Mazellan Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 Hi there I met an interesting and seemingly very compatible woman on RSVP online dating site. We have exchanged many emails over the last few weeks, talked about many deep and personal things. She wants to take it slow, because her last "boyfriend" turned out to be a psychopath, a conman trying to rip her off. I believe her on this, she seems very genuine. Our first meting was 2 hours for coffee while her daughter was at a class. She tended to dominate the conversation, a large part of the 2 hours was spent telling me about the conman. I found it difficult to get a word in, I feel she didn't take the opportunity to find out about me. The few times I did talk, I had to interupt her, which I hate doing. I would love to see this woman again, but not if she always talks so much. I want to email her and tell her I enjoyed the meeting, I think she is interesting and attractive and I want to see her again, but that I thought she dominated the conversation, possibly because of nervousness. Is this a reasonable thing to do, or should I just wait for the next date and see what happens? Thanks mazellan
Green Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 I dont know what to say she should just know these things but go ahead and tell her if it makes u feel better
gfto Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 She spent most of the 2 hours talking about her last boyfriend, and she wants to "take it slow." Red flag. I wouldn't ask for a second date. Keep looking.
scammy Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 A crispy critter, overdone and not done scraping the burnt stuff off her butt. You like her go out with her if you can handle all you talk about this conman. Look at her as a friend - then a potential romantic involvement but don't put your hand in the cookie jar (that means sex). Date other woman if you must still just don't advertise it but don't lie either. With this age of Internet dating everything is so instantly accessible and people don't give themselves time to heal. Romance is not always black and white there are allot of shades of gray nowadays. On a last note I am told I talk all the time lol It’s all about me me me
crazy_grl Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I agree with the others. 2 hours talking about her ex screams "not over it". If you really like her, keep seeing her, but don't get serious or put much into it until she starts showing that she's ready for a relationship. And I echo what scammy said: Date other woman if you must still just don't advertise it but don't lie either. Or you could tell her that you think she's still getting over her ex and you don't want to cause her more distress by getting involved to quickly, but you're willing to give her a chance once she's had some more time to recover. Then let her know she can give you a call in the future, and possibly stay in touch casually.
kjl933 Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 See my avatar? It was designed for the same woman! (Or maybe her twin sister). It will never work. The woman was attractive, we were mostly compatible, but every time we went out, it was her dominating the convo. Then the stories began to repeat themselves and I fell into the yeah yeah yeah phase. When I would get a chance to talk, she would interrupt with another story that I had already heard again. I kept thinking there might have been a chance, but ten minutes into the date, it all came back. I do not have the balls to tell her to shut up (unless it is in a sexual situation and then it is taken in an entirely different light) but if you do and she is willing to listen, it might work. I cannot remember any of the links, but there were a few about her---one about her stopping a blowjob in the middle and so forth. hate to be a pessimist, but... Personally, I don't think a leopard can change its spots. She probably does not know that she is doing it and it just comes naturally. She needs someone meek and timid to listen to her tales of woe--anyone with half a personality would not work!
westernxer Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 She tended to dominate the conversation, a large part of the 2 hours was spent telling me about the conman. I found it difficult to get a word in, I feel she didn't take the opportunity to find out about me. The few times I did talk, I had to interupt her, which I hate doing... I want to email her and tell her I enjoyed the meeting... Sure as hell doesn't sound like it.
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 See my avatar? It was designed for the same woman! Listen to 933! DO you really wanna be with a woman who constantly talks about herself? I mean, it's okay to do for a little while, but not ALL night! Did she even ask you anything? Doesn't sound like it. Honestly, it sounds like she's "not" as into you or not ready to date because when a woman really likes a man, she is NOT going to talk about her ex all night long... If you want to ask her out again, just to see how it goes, go for it.
Leikela Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I agree with everyone else. Talking about an ex, especially on a first date, is a no no! She sounds self centered too. She should have wanted to learn stuff about you. Ditch her phone number and find someone else. She's NOT the one.
scammy Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 what a pathetic loser I was when I got my divorce... Since I am talking about me still does that mean I still have my spots? Crap:(
scammy Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I have a BF cause I learned how to keep my Friggin mouth shut he did not know my issues until later....
Mary3 Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Some of it really is due to nervousness ( compulsive talking ) as that person does not feel comfortable with themselves. But the " let me tell you about me ex " for 2 hours is a NO NO RED FLAG ! She is not OVER him. Move on....
FataMorgana Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I have a BF cause I learned how to keep my Friggin mouth shut he did not know my issues until later.... :lmao: oh, dear, good one to remember if one has the tendency to talk too much
Timberlane Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 She spent most of the 2 hours talking about her last boyfriend, and she wants to "take it slow." Red flag. I wouldn't ask for a second date. Keep looking. This is the modus operandi of the self-absorbed dolt. Run screaming unless you want to be a constant shoulder to complain to and at the same time get absolutely no compassion or caring in return. It will always go back to being about her. I went on a blind date with a woman that was so preoccupied with her own life, she showed no interest in anything I said. She did respond, but only in the most emotionally flat, prefunctory way. Really dead conversation, though we continued through dinner and a walk around town. But it was obviously all about her and that was that. Even got dragged into two stores to go shopping. Errrr. WTF? Not a great date add on experience.
Author Mazellan Posted October 22, 2006 Author Posted October 22, 2006 Thanks for all your replies, they fairly much echo what a good friend told me yesterday. I am a bit dissappointed, as the email conversation had been going so well, and I will give it a second try, just in case it was nerves. But yes, I was thinking 'you just don't do this on a date, let alone the first date'. Possibly explains why at her age (49) she doesn't seem to have had any really long term relationships (she was amazed when I told her I had been in a relationship for 23 years). I do tend to rush things, my last relationship we had 3 hour long meetups for coffee, then 2 dinner dates, a seminar together, then started an intense relationship where I spent virtually evey night with her for 6 weeks when it stated to decline and was totally dead by week 8! There are a lot of other factors, I think she was BPD, she told me she loved me within the first few days of having sex, and had another person lined up before we even ended it. This whole 'relationship' thing is a pain in the arse. But I can't not do it! I love 'love'!
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