Do women who have cheated on a good man feel remorseful?

October 28, 2006

But if he didn't, I think I would move on with my life and hate him forever, which is what he did.

Well...hate is a pretty strong emotion, and it sucks a lot of energy from your psyche. I don't think you have truly moved on if it's hate that you're feeling. Hate equals unresolved or tethered feelings.

Indifference, on the other hand, is the cruellest weapon of all.

Sorry for being pedantic, if I'm leaping on a word that you didn't mean to use. Don't you just hate it when someone does that?

October 29, 2006

Now the question was do women who have cheated on a good man feel remorseful. A lot of the responses have been pertaining to a man who didn't treat them as they thought they should be treated. So in a vengeful way you find some one else to fill that void he wasn't filling. But what about a good man. A man who treated you like a queen. Respected you. And you cheated still.

Moredeborah, you felt that you weren't getting enough attention, although you should have broke it off before you went to another, your affair was due to neglect. How about if he hadn't neglected you, what if he had been there for you and you still did it?

I find that a lot of the responses from the women were like, yeah, i'm sorry that I hurt you but you deserved it. So I really don't have any remorse for you.But what if he didn't deserve it.

October 30, 2006

But what about a good man. A man who treated you like a queen. Respected you. And you cheated still.

But, see, that's all in perception. Yours vs hers. Unless of course she told you you treated her like a queen (after she cheated). Just because YOU think you treated her as a queen doesn't mean she felt that way.

I have never cheated on a man that treated me like a queen so the question doesn't really apply to me. I cheated only once in my life- but I have been cheated on before myself.

Say that you have a good woman- she treats you like a KING- in everything but the bedroom. Does that mean that she's meeting all of your needs?? Of course not. Because it's not everything that you want or need.

October 30, 2006

I know the question sounds silly, but does a woman who was married or had a boyfriend that was good to her feel remorseful after he moves on and never contacts her again?

The sad thing is that you will probably never hear about "a woman cheating on a good man" from the person that cheated. The cheater in almost every case I have ever heard of has to rationalize their behaviour by "demonizing" the person that got cheated on in some way so they don't have to accept responsibility for being a low down dirty cheater.

I never thought I would ever be involved in this situation but last year I was. I am by far not a perfect person and don't profess to be but I know that I am a good and honest person and I treat people with respect. I honour, cherish and respect women and treat them as I was taught to treat women by my old fashioned father. My ex made me miserable for the last year we were together and she knew it. Despite my several attempts to end our relationship she always found a way to suck me back in and hoping things would get better. All in all, she was a selfish, self-centred, lying, cheating bitch that only cared about one thing...herself.

The only remorse she had for destroying me, my family, her family and the family of the married man whose family she broke up was that "she never thought there would be any consequences because she was being careful to not get caught". After she was exposed the claws came out and all of a sudden I was not attentive enough, I worked too much, I was emotionally abusive, I was physically abusive and on and on and on. These were all lies to justify what she did in her own sick twisted mind and sound very similar to what I hear from every cheater I have met - it's always someone else's fault.

In the end was she sorry - not in public. She was only sorry that she got caught and people know the "real her" and I think that would be pretty accurate for most cheaters.

October 31, 2006

I find that a lot of the responses from the women were like, yeah, i'm sorry that I hurt you but you deserved it. So I really don't have any remorse for you.But what if he didn't deserve it.

If he had treated me well, I would feel so bad. My love right now is a good man. He is very affectionate and very good at expressing his feelings and makes me feel very loved. If it so happened that I had cheated on him, I would never forgive myself. It would not be right.

October 31, 2006

If he had treated me well, I would feel so bad. My love right now is a good man. He is very affectionate and very good at expressing his feelings and makes me feel very loved. If it so happened that I had cheated on him, I would never forgive myself. It would not be right.

Well...whether it is "right" or not is interesting. Cheating whilst you're in a relationship - good or not-so-good - is basically showing a lack of respect (forgetting about the love part for a second) for your partner.

I would think that if you have already lost all respect for a partner, you would have broken up - maybe that thinking is too simplistic.

My rationale is that I treat others with the respect I want to be given. Anything less than that is selling out on my principles. And maybe I'm crazy, but cheating is really showing no respect for the amazing bond that is true love between two people - I would like to think that this sort of unshakable trust is attainable. Of course there is going to be temptation, and moments of weakness - but love is a decision. Sometimes you decide to love when that love is not being returned. I don't think you can go forever like this (I don't recommend it, haha), but just as love should be renewed each and every day, we should not abandon it just because the path is rocky.

And don't give up until you've tried everything you can think of, haha.

With that crap out the way, I should say that you're on to a great thing there, moredeborah. May the course of your true love run smooth.

November 1, 2006

Well...whether it is "right" or not is interesting. Cheating whilst you're in a relationship - good or not-so-good - is basically showing a lack of respect (forgetting about the love part for a second) for your partner.

...

With that crap out the way, I should say that you're on to a great thing there, moredeborah. May the course of your true love run smooth.

It's funny. I never really thought about how disrespectful my actions were. The ex and I had a rocky relationship but he never did anything that disrespectful. Don't get me wrong, he had many disresepectful moments. I'm definately a different person now and never want to do that again (especially to my current love). But at the time, I did not care about how my actions would affect anyone. I think I was fed up and convinced myself that he deserved it. Also, I did not love him anymore. Thank you magichands, that's something for me to think about and to grow on.

Thank you also for the well-wishing. I love this guy so much right now. We definately have our horrible moments when we say things we don't mean but it is all worth it.

November 6, 2006

I cheated on my husband, who did and does treat me like a queen. I was taken in by the excitement of an attractive man who was attracted to me, and flattered by the attention. At the time (over 4 years ago), I was being selfish and I wasn't thinking clearly, and let myself get carried away. After ending the affair 6 months later, I went through a period of sadness, but have since been left with only regret for damaging the bonds of my marriage. I never told my husband, but I know he's probably been suspicious. My counselor suggested that I not tell him, that it would make me feel better in the long run, but would only serve to hurt him forever, and possibly destroy our marriage.

My husband and I have always been happy together, and I do everything I can to be worthy of his love and love him back completely. I totally regret ever having cheated, and I know it was my fault that I strayed in the first place. And so, I live with this weight on my heart for having betrayed him. But I feel that is my punishment for having done wrong.

I feel very alone in my feelings, and I was hoping that someone else will have gone through what I did, and maybe let me know how they're dealing with it?

November 6, 2006

Renate,

If the roles were reversed wouldn't you have wanted your husband to be upfront and honest with you? It seems to me that you are continuing to disrespect him by refusing to be honest with him which he deserves. Is the bottom line that you do not wish to suffer consequences for your actions? The fact that you said that your husband had suspicions and you still refuse to be honest with him about what you did seems very cruel. Dosen't he have the right to decide how he wishes to live his life now and in the future based on information that he has a right to be aware of? How sad that you rather have a marriage based on dishonesty and deceit rather than honesty and truthfullness. Your husband has a right to know. How can you not understand this?

November 6, 2006

No, I absolutely do NOT feel bad for not ruining his life. I know I am not being completely honest, but in this case, honesty is not always the best policy. If he had a brief affair, totally regretted it and is dedicating his life to me and making our marriage work, I would NOT want to know about the affair. What I don't know doesn't hurt me, and vice versa.

What good does it do to dredge up the past, and confirm that I was a selfish person years ago? I have moved on from that awful period in my life, I have forgiven myself for it, and am doing my best to live my life as best I can. I don't think I would do my husband any favors by revealing this to him.

Did you also not see the part about where I got professional counseling, and her advice was NOT to say anything? I would take her advice, knowing the whole story and knowing me and my relationship, over people who blindly say "honesty, no matter what".

November 6, 2006

Renate,

If the roles were reversed wouldn't you have wanted your husband to be upfront and honest with you? It seems to me that you are continuing to disrespect him by refusing to be honest with him which he deserves. Is the bottom line that you do not wish to suffer consequences for your actions? The fact that you said that your husband had suspicions and you still refuse to be honest with him about what you did seems very cruel. Dosen't he have the right to decide how he wishes to live his life now and in the future based on information that he has a right to be aware of? How sad that you rather have a marriage based on dishonesty and deceit rather than honesty and truthfullness. Your husband has a right to know. How can you not understand this?

You're right Bryan,

But the longer that she has kept this secret the more it will hurt her husband. He will be hurt by the mere fact that not only did she betray him, she also kept it from him which will label her as being a deceptive person. You should tell your husband so that he has the right to decide if he wants to forgive you or not. Infidelity on either part shows a lack of disrespect for the spouse. I know you regret what you did, but if you would have thought of the consequences that would befall you, would you have still have done it? Everybody likes attention, especially from an attractive person, but thats not a ticket to be disloyal because you may think this opportunity might not come again. I wish you luck with your husband .

November 6, 2006

Lady..... If he DOES find out, IT'S OVER. If you tell him, it still may be over, but at least he can find someone he can love who will be faithful, don't be selfish to him.

November 7, 2006

Everyone has missed the point.

You made an agreement with your partner to not betray each other.

If you wish to break that agreement you must first tell you partner you intend to break that agreement and quit the relationship.

My partner of 7 years just cheated and betrayed me for the second whilst I was overseas. She swears she has been faithful.

I told her I don't believe and word she says.

She said "I have done nothing wrong and you've got nothing to go on"

She does not know I caught her and have the evidence.

I have given her the opportunity to demonstrate her REMORSE by giving a full and detailed account of her cheating and infidelity OR I will publish a website that gives a full account of her cheating not just on me but also the 5 times she cheated on her first husband.

I will then email approx 300 people (her family, friends and associates) with a link to the website.

Do you think she will show remorse by offering a full account of her infidelity?

November 7, 2006

until she is caught. Even then, it will shift from I didn't do it how dare you accuse; to Ok, I did it, but it isd your fault.

My wife cheated on me while we were engaged and I didn't even find out for 16 years when she was cheating again with yet another guy.

Believe you me, it was the most painful thing to hear.

But you know what? It is pure selfishness to NOT reveal the truth to your spouse.

Ok, better would be to leave before cheating.

But not having that, you owe your spouse the truth for several reasons.

1. everyone deserves to know the truth of their life. To get to make decisions about how to live it based on the reality of it, not their illusion of it.

2. STDs. I was exposed to chlamydia and HPV (genital warts) by my wife. I didn't even know what those were until I was picking them off my privates. I'll have HPV for the rest of my life. At least it's not HIV.

3. The vow you made to love and honor your spouse is not something to hide from because you don't want to deal with the outcome of your failures. Basically, own your sh *t.

November 8, 2006

I cheated on my husband, who did and does treat me like a queen. I was taken in by the excitement of an attractive man who was attracted to me, and flattered by the attention. At the time (over 4 years ago), I was being selfish and I wasn't thinking clearly, and let myself get carried away. After ending the affair 6 months later, I went through a period of sadness, but have since been left with only regret for damaging the bonds of my marriage. I never told my husband, but I know he's probably been suspicious. My counselor suggested that I not tell him, that it would make me feel better in the long run, but would only serve to hurt him forever, and possibly destroy our marriage.

My husband and I have always been happy together, and I do everything I can to be worthy of his love and love him back completely. I totally regret ever having cheated, and I know it was my fault that I strayed in the first place. And so, I live with this weight on my heart for having betrayed him. But I feel that is my punishment for having done wrong.

I feel very alone in my feelings, and I was hoping that someone else will have gone through what I did, and maybe let me know how they're dealing with it?

You are a piece of worthless trash....nothing more. The only reason you won't come clean with your husband is to save yourself from the consequences of revealing what you really are and what you have done. So typical of a selfish cheat.

November 8, 2006

Everyone has missed the point.

You made an agreement with your partner to not betray each other.
If you wish to break that agreement you must first tell you partner you intend to break that agreement and quit the relationship.

My partner of 7 years just cheated and betrayed me for the second whilst I was overseas. She swears she has been faithful.

I told her I don't believe and word she says.

She said "I have done nothing wrong and you've got nothing to go on"

She does not know I caught her and have the evidence.

I have given her the opportunity to demonstrate her REMORSE by giving a full and detailed account of her cheating and infidelity OR I will publish a website that gives a full account of her cheating not just on me but also the 5 times she cheated on her first husband.

I will then email approx 300 people (her family, friends and associates) with a link to the website.

Do you think she will show remorse by offering a full account of her infidelity?

So...... Are you gonna do it? Have you done it yet?

November 9, 2006

As the OP I find that not too many women have responded to this post. Whether it is fear of being bashed ( as I'm sure they will be) or not ready to admit such a travesty, only a few women have dared to venture into this fiery den. I have seen good men be betrayed by a woman who knows she has a good thing. I was in the military and witnessed for years as men would go out on duty and their wives would wreak havoc in clubs. Going home with men and acting like complete angels when their husbands returned. I then realized how cunning and clever women can be. Don't get me wrong, I love women. I especially love my wife who I have been married to for 20 years. I made mistakes and she did too, but we both realized later on in our marriage that we really want to be with each other. Be truthful and honest with each other and I'm glad to be spending whats left of my life with her.

Putting that aside, I have been reading many of these posts and have come to realize that most women (and men too) won't fess up until they are caught and only then do they show remorse. Oh they may feel guilty for what they are doing, but confession will not mostly come until evidence has been uncovered. I have come to the conclusion that if my lovely wife were to leave this world before I do, I probably would not marry again. Because this generation of women view oral sex the same way they view a peck on the cheek. And I do not think I want to trust my heart to someone with those views. Ok.. I know that sounds like a generalization, and it is. That's where I'm at right now. What the future holds only time will tell.

November 11, 2006

No. A woman that cheats on a good man has one of two issues...either she is stupid, or she grew up in a troublesome family and is used to chaos. If she is not intelligent, then she would not get the magnitude of what she lost. If she grew up in a troublesome family the great, supportive man would not bring her to the chaotic state she is accustomed to. He should count himself lucky to have dodged the bullet! You cannot "fix" people. You just need to fit. Stay with the current...

November 11, 2006

:lmao:

What do I gain from lying to you?

You don't know me. And I don't care to make myself appear 'better' to you on an anonymous forum. Geez, why are you taking this so personal anyway?

What I did - which was oral sex and kisses - would be fine to me if my H did it with another girl. I think that you *conservative* Americans need to relax a little bit in regards to "sex". It's not that big a deal, you know.

KHLF, screw us and the forum, you just lie to yourself. You make up your own truth to stay happy. I was following your posts and for some time I tought that you changed for good. But now I see that you are still the same person: carrying about yourself, unremoreseful and happily blind. And you still think that "oral sex is not sex." People don't change... Best of luck, because you'll need it one day.

November 11, 2006

I was a good husband, and my wife cheated on me with several guys. She showed no remorse. She was angry that I left her and she even made demands!

November 11, 2006

I will then email approx 300 people (her family, friends and associates) with a link to the website.

Do you think she will show remorse by offering a full account of her infidelity?

I would imagine that if you do something like that, any shred of guilt she might feel will vanish in an instant....and the 300 people you email will probably all be saying "Jesus Christ he must be some sort of psycho to email this to all of us. Maybe he's also a wife-beater...after all, what kind of person does something like this? No wonder she cheated on him."

Revenge may or may not be sweet, but it certainly doesn't make a person look too pretty to the outside world.

November 11, 2006

I was a good husband, and my wife cheated on me with several guys. She showed no remorse. She was angry that I left her and she even made demands!

Certain women really think they are entitled to do whatever they want and have their man bend over to every one of their insane whims and when we don't they get angry.

November 12, 2006

I would just like to say that not all women feel that it's OK to hurt another person, just because they feel they have been hurt. "Do unto others" truly means something to a number of very good people, both women and men.

Unfortunately, many of the women who post on these boards seem to have bought into the idea that women are always victims, and men are always abusers. Nothing could be further from the truth. Many women are rotten to the core, just as are many men. Neither sex is inherently good or inherently bad. There are many evil women and many good women just as there as many evil men and many good men.

November 13, 2006

As the OP I find that not too many women have responded to this post. Whether it is fear of being bashed ( as I'm sure they will be) or not ready to admit such a travesty, only a few women have dared to venture into this fiery den.

Hey, a woman here. Not afraid, just the question is too subjective. But I will venture an opinion. If the man is indeed a good man, as I define one, I wouldn't cheat on him. But if I did, I would feel absolutely horrible.

BTW, I have never cheated on any man, good or bad.

November 14, 2006

I was a good husband, and my wife cheated on me with several guys. She showed no remorse. She was angry that I left her and she even made demands!

What were her demands?

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