Dating girl 4 months -- no sex yet!

[DanielMadr]

I have so resisted posting on this thread but here I go. 4 months (OP)? Forcing her (Daniel)? No No No No No.

OP - I just recently started seeing a guy and I imagine that he will expect (your words) sex after a couple of dates. Tough. I like sex, a lot. I also like turtles, a lot. BUT I dont own a turtle and I don't see sex as a NEED. I mean, come on, are you the guy in high school that said "you know, if you don't get me off it could kill me?" I am not trying to be rude to you but you don't deserve her - even with her "social status." Would you rather be with a girl that screwed every guy that came along? Grrrr..

Daniel - I am 30 and have been with less that 10 guys (NOT multiplied by 3). I don't have an STD but, although I am a very sexual person, I don't want to get nailed by every guy that comes along. I don't even want to sleep with every 50th guy that comes along AND I don't want to be with a guy that thinks "you can just get a prostitute." No means no. Not dreamy, not drunk. If I say no on any topic I mean NO. And I am not the b**ch you talk about girls being. I just know what I want and am dam* picky about it. You should be also.

I can't wait until you both have daughters and come home crying because a guy didn't believe NO or, god forbid, didn't want to sleep with every guy that wanted to "get his rocks off (whatever you said)."

I don't doubt that you care about her OP. You just care about you more and that, right there, would be enough to turn me off.

Signing off now.

Demented (according to some),

LH

 

FORCING???? Drunk????WHo talked about this??? Read my posts properly please without prejudice. thanks.

 

Why are you so damn personal accusing me and wishing me horrible things? What for? Because I say that girl waiting more then 3 dates is immature? By 3rd date she should know(if not retarded) if she loves him and if he loves her...if not why to date him/her and get to bed and do oral sex?

 

OK. So why is it common for you to date guy who you love for 4 months and not have sex with him? taht is the question.

[Guest]

[ Because I say that girl waiting more then 3 dates is immature? By 3rd date she should know(if not retarded) if she loves him and if he loves her.

 

 

Hmm interesting.. so if I go out with a new guy twice this week and once next week (our third date) by this time I should know whether or not I love him?? Crazy! A relationship takes time and to know if you love someone by the third time you go out with them just doesn't make sense to me.

 

If the OP's girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with him she should just tell him she's not ready and stop making excuses. But the OP needs to realize that he may be rushing her. Four months may sound like a long time to wait for his needs to be satisfied but maybe his girlfriend just isn't that into him.

[lighthouse]

Daniel -

You stated that sometimes no means no but sometimes no means a dreamy no which means yes. I know how to read and I am not being prejudiced except it does offend me when men think that no means yes.

Obviously I do not wish horrible things for you nor am I attacking you but please understand that is not the way the majority of women do things and I was trying to put it in a way that you would understand - i.e. your daughter coming home crying because some guy thought that no meant yes.

I am about to go on a 4th date with a guy and we are not having sex and I am not retarted (which I think is a personal attack btw). Sex does not equal love so to say that you love someone by the third date makes no sense. Love takes a long time, lust is easy.

Why would I not have sex with someone after 4 months? Well, first of all if you read my post then you will see that I have not been dating someone for 4 months. However, the reason that I would not have sex with someone after however amount of time is because:

1) I don't feel comfortable;

2) I don't fully trust him;

3) I don't want an STD (which can happen with a condom);

4) I respect myself.

 

Please don't accuse me of personal attacks when you just personally attacked me - saying I am being retarted.

LH

[DanielMadr]

Daniel -

You stated that sometimes no means no but sometimes no means a dreamy no which means yes. I know how to read and I am not being prejudiced except it does offend me when men think that no means yes.

Obviously I do not wish horrible things for you nor am I attacking you but please understand that is not the way the majority of women do things and I was trying to put it in a way that you would understand - i.e. your daughter coming home crying because some guy thought that no meant yes.

I am about to go on a 4th date with a guy and we are not having sex and I am not retarted (which I think is a personal attack btw). Sex does not equal love so to say that you love someone by the third date makes no sense. Love takes a long time, lust is easy.

Why would I not have sex with someone after 4 months? Well, first of all if you read my post then you will see that I have not been dating someone for 4 months. However, the reason that I would not have sex with someone after however amount of time is because:

1) I don't feel comfortable;

2) I don't fully trust him;

3) I don't want an STD (which can happen with a condom);

4) I respect myself.

 

Please don't accuse me of personal attacks when you just personally attacked me - saying I am being retarted.

LH

 

The retard thing was just a tease;) sorry. Men think that some of the girls due social-conditioning act in the way not to appear sl*tty- wanting sex, which is ofcorse ridiculous. So when you start to pull their pants down, they say 'no'.... and they dont mean 'Get your dirty hands of me you lousy piece of excrement right now'. They mean that they need to visit toilet or that they simply had to say it to look more lady-like.....they hesitate because it is the sin after all:rolleyes:

We guys have two options.....

1. we are not sure if it was meant seriously,because due missing experience we cant honestly recognize 'NO' from 'no' so we stop immediately, apologize to her and leave to see padre and eventually ask about it on the forum, because we are a little bit confused.

 

2. we know she probably didnt mean it...so we stop slowly, ask her if she wants glass of water and then slowly start over the whole process...kiss, breasts etc. If she do this couple of times we stop completely, ask her if she is OK. In 9 of 10 it is just the 'not to appear sl*tty' thing.

 

So...

You would go out for however amount of time (4 months in this case) with someone if you would not trust him, he would not make you feel comfortable, was possibly STD etc.? No you would not go out with him not even on secnd date, because you respect yourself.

[DanielMadr]

[ Because I say that girl waiting more then 3 dates is immature? By 3rd date she should know(if not retarded) if she loves him and if he loves her.

 

 

Hmm interesting.. so if I go out with a new guy twice this week and once next week (our third date) by this time I should know whether or not I love him?? Crazy! A relationship takes time and to know if you love someone by the third time you go out with them just doesn't make sense to me.

 

If the OP's girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with him she should just tell him she's not ready and stop making excuses. But the OP needs to realize that he may be rushing her. Four months may sound like a long time to wait for his needs to be satisfied but maybe his girlfriend just isn't that into him.

 

3 dates is ideal but ofcorse it can take longer to fall in love....but the stronger the attraction the better....and sooner I assume. 4 month is really too long but if they are both inexperienced then its normal I think. In this case I would suggest to dump her/himself...it just obviously does not work.

[tanbark813]

Island Girl: I don't disagree with everything you said, but this:

 

you don't even understand that would be putting YOUR 'needs' ahead of OUR OWN.

 

contradicts this:

 

WE HAVE OUR OWN NEEDS that we prioritize before yours.

 

You can't really blame him for putting his needs first if you claim you put yours first. That's being a hypocrite. It should be about meeting each other's needs.

[lighthouse]

 

So...

You would go out for however amount of time (4 months in this case) with someone if you would not trust him, he would not make you feel comfortable, was possibly STD etc.? No you would not go out with him not even on secnd date, because you respect yourself.

 

I am not quite sure what you are saying here but I will try to answer what I think you are asking. Would I be comfortable having dinner with him? Movies? FAR different from sex.

Respecting myself about having sex with someone is far different than going to dinner with them.

And I guess we are just going to have to disagree about the "no" thing. If I say No then I mean it. If I want to have sex with someone they don't have to stop and get me some water and try again. It sounds to me like (and no I am not saying you are doing this) date rape.

Do you have statistics to back up your "9 out of 10 theory?" Because I think that you are wrong. It is not, to me, about looking slutty. It is about respect, trust, and being comfortable with that person and I wouldn't be comfortable with someone who was only thinking about sex.

LH

[DanielMadr]

Perhaps you do not understand the basic differences between men and women.

 

One of those is women have more of an emotional attachment to sex.

 

Men can have sex with a woman and not feel a thing emotionally.

 

There are times when a woman is simply a receptacle to you. - And there are girls you care about.

 

I have dated LOTS of men. Most of them I did not sleep with. There are only a select few who got to that level of intimacy with me.

 

Notice I said intimacy. This means I knew them well enough to REALLY care about them and they cared enough about me. This kind of intimacy would be very rare after 4 MONTHS.

 

How well do you KNOW someone in 4 MONTHS??? Not very!

 

Had I subscribed to your theories of relationships I would have slept with over 60 guys by now. Instead, there has been less than 8 including my husband.

 

I love the way you think about things:

 

"I spend time with you and talk to you. That is intimacy! I don't care if it is 2 weeks or 2 months, that is intimacy! -- I want sex - and IT IS SO DIFFICULT TO WANT TO AND NOT GET IT. I am a guy and I have needs. YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF MY NEEDS" and being so obtuse that you don't even understand that would be putting YOUR 'needs' ahead of OUR OWN. No self-respectable woman would do that and certainly not after knowing you for a few months.

 

Or, and Daniel this IS MY FAVORITE, "If you don't, I'll go have sex with someone else."

That is REALLY TELLING of the actual level of intimacy you feel for a particular woman.

 

You make my point so easily for me I'm sure the other posters out there get where I'm headed...

 

We are lego pieces to you - completely interchangable.

 

And because we don't immediately jump into bed with you we are somehow using sex as a weapon or have some political agenda. RIDICULOUS.

 

What about the truth?

 

I know I'm going to have to explain it for you.

 

That is, we have enough respect for ourselves to not allow an invasion of our bodies and emotions just so some guy can "get his rocks off".

 

We have enough self-esteem to see all of us as valuable, not just our sexual parts.

 

We have enough intelligence to know we are not RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR 'NEEDS'.

 

We are not put here simply for your amusement or pleasure to do with whatever you want whenever you want.

 

WE HAVE OUR OWN NEEDS that we prioritize before yours.

Sadly men that think like you DON'T know how to meet them.

 

 

So again back to what you posted:

 

 

That is YOUR PROBLEM not OURS.

 

If you can't control yourself physically, that is YOUR PROBLEM.

 

If you get out of control because of it and do something like date rape some girl then you go to jail.

 

If you can't handle getting all worked up but not getting any then don't get all worked up.

 

A MAN can control himself.

 

A MAN wants the woman to feel just as comfortable and secure as she must to surrender herself completely to him.

 

If you have never had sex like that -- IT IS THE MOST WORTHWHILE EXPERIENCE EVER. Talk about fulfilling! Wow - animalistic, sensual, wild, slow, it is ALL of it. And talk about creating willingness in the woman, I'll go back for that again and again as much as I can - and I'll wait for that man FOREVER if I have to. THAT is what a MAN wants with his woman.

 

WTF??? I NEVER WROTE THE THINGS YOU SAY I DID. WERE HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT? (The testosterone thing is the fact I dont say that you should act accordingly spreading your legs.)

 

I am sorry I am not OPENLY pollitically correct.

 

 

 

Actually it was me who wrote to original poster that MAN MUST HAVE CONTROL OVER HIMSELF and not to even speak about sex, cause its emotional pressure.

 

 

 

"Men can have sex with a woman and not feel a thing emotionally. " YEAH WE CAN ALSO DO A FLIP-FLOP BUT IT DOESNT MEAN WE ARE ACROBATS;)

[DanielMadr]

I am not quite sure what you are saying here but I will try to answer what I think you are asking. Would I be comfortable having dinner with him? Movies? FAR different from sex.

Respecting myself about having sex with someone is far different than going to dinner with them.

And I guess we are just going to have to disagree about the "no" thing. If I say No then I mean it. If I want to have sex with someone they don't have to stop and get me some water and try again. It sounds to me like (and no I am not saying you are doing this) date rape.

Do you have statistics to back up your "9 out of 10 theory?" Because I think that you are wrong. It is not, to me, about looking slutty. It is about respect, trust, and being comfortable with that person and I wouldn't be comfortable with someone who was only thinking about sex.

LH

 

I meant that if you dont like him after 3 dates, there is little chance it will get better with time.

 

Ask some decent but experienced guys about girls nad 'not to appear slutty' according to 'no'. youll see.

 

Nope...its not daterape. Like she changed her mind from 'yes' to go to your place and make out to 'no' in case of pants....she can change her mind after five minutes. She is not feeling well....after a 5 minutes she can be OK again. But there is no reason to end it suddenly and try another week. I did it once and she was so SORRY about it.....when she stopped appologizing she started to comfort me and then.....she actually raped me. Knowing this it is much better to just stay cool.....no need to be too nice....its make people feel bad.

[lighthouse]

totally confused by your post Daniel.

I never said I didn't LIKE him after 3 dates - just that I wasn't ready to have sex with him. I think that you have like/love/lust messed up. I can like someone but not love or lust after them (i.e. my dentist). I can love someone (i.e. my ex-boyfriend) but I don't lust after him. And then I can feel lust for someone which has nothing to do with love or like - it is just being horny - like most men feel about Angelina Jolie.

However, it is physically impossible for a man to be raped (meaning the traditional penis/vagina way). Sex that way requires an erection. Now if you are talking about anal sex or something else then that is a different story.

Ask some decent girls who aren't b*tches (as you so eloquently stated) and they will tell you that no means no. Period. Dot. End of Story.

I commend you for posting in and learning a language that is not your native tongue - I couldn't do it - and I apologize, sincerely, for not understanding you better.

LH

[Adora]

It seems I've sparked off some interesting discussions. Many of you have offerred me very productive adivice and I appreciate that. This weekend I got pretty close to having sex with her - I used Walk's advice and didn't talk at all about sex. It worked pretty good but I still didn't get laid. She still has that tampon in due to the bleeding from her depo-provera shot.

I did establish something though -- I asked her if the only thing at this time holding us back from getting down is the bleeding thing and she said "yes".

So as far as I'm concerned as soon as that is over with I'll have sex with her. If, at that time she has another excuse then I will just break up with her. There's too many fun, beautiful wonen out there that want a complete relationship.

Why even bother waiting then.. break up with her now. Obviously you don't have intense feelings enough to stay with her regardless of sex/no sex.. so why string it along any further? You seem like a complete j/a and I am sure if your gf knew what was quoted above, she'd tell you personally to take a hike.

 

You only think about yourself, never what her needs/wants are. You are self-absorbed, please, seriously, leave her now... she deserves so much better.

 

How dare she care about herself and her well-being... whatever was she thinking!?

 

And to Lighthouse:

Ask some decent girls who aren't b*tches (as you so eloquently stated) and they will tell you that no means no. Period. Dot. End of Story.

I agree 100%. No means No. Regardless of the situation. If one says no it is for a reason, no if's, and's, or but's.. or yes's - it was clearly stated: No.

 

According to Dictionary.com, this is what they have listed as a complete definition of the word No.

 

______________

adverb

1.(a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request)

2.(used to emphasize or introduce a negative statement): Not a single person came to the party, no, not a one.

3.not in any degree or manner; not at all (used with a comparative): He is no better.

4.not a (used before an adjective to convey the opposite of the adjective's meaning): His recovery was no small miracle.

adjective

5.not a (used before a noun to convey the opposite of the noun's meaning): She's no beginner on the ski slopes.

noun

6.an utterance of the word “no.”

7.a denial or refusal: He responded with a definite no.

8.a negative vote or voter: The noes have it.

verb (used with object)

9.to reject, refuse approval, or express disapproval of. verb (used without object)

10.to express disapproval.

Idiom

11.no can do, Informal. it can't be done.

 

______________

No where above did I see anything about No meaning Yes... if I somehow looked it over, please, by all means, enlighten me, as I somehow missed it.

[DanielMadr]

totally confused by your post Daniel.

I never said I didn't LIKE him after 3 dates - just that I wasn't ready to have sex with him. I think that you have like/love/lust messed up. I can like someone but not love or lust after them (i.e. my dentist). I can love someone (i.e. my ex-boyfriend) but I don't lust after him. And then I can feel lust for someone which has nothing to do with love or like - it is just being horny - like most men feel about Angelina Jolie.

However, it is physically impossible for a man to be raped (meaning the traditional penis/vagina way). Sex that way requires an erection. Now if you are talking about anal sex or something else then that is a different story.

Ask some decent girls who aren't b*tches (as you so eloquently stated) and they will tell you that no means no. Period. Dot. End of Story.

I commend you for posting in and learning a language that is not your native tongue - I couldn't do it - and I apologize, sincerely, for not understanding you better.

LH

 

If you have no strong feelings for a guy after three dates then it is not likely you ever will.

You wrote about reasons for which you wouldnt have sex with a guy (trust e.g.) and I pointed out that you wouldnt be dating him then for 4 months (long) either.

I hope it is possible for you to love and lust for the same person in the same time.

You probably try to say that love takes longer......yes and no....it has stages....from hormone rush (2 months) to settle 'are we friends or lovers?' stage. But I think it is okay not to miss the hormone rush. And by that I dont mean simple lust aka need to get rid of sexual tension which built up for no particular reason (person).

 

Yes you are right I was not raped. 1. It is nearly impossible 2. I was joking 3. We didnt even have sex...I thought you like happyendings.

 

Truth is....she was sorry. She then told me that she feels bad about her body and she cant undress. I tried to comfort her telling her that its in her mind only and that its ok and so on, but she was just down. It became awkward for her and she left. Never answered my calls. At least she wasnt waiting 4 months to attempt to get rid of her fear. What I wanted to say was, that if I wouldnt stop suddenly and just gave her time, maybe it wouldnt be so awkward for her and we could be married now.

[DanielMadr]

No means No. Regardless of the situation. If one says no it is for a reason, no if's, and's, or but's.. or yes's - it was clearly stated: No.

 

That 'no' doesnt necessary mean 'NO' I was told by various girls - no joke.

And I assure you, you can tell the difference between hesitation and rejection. 'no' does not mean to STOP and RUN away...it means WAIT, TRY MORE, IM NOT READY. If you cant tell the difference STOP and RUN AWAY.

 

Have you ever been in bed with a girl? No? Have you ever pick up a girl? No?

Being a girl doesnt mean you have universal answer do you? I am telling you it is not that simple.

[lighthouse]

 

And to Lighthouse:

 

I agree 100%. No means No. Regardless of the situation. If one says no it is for a reason, no if's, and's, or but's.. or yes's - it was clearly stated: No.

 

According to Dictionary.com, this is what they have listed as a complete definition of the word No.

 

Thanks Adora. I am rather scared that there are men out there that don't know what no means. It reminds me of when my dog was a puppy and would pee on the rug I would yell "NO." It didn't mean "a little more." :D:D Seriously I really appreciate the support.

 

Daniel - lets agree to disagree on this.

LH

[DanielMadr]

Thanks Adora. I am rather scared that there are men out there that don't know what no means. It reminds me of when my dog was a puppy and would pee on the rug I would yell "NO." It didn't mean "a little more." :D:D Seriously I really appreciate the support.

 

Daniel - lets agree to disagree on this.

LH

 

I have never peed on my girlfriend, so I dont know about it.

 

So 'nO' means also 'NEVER'? I dont think so. And I asure you 'no means no' can be just a cliche sometimes.

 

I am glad you never say no when you dont mean it.

 

True life story (her responses where shortened):

 

Me: Lets go to my place

Her: no

Me: Come on it will be fun, dont worry

Her: no

Me: Dont be a chicken, come on

Her: no

Me: OK it was three no in a row, so no then

Her: Id like to go

 

and it was like this with everything

 

Guys according to this debate....To avoid potencial accusation, make her say 'PLEASE F!@K ME' and dont forget to record the whole act.

[SmoochieFace]

I have never peed on my girlfriend, so I dont know about it.

 

So 'nO' means also 'NEVER'? I dont think so. And I asure you 'no means no' can be just a cliche sometimes.

 

I am glad you never say no when you dont mean it.

 

True life story (her responses where shortened):

 

Me: Lets go to my place

Her: no

Me: Come on it will be fun, dont worry

Her: no

Me: Dont be a chicken, come on

Her: no

Me: OK it was three no in a row, so no then

Her: Id like to go

 

and it was like this with everything

 

Guys according to this debate....To avoid potencial accusation, make her say 'PLEASE F!@K ME' and dont forget to record the whole act.

 

Dude, you're ridiculous!

[lighthouse]

Will someone else please talk some sense into these people? Apparently I can't do it and, heaven forbid, I might get "flagged" again.

LH

[DanielMadr]

Will someone else please talk some sense into these people? Apparently I can't do it and, heaven forbid, I might get "flagged" again.

LH

 

You ve been flagged? Is some street lingo for f....? I hope it was consentaneous act.

 

Im making fun of you;)