verapolo Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I've been with partner four years but he is very opposed to change does not want to have children. we don't want to split up but he is not going to change his mind because he is very stubborn. im thinking of getting pregnant and just telling him then he would have to accept it. im 39 and cant wait any longer.
Guest Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 ... except, I'm in your partner's position. When my wife and I married, we didn't want kids. She has since changed her mind. Like you, I do not know how this will end up. So I'm doing a lot of reading. Here's a good post (at least for me): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72854/
spunkymonkey Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I found this link: http://www.pearsoned.com/pr_2005/061705-2.htm
norajane Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I've been with partner four years but he is very opposed to change does not want to have children. we don't want to split up but he is not going to change his mind because he is very stubborn. im thinking of getting pregnant and just telling him then he would have to accept it. im 39 and cant wait any longer. That's a cruel thing to do to your partner. Children aren't a game - they are a lifetime commitment and responsibility, emotional and financial. You shouldn't force a man to be a father if he has no desire to be one. You certainly wouldn't be doing your child a favor if you did. Your partner has certainly had plenty of time to consider the options. He's not being stubborn - he knows he doesn't want to be a father. Don't get pregnant unless you are prepared to raise this child on your own. Don't try to trap him into fatherhood. He'll hate you for it, and he'll resent the child.
RecordProducer Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 I've been with partner four years but he is very opposed to change does not want to have children. we don't want to split up but he is not going to change his mind because he is very stubborn. im thinking of getting pregnant and just telling him then he would have to accept it. im 39 and cant wait any longer. So you'll have to choose between him and your unborn kids. I'd pick the kids! If you ever have one and remember that you could have not had it because of this guy... you'll laugh. If you split and you have a child (from him or not), you'll never regret having the kid. If you don't have it, but you desperately want to, you WILL regret staying with this guy. Some women want children more than others and you obviously belong to the first group. I always knew I'd have children and wouldn't be with a partner who doesn't want any. Children are the most fantastic experience in life. Their love and your love for them are immense, unconditional, passionate, and pure. It's the sweetest and strongest emotion you'll ever experience. Before you have a child, you can't even imagine how it feels.
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 How about you post the truth ok... We planned together NOT TO HAVE KIDS...so, like the goof I am I get a V because that's what WE PLAN [at our age] Well, someone I know, a bad man, wanted kids but couldn't with his wife... You and him disappear? I guess you are having a baby...hey, enjoy...no worries ok...you and i are not tied together in any way... I'm not trying to cause any fuss - you go and have a good life and have a baby with a man that "won" your heart without any inside help... hey, that's life....
Great Gazoo Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Do what ever you feel is right but remember planning a child is just a part of the battle, you could be surprised and in for the ride of your life. I actually feel sad for people like you and me and anyone else who has the desire for children.
Guest Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 your situation but it sounds like u are going to have a child so congrats i for one! love children and would have loved to have one with the woman from my last relationship. having children is never a decision u take lightly and neither did we - we talked about it for a very long time and we agreed that i would get the big V - that's called family planning. i new somthing was up when we started to separate and she started taking the position that the decision for the V was mine alone. that should have been a sign - but could u imagine how that feels for me - amazing but thats life [please have the courage to post this ok]
Zaira Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Have you discussed the reasons WHY he doesn't want a child/ren? They may be very valid. I've heard of guys being against having children until their spouse falls pregnant. You have a difficult decision to make. You can leave and find someone that will fulfill your desires, or stay with him and 1. Accept there will be no kids; or 2. Have a child against his wishes - the only thing I would suggest is be prepared to then bring that child up on your own (because he may not change his mind). Honestly, if I was in your position and you both swore that you didn't want to break up, I'd probably 'accidently' fall pregnant. If you feel you can give a child everything it needs without him, I'd go for it.
a4a Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 OMG unreal that someone would be willing to get pregnant without the consent of the male partner!!! Is this the attitude here? No does not mean no? Well perhaps that would be a good defense for a rapist as well...... ' I know she said no, but I really wanted to, and I figured she would like it eventually'....... Please do not destroy another persons life or in this case most likely 2 people (father and childs)....... go marry a guy who wants kids. Or leave your R and go to a sperm bank.
Buttaflyy Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Yeah Verapolo, that is pretty cruel. You can't force anyone to either change their mind, nor should you trick them into parenthood. Believe me, it wouldn't work to your advantage anyways. If he says he doesn't want kids, what makes you think he'll stay with you after you trick him? In this case, he'd have every reason to walk out on you. Unfortunately, your child would suffer. I agree with most everyone else, if you really want kids then you should be with someone who shares your desire.
tikigods Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Wow you really need to dump your boyfriend nad find someone that wants kids cause what you are going to do is very cruel to you, the baby and him. Forcing him to be a father when he has made it clear he doesnt want to be is just horribl e
Enema Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 It's been said above me, but I think the OP needs as many wake up calls as we can give! Don't attempt to trap your partner into children he doesn't want. He will resent you and the children for it and no one will be happy. If you really need children, you will need to break up with him. It's ok, people often grow in different directions.
Guest Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 So you're planning to 'oops' your partner, ay? Bad move. I'm a child free woman who never wanted children and if my partner tried to impregnate me (either by poking holes in a condom or lying about a vasectomy) I think everyone would, rightly, be enraged and appalled by such a deception. Think about it. You are considering forcing him into a LIFELONG commitment....parenthood...against his will. This is not a pet we're talking about...this is a LIVE human being you are talking about creating. Maybe he'll change his mind about parenthood but maybe he won't. Chances are, your relationship will suffer irreparable damage. I could never trust a person who would try to trap me into parenthood. You need to move on and find someone who wants to have children.
RecordProducer Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Varapolo, ignore some mean people and guests please! I never answered your question about tricking your guy into pregnancy. I think this is a two-blade sword: he may melt at the sight of the new baby, but he may also become very frustrated and defensive and actually project that behavior on the child. You may end up with a man who will neglect his own child, leave you later and you'll have a fathgerless child. If he genuinely doesn't like children, then don't expect from him to change when he sees the dirty diapers and hears the baby cry! For the unborn baby's and your own sake!
stop Posted November 7, 2006 Posted November 7, 2006 i think you should talk this over with this guy. tell him how you feel about this, and tell him that if he still doesnt want kids then you will have to leave him to find someone who does. he may come around and he may not- see what happens, but don't try tricking him
rainfall Posted November 8, 2006 Posted November 8, 2006 Varapolo, ignore some mean people and guests please! I never answered your question about tricking your guy into pregnancy. I think this is a two-blade sword: he may melt at the sight of the new baby, but he may also become very frustrated and defensive and actually project that behavior on the child. You may end up with a man who will neglect his own child, leave you later and you'll have a fathgerless child. If he genuinely doesn't like children, then don't expect from him to change when he sees the dirty diapers and hears the baby cry! For the unborn baby's and your own sake! They aren't being mean when they answer her. They are giving her a wake up call that she needs to listen to. If her man doesn't want kids tricking him into it is evil and very cruel. If she does this then the man should not have to be responsible for this child. He has made it very clear how he feels. If my bf ever decided to trick me into getting pregant I would never forgive him. However I really doubt that will happen because we both never want kids.
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