What’s the big deal about this Trust thing everyone keeps talking about?

[everlong]

What’s the big deal about this Trust thing everyone keeps talking about?

 

I have been on this site for a couple of weeks now and I have read how people view trust and its role in failed relationships and I have been really surprised at how narrow the scope is – meaning, its like one these mythological black and white dragons that appears only one way and must be killed only one way – when in reality we all know that is false. It’s in the way, questions are positioned [either by the cheater or the cheated] for example: would you take your husband back if he cheated on you? Kinda misleading question isn’t? lends it’s self to a yes or no answer right? No what if the question was this: lets say you took what both people did and review how what each did contributed to the relationship ending – would you be able to repair it? Totally different right? No is a setup for failure.

 

And those are always the cases where you here, well, if I take him back he better kiss my bumpershoot for 5 years and then……..geeee, how does making one ‘in debted’ to the other somehow seem like a way to heal a relationship. Duh! I believe how you show trust is a two-way street and you do so by just being your self. Trust, in a practical sense, means that you place confidence in someone to be honest with you, faithful to you, keep promises, vows and confidences and not abandon you. Here are some factors to consider about trust. Trusting another person requires a realistic perspective about people and an expectation of failure.

 

Trust needs to be combined with a willingness to forgive and grows best in an environment of acceptance and love. People are complex, broken beings therefore, previous hurts, fears or losses can impede their determination to trust and/or be truthful in a relationship. But, people have the capacity and the ability to change and to grow in trust and truthfulness. you need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationships over time because as you spend time together with someone you build knowledge, understanding and authenticity. You gain insight into another person's character, needs, motivations and fears. Unconditional love develops trust because as you express this kind of love towards someone -- generally he or she will sense your acceptance and feel comfortable to be vulnerable and honest about their feelings.

 

Unconditional love actually builds self-esteem in others and alleviates their fears of rejection. People learn that they can be authentic with you about their feelings, opinions, and failures. The result is a growing trust in the other person. Not because that person is perfect but because that person is growing in honesty. You will never be perfect and therefore, you will probably disappoint your loved one as well. You can promise to never say something hurtful or never tell a lie or never exaggerate or always keep your promises or (you name it) but since you are human you will also make mistakes and disappoint that person.

 

The only thing you or your loved one can promise is to grow, and change ten you and your loved one will become more trustworthy in your relationships, though you will never be perfect. Every human relationship will suffer hurt. Thus, we all need to become better forgivers and confessors. That ability to reconcile and spirit of humbleness will prove the depth of your love and commitment. The components of love, forgiveness and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as is honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again. Love helps to nourish trust.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[EndoftheRope]

The result is a growing trust in the other person. Not because that person is perfect but because that person is growing in honesty. You will never be perfect and therefore, you will probably disappoint your loved one as well.

 

Agreed, I have and will continue to disappoint him in various ways. But disappointing another by virtue of the fact that we are human and have failings is entirely different from deliberately lying. When you know someone deliberately lies to you, and you can't believe a word they say, how can a marriage survive?