Guest Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Hey everyone. Here is my story (first of all I am a gay male so don't get confused with the sexes ) I am 26 and he is 24. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and we had a great relationship. We have traveled together without any problems, we always talked about the future together and have been at easy. To sum it up, everything was perfect....or so i thought. One Friday night, I went to his place (as usual, we always hang out together ALL weekend). But that Friday night was a little different. I walked into his bedroom and he had this really sad look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he just started crying uncontrollably. Finally, after crying for long, he told me he didn't feel love for me anymore. He told me he has tried but he cant and he feels horrible. I made the awful mistake of leaving him alone that night when i could have stayed but i just had the feeling he didnt want me to be there cause he was so confused. The week before that, I felt that there was something wrong. He was a bit distant and werid but i thought it was because he was stressed at work (he recently changed job and he cant handle change very well). Anyway, a week went by and he didn't call me, i was left in the dark. Of course i cried because i knew there was something really wrong and perhaps he really felt what he said (i thought it might have been a phase, you know the kind where you question your life and relationship etc) Then on the following Friday (one week after the crying) i decided to go to his place and investigate (i have his keys). I walked in and everything seemed normal, pictures of us were still up etc, but in his bedroom there was a backpack i had never seen before. In it i found a pair of jeans, underwear, socks, t-shirt, deodorant and a towel. I freaked out, but thought to myself maybe this was a friend he had over for support of the breakup especially that there was an old blanket not belonging to him also on the bed. Anyway it was weird. So i decided to call him from his apartment. He didn't pick up so i left a message and he called me back. I confronted him about not calling me all week and leaving me wondering what is going on. Then i started crying like i have never cried before. He was a bit distant and cold on the phone. I kept crying and asking him if it is over...he wasn't answering, and then i begged him to stop "torturing" me and just tell me its over. He told me its over so we hung up. Then a few hours later he called my friend and asked her if i was ok and that he was worried about me. He also told her he told me its over cause i kept asking him to tell me so, so that i can move on with my life (well i did say that) Anyway, to make a long story short, i called him again the next day crying and he was very cold to me. Finally we decided that we would meet on sunday (next day). We met up at his place, we cried our eyes out, he told me he has issues with work, school, career, family etc. and how he is always trying to please everyone and is sick of it, he never pleases himself (this is kind of true) so when we both let out our feelings i thought things were going to be ok again. But then he started packing up my bag with some of my things. I said goodbye he closed the door and we both started crying again. I went back in and he said lets talk. We didnt say much, it was very silent. So i left again. Then NC for two days, and then wednesday i couldnt take it. I went over to his place again. I didnt find any evidence of there being another guy in the house. Went back to my place and called him to ask him if he wanted to hang out on the weekend like the old times (huge mistake). I got rejected, he told me he has a lot of midterms to study for and that he can meet me this coming monday. I wasnt at work cause i find it very hard to concentrate and he knew that. I basically made myself look pathetic. Then i ordered flowers for him to be delivered to his office but canceled them the next day because i thought it was a bad idea. So no i am on day 2 with NC. I feel like going over there again to see if there is anything suspicious. I am getting obsessed. Basically, because he hasn't called me, i am paranoid that he may be with someone else OR he needs time to think. I really dont know what to do...
Guest Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 that just happened to me last week, except my ex doesnt live on her on. we got into an argument and she called some random guy at work that left her his #, and he started liking him saying hes everything she wants in a guy. and she hasnt called me ever since. and shes already sleeping with him. what im trying to say is, not to be mean or anything, but i think its over between you and him. if there was already another backpack, its over cuz he already moved on. mine moved on before she even broke up with me. and i was soo depressed where i couldn't eat for a week and sleep. keep the NC going and just don't do anything for him anymore. because no matter what you do, you cant make him love you and he doesn't. just do something productive with your life right now to get your mind off of him. ive been working out like crazy, 2 hrs a day. it makes you feel SOOO much more better. sorry that your going through this, i know exactly how you feel, except my ex told me already, when i broke the nc 3 times, that she already kissed him, she already slept with him, and that hes everything she wants in a guy. could you imagine the girl that you love with all your heart and soul saying that to you? it felt like i died 3 times. so thats why you should do NC, because you'll just be killing yourself like how i did... (it just happened this week)
Guest Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 Yeah i know what you mean about the whole "move on thing" i am trying. In fact today is the first day in EXACTLY two weeks where I feel a bit more normal again. I do work out, went to the movies and have very good friends who are there for me. I went over to his place again, i know i am stupid, to see if there was any evidence. I didnt find anything unusual. I thought that maybe he needs some time alone and he just had a one night thing with someone OR he may have just had a friend over. In any case i am continuing with NC, he is on MSN right now but i am not talking to him. Eventually, i know myself, i am going to get annoyed and find myself pathetic for sticking around. Then he will come back to me and it will be too late. Thats life i guess.
Guest Posted October 21, 2006 Posted October 21, 2006 I am basically in the same boat as you. Instead my relationship was 5 years. It was great but i guess in the end u cant make someone love u, u cant make someone think of u, or give u attention if they don't want to. Time use to fly by, but wen your heart is broken and u have NC a second seems like eternity. I couldn't focus or eat or do anything. In fact im still crying and i haven't eaten for the past few days.. my advice is be strong, and just step back from the situation and clear ur head. Wen u try so hard for someone and they reject u, its the worse feeling. Stay strong, and focus on something else, although it may be hard. Cuz i have midterms this week and I would read for a minute and break down for 15 mins, read for a min and then breakdown again. If thats how u got to deal wit it, then so be it, but in time even your deepest wounds will heal. But time takes forever.. and like me i see no alleviation in sight yet.. good luck
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