orangele Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I am a nearly 50 year old divorced male. I have been divorced about 2 1/2 years. I earn a mid-six figure income, based on nearly 30 years (two doctorates, two post-doctoratal training programs) of formal education, and hard work. Please note that all my education, professional training, and certifications were completed prior to my first and only marriage. Since my divorce, my income has actually increased significantly. My divorce was settled with a single lawyer, and all financial agreements and terms of my divorce were negotiated and mutually agreed upon prior to even hiring a lawyer, and therefore there was no fighting in court. I believe this is because I am a person who is extremely fair in all my dealings with people (including my ex-wife). She ended up with approximately 2/3rds of all our accumulated assets. I was left with no savings, no retirement, but in possession of my home (with about 50% equity), and my business (although she got 50% of the estimated value of the business). I believe in many ways I shortchanged myself financially, but it was worth it to get out away from my unhappy marriage. Since my divorce, I have saved well, and have once again built some assets in addition to my home. I am now contemplating getting remarried. With the perspective of having been married and divorced, and having a business, a career, with a very good income, it would be foolish of me to get married again without a prenuptial agreement. Further, it would absolutely be disasterous to get married again, and then in ten years or so, get divorced again and be left with no savings and no retirement savings. My current GF is in her mid-thirties, with an income approximately 1/10th of mine. When we first met, I explained to her my situation (no retirement, no savings), and told her I would not ever consider getting married again without a prenuptial agreement allowing me to protect my retirement assets and my ability to continue to contribute to retirement, my savings (prior to remarriage), my home, my business, and basically everything that I worked to establish, prior to a remarriage. I would point out that even allowing me to set aside a good amount for my retirement, my remaining income, would still be nearly 8X the income she had prior to our marriage. She said that she understood. Well that was about 8 months ago. She now says she doesnt remember this conversation. I would point out I do have emails basically outlining the same communication. I believe that even in the worst case scenario for her, where our marriage lasts only a year or two, she will come out financially better than she would be if we did not get married. My lawyer has drafted an agreement, even voluntarily paying her support for one year (spousal support not common or legally mandated in my state), and allowing her 50% of community property acquired during the marriage. I know that Pre-nups are not very romantic, but then again I just heard that is why Paul McCartney chose not to get one (they are not romantic) ; I wonder how he feels about pre-nups now.
Author orangele Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 P.S. I forgot to mention that I have given my GF money to reimburse her to pay for her own attorney to represent her interests in any prenuptial agreement. She pays the attorney directly, so that her attorney does indeed represent her. Her attorney is currently evaluating the agreement.
norajane Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 That sounds sensible on your part. I'm sure her lawyer will advise her properly on the terms. What was your question? Are they romantic? Well, no. Of course not. They take into account that the marriage might fail. That's practical, not romantic. But the legal obligations of marriage aren't romantic. Romance is for the honeymoon.
Guest Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Brilliant. Good for you. But if she's trying to squirm out of it by claiming she didn't remember agreeing, be careful. I feel so bad for poor old Sir Paul. Such a smart guy doing such a stupid, stupid thing. Prenups aren't about not trusting the person you're going to marry. They are about not trusting yourself to have chosen a good partner. It's stupid insurance for yourself.
dgiirl Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Wow, you were _extremely_ fair with your ex-w. My exh claimed he wanted to act the way you did, but he tried to screw me every chance he got. Even our mutual friends told him to be fair, to take care of me, and he reassured them he would. And _all_ I wanted was 50/50 of the assets from when we got married, and he couldnt even give me that. Seriously, pre-nups are not romantic at all, but where I live, the only thing i'm entitled to legally anyways is 50% of whatever was acquired during the marriage. That's all that seem's your asking for? Sounds very fair to me. If she doesnt sign, then find out what your laws are where you live? What would she be entitled too if you didnt have a prenup. It might be the same thing you're already asking for, thus what's the point of having a prenup.
Woggle Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Goldiggers are the biggest parasites ever. If I work for my money it should be mine. Alimony and spousal support made sense when women did not have that much finacnial independence but these days when women are perfectly capable of making a living no adult should support another adult.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Nothing makes homicide more attractive than the idea of having to spend thousands of dollars on an ex-spouse who's f*cking other men.
Woggle Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Nothing makes homicide more attractive than the idea of having to spend thousands of dollars on an ex-spouse who's f*cking other men. I know a divorced guy who sympathizes with OJ Simpson. I wouldn't go that far but it sucks to have to pay somebody who hates you and you probably hate as well.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I know a divorced guy who sympathizes with OJ Simpson. I wouldn't go that far but it sucks to have to pay somebody who hates you and you probably hate as well. Yeah, I was exaggerating for dramatic effect, but the amount of resentment in that situation is intense. I'm a laid back guy, not prone to hatred, but I could see truly hating a person if I had to pay them for nothing, especially if I used to sleep with them every night and now they're in someone elses bed. Child support is different, but alimony....come on.
SmoochieFace Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Goldiggers are the biggest parasites ever. If I work for my money it should be mine. Alimony and spousal support made sense when women did not have that much finacnial independence but these days when women are perfectly capable of making a living no adult should support another adult. Absolutely. I go even further though. I wouldn't get married again. Just have a steady GF or date different women but keep your wallet shut to them.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I would definitely sign a prenup- providing it was fair ie, in relations to my future husband's income and assets and mine. I don't understand people who do not- especially when they have alot to lose. My husband stands to inherit quite a bit of money and property from his parents one day. I have already told him that I'd be more than happy to sign something stating that in the event that if I cheated or left him I'd get nothing providing he'd do the same.
Isabella82 Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I actually work in the courts, and I would definately sign a prenup. I do not think there is anything wrong with them, it is smart. My boyfriend comes from a lot of money, and I told him that he should make a girl sign a prenup, but he told me he would never do that. Now that I am working in the courts and I tell him all the stories of these divorces he now says that he would want a prenup. Orangele you were extremely nice to your exwife. If your new gf is not using you for your money, then she should have no reason not to sign a prenup. Woggle, I agree that spousal support is not very fiar, but in some cases lets say a couple has been married for 30+ years, and the wife did not work because her husband made 6 figures. This means that when they get a divorce she would have no work experience and no retirement fund, nothing. Then it is only right for her to get support. And that only last a year or so anyway.
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