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Posted

There’s a bar in my bldg where I work. I go in there with friends and co-workers after work…usually once a week. There’s a bartender there, who I met 9 mos. ago. I was instantly attracted to him (and he knew I was). He had a girlfriend, of course, so I never pursued.

 

6 mos later, out of the blue, he asked for my #, saying he was going to end it with his girlfriend. 2 mos. passed, and he never called.

 

Another month passed, and I’ve accepted that he’s just not interested enough in me.

I went in last week, and we talked for over an hour, really opening up a bit…and I was finding myself even more attracted to him. He then tells me he’s been single for about 2 mos. now. I said WHAT…and thought, wow, I was right. He really isn’t that interested if he hasn’t called and he’s been single this whole time.

 

Whenever I’m in this bar, this guy is all about me. I never pay for a drink, and neither does anyone with me. He ignores all other girls, and stands with me the whole time, unless he’s serving drinks. Other girls try to flirt with him, but he’s a homing pigeon right back to me. My best friend says the same thing. She thinks it’s obvious he likes me…and surprised he hasn’t called.

 

This past week, I finally took the bull by the horns and asked him out for Monday. He didn’t even hesitate and said “Yes”. I said “are you sure?” He said “I am absolutely 100% positive I want to go out with you…I’m excited.” I almost fell of my seat. He said “I’ll call you Sunday night, and we’ll firm up the plans for Monday.” I said “You still have my #?” He said “Of course I do.”

 

I had to go in and cancel yesterday, because I have a work function and can’t make it Monday. I said “how about Sunday instead.” He said “Sunday I definitely can’t. Don’t worry …I’ll call you…we’ll do it another time…I’m not going anywhere. You know where I am. Relax.” I tried to explain why I couldn’t make it Monday, but he interrupted and said “Don’t worry…another time…I’ll call you.” He could tell I was disappointed and said “I’ll call you sometime this weekend…or Friday…tomorrow…don’t worry, I’ll call.” It sounded like such a fake response. The dreaded “I’ll call you” line. I walked away feeling stupid, like I acted way too anxious or something. Also, when a guy says “I’ll call you”…it usually means he won’t. Is it safe to say that I was right the first time, and this guy is not that interested?

Posted

Hi,

 

It seems to me that guy is full of crap.

 

Ariadne

Posted

He's playing games already and you havent even had a date?



He's had your number all this time, and hasnt phoned you yet?

I would soooo be over him!

Posted

this guy is smart cookie from male point of view. he knows that women like the chase. he also knows the more he blows you off the more interestd you will get. at some point he will problably utilize you for booty calls when he gets bored.

 

women love the bad boys who are unpredictable and don't give them the time of day. :)

Posted

I think he might call.

You probably looked too anxious, so perhaps he is worried that you are already too much into him, but for all you know he might have found it sweet.

Anyway, he does not sound like a player to me.

Posted

From the looks of it, it seems like he is only interested in you as a booty call. If he was really interested in you, he would have called you within a week of getting your number. He will call you at his convenience. I wouldn't waste anymore time with this guy.

Posted

Bartenders meet hundreds of girls. I wouldn't hold my breath on him as he can see you are extremely interested in him. If he doesn't call try not to frequent his bar as much.

Posted
6 mos later, out of the blue, he asked for my #, saying he was going to end it with his girlfriend. 2 mos. passed, and he never called.

 

Another month passed, and I’ve accepted that he’s just not interested enough in me.

 

I went in last week, and we talked for over an hour, really opening up a bit…and I was finding myself even more attracted to him. He then tells me he’s been single for about 2 mos.

 

Three months since he asked for her number.

"About two months" since he broke up with ex-gf.

 

I think that it might be a good sign that she did not hear from him within a short time after getting her number.

 

 

How many guys would manage to call a girl a month after they got her number without making her feel like she is just a booty call, a "distraction" or a last resort?

Well, I know a few, but they are quite the exception.

 

"hi, remember me? I got your number a month ago... I thought I was almost over with my gf... but it took longer than that to break up.... no, it's not like I *have* to jump from a girl to another...hey...wait.." ?

Posted
this guy is smart cookie from male point of view. he knows that women like the chase. he also knows the more he blows you off the more interestd you will get. at some point he will problably utilize you for booty calls when he gets bored.

 

women love the bad boys who are unpredictable and don't give them the time of day. :)

 

You're right, he is smart - with one catch. :)

 

Guys like him are 'smart' only when the women they come into contact with are dumb enough to fall for their BS.

 

I hope LISA32 is a smart woman and sees this for what it really is.

Posted

Very hard to say. You said he asked for your number because he was GOING to end it with his gf. Not that he actually had ended it already. Who know's how long it actually took him to break it off with his gf. And what kind of guy calls a girl back 2 months later saying "Hey, I finally broke it off with my gf, wanna go out?". I'd be like *click* So i can understand why he didnt call if when he asked you, he had not already broken it off with his gf.

 

In any case, it sounds like he still might be trying to get over the relationship. You attempted at making a date with him, he knows you are interested, the ball is now in his court. Dont wait by the phone expecting his call, but if he calls it'll be a pleasant surprise.

Posted

If he knows that you are basically a sure thing and he doesn't call then consider it a blow off..

He might still be banging someone else and he was lining you up just incase..

 

Don't be the justincase girl or the fallback girl..

Guys that do that to women are so disrespectful and don't care about the women they toy with.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone for your responses.

 

I can definitely say one thing, I know he's not looking at me as a booty call. He's never had my booty, and has never tried. We have really great talks and he has always been respectful. He also knows that I don't just sleep with guys. He knows I've only been intimate with boyfriends. He's also very protective of me and any of my friends in the bar. He really is genuinely a really sweet guy. 9 mos ago when I met him, I told him I was interested, and he said "I have to be honest, I have a girlfriend, and I don't cheat...never have, never will...not my style." Over time, he said he was losing interest in her, because all they did was fight. 6 mos. later, that's when he asked me for my #...but never called.

 

I guess I was just really surprised that Wed when I said are we going on a date and he jumped on it and say "Yes", without hesitation, and even said he was excited about it. Then the next day, was "I'll call you"...don't worry.

Posted

Noone ever thought that maybe he wants to be single for awhile and not rush into anything right after breaking off a relationship? I wouldn't get too anxious about all of this. If it's meant to be, it will happen. The ball is now in his court. Go on about your life and stop worrying. Like a previous poster said, if he DOES call, it will be a pleasant surprise.

Posted
Thanks everyone for your responses.

 

I can definitely say one thing, I know he's not looking at me as a booty call. He's never had my booty, and has never tried. We have really great talks and he has always been respectful. He also knows that I don't just sleep with guys. He knows I've only been intimate with boyfriends. He's also very protective of me and any of my friends in the bar. He really is genuinely a really sweet guy. 9 mos ago when I met him, I told him I was interested, and he said "I have to be honest, I have a girlfriend, and I don't cheat...never have, never will...not my style." Over time, he said he was losing interest in her, because all they did was fight. 6 mos. later, that's when he asked me for my #...but never called.

 

I guess I was just really surprised that Wed when I said are we going on a date and he jumped on it and say "Yes", without hesitation, and even said he was excited about it. Then the next day, was "I'll call you"...don't worry.

 

 

I think that was very selfish on his behalf asking you for your number before he even ended his relationship. The fact that you had to wait for him to end things with her and then to get over her before he would even call you is very selfish. Just from your description of the story, he really doesn't sound as interested in you as you are in him. I too will be surprised if he ever calls you.

Posted
I guess I was just really surprised that Wed when I said are we going on a date and he jumped on it and say "Yes", without hesitation, and even said he was excited about it. Then the next day, was "I'll call you"...don't worry.

 

He may have been irritated that you set up plans with him only to cancel the next day. I know that I would have been.

  • Author
Posted

OH...one more thing. When he asked for my number 3 mos ago and never called, he was still seeing me once a week at his bar after work. We'd been talking as friends the whole time, but I never questioned him why he hadn't called me yet, and assumed it was because he was still with his ex. He broke up with his gf about 1 mos after asking for my number. I don't even think they were together a year. He was never in love with her.

Posted
OH...one more thing. When he asked for my number 3 mos ago and never called, he was still seeing me once a week at his bar after work. We'd been talking as friends the whole time, but I never questioned him why he hadn't called me yet, and assumed it was because he was still with his ex. He broke up with his gf about 1 mos after asking for my number. I don't even think they were together a year. He was never in love with her.

this guy is playing you like a fiddle LISA32... probably along with a number of other female bar patrons of his. Bartenders are known for this.

Posted

I dont know why everyone is screaming player. I wouldnt blame the guy for not calling. He's taking the ball where it rightfully belongs, in his court. Afterall you flaked on him after he agreed to your date proposal on X day. you may have a reasonable excuse but he doesnt know if its the truth.

Posted
He may have been irritated that you set up plans with him only to cancel the next day. I know that I would have been.

Yep.

 

Actually, I wouldn't have been irritated, per se, but rather, I would've simply assumed that you were just jerking me around. If a girl tells me, "oh, I forgot that I have to (fill in the blank) on Monday, so I can't make it. What about Sunday," I'd find it difficult to believe that a girl who was really interested in me would "forget" that she already had a prior commitment on the day of the date. I'd do exactly what this guy did. I'd politely say "maybe some other time; have a nice night," and call the next girl. Mind you, I'm not saying that you were jerking this guy around. I'm simply saying that I always had a strict rule: cancelled date for any reason short of a trip to the ER = red flag, flush the number.

Posted
this guy is smart cookie from male point of view. he knows that women like the chase. he also knows the more he blows you off the more interestd you will get. at some point he will problably utilize you for booty calls when he gets bored.

 

women love the bad boys who are unpredictable and don't give them the time of day. :)

 

WRONG !

 

Women love the slightly bad boys who pay them the right attention.

 

If the Big bad boy totally ignores her with lame a** games and promised calls that never happen...then the said women gets TIRED of the BS real quick....unless of course she is blind, desperate or not aware of her real surroundings as far as men go.

 

Stop telling the dudes to ignore the girl. That is sooooo OVER. Just like New Coke in 1985 . What a marketing disaster. Just like your advice.

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