BurntInNJ Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 As the BS would you want the OW to tell you about the affair or be left in the clueless and in the dark?
magichands Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Maybe this depends on whether they are even considering trying to save the marriage.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 As the BS would you want the OW to tell you about the affair or be left in the clueless and in the dark? I'm sure a BS would want to know, but I'd be inclined to think that since its coming from the OW/OM it would be viewed with suspicion. The motive for 'telling' is usually revenge or some other less-than-altruistic reason and the BS is generally well aware of that. At least though, it would give the BS something to start with in order to find and gather his/her own evidence.
EndoftheRope Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Me, personally, in my situation, YES a thousand times over. If the wife has absolutely no clue anything is wrong, maybe it's best to leave it, but being a wife who knows something is not right and knowing I'm being lied to, yes, I would want to know. Even now, when I believe he really did end it as he says, I know he's lying and making me out to be a paranoid, jealous b**** (what else could I be, if I'm flipping out over nothing?) and keeps lying to me about things I know I'm not misunderstanding or misreading. Yes, I want the truth from anyone who will give it to me, so we can deal with it and move on.
Guest Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 NOT FROM ANYONE SILLY! i don't think u get the point. i wasn't asking for information to help me move on - i didn't need that to do that! i asked her for information to HELP HER! see, if you can take responsibility how in the world are u ever going heal and become a better person? the whole point was for her to find the self-confidence! i am truly amazed because these are simply the same lessons she taught me! she showed me how to do what i needed to become a better person [be honest] - NOT FOR HER! BUT FOR ME! ITS THE SAME THING! she has never been able to see that. ever single time i have told her about this 'gift' she just just shakes her head, she can see how it works for others but will not use it herself! why? because she thinks she is not worth her own magic! jebus! the source of the lessons are with u. that's all i was doing. its better in the inside [you asked me why this morning]
lasan Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Yes. I was with someone that cheated on me all the time. In the beginning I had no idea it was happening. Alot of other people knew. I cut every single one of these people off. The sheer number of people that knew staggered me for a while. I couldn't believe not one of them would tell me what they knew.
SortingItOut Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Absolutely I would want the OW to tell, vs. being left in the dark. I doubt anyone truly wants to be in the dark, although they may say that while in fresh pain from finding out. I can't believe how many times I've read OW's advise each other not to tell, and to deny it all if asked. Even if it should be the H's job, even if it will hurt worse coming from the OW, it is highly unlikely the H will tell the truth, and others tend to stay out of it, minding their own business. If someone had told me about my H's 6 week fling when it happened, I could have avoided living the last 9 years under false pretenses, which included having two more children. Along with the revelation of that long-ago indiscretion, there are now at least three more women from the past year, and not once did he use a condom. I can assure you, I would not have risked my health or my babies' health, the way my H has. Any OW thinking of telling W should just do it.
Guest Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 AHHHHHHH..ITS JUST A NUMBER THO - WINK lets say 100 people knew and not one said anything - that just means there are 100 other people that are going to be on the couch doing therapy at some point its quality not quantity....besides i knew all those on 'her' side of things...whether or not when the chips were down what they would do...i knew that...didn't stop them from letting me drive their kids around, or make supper, etc. i just boils down to this...if 100 people think they are right to live in silence, that is their choice...just as it is for me, to hold out some cheesecake, watch them eat it, then puke on me...see, it doesn't spill on you...its just my clothes....it doesn't hurt me...because i wasn't silent...and on... I'm not better, just different
Guest Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 TA DA! its not rocket science people...plus, when you simply let your voice carry yer hurt out of you...it helps u 'become aware' - it changes you - u get ownership - LET YOUR VOICE be music
Romeo Must Die Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 OW & BW are natural enemies like cats and dogs. I doubt your intentions are to help her. You just want to dump your pain & problems on her. You just want to be a little **** starter. An instigator. It didnt matter how much MM lied to her when he was with you. You seemed to benefit enough from that at the time. Why the change of heart now. Were his promises too good to be true. The truth is, you got off on controlling their M all along and now you feel you can easily hurt them again with your poisoned pen. If you really wanted to do them a favor, then why dont you leave their family alone instead of rubbing salt in old wounds. Go away. Burn the letters and move on with your life.
GuestImHere Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I dont give a damn what the other womans intention is! I would want to know whether of not she cared about saving my marriage! Who cares what she thinks? She's not the one to decide whether or not I stay with my husband! It's me! It's alll me baby! I'm just amazed she had the nerve to tell me... But then again, I probably wouldn't have found out otherwise. Can't trust a cheater..
b52srock Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I was truly amazed to find out how many people knew my ex was having an affair and yet none of them said a word to me. There was a lot of discussion about it in their own homes, feeling sorry for me, etc., until finally, one of our mutual friends finally came out and told me what he'd seen. Personally, I would have rather had someone tell me sooner...much sooner...as I feel as though I wasted a lot of years being stupid for something I should have seen. I guess I don't understand why people won't speak up when they know someone is having an affair. Is it fair to those being cheated on? Should they not know as soon as possible so they can put a stop to it (if they want to), do all the things they need to to save their marriage? And if children are involved, isn't it better for everyone for the parents to at least have the opportunity to try to work things out?
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