Guest Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Hello all. I am new here on LS, and need to hear the thoughts of someone unemotionally involved. Dated a great guy for one year-ish. We were happy, never fought, etc. He suddenly became distance, and eventually admitted that he felt we should do our own thing for right now, as he needed time and space to deal with some personal issues and felt unable to contribute the required effort needed for our relationship. He referred to it as "A Break." To clarify, I asked if he was completely ending us. He claimed this was not a cowardly break-up, cop out, or anything of that nature. He says that while he has love in his heart for me, he isn't ready for the things I am ready for.[taking the relationship to the next level] He went on to say that he cares enough about me to be fair and not ask me to put my life on hold while he gets his issues on track--hence the break. I took this unexpected news very hard and cried. It was clear that my tears made him uncomfortable, especially for him to know my tears were HIS fault. He says we are friends, and he's hopeful that we will be able to work this out in time. That was 7 weeks ago. A week later, I ran into him in town. We made small talk. He informed me of all the craziness taking up his time in life. {A new job, renovating the house he recently bought, and so on} He ended the conversation stating "I'll call you in a few days." Well...That was 6 weeks ago, and I haven't heard one word from him. I am trying to stick with this "no contact", as I have read about on so many threads. I thought I was giving him a chance to deal with his issues, and allowing him to miss me, thus realizing what he might loose in me. But how should I take his recent silence?? Is this his cowardly way of fully breaking up with me and I was too stupid to get it? Or is he waiting for me to call him? Does he fear his calling me will re-open my wounds and get my hopes up for something he isn't ready to re-start? Or is it totally someting that I am not seeing?...Or perhaps my heart is choosing NOT to see, because I don't want this to be over? Please, help me figure out what he's thinking! I don't know where I stand or what I should do next. I hate to give up on him if I can have him back in due time, because I do love him. But I also don't want to foolishly waste time on a dead relationship! HELP!
LakesideDream Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 "Issues" are overrated. Sounds like he made a decision that you weren't the "right one" for him. Stuff happens, that's what dating is about, getting to know each other.
D-Lish Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 He's the only one that can claify what is going on inside his own head. Clearly, at this point in time you have to treat this as a break up and proceed onwards with your life. 7 weeks isn't a long time in terms of a break... so it's hard to say what his silence actually means. Someone can love you and not be ready to be with you. But I know what it's like living everyday "waiting" for someone to come back to you. He said he didn't want you to wait for him- so don't wait. the sooner you start to act like you are moving on, the sooner you actually will begin to move on. It's going to be difficult, but you have no other choice at this point. there's no harm in checking in every once and a while and being friendly when you see him- but you have to wait for him to make the first move. Perhaps you can get all dolled up and arrange an "accidental"run in? That way, you can remind him of you, without actually being the one to contact him. Is that possible? D
everlong Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 here are a few things that caught my eye and perhaps i will tell you how i see this. "he felt we should do our own thing for right now, as he needed time and space to deal with some personal issues and felt unable to contribute the required effort needed for our relationship." first thing that stuck out was that "He" felt that "We" should...so, "he" has made a decision about the 'us' and is including you in the 'we' - when presented this way, it looks like this was not really discussed by both but that 'he' decided. no, if would have been, "he" and "i" decided...that's different. either way, "he" is allowed to make whatever decision they want right? just sounds like one person was left out of the loop. "He referred to it as "A Break." ok...you say he referred to it as a 'break'. so, what does that mean? was there a time line? a commitment to do x at x? did "he"discussing dating other people, keeping in touch? usually when someone says lets take a break, they include some guidelines or rules for the break - was this discussed? "He says that while he has love in his heart for me, he isn't ready for the things I am ready for.[taking the relationship to the next level]" ok..what is the next level? and why did he not want to go to the next level? maybe it is a level they never want to go to? "He went on to say that he cares enough about me to be fair and not ask me to put my life on hold while he gets his issues on track--hence the break." isn't that really redirecting? that is bait and switch. they are using YOU as the reason for THEIR decision. And the really important information missing in all this is - what are these issues that are so important. Wouldn't you think that if you were breaking up with someone you would perhaps not be so vague as to say 'issues'. Frankly, i would not be fooled by what it really is A BREAKUP and i would advise that you get on with your life.
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