I still love him, but I don't know if he still deserves me..

[sweetmisery02]

Hi.

I just broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago.. And now, I regret doing it. First of all, I still love him. Second of all, I don't know if my reason of breaking up with him was valid..

 

Ok, so here it is..

I was having a really bad day, and obviously I was in a bad mood.. We were talking thru the messenger and we just started arguing.. then there, out of nowhere i told him that we should put an end to us. Then after we broke up, he said I was the meanest person in the world.. Okay, I know that I hurt him, but that was just painful also. And I couldn't believe those words came out from him.. He promised that he'd never hurt me, but he just did. After a week, I told him that it would be better if we stay bestfriends, since we already know A LOT about each other..coz i don't wanna waste those good memories we had.. But he didn't want it.. He told me that he still loves me so he can't be just friends with me... So would he rather lose me for a lifetime than still be friends and see each other? Then we got to an argument again.. Those two weeks were HELL! Plus it was my final exams week.. STRESS!!! and now that my vacation started, I had more time to think about what happened between us.. I analyzed the situation more..

1. My parents HATE him.. They just think that he doesn't deserve someone like me, they said. They have this really high standard and expectations on who my boyfriend should be. And this is the second time I encountered this problem. They also hated my first boyfriend. Sometimes I think that they will never ever like any guy that I will love. Ugh.

2. He was kinda a "bad-boy"-type before.. He used to smoke, drink, and was pierced, which i really hate and so do my parents. But he changed it all for me.. Which was sweet. But ofcourse my parents wouldn't believe, will they? NO! All my parents see are his flaws.. They say I'm just blinded by those because I'm deeply in love with him.

3. He's sweet, but it's not enough for me. He's so predictable. Actually, more than predictable. I don't get surprised even once. I like a guy who really gives me sweet surprises that will make me just go "awww".. but no, he thinks he's doing everything, but i don't see it...really..

4. When we were not yet together, I was jealous over our common friends coz they liked him, and he even liked some of them. And my schoolmate even told me that he made out with one of them. And he denied it to me. I dunno which was the truth, but i believed him. But months later, I went to this fortune card reader who was like, psychic, and asked him if he really did make out with that girl. and well, according to the cards, it was true. I dunno if i will believe those cards or the guy I love. It just bothers me..

 

Well, maybe these thoughts bugged my mind that day i broke up with him.. Then I talked to my mom.. I told her that we broke up and asked if they're happy now. She said they're not happy for me being hurt, but they said that was just the right decision I made. And I told my mom that we will remain bestfriends coz we've known each other a lot, and she agreed.

I finally thought everything would be alright coz she now accapted him as my bestfriend.

 

But this one day, i met him at this event. My mom came with me. And i thought everything will finally be fine. But!!! He didn't accompany us. He wasn't a gentleman. And he even ignored us after the event. My mom saw everything and now she took back what she agreed on. I felt like I was the one who was dumped. I was invisible! UGH!

 

So I was mad at him. I ignored his calls. It was just painful.. I know that he was really hurt when i broke up with him, but then it hit me, that I was hurt 10x more.. If he really loves me then he wouldn't hurt me in return..

 

Then just a few days ago, he came over the house to hangout.. I don't know what our status is right now.. He keeps on telling me how much he loves me and that he wants me back.. Deep inside, I want him back too and I love him. But with all the things happened after the break-up, he just made me realized that he deserved being dumped by me instead of making me see that we still are meant for each other..

 

Now i don't know what to do.. PLEASE... HELP ME...

 

Thank you so much.

[BryceFB]

I wish the best for both of you. My fiance broke up with me a week ago and was very forward about the reason(s) which I agree are valid and I had wanted to change before it was too late. Now, it might be too late. Thankfully, I have joined this site and I now have a therapist. The best way to deal with a relationship problem is with a therapist. It would be great if you could both identify what went wrong with the relationship from both perspectives. Find individual therapists, and if possible in the future when your individual traits or flaws are realized, go to a therapist together and work to understand how personal issues may have caused havoc in the relationship. I don't know you, but I'm going through a tough time where I love my ex and she loves me as well. We are both looking to better ourselves so that we may be better with each other, or if must be, alternate partners in the future. If you love each other (and ultimately yourselves) enough, you can find a way to make things better.....the hard part......whether they become better as a couple or individuals can not be foretold. But relationships take a mutual understanding as you're well aware. Best if luck to you in whatever becomes of this. Sincerely, me

[sweetmisery02]

thank you so much. I pray for both of you too. I hope everything gets well.

hmm.. i guess i'm too young to go to a couple's therapy, though:p

But, my friends are somewhat my "therapists" so it's good.

 

I hope everything will be fine.

[Guest]

that's sort of what i do to! and it has sort of become a process, where certain "stages" get dropped as u progress though issues. for example: when my relationship ended a while back, i was pretty clear about certain things i needed to work on - my 'issues' were pretty front and centre, i didn't hide them, so we could both 'see' them and that helped because when i started 'correcting' them - both of us could 'see' the change - not the same deal with my 'ex' - it was just the blanket 'i have issues' statement so i would have no idea if she is bettering herself [teasing - wink]. so, now, i know what needs to be worked on, find ways to improve [multi-therapppppisssed, exercise, courses, etc.] and then bounce it off a friend [wink] and get their advice and do some more tweaking. so it helps to have many cooks in the kitchen sturrrring the same pot of chilli!

[Guest]

Enough already! You've already asked it twice. LS rules are one thread per question.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t102087/

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101997/

[Ssheena]

Haven't you posted this to every thread there is?