How many non-cheaters simply can't cheat?

[Scrivdog]

Here's what I mean. This thought came to mind yesterday. I know this guy for a long time who happens to always have been extrodinarily attractive to women. He's the only guy I've ever seen where women would act like guys and hit on him all the time.

 

He certainly sowed his oats and has since gotten married, now for 4 years. He's totally faithful as far as I know. We're longtime friends and I'm pretty sure he'd tell me if he had cheated. But he appears to have no interest in other women. I guess it helps that his wife is a great person to be with and seems to be very attentive and caring. But when women hit on him or oogle him, he totally ignores them.

 

Now on the other hand, I know a couple of other people in a different situation, not as well, but I know them. I was out with one of them for lunch yesterday and the guy keeps leering at women and even making loud comments they can hear. He's always commenting about trying to take women out and such. I've seen him actively try and pick up younger women at work. He's married and I don't know much about his wife, but she seems ok.

 

But he's a fat, balding, slob. I'm relatively sure that a woman hasn't taken a second look at him in many years much less taken an interest in him. So as far as I'm concerned, this guy has next to a 0% chance of getting caught up in an affair. This not because he's so moral and upstanding. It's because, like I said before, he's a very unattractive slob.

 

So I got to thinking. How many of these people here like FIC and some others here who talk about how they "would never cheat", really are unable to do so because the opportunity hasn't presented itself, and probably never will.

 

I know they'll likely pipe in and say how many opportunities they had because they're so irresistible to the opposite sex, but lets face it. It's probably bs. Have these people really been faced with temptation? I mean really? Like having a very attractive co-worker actually put the moves on them during a time when sex with the wife is a distant memory? Something tells me not ..

[amaysngrace]

I once cheated on my first BF, although it didn't really constitute cheating as it was date-rape as I've come to learn. But anyway, regardless, the guilt and the wondering if he'd do it back to me was enough to never make me knowingly cheat on somebody I'm involved with.

 

If I'm involved with someone, it means I like them a lot. If I like them a lot, I respect them enough not to cheat on them. If I would cheat, I must not like them very much, so why would I waste time being involved with them anyway? I'd probably be broken off with them before cheating would ever occur.

 

Not because I want to cheat. Simply because I don't like them enough to want to be with them anymore.

[a4a]

Well I have many opps but never take them. I explained it in a previous thread why I believe I am immune from cheating. When a man hits on me, knowing I am married it is disrespectful to me and the choice I made to be married.

 

Now if a man hits on me not knowing I am married I am not offended. But I still do not have any desire to cheat because I respect myself, my H, and my choice to be married.

 

I try to hold myself to the standards of those people I admire as well. I have never admired a cheater or the act of cheating.

[Scrivdog]

Ok .. for women it doesn't count. They always get hit on and they can get a guy in the sack within 30 minutes of walking out the door. Very few exceptions.

[Woggle]

I have women hitting on me and I don't cheat because marriage means something to me plus most women that hit on me are turnoffs. When I made those vows I meant it and I have too good a thing to ruin it for some cheap thrills. Some people just know they have it great at home so why ruin it.

[amaysngrace]

Ok .. for women it doesn't count.

 

Geez, well then why didn't you specify before I took the time to write my answer? I could be shopping right now.

 

Just out of curiosity...do you get cheated on frequently?

[Adunaphel]

Very interesting post.

 

Reminds me of my ex bf, whose favourite comment about me being jealous was "who do you think would sleep with me?".

Which probably would be enough to explain why I was jealous.

 

I am looking for a nice guy - not for someone who has not enough spine to be a jerk.

[lovelorcet]

I have had many offers, and could get even more if I wanted but i would never cheat.

 

I would consider myself a good catch and not being a cheater is part of that...

[amaysngrace]

I would consider myself a good catch and not being a cheater is part of that...

 

 

Bravo!

[Woggle]

This is also the reason why cheating is such a dealbreaker to me. Those vows mean something to me and if I have enough self control not to cheat then I think I have the right to expect the same from her. I have plenty of opportunities to cheat as well and never get caught.

[Ripples]

I've discovered I can't even go out with other men until I'm well and truly over the last one, never mind cheat!

[Scrivdog]

This is also the reason why cheating is such a dealbreaker to me. Those vows mean something to me and if I have enough self control not to cheat then I think I have the right to expect the same from her. I have plenty of opportunities to cheat as well and never get caught.

 

So sayeth the newlywed. Check back in after a few more years when you've soiled a few socks in lieu of sex.

[a4a]

I can honestly say that my H would ever cheat on me.

 

Some people have integrity and some just don't.

 

I know for a fact that he doesn't even go along with the T and A comments of his coworkers.......he believes it is beneath him to do so.

 

I also interviewed ........well ok.... interrogated his friends of 15-30 years. They back up my findings.

 

Curiously though his friends (t and a comment boys) seem to get angry with him because he does not play along with their boy games.

 

So Scriv does your friend with integrity kinda piss you off in some way? really curious and not being an ass by asking this, being sincere.

[Scrivdog]

I can honestly say that my H would ever cheat on me.

 

Some people have integrity and some just don't.

 

I know for a fact that he doesn't even go along with the T and A comments of his coworkers.......he believes it is beneath him to do so.

 

I also interviewed ........well ok.... interrogated his friends of 15-30 years. They back up my findings.

 

Curiously though his friends (t and a comment boys) seem to get angry with him because he does not play along with their boy games.

 

So Scriv does your friend with integrity kinda piss you off in some way? really curious and not being an ass by asking this, being sincere.

 

Hell yes he pisses me off! All those women just throwing themselves at him like that with no effort on his part all these years! Bastard!

 

As far as his faithfulness? No. Not in the least. I think it's very cool. In fact, I'd be dissapointed if he cheated just because his wife is so great to him.

[Moose]

K, I might be one of those guys that the opportunity hasn't presented itself.

 

I don't think it's due to my looks though. (some may argue here).

 

But more so because I don't, "hang out" at social settings unless my wife is with me, coupled with the fact that everyone in this dang town, (and surrounding areas), knows who I am, and knows full well how committed I am to my wife and family.

 

I do, however, get approached by very, VERY attractive women sometimes with questions as to why, or how I keep from cheating.....make me wonder sometimes if they're geniually curious, or if they are actually tempting me...

[Art_Critic]

I am a NON cheater.. always have been always will be..

 

Besides the standard Vows, Honesty issues and Integrity issues that someone likes to abide by I am a product of my enviroment.

 

My father cheated on my Mom and My Step Mom and he also cheated on his mistresses.

One of my sisters is a product of one of his affairs..

 

I have seen first hand the damage that he did to so many peoples lives..

 

He passed away almost 20 years ago but my family still deals with the negativie effects of his choices today.

 

That is the reason I would never cheat.. I would never hurt another person thru cheating.. it just is wrong.. period...

 

My nieces and nephews hopefully will never feel the destruction/pain of those kind of poor choices that we have all felt.

 

All of my siblings feel the same way I do and none of them would become cheaters

[InaPanic]

Scrivdog, i think this is a very good question to ask, tho some may take offense to it.

I'm a woman but i wanted to pipe in anyway.

A lot of people have posted that they are not cheaters & never will be one. I'm not trying to say that they definitely will or will not cheat. But like i've said on a hundred other threads on this site, i was one of those people who would have sworn i would never have an affair, EVER. And i went 18 years without even being tempted. But i did it. I ended up doing something i never thought i would. Since doing this, there have been FOUR of my girlfriends come forward to me & say they too have had affairs in the past. I have been shocked by all but one of them. I mean SHOCKED. These are women I never would have expected to do something like this.

I think for someone like your friend, maybe he's had attention from women his entire life & he's just so used to it that it's just nothing special to him. He may never, ever cheat his entire life & I think that's wonderful. The other guy may have very low self esteem because of his looks & he's trying desperately to get attention from any woman he can. idk.

[elijahBailey]

Alright, I did say before I would never cheat. And I've never. I had opportunities, and I did come close once. But still I didn't. But the OP has got me thinking with this ...

 

Like having a very attractive co-worker actually put the moves on them during a time when sex with the wife is a distant memory?

 

So, now I'm beginning to question myself. Who knows? Maybe. But I sure wouldn't wanna find out.

[Mz. Pixie]

You know, I'm not sure. My exhusband was overweight at the end of our marriage but he still got hit on a time or two. Not propositioned but told "Nice eyes" or something along those lines.

 

I think there is probably someone that will hit on whoever it is. They are probably on the same caliber as the original person however so perhaps not as interesting?

 

I know I get hit on, I was presented with many opportunities to cheat before I ever did.

[Scrivdog]

You know, I'm not sure. My exhusband was overweight at the end of our marriage but he still got hit on a time or two. Not propositioned but told "Nice eyes" or something along those lines.

 

I think there is probably someone that will hit on whoever it is. They are probably on the same caliber as the original person however so perhaps not as interesting?

 

I know I get hit on, I was presented with many opportunities to cheat before I ever did.

"Nice eyes" hardly qualifies as getting hit on ..

[stoopid_guy]

But he's a fat, balding, slob. I'm relatively sure that a woman hasn't taken a second look at him in many years much less taken an interest in him. So as far as I'm concerned, this guy has next to a 0% chance of getting caught up in an affair. This not because he's so moral and upstanding. It's because, like I said before, he's a very unattractive slob.

 

So I got to thinking. How many of these people here like FIC and some others here who talk about how they "would never cheat", really are unable to do so because the opportunity hasn't presented itself, and probably never will.

If your friend wanted to badly enough, he could cheat. Someone would find him attractive enough/be desperate enough to have sex with him, or he could hire a pro.

 

I can honestly say that my H would ever cheat on me.

That's because he fears the fork!!!

[Craig]

So I got to thinking. How many of these people here like FIC and some others here who talk about how they "would never cheat", really are unable to do so because the opportunity hasn't presented itself, and probably never will.

 

I know they'll likely pipe in and say how many opportunities they had because they're so irresistible to the opposite sex, but lets face it. It's probably bs. Have these people really been faced with temptation? I mean really? Like having a very attractive co-worker actually put the moves on them during a time when sex with the wife is a distant memory? Something tells me not ..

Scrivdog, I don't doubt that you believe what you believe but people have a myriad of different motivating factors in life.

 

In the place you find yourself now in your life's journey you can't imagine someone not cheating when presented with the means and opportunity to do so.

 

Not all people are like you imagine. Not all men would cheat or have random sex with an attractive woman given the opportunity.

 

Some people learn different things from their lives and the lives around them.

 

This reminds me of a, I am told, real example of two brothers the sons of an abusive, alcoholic, ex-con of a father. One brother had followed in the footsteps of his father and become abusive, an alcoholic/drug addict and was sitting in prison for a long sentence. The other brother had a happy family, loving wife, great job and was a pillar in his community.

 

When each brother was asked "why they turned out the way they did" both brothers had the same answer which was, "with a father like that what else could I become?"

[Scrivdog]

Not all people are like you imagine. Not all men would cheat or have random sex with an attractive woman given the opportunity.

 

I never said they would. My good friend I described is a perfect example of someone who wouldn't given the opportunity.

 

I was questioning how many men proudly hold themselves to be a standard of virtue when it comes to cheating when in fact they don't even have that opportunity available to them. So they never really made a choice like my friend does. He certainly has the option, but he doesn't exercise it. Fat slobs don't choose anything. The choice is already made for them.

[Mz. Pixie]

"Nice eyes" hardly qualifies as getting hit on ..

 

No, but that is often an intro for a conversation that could lead to more.

 

I have never complimented a man on something personal unless I was flirting with him.

 

My point to you is that even the most unattractive people probably still have someone somewhere in the world that would sleep to them in a certain set of circumstances.

 

Goes along the same lines that say that no matter how beautiful a woman is, model etc- that there is someone somewhere in the world who is sick of her shxt.

[Craig]

I never said they would. My good friend I described is a perfect example of someone who wouldn't given the opportunity.

 

I was questioning how many men proudly hold themselves to be a standard of virtue when it comes to cheating when in fact they don't even have that opportunity available to them. So they never really made a choice like my friend does. He certainly has the option, but he doesn't exercise it. Fat slobs don't choose anything. The choice is already made for them.

Sorry, my bad.

 

I don't hold myself up as a standard of virtue but I know that I would never cheat regardless of how long I went without sex.

 

First on the holding oneself up as a standard of virtue. I consider my fidelity to be a private matter between myself and me and really don't think about it much.

 

Second on the question of whether I've been in the situation of no sex and been presented with the opportunity to cheat. Yes. I had no sex for 3 years in a marriage and opportunities to cheat came up in various ways. Some were blatant in my face kinds of offers and others were more of what I'd call the baiting kinds of offers. I didn't cheat. I lusted sometimes, yes, but didn't act.

 

I think the decision not to cheat comes far before the opportunity presents itself. In my case I thought about what I would do, how I would feel and etc. should the opportunity to cheat ever come up and I made a decision not to cheat. So when the opportunities came I was ready to say no and in some cases counsel women that if their marriage wasn't giving them what they wanted that they should do something about it but not cheat. I didn't have to make a decision about what to do and how to act from ignorance or lack of forethought.