I just ended my second chance

[AriaIncognito]

I feel awful. I was 2 months into my second chance with my ex, and well, he was still not "falling" for me in the way I needed in order to feel like he wanted to be with me. I wanted it to work out so much. We both talked for about 3 hours last night and I cried most of that time and he cried about half of that time. However, push comes to shove, he let me walk out that door because he feels unable to let himself be happy. He feels unable to let go and really allow himself to love and feel loved. And well, it really f'ing sucks because I'd marry him right now if he asked.

 

I hate this. I miss him and it hasn't even been a few hours. I'm not going to work today because I'm a mess emotionally and physically. Life is back to sucking even worse than it did when I was dealing with his up and down relationship.

 

Ugh.

 

Jennifer

[Ssheena]

So sorry to hear this Aria. It sounds like he has some "issues" that could be worked through if he went to therapy. That is if he is open to that and wants to learn why about himself. Would he go with you? I spent enough time trying to heal someone who had issues from his childhood - I think we were both trying to reparent each other but he wasn't ready to do the hard work it requires to really examine why he is the way he is etc. I know it sucks now and I've been where you are - unable to go to work and basically a mess. It's not a fun place. It seems similiar to what I'm working through as well as it's like he just rolled over and said - ok. This isn't working so it's over. It's weird. I'm the one that was questioning whether I could go on with him and basically break up with him but somehow he turned it around so it was him breaking up with me.

I hope you will take care of yourself today like a really good mom would take care of her hurt little girl. It's not going to be easy.

 

Hugs.

[AriaIncognito]

I mentioned therapy to him last night. He said he doesn't know how or why he got this way. I don't know how either. He said he wants to be happy, but he doesn't seem to know how to let himself. I said to him that I basically kept hanging on hoping he would find what he needed to be happy and then we'd have a shot at our happiness.

 

The worst part about all this is, I still, even now, have hope for he and I. I just also know that nothing could happen in the near future, not with him like this, and that kills me. The worst part is also knowing I was the one to finally say I can't do this to myself anymore. As much as I love him. I can't keep hurting myself. I can't keep staying with a man that I'm afraid to even ask out on a date for fear of if he's up or down regarding us that day.

 

I said a lot to him last night. I said everything I needed to, so to speak. On the drive home after the many hours of us crying and talking, I almost felt a sense of relief that at least I'd no longer have to feel the up and down of it all. unfortunately, all I'm now going to feel for a long while, is the down, and that's not a fun reality to face either. That's why I allowed him to stay with his ups and downs.

 

My head is throbbing. I can't believe i missed another day of work because of him. I miss him already and it's been less than 12 hours since we've had contact.

 

I'm miserable.

 

Jennifer

[Just2Cute1972]

I feel for you. Im sorta kinda where u were...my ex and i started talking again about 3 weeks ago..he made contact wth me after i went no contact and told him i couldnt deal with being friends with him right now. He says all he wants from ANYONE at this point in time is just friends. He says he still cares about me and being around me these past few weeks has rekindled something, but not to the point its love..thats what he tells me. Problem is he is too scared to try a relationship with me again, for now he says. So im trying to do the friend thing and today he asked me out on an official "date". Problem is, i wont be the only female he dates. I just keep being there for him as a friend and im trying to talk to other guys and eventually start dating other guys. I know it hurts him to know i talk to other guys and u can really see the sparks fly between us when we are together..i just wish i knew what to do. I dont wanna tell him stay out of my life because there is a chance...i just dont know is the chance will ever materialize. So to you, i commend u for having the courage to do what u did. I wish i could.

[AriaIncognito]

You could do it too. It won't be easy though. I was with him 2 months on this second chance and he was not committed to me, so he could have technically been seeing others. I know he wasn't, but he could have. Because of the fact that he wouldn't commit to me, I was becoming someone I didn't want to be. I was not trusting of him anymore. I always wondered if he was seeing others. I always wondered why he wasn't calling, if he waited a day to contact me. I hated that I became so insecure because of his attention or lack thereof. I started to base my happiness and mood around whether or not he was up or down, and that wasn't good either. I tried to deal with his being up and down, but I just couldn't keep putting myself through the emotional ringer. I'm such a moron. I want to be with him so badly that I'm sacrificing what I really want. I really deserve someone that will be there 100% for me, and will commit to me, and love me . He wasn't any of those 3 things. I just made myself believe that in time, he could be that. That all he needed to do was decide to help himself. However, he was never seemingly trying to help himself.

 

My head is pounding. Crying sucks.

 

Jennifer

[kandi r]

I understand just what you are going through. My ex let me go and says he doesnt think we need to talk or be together and tells me to just give space. You see I also after everything was said and done sat back and realized. My ex truley never seemed to care about me. Like never asking me how my days were or holding me last 6 months no intimacy. I because I am in love kept going with the ride we were on. Until the mis communication and frusteration built up to where we got into a physical fight. during this fight I cried the whole time because I loved him, but why were we doing this. I come to wonder why he let me move in or why this or why that. I myself missed some days of work because I could not stop crying. I am still coping slowly. Time does heal. I also learned that once you explain yourself and let him know you love him and want a second chance and he still says no. then let it be. understand you gave all to try again.

[loveinlife]

Sorry Ariawoman, what brought this incident up? Does he feel that the relationship is on the rocks? If you guys went back together, there must be something that he wants from you. I believe something could work out here. He has that answer and within it lies key to the problem that you both are dealing with. I am not sure what happened, but I believe every problem has its solutions. Keep it up ariawoman, i hope you day gets better.

[BryceFB]

I feel awful. I was 2 months into my second chance with my ex, and well, he was still not "falling" for me in the way I needed in order to feel like he wanted to be with me. I wanted it to work out so much. We both talked for about 3 hours last night and I cried most of that time and he cried about half of that time. However, push comes to shove, he let me walk out that door because he feels unable to let himself be happy. He feels unable to let go and really allow himself to love and feel loved. And well, it really f'ing sucks because I'd marry him right now if he asked.

 

I hate this. I miss him and it hasn't even been a few hours. I'm not going to work today because I'm a mess emotionally and physically. Life is back to sucking even worse than it did when I was dealing with his up and down relationship.

 

Ugh.

 

Jennifer

 

Hey there. My name's Bryce and I understand your heartbreak (to some small degree). I am sorry that things aren't working out so much as you would like. The pain is extreme and I'm just learning that for the first time. My ex-girlfriend/fiance, and first ever girlfriend, dumped me a few nights ago. It's awful and we still talk a little and I Still hope she'll even have a change of heart. I'm even entered into therapy now to make myself a better person for me, and maybe for her if I could be so lucky. My biggest fear in the relationship revolved around losing her, and that fear itself is what ultimately led to the reality of it all. I apologize if I'm blabbing on about me. But I obviously don't really know you. I just want to offer you my support and wish you my best in where ever your life my take you from here. Maybe you'll learn to like country..... God bless the broken road that led me straight to you. I hope those lyrics can someday be applied to my life and a future relationship- and to yours as well. It will take time but just remember that you have many great qualities and you are a beautiful person. People tend to feel ugly and lack self-confidence after a break-up. In reality, things just did not work out for some reason. People move on (and trust me I cry just trying to imagine I could do so at the moment) and life, and love will be better. Just put yourself first and let life happen. With great condolences (hopefully spelled correctly), Bryce

[AriaIncognito]

I wasn't gonna post this much but I figured I might as well. here's the events leading up to it all...it was posted to my blog but whatever. If he finds it, he can have fun reading it.

 

*************************************************

 

This all kinda started last week. He didn't want to see me last weekend. He wanted his "space" and he was noticeably backing away from me, but then he'd throw me a tiny breadcrumb to lure me back without even really knowing what he was doing. We saw eachother Monday and Thursday of that week as usual, but I felt like he was pulling away. So anyway we didn't get together last weekend. He called me on saturday and talked to me for 90 minutes but then never asked to get together so I felt really sad and hurt and we hung up. Later on that night, he texted me saying he ended up going into the city and seeing A. I dont know why he thought i needed to know, when he was the one that wanted space from me. So whatever. I went out that night to a local event and met some new people and had a decent time. I wished he were there, but in the back of my mind when i did things without d i'd always just kinda be happy knowing he was still a part of my world and that we still had a shot.

 

So anyway I went to dinner with TeachersPet (hi tp) and then the group met up for karaoke. They asked us to come out after to another place, but we didnt go. Sunday I think D and I exchanged a few texts on phone, but nothing much. He was home cleaning his house. I went down to my parents for dinner so I wasn't really around. Monday we got together as usual and watched our tv shows (yeah those are going to be hard on me now - mondays and thursdays i'll be a crying mess for a while I'm sure. as well as every other day of the week) and things were a little awkward as far as I was concerned. Physically we'd hug and maybe kiss a tiny bit, but the passion wasn't there that he usually had. I could tell he was pulling away. So anyway tuesday/wednesday of this week he was pretty off the mark. Didn't call me. He'd email me at work, but he wasn't logging in at night to chat or anything. I just felt ignored and unloved. By the man that I was giving nothing but love and not ignoring.

 

Thursday rolled around and basically I asked if i was coming over and he said he had thought it in his mind but didn't realize he never really said it out loud and yes he'd like for me to come over. So of course I went because I've been settling for every scrap he's been throwing me. We went and had dinner then went back to his place and watched some tv. After Grey's Anatomy at some point, we kissed. And he kissed me in a way that I've not had him kiss me in about 2 weeks. I mentioned that, that it had been a while since we kissed like that, and he agreed. But then, I started feeling the anxiety. My heart started to pound in my chest. Here I am, with the person I want to be with, and I'm having an anxiety attack because I know he's not happy and he's been pulling away and our demise in inevitable. I go into the bedroom and he follows a few minutes later after a trip to the bathroom. We were laying in bed and I couldn't catch my breath. It sucked. So basically I had to start to let it out.

 

We started talking. I told him that I wanted to go to california for just a few days, to meet his parents. He said he wasn't ready for that. This basically started us on the usual talks. I mentioned how I noticed he'd been pulling away. He told me all the usual stuff. He really enjoys the time we spend together, we really get along well, etc but he's not falling for me the way he should be and not letting himself fall and he doesn't know why and just assumes that it's because I'm not the one for him. We spent time talking about him, about his ex J and how he does still wonder whether or not that relationship had to end (so I'm guessing the commitment issue could be because the last time he committed, he got burned). He told me that she didn't want to commit to him at first in their relationship. I asked him if he thought maybe he was just getting her back indirectly by not committing to me. He said he wasn't consciously. I asked him if he wanted to get back together with her, and he said he didnt' think so, but that he had lingering resentment towards it ending.

 

We moved into the living room. I dont remember why I got up but I did and he followed. We sat on the couch and cried. Both of us. He was shaking his head "no" a lot. He said he didnt' know when he became so cold. So unfeeling. So unable to love. He said that he's been letting his friendships slip lately, and that he just doesn't really care. I told him that I didnt view him as being able to let himself be happy, and he agreed. I said he always sets the bar so high, that when he doesn't reach it totally, he doesn't appreciate the accomplishment he has reached. Recently he got a raise at work, instead of being happy about it, he was negative and all "it wasn't what i wanted". When I pointed it out to him that he was so unable to let himself just be proud and happy, it seemed to hit home. We talked more and i basically told him that I loved him, and I wanted to be with him. And i wondered that if i walked out that door, would I ever be back. I said I wasn't ready to give up on him or us, but that I deserved someone who was willing to fight for me. And well, he was sitting there, not fighting for me. We spent probably 2 hours on the couch before I got up and said I might as well end this now. Right before we left we were sitting and he was just staring into space and not really crying anymore just kinda existing and I burped really loudly and then I said "you're never going to hear that again" and he started to cry. (it was a long running joke, the burping and my openness with it) I KNOW that i meant a lot to him. I KNOW what we had was something real. However, I know that i deserve someone who is willing to love me and show me love more openly than he did. He said I deserve it too and he wants it for me. He told me he didn't want me to totally walk out of his life, and I said well right now I think that's all we can have until I can get to a place where I'd be OK with being friends. He kept saying that he couldn't be what I wanted "right now" and that kept upsetting me because he said that last time too. The right now stuff makes me think there's hope. I told him he should realize the freudian slips he makes with the "right nows" and realize that even he thinks we have potential for a future, if he were to get himself help for his depression. Of course I also realize that saying right now could be a way to sugar coat it but he wasn't the one doing the leaving, I was.

 

It was pouring down rain when i was going to leave and he asked me if i had an umbrella and I said no and that I wouldnt take his because I'd not be seeing him again to return it. He then said that he'd walk me out and he put on shoes and a jacket. He walked me to my car. I didn't say a word. I just walked that walk as if I were walking to my death. In a way I almost think I wished I were to be out of the pain. We stood at my car and said a few more words I guess. He hugged me a few times. I hugged back sort of. He kissed me one final time, and then I went into my car. He stood out there in the rain and watched my car drive away. He didn't just stay there until I started to pull away, he stood there as I went down the entire road, and once I was out of sight, he left (at least that's my assumption as I was out of sight). You don't stand out in the pouring down rain for no good reason. I dont for one second believe he doesn't feel love for me. I just know he's isn't capable of dealing with the idea of being in love with me. For whatever reason.

 

He made me text him to let him know I was safely home. I'll admit I waited an extra 15-20 minutes and then i finally texted him. Here's the last of what was said:

 

Me: I'm home and this sucks. I hope it will be good for you but it's not what i wanted to do. life is grand. note sarcasm. i miss us already and it's been 30 minutes.

 

Him: I'm glad you're home safe. I will miss you. I hope that you will find true happiness too and have even wished/prayed that for you in the past

 

Me: Pray harder and maybe if you are lucky you will be led back to true love, me.

 

Me: I saw you watch my car leave in the rain and i dont believe for one second that you dont have love for me. you're just too scared to feel happy.

 

Him: I felt very sad for you to leave. But you need pure love not conflict and unless I can do that I'm not right.

 

And that's how it ended.

 

I've been crying off and on since. I didn't sleep much last night, so I ended up calling out on a personal day from work. I've wasted so many work days on him, it's unreal. I'd been growing my hair long for him, so today, i called and went in and got it cut. I didn't want to leave. I love him. I really truly believe that I could have a great life with someone like him. But I can't have that great life with HIM if he's unwilling to let himself be as happy as I once was with him. I am not the fool to think i've been totally happy with him these past 2 months. I haven't. I admit that it was very emotionally draining and very up and down and full of insecurity. I admit that it couldn't continue like that for a long time, else I go insane. However, knowing all of this, helps little when the heart is broken and the brain looks for ways to fix it.

 

Do i silently hope he'll realize what he lost now that I've left? You bet. Do I hope he calls me sometime and says I was a fool to not commit to you what can I do to win you back. Of course. Do I believe either of those things will ever happen? No. And that, my friends, is sad.

 

So here I am. Trying to learn how to let go of the hope I've held onto since febuary. I can't even think about finding someone else. I already miss the companionship and physicality of the relationship so much, but I don't miss the insecurity it was bringing me. God it hasn't even been 1 year since I broke it off with H, and I've already had a broken heart 2 more times (both by the same guy even though i did the deed on time number 2). I need to learn how to not be so giving of my heart.

[Teacher's Pet]

So anyway I went to dinner with TeachersPet (hi tp)

 

*sad smile* Hi, sweetie. *holds his beautiful, wonderful friend tight*

 

I wish I logged on this morning to read your post (I got my fat ass to the gym at like 7:30am...whoopie).... I would have... I dunno.....

 

.....done whatever it is that I do that seems to make you laugh once in a while.....I kinda like when you laugh, lets me think I'm doing my job.

 

*HUGSHUGSHUGS*

 

-tp

ALWAYS your friend...who just happens to be going bowling tomorrow...hint hint.....

[Teacher's Pet]

I just thought of something...

 

Jenn...

 

You didn't "end your second chance".

 

You are beginning your FIRST chance to find true happiness.

 

And I know you will. I LOVE you, you know that? You deserve so much, and dammit, you'll get it.

 

You have SO much to offer the right person..

 

- Let me get this one out of the way first...YOU ARE CUTE AS HELL!

- Smart

- Funny (being an authority on funny, I can honestly say that!)

- A GREAT friend

- An AMAZING singer

- Did I mention cute as hell?

 

The person that deserves all of that will come your way. I PROMISE you.

 

And until then? You have me to deal with. Remember, I'm your biggest cheerleader! Heck, I got my own pompoms (not for long, thanks to me doing more chest presses).... I even have cute (though slightly hairy) legs. I'll put on the damned skirt if it will make you smile.

 

I think the three of us (Hi, DS!) need to huddle up. I'll be online all night, since I don't have a date tonight (I'm giving my heart and my peepee the night off) lol I said peepee! :)

 

Anyway....... I'm here.

 

Love you kiddo.

 

-tp

too fat to be a cheerleader

too skinny to be a sumo wrestler

but just right for giving warm loving hugs to his friends

[Teacher's Pet]

Monday we got together as usual and watched our tv shows (yeah those are going to be hard on me now - mondays and thursdays i'll be a crying mess for a while I'm sure. as well as every other day of the week)

 

Do you watch Heroes on Monday nights? It's awesome.

 

C'mon over. We can order chinese food and watch New York get saved from nuclear disaster. Then you can hold my cat down while I shove a needle in her carcass for her nightly IV.

 

-tp

tv junkie

couch potato

typical obese american male

[AriaIncognito]

I do watch heroes, but it was one of those shows that I watched for him. Not sure if i'll continue now that he's gone, though admittedly the show is good. Hopefully I can keep myself into it.

 

I hope he's hurting right now. I hope he's cried today, but he probably hasn't. Lord knows I've cried enough for the both of us. However, he probably wasn't emotionally invested enough to cry again the next day. What a shame, that i'm wasting such love on someone so unworthy. I hope that changes soon. I need to change that soon.

 

Jennifer

[Teacher's Pet]

I'll say it.

 

I'm jealous of what D had. Of course, I don't SPECIFICALLY mean you (you are like a sister to me!), but I mean.... the kind of love you had for him.

 

It's a shame how some guys get that kind of love, and don't know what to do with it, while some of us long for even a MOMENT of it.

 

I've found that love. Twice. And lost it. Twice. All of LS knows about B (lol), but Jenn, you know about my first one. She was the "perfect" (or as close as you can expect) love, and well, it all spun out of control due to..extreme circumstances. Things that STILL haunt me.

 

Keep your chin up, Jenn. You ARE the kind of woman a GOOD man should want. Remember that.

 

-tp

good man. really, i am.

[AriaIncognito]

You'd think any man would kill for what he had. It's amazing. I don't understand it. I treated him like gold. You saw it. He even saw it. I said to him last night that I couldn't believe that he could look at what he had, and think that for some reason it just "must not be right" because he wasn't letting himself go, when in reality, he's not letting go because he's depressed. It wasn't just me. he told me himself he wasn't keeping up with friendships, felt like he didn't care...it makes no sense. Why would you want to stay that way, and risk losing it all, when a therapist is not that hard to find. Ok, a good one is, but starting the search and focusing on you is a big step in general.

 

It's something I need to do, in order to move on. I hope i do it. I'm trying.

 

Jennifer

[Ssheena]

Good morning Jen.

 

I hope you got some sleep last night and your eyes aren't too puffy from crying. I feel so much for you because I've been in such a similiar situation and it truly sucks. I'd be at work just counting the hours until I could go home and repeating I can make it through the day. I think breaking up/divorce is really worse than death because the person is still there. It's so hard to give up/let go/and for me, to stop obsessing. It sure sounds like you did the best thing, ultimately, for you. I'm still looking at my email and stuff and thinking my x is going to realize he let me go without a fight and he wants me back but I don't think it's going to happen either and I'm starting to get PISSED about it. I stuck with him through thick and thin and then when I say go get therapy or we are done, he just rolls over and says, ok we're done. When you get to the angry stage let me know and we can rip on our x's together. Of course, I'm angry at myself too.

I hope today is better for you than yesterday.

Take care.

[Teacher's Pet]

I'm in the same boat, and I'm a guy.

 

When my ex first left me (just over 4 months ago), I was devastated. I thought my life was over. The woman I shared every ounce of my being with for the better part of a year just ripped me from her life.

 

Knowing she was out and about and having fun, WITHOUT ME, really hurt. I actually had to take a week off from work to recover, because in my field (sales), I can't seem "weak" talking to my customers. I couldn't even talk to my friends or my own mother about things. I was a complete and total wreck.

 

Fortunately, a week later, I found this site, and it's helped immensely.

 

And guess what? Jenn was the first person I met on here, and she immediately became my friend and talked me through the pain and sadness I was feeling. She's awesome.

 

So, now it's my turn. And I KNOW today will be a better day for her, since we're going bowling later.

 

How can you NOT have fun bowling with someone who bowls (ok, and looks) like Fred Flintstone?

 

-tp

yabba. dabba. doo.

[Teacher's Pet]

When you get to the angry stage let me know and we can rip on our x's together.

 

Can I join?

 

Any woman who dumps her supposed fiance with a text message deserves a good verbal beat-down session.

 

-tp

hello, moto!

[Ssheena]

Agreed! Aren't the stages we are "supposed" to go through: anger, relief, sadness etc...?

Text message is the lowest of the low.

Aria, this isn't the same guy from the posting way back when is it? When I replied to yours before? The guy living at home, no motivation etc?

TP - I had a kitty on subcutaneous fluids as well. Great yahoo group for that specific - kidney thing - was very helpful to me.

I'm gonna go get a new car - right NOW (ok, it's my daughter's/son's but I get to drive it too...

[AriaIncognito]

Agreed! Aren't the stages we are "supposed" to go through: anger, relief, sadness etc...?

Text message is the lowest of the low.

Aria, this isn't the same guy from the posting way back when is it? When I replied to yours before? The guy living at home, no motivation etc?

TP - I had a kitty on subcutaneous fluids as well. Great yahoo group for that specific - kidney thing - was very helpful to me.

I'm gonna go get a new car - right NOW (ok, it's my daughter's/son's but I get to drive it too...

 

Ssheena - wow you remember things. No, that guy I broke up with almost a year ago. The one I've been seeing now I met 2 months after breaking it off with H. And he was everything that H wasn't, plus a lot more that I needed. I feel like I'm getting closer each time with each relationship, but then, they don't work. I have to hope that the next one will be even better than the last few, but I just don't think it's possible, you know?

 

Since you mentioned him, I'll give you an update on him. He's still living at home. He stayed out on unemployment until his well ran dry, then took a job making like 10 bucks an hour at a music store. He's still doing that now. He hasn't pursued a relationship since. He's seemed depressed the times I've seen him. A few months ago back when I started seeing D again, I was out with the group and H was there and he told me that he was still attracted to me (and he believed I was attracted to him, which I'm sorry to say for him, I'm not). I truly have moved on past that relationship. I'm sure finding D helped some with that, but to be honest, when I found D I wasn't even looking and when I first met him I didn't think he'd become anything more than a friend. Boy, I was WAY off.

 

So here I am, sad and alone, over my letting go of D. I did sleep last night, but I'm feeling really depressed today. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel so lonely. I know I should force myself to go out today to the bowling thing that tp mentioned but I'm having a hard time in dealing with my feelings right now and the idea of being surrounded by people I don't know and looking happy just isn't appealing to me right now. I can't believe I let myself get so attached to someone that was obviously not getting as attached. He'd tell me how he was feeling, but I chose to ignore it in hopes that he'd someday catch up to me. Now, I'm faced with knowing I have a broken heart and a lost love, and he's lost nothing more than maybe a FWB. And that really hurts. I feel so alone. I live alone. I don't have friends in my area (by that I mean I basically have to drive an hour to get to any good friend I have) I just feel really alone. And it's the worst feeling in the world.

 

I'm gonna go cry more now I think. And here I thought I was doing well as I made it to 1pm without crying. That record is now broken.

 

Jennifer

[PWSX3]

 

So here I am, sad and alone, over my letting go of D. I did sleep last night, but I'm feeling really depressed today. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel so lonely. I know I should force myself to go out today to the bowling thing that tp mentioned but I'm having a hard time in dealing with my feelings right now and the idea of being surrounded by people I don't know and looking happy just isn't appealing to me right now. I can't believe I let myself get so attached to someone that was obviously not getting as attached. He'd tell me how he was feeling, but I chose to ignore it in hopes that he'd someday catch up to me. Now, I'm faced with knowing I have a broken heart and a lost love, and he's lost nothing more than maybe a FWB. And that really hurts. I feel so alone. I live alone. I don't have friends in my area (by that I mean I basically have to drive an hour to get to any good friend I have) I just feel really alone. And it's the worst feeling in the world.

 

Jennifer

Sorry I didn't read all of this post but I did for some reason catch the part that I highlighted and you answered your own question.

YES YOU NEED TO GET OUT AND GO BOWLING!!!!!!!

There are many reasons, you will meet new people (may end up being friends) you will give your mind a rest, you will build some muscles lefting that bowling ball.

A good friend of mine that went thru a breakup with his GF told me that his mom forced him to go out and do things even though he didn't want to and she made him do things when he didn't feel like doing them but the funny thing is that was the first thing he told me when we were talking about my separation so it does help.....

Go have fun!!

[Ssheena]

Jen,

 

I remember because I went back and it was the first posting I made about my now x boyfriend and what a slacker he was and you were on there. This board has helped me immensly and now it's your turn to lean on us. The fact that you might not have friends super close is hard but you have friends that care about you across/over/under the cyperspace that is the www.

Force yourself to go out and go bowling. You dont' have to be happy or even have fun, the important thing is just to go out. If you can take your mind off him/it for 1 minute it's a start.

Also, I hope that both you and I and everyone else that needs this - is getting better at making choices about what we want and how we want to be treated. Each time (hopefully) it will get easier. I've learned I don't want a guy who doesn't have any ambition or drive to improve his situation and who isn't just satisified. Jeez, 35 and living in a termite invested and I mean really infested, house with roommates, most of whom are at least 10 years younger than him? Who doesn't even know what a 401k is? No. Not again.

What have you learned? Do you realize it is a HUGE step for you (at least I think it is, isn't it?) to have said, wait a sec...I'm not getting what I want from him and I've communicated it to him and I can't help him and so as hard as this maybe for me (you), I'm getting out of this. That's HUGE. Hold on to that.

Maybe Mr. TP can load you a nice kitty cat. They are wonderful to have to snuggle with and listening to a nice purrrrrr puts me to sleep everytime.

And it's totally ok to cry. Every hour if you want to. Mourn. At least you are feeling your emotions - unlike some people... (like what's his name).

[AriaIncognito]

TP doesn't need to loan me a nice kitty, as I've already got one here, her name is Jewelie and she's my baby. :-)

 

I learned a lot of the same things you did, regarding the one before my recent ex. 36, no career ambition, also didn't know what a 401k was, lived with his family in a duplex, and had a lot of other issues. I learned a lot about what I needed in a relationship. And to be honest, i found it, in D. However, he lacked the commitment. Such a shame. We could have been very happy together. He's in for a very long, rough, life and any woman he dates from here forward, if he doesn't seek help, is in for what I got, and I don't wish that upon anyone.

 

I so want for him to get help for himself. Sure, it would be nice if that help led him back to me, but I'm not counting on it. I've got a tiny glimmer of hope that "someday" it could happen, but it certainly won't be soon, and I certainly cant sit here and cry over him the entire time because it won't help me, esp when I'm sure he'll be out and about (if he isn't already) and looking for his next victim.

 

Jennifer

[Teacher's Pet]

YES YOU NEED TO GET OUT AND GO BOWLING!!!!!!!

There are many reasons, you will meet new people (may end up being friends) you will give your mind a rest, you will build some muscles lefting that bowling ball. Go have fun!!

 

Oh, we bowled.

 

Well, she bowled, I flung a ball down a lane.

 

We had a GREAT time. Something we BOTH needed.

 

-tp

horrible bowler

[Teacher's Pet]

TP doesn't need to loan me a nice kitty, as I've already got one here, her name is Jewelie and she's my baby. :-)

 

Maybe your baby can play with my babies (I have 3, for those of you who don't know...)

 

-tp

a Leo taking care of his pride