Do women who have cheated on a good man feel remorseful?

[shakenandstirred]

My question is does your husband know you cheated, or do you lie too?

 

If something isn't going well between two people, especially married couples, get divorced, then go find someone else. There is no excuse for married women or men to cheat on their spouse--especially with how easy it is to get a divorce, I know cause I did. I don't care if the husband beats his wife or the wife never gives the husband sex, there is no excuse for cheating.

 

Cheating spouses are the lowest of the lowest human scum, and I don't care why anyone cheats. My wife cheated and left, my best friend cheating and left his wife, and so many others I know have destroyed lives because they couldn't keep their pants up! Instead of talking to my former "best friend", I've been nice to his WIFE, because I've been there--the one left for someone else--and I can relate to her better. My best friend is now no better than my ex-wife, and what he has done is the very same thing she did. As I hope everyone can tell, I have 0 respect for anyone that cheats.

 

So, to the OP, I'm sure some cheating women--and men--do feel remorse at some point. The question is, why would we--the ones that have been cheated on--care. I'll admit, I still love my ex, I still think of her, and I do care for her, but, the "I want to be married to her, I want to be with her, and etc." is no longer there, and I could care less anymore if she feels remorse or even guilt for what she did to me. It isn't worth worring about, we are no longer married, and there isn't much since in living in the past.

 

You may not be at this point yet, but I promise it will come. You will come to a point where you will no longer worry about what your ex thinks or feels about what she did to you. You'll be so far past what she did, that you'll no longer care. At that point, you will have moved on.

 

Very good point

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I feel that cheating is not deserved just for revenge's sake. If the relationship is bad, simply get out of it and start another. Punishing another because you feel neglected is just a cheap shot under the belt.

 

Do you know why the divorce rate is 62% now... and climbing?

 

Do you really, honestly believe that a divorce will "solve" marital problems??

 

And how do you know that your next spouse is going to be any better???

 

What about the children...? Would it be better for them to move from home to home every few days/weeks???

 

I am so tired of having to write the same thing over and over again. Why do you people of broken homes due to infidelity of YOUR spouse think that all women are like YOUR wives?

 

If you are so grrrrreat, wouldn't she still want you??

 

Come on, let's be honest here. If your cheating W had apologized and wanted to work on the marriage, you'd have taken her back in a sec!

[shakenandstirred]

So I can give her permission to do it again? The kids will suffer too because of the tension between the 2 spouses. Come on now get a grip. You promised to be faithful and loyal to each other and going beyond that is a deal breaker.Sounds like you like baking a big cake and eating it too. By the way..it was just a question, I'm not in that situation.

[Sup]

:lmao:

 

What do I gain from lying to you?

 

You don't know me. And I don't care to make myself appear 'better' to you on an anonymous forum. Geez, why are you taking this so personal anyway?

 

What I did - which was oral sex and kisses - would be fine to me if my H did it with another girl. I think that you *conservative* Americans need to relax a little bit in regards to "sex". It's not that big a deal, you know.

 

What I'm refering to is the fact that it's so easy to say I wouldn't be angry if my husband did cheat, compared to the fact of the reality of it happening.

[Craig]

If you are so grrrrreat, wouldn't she still want you??

I would say, "if she was so great she wouldn't have cheated."

 

Besides, some people (men and women) are just cheaters, always have been and always will be regardless of how great their SO is.

 

Come on, let's be honest here. If your cheating W had apologized and wanted to work on the marriage, you'd have taken her back in a sec!

I don't think that is a fair assumption at all. Some men would take their SO's back others would give her the boot in seconds.

[Spectre]

well, you know what...it really depends yah know....i think both should..

 

i dont understand this, when you say "both" should, you mean the husband who was cheated on should feel remorseful as well as the one who cheated? i dont get that, id feel no remorse for someone who cheated on me, aint hard to keep your legs closed, aint hard at all.

[Flyin in Clouds]

All I can say is: believe what you want that will allow you to sleep at night.

 

(If you are all gold, she wouldn't be looking elsewhere.)

 

The flip side of that is:

 

"If she wasn't a slut she wouldn't be looking elsewhere".

[Flyin in Clouds]

...

I say this out of experience. I had a brief fling with another man (I'm a MW), and I do not feel one ounce of remorse. I know it was not right to have that kind of physical contact with a married man. But do I feel bad for my H for my behavior? No, I don't. He doesn't own me. He was not kind to me when I did it. (He has since changed.)

 

I hope your husband has the same opportunity for a "breif fling", and he feels similar lack of remorse. Because you don't own him either. And how would you feel if he did that? I suppose it just wouldn't be fair for him to enjoy the comforts of another woman. Lets face it, regardless of how unkind your husband was to you, your unkindness to him is so much greater.

[Flyin in Clouds]

...I think that you *conservative* Americans need to relax a little bit in regards to "sex". It's not that big a deal, you know.

 

American's got nothing to do with it. Why bother with vows at all? For that matter why bother being married? Casual sex is no big deal, if you can get past the STDs that is.

 

Now if you two are into swinging and that's the mutally agreed to rules of your marriage... well I got no problem with that. It is deception that is bad. Cheating one's partner out of the same pleasures in life that the cheater feels free to enjoy - with no remorse.

 

Do you know why the divorce rate is 62% now... and climbing?

No, do tell.

 

Do you really, honestly believe that a divorce will "solve" marital problems??

No it ends the marriage, it doesn't cure the problems. But then neither does an affair, at least it wouldn't for me.

 

What about the children...? Would it be better for them to move from home to home every few days/weeks???

We should change the laws so that the kids get to keep the home and the two knuckleheads that are supposed to be adults have to move back and forth... I know a couple that did exactly that. The kids stayed put and mom and dad swapped bedrooms every week.

 

Why do you people of broken homes due to infidelity of YOUR spouse think that all women are like YOUR wives?

Well let's put it this way. All women that cheat of one thing in common.

 

 

Come on, let's be honest here. If your cheating W had apologized and wanted to work on the marriage, you'd have taken her back in a sec!

I wouldn't have. Or the only reason I would have was so I could make her feel we were happily back together and then I'd run around her and let her know it. Revenge... you bet.

 

And the dumbest thing in the world is saving a marriage "for the kids". It's probably a big reason the marriage is falling apart - because all the focus of the parents is on the kids instead of each other. My parents were married for 56 years until death parted them. My brother and I were only living with them for less than half that time. The majority of my parents lives were spent only with each other. They never made us the priority to the exclusion of their relationship. And they didn't neglect us either.

[shakenandstirred]

Very good points expressed in your post FITG. I agree totally.Thanks for your participation. Your views mirror mine. I believe that knowhowlovefeels should check and see if she really does know how it feels. If thats love she has then I don't want any part of that version.

[moredeborah]

I was with someone for 7 years. The first 3 years were fantastic. The last 4 years really sucked. It was a battle for his affection. I knew that once he was a very passionate person but his life had changed and he became a different person. I loved him so much, that's why I stayed for so long but eventually I found affection from someone else. Right afterwards, I felt no remorse whatsoever. I was convinced he deserved it since I had told him endlessly that I wanted his affection and he never gave it to me. I was always saying that if he had given me the affection I desired, my cheating would have never happened and it was his own fault. That was 2 years ago. Now I feel a little remorse because of what my infidelity did to him. But I know I would have never cheated if he had worked with me with our problems.

[Sup]

He didn't cause you to sleep with someone else, you did. You could have Divorced him instead.

[Flyin in Clouds]

.... I was convinced he deserved it since I had told him endlessly that I wanted his affection and he never gave it to me. I was always saying that if he had given me the affection I desired, my cheating would have never happened and it was his own fault. That was 2 years ago. Now I feel a little remorse because of what my infidelity did to him. But I know I would have never cheated if he had worked with me with our problems.

 

 

So if at some point in your new relationship your libido declines and your H wants more sex and you refuse his advances will be OK if he finds it with some other woman and feels no remose for doing so?

[moredeborah]

So if at some point in your new relationship your libido declines and your H wants more sex and you refuse his advances will be OK if he finds it with some other woman and feels no remose for doing so?

 

I have learned from the past relationship and what I did was wrong. But that doesn't mean I feel bad about it. If my current love cheats on me because I did not give him the attention that he needed, especially if he asked to have affection all the time and I had ignored his request, then I don't blame him if he goes to someone else for something that was missing in his life. He doesn't have to be remorseful of it.

[moredeborah]

He didn't cause you to sleep with someone else, you did. You could have Divorced him instead.

 

You're right.

[Sup]

You're right.

 

Then why BLAME him for YOUR mistake? YOU said it is/was his fault! From what I see here, you're not taking responsibility for YOUR actions.

[moredeborah]

Then why BLAME him for YOUR mistake? YOU said it is/was his fault! From what I see here, you're not taking responsibility for YOUR actions.

 

I know I said that it was his own fault but what I meant by that was what I said: "if he had given me the affection I desired, my cheating would have never happened." And that's the truth. It's not like I never said anything either, this was a major issue between us.

 

I don't consider what I did a mistake. I consider it the best thing that had ever happened to me. It was wrong, but it was never a mistake. The mistake I did make was not breaking up with him before I found someone else.

 

I do take responsibility for my own actions. I saw what my infidelity did to him and how it ruined him and I feel bad about that, but that's the limit to my remorse.

 

I'm sorry that I don't feel the way you want me to.

[Mz. Pixie]

I know I said that it was his own fault but what I meant by that was what I said: "if he had given me the affection I desired, my cheating would have never happened." And that's the truth. It's not like I never said anything either, this was a major issue between us.

 

I don't consider what I did a mistake. I consider it the best thing that had ever happened to me. It was wrong, but it was never a mistake. The mistake I did make was not breaking up with him before I found someone else.

 

I do take responsibility for my own actions. I saw what my infidelity did to him and how it ruined him and I feel bad about that, but that's the limit to my remorse.

 

I'm sorry that I don't feel the way you want me to.

 

Sometimes people don't get it that both parties almost always own some responsibility.

[Mz. Pixie]

I forgot to address the original question.

 

Yes, they do. If the man was truly a good man.

 

I'm almost positive though that every person that gets cheated on probably feels like they were doing all the right things and still got cheated on. I think sometimes that's true, but not always.

 

It takes getting real with yourself to know otherwise sometimes.

 

The thing is, just because the person wasn't the right one for you it doesn't mean they will do it again or that they were some awful evil terrible person.

 

Wrong for what they did- yes.

[michelangelo]

I do think that there is a group of folks that have cheated on a good person that have no remorse whatsoever.

 

There is another group that is mildly upset that they hurt a good person.

 

There is yet another group that is quite upset that they cheated on a good person.

 

I think the real question is what are the percentages of all who have cheated in these three groups?

 

Another question is to find out what the one who cheated on you thinks about what they did.

[Flyin in Clouds]

I have learned from the past relationship and what I did was wrong. But that doesn't mean I feel bad about it. If my current love cheats on me because I did not give him the attention that he needed, especially if he asked to have affection all the time and I had ignored his request, then I don't blame him if he goes to someone else for something that was missing in his life. He doesn't have to be remorseful of it.

 

Now that's honesty and I can respect that. That's the kind of lack of a double standard that I would find admirable.

 

Sometimes people don't get it that both parties almost always own some responsibility.

 

I don't think many believe the BS is always a saint. But do the BS's failings ever justify an A? Both parties "owning" responsiblity for a failed relationship is one thing... solving it by cheating is another.

[Sup]

I know I said that it was his own fault but what I meant by that was what I said: "if he had given me the affection I desired, my cheating would have never happened." And that's the truth. It's not like I never said anything either, this was a major issue between us.

 

I don't consider what I did a mistake. I consider it the best thing that had ever happened to me. It was wrong, but it was never a mistake. The mistake I did make was not breaking up with him before I found someone else.

 

I do take responsibility for my own actions. I saw what my infidelity did to him and how it ruined him and I feel bad about that, but that's the limit to my remorse.

 

I'm sorry that I don't feel the way you want me to.

 

 

OK, just a question then, What if he went out and had sex with someone else? Or the situation was reversed? How would you feel then?

[moredeborah]

OK, just a question then, What if he went out and had sex with someone else? Or the situation was reversed? How would you feel then?

 

I'm going to answer this in an around the world kind of way. I believe that you must fulfill each other's needs in a relationship. If there needs not being fulfilled, it is the responsibility of the unfulfilled to speak up and it is the couple's responsibility to come to some kind of solution or agreement. Now, if one of the parties is not doing his or her share of the agreement, there might be conflict, which is what happened with me and the ex.

 

When my ex had a need that I was not fulfilling, I always tryed to work at it. If the roles had been reversed, if he was the one needing attention, and I wasn't giving it to him. I would hope that he would break up with me before he seeked attention elsewhere. But if he didn't, if he cheated on me. I won't lie, I would have been devastated. Maybe I would have wanted him to feel bad about it, feel remorse. But if he didn't, I think I would move on with my life and hate him forever, which is what he did.

[Sup]

well, at least you're being honest, not many people can say that much. So, he moved on?

[moredeborah]

well, at least you're being honest, not many people can say that much. So, he moved on?

 

I don't really know for sure. I mean, at first he was so broken up and he wanted me back even though I know he hated my guts. And then we just stopped talking to each other for about a couple of months, but we would hear about each other through mutual friends and then randomly, he called me last xmas and said that he missed me (we had been broken up for about 8 months by then) and I didn't think that was a good idea. Then, we stopped talking altogether and then about a month ago, he had called me accusing me of spreading rumors about him being a jerk (which is the truth, but it wasn't a rumor, it was just my opinion, I'm sure he was saying worse things about me, but I didn't mind). In that same conversation, he had told me that he thinks what happened just happened and he had moved on but he would still like us to be friends. I told him that I would rather not. That's the last I've heard of him