pseudofemme Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 I have an informal date tomorrow with a really, really shy guy. He has a ton of social anxiety. We've only met in person once, and it was really brief... mostly we've been talking online. My question is, what can I do to make him feel more comfortable? Should I try to carry the whole conversation? How can I put him at ease? Is there anything I should AVOID saying or doing that would make him more nervous? We're basically just going to be hanging out... would it be better to do some type of activity? If so, what? I thought a movie would be bad since we wouldn't get a chance to talk, but maybe I'm wrong on that. Thanks for any advice.
theman101 Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I'm pretty shy when it comes to talking with girls I'm attracted to. The single thing I would want a girl to do is just tell me exactly what she's feeling, I hate guessing because of the chance of being wrong and therefore won't take the risks. So my advice for you is, if you're not having a good time, tell him. If you are, tell him. This will help make him more comfortable and he will get a feel for your body language, at least in theory....
Quinch Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Taking him out for a movie would be fine but let him choose which one. Ask him questions about himself and about halfway through the date touch him on the arm and give him a big smile. He'll come out of his shell when he knows it's safe so you just have to make it safe for him. Good luck PS. Don't expect too much on a first date. Let him do things at a pace that is comfortable for him but if you're still not getting anywhere after the second date then talk to him about it.
mental_traveller Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Simple method - give him some alcohol. And if that doesn't work, give him some more!
db75 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Simple method - give him some alcohol. And if that doesn't work, give him some more! Yup, and then a bit more after that.
ely Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Please, you say you don't really know him so be yourself, anyhow the quiet ones are the worst. TRUST ME...
theman101 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 How are the quiet ones the worst? I am quite shy but I am certainly not psychotic if that is what you are thinking.
nicki Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 mmmm, i LOVE shy guys. They usually have no problems with control and will let you take the driver's seat. You can have a great conversation with a shy guy. They run deep. You just need to ask them lots of open ended questions, and a lot of follow up questions. Be sure to talk a lot yourself. Then relate back to him what you have just talked about. Do this by asking him another question. When you sense he is done talking, pick up the ball and talk some more. It takes the pressure off of him. Shy guys are great one on one. They simply like to observe first before they jump in. So give him plenty of warm up time. Talk. Tell a story. Flirt with him. Smile. Touch him. Give him all the green lights. Be obvious, not subtle. In my experience, shy guys don't want to do something you don't want them to. So they like you taking the lead. That means leaning in for the big kiss, or at least making it so obvious that you want him to kiss you. Trust me, shy guys make the BEST lovers....
theman101 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Now there's a girl I could understand. So where do you live? hahaha. I think Nicki's advice is perfect. He will definitely come around if you behave like that since he'll know you're completely interested.
Green Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Id say dont bring up the fact that he's shy. Maybe dont ask to many questions if he seems shy about it. dont really worry about it just keep seeing him and he should stop being shy.
Bamaboy2006 Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 I am a shy guy myself, and I think most of us shy guys would love to be told how much she cares for us and such, things like that. Tell him how you feel about him and everything, make it real obvious that you are really into him so that way he will have an easier time making his move. Its true that shy guys would rather let the girl take the lead, I guess thats just our natural mentality, we just dont want to do anything the girl doesnt want to do or do something thats going to make us feel and look stupid to her. Just do things so that he can feel real comfortable and know that he can do these things without being fearful.
London Kid Posted October 24, 2006 Posted October 24, 2006 mmmm, i LOVE shy guys. They usually have no problems with control and will let you take the driver's seat. You can have a great conversation with a shy guy. They run deep. You just need to ask them lots of open ended questions, and a lot of follow up questions. Be sure to talk a lot yourself. Then relate back to him what you have just talked about. Do this by asking him another question. When you sense he is done talking, pick up the ball and talk some more. It takes the pressure off of him. Shy guys are great one on one. They simply like to observe first before they jump in. So give him plenty of warm up time. Talk. Tell a story. Flirt with him. Smile. Touch him. Give him all the green lights. Be obvious, not subtle. In my experience, shy guys don't want to do something you don't want them to. So they like you taking the lead. That means leaning in for the big kiss, or at least making it so obvious that you want him to kiss you. Trust me, shy guys make the BEST lovers.... Great advice, if only all girls were like you! Follow that advice and he'll be yours
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