social cues. Once you have that mastered, then just let things happen naturally. Express non-verbally to a woman that you are interested in her and if she express interest back, then you can ask her out. I have never had a guy come right out and ask me if I'm single. Guys would just ask me out and I would have to tell them I have a boyfriend. I don't have that problem anymore though because I'm married with my rings properly displayed. I call it my "Man-Away". hee hee...
Author Lights Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 I am sorry to hear how it all ended. To be honest, I think being that forward is part of the problem. If a guy I didn't know approached me at the gym and asked if I was single, I would kind of be taken aback. I suppose, but how then does one break the initial circular trap, especially in situations where seeing the same person again is low-probability or otherwise unreliable? Without a first date or phone number on the spot, I'll have no way of seeing them again save by pure chance, and even then it may not be a time that lends itself to social chatting or otherwise getting to know them better. But without having gotten to know them better, it becomes less likely, if what you are saying is true, that they will offer me first dates or their phone numbers or anything else conducive to seeing them other than by chance--and such a chance meeting may not even necessarily be at a time which lends itself to talking with them. As a woman, you can usually tell if a guy is interested in you in his body language and by the way he looks at you. If the woman is interested, she will flirt back and that is usually a sign for the guy that she is interested in him. Once that is NON-VERBALLY established, then things can move forward. I wouldn't think too much about trying to date someone. I would focus on being able to recognize and respond to social cues. Once you have that mastered, then just let things happen naturally. Express non-verbally to a woman that you are interested in her and if she express interest back, then you can ask her out. I generally don't have the advantage of being able to wait for nonverbal responses (both I and other people generally are moving too quickly, and sometimes the situation doesn't always begin with me range of an intended other's vision), but I'll give this some more tries. Is there a specific tactic for arranging this with women who are paired in such a fashion? Perhaps some nonverbal way of reaching directly to the two at once with the same intention of meeting and dating both, and somehow time it as their focus on each other or their immediate activity temporarily wanes, or else to politely disrupt their focus nonverbally? (I only ask this for future reference--for me, this wasn't a normal situation to begin with. I also do not have an answer to your earlier question about whether they are lesbians, so I'm not sure if this all had been doomed to failure from the start.) I have never had a guy come right out and ask me if I'm single. Guys would just ask me out and I would have to tell them I have a boyfriend. I don't have that problem anymore though because I'm married with my rings properly displayed. I call it my "Man-Away". hee hee... Congratulations Leikela!
Leikela Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Thanks for the congrats Lights!! I think in a situation where you're passing people quickly, the chances of dating them are slim. The gym really isn't an ideal place to meet people for that reason. If it was meant to be, it will happen. The fact that you were able to have at least a few conversations with those women is a start. It didn't go anywhere because it wasn't meant to be. Have you thought about meeting people other ways? When I was single I used to meet people through playing on a co-ed softball team and other activities that I was involved in. I actually met my husband working at a second part-time job. Activities where you're involved with the same people and you have to interact with them socially is a great way to meet people. It gives you time to talk to people and to get to know them. You really cannot know just by looking at someone if you want to date them. Get to know people first and take it from there. Do you have any hobbies?
Author Lights Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Thanks for the congrats Lights!! I think in a situation where you're passing people quickly, the chances of dating them are slim. The gym really isn't an ideal place to meet people for that reason. If it was meant to be, it will happen. The fact that you were able to have at least a few conversations with those women is a start. It didn't go anywhere because it wasn't meant to be. Yeah, most of the times I encounter women are that way (pure chance nearby or else in an area where I and people have a higher goal besides socializing, such as gyms, night classes, etc.), and I agree it may be lower-percentage than other methods out there, if only those methods applied in my life. Have you thought about meeting people other ways? When I was single I used to meet people through playing on a co-ed softball team and other activities that I was involved in. I actually met my husband working at a second part-time job. Activities where you're involved with the same people and you have to interact with them socially is a great way to meet people. It gives you time to talk to people and to get to know them. You really cannot know just by looking at someone if you want to date them. Get to know people first and take it from there. Do you have any hobbies? I've had hobbies in the past, although right now working out in the gym is the main remaining one. That may change in the future if time clears up--I'll have to see how other things in life go.
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