I want my family back

[depressedinphx]

Recently my girlfriend of 2yrs. has left our apt. w/ our 6m old daughter, we had the classic problems of spending money (sharing the same bank account), jealousy, and honesty, recently b4 she left we went to a counslor who we thought could help us w/ our problems. You see, b4 we got pregnant we were 'us' and after, 'we' became 'her and the baby' i felt lost and not loved to the fullest, because aof this i went out with this girl that she and I worked w/ no sex! I couldn't bear to tell her bcuz after this happened i then realized that I truely and devotedly love her and I want to spend the rest of my life w/ her. She had suspected that something had happened but i couldn't bear to tell her and i denied ever doing anything but my heart was aching to tell her the truthr. well, back to the counslor, one session, he told us about honesty and communication, after this I was very moved and motivated to go forward with our relationship, but a week later she asked what had happened and I finally broke down and told her, no sex! just kissing. She immediatley thought we had and said she was sick to think that she touched me in those places, she moved out that night into her parents and took the baby. Its been 2-3 weeks now and i've been abe to see my little girl 2-3 days, but now she wants this parenting plan and to file for joint custody, i am in such a depression right now and all I want is my family back, I know this old relationship is probaly over but why can't we start w/ a clean slate? and form a new and honest and commited relationship, I have been seeing a therapist for my depression and what has occured and i have come to find that what i want I life, not right now, but in my life for years to come. and all of my plans and goals involve her and my daughter, what do I do? will she come back? people say to be patient and give her the space she is asking for, but when she says that she wants to move on right now what does this mean? i am lost and all i can do is think about my family and how much I want them back in my life. please, I need help, guidance, something tell me whats happening and tell me what to do, will she come back, and how do i still tell her that I want her back and I made such a huge mistake but whats done is done and we can do this, please help.

[depressedinphx]

Recently my girlfriend of 2yrs. has left our apt. w/ our 6m old daughter, we had the classic problems of spending money (sharing the same bank account), jealousy, and honesty, recently b4 she left we went to a counslor who we thought could help us w/ our problems. You see, b4 we got pregnant we were 'us' and after, 'we' became 'her and the baby' i felt lost and not loved to the fullest, I thought that because some girl flirted w/ me I was being paid attention to again, because of this i went out with this girl that she and I worked w/ I only kissed this girl on two occassions no sex! I couldn't bear to tell her bcuz after this happened i then realized after my stupidity that I truely and devotedly love her and I want to spend the rest of my life w/ her. She had suspected that something had happened but i couldn't bear to tell her and i denied ever doing anything but my heart was aching to tell her the truthr. well, back to the counslor, one session, he told us about honesty and communication, after this I was very moved and motivated to go forward with our relationship, but a week later she asked what had happened and I finally broke down and told her, no sex! just kissing. She immediatley thought we had done more than what I told her and said she was sick to think that she touched me in those places, she moved out that night into her parents and took the baby. Its been 2-3 weeks, now and i've been able to see my little girl 2-3 days, but now she wants this parenting plan and to file for joint custody, i am in such a depression right now and all I want is my family back, I know this old relationship is probaly over but why can't we start w/ a clean slate? and form a new and honest and commited relationship, I have been seeing a therapist for my depression and the reason this happened and what has occured and i have come to find that what i want I life, not right now, but in my life for years to come. and all of my plans and goals involve her and my daughter, what do I do? will she come back? people say to be patient and give her the space she is asking for, but when she says that she wants to move on right now what does this mean? i am lost and all i can do is think about my family and how much I want them back in my life. please, I need help, guidance, someone tell me whats happening and tell me what to do, will she come back, and how do i still tell her that I want her back and I made such a huge mistake but whats done is done and we can do this, how can i rebuild this trust I know that she desrves please help.

I cannot fatholm a lifewithout my family and I am begining to feel that my life is a loss

[magda]

i felt lost and not loved to the fullest, because aof this i went out with this girl that she and I worked w/

You need to take responsibility for what you did. You can't blame your actions on not feeling loved by your ex. Saying that is basically saying that it's not your fault that you betrayed her whch is wrong. It is your fault. Just because you only kissed her doesn't mean this was all innocent. How can you have an honest relationship when your girlfriend would have to worry about you having affairs every time you don't feel loved enough? To have any chance of working this out you need to take an honest look at yourself and what YOU did wrong and what YOU coudl've done differently.

 

I'm not saying your Ex is without fault but you have to take ownership and make changes to yourself if you want her to consider taking you back you must CHANGE what wasn't working and PROVE that it is changed.

[depressedinphx]

I thank you for your honesty and I have recently been seeing both a counselor and speaking to a therapist during these past few weeks , my therapsit has recomened that i stick to talking to a counselor because getting two different opinions won't work right now, I finding out about my self is key first and wheni do discover these problems I can then look into therpay. I have accepted that I was the one who made such a terrible mistake and i have also taken responisibity for my wrong doings. What i did in the past cannot be changed but it can be prevented from hapening again, people can change and people can unlearn the things in their life that they choose to unlearn. I know that I wiil never do anything like this again and I also know how to prevent these situations from even becoming a part of our life. communication is such an important element in our everyday, romantic and commited relationships. this is something that i am going to bring to our relationship. I have also looked into our relationship and truth and honesty come hand in hand, If i am truthful and honest with her and she is the same in return we can both realize and know what each othr wants from each other. I want to regain her trust but how is this possible? do I ask? I want to show her that i am someone in her life that she knows is a trusting and honest and truely commited person in her life, and through these actions I will provide love and affection and meet our emotional needs. I know that with communication we can both be a stronger cuple and we will both know how much we tuely do love each other. can this be a positive change in my life that i am dicovering? and how do I tell her or show her that this is occuring in my life? how do I prove that I am changing and I am devoted to our relationship and to our family?

[Dayzie]

Might not work, but an idea. Write her a letter. Tell her what you are writing here, ask her if she will go to couple therapy with you again to work on the relationship. Right now she's going through a lot, she is still dealing all her hormones getting back in sync after having a baby, so she's a mess. It will take time for her to ever trust you again, if you get back together. if you are sincere enough and explain to her that you made a mistake and you want to fix it she might consider giving you another chance. But if she's already wants a parenting plan and to file for joint custody it might be too late. you might just need to give her space. The fact is you are the father of her child and you will always have that special bond.

[Guest]

I thank you for your honesty and I have recently been seeing both a counselor and speaking to a therapist during these past few weeks , my therapist has recomened that i stick to talking to a counselor because getting two different opinions won't work right now, I finding out about my self is key first and wheni do discover these problems I can then look into therapy. I have accepted that I was the one who made such a terrible mistake and i have also taken responsibility for my wrong doings. What i did in the past cannot be changed but it can be prevented from happening again, people can change and people can unlearn the things in their life that they choose to unlearn.

 

I know that I will never do anything like this again and I also know how to prevent these situations from even becoming a part of our life. communication is such an important element in our everyday, romantic and committed relationships. this is something that i am going to bring to our relationship. I have also looked into our relationship and truth and honesty come hand in hand, If i am truthful and honest with her and she is the same in return we can both realize and know what each other wants from each other. I want to regain her trust but how is this possible? do I ask? I want to show her that i am someone in her life that she knows is a trusting and honest and truly committed person in her life, and through these actions I will provide love and affection and meet our emotional needs. I know that with communication we can both be a stronger couple and we will both know how much we truly do love each other. can this be a positive change in my life that i am discovering? and how do I tell her or show her that this is occurring in my life? how do I prove that I am changing and I am devoted to our relationship and to our family?

 

how do u show her? u answered your own question in this post - communicate