Dating girl 4 months -- no sex yet!

October 20, 2006

shes probably holding out on you because she might consider that sex should be reserved only for people in love and maybe she hasn't quite gotten to the stage of knowing for sure she loves. personally if my boyfriend pressured me and said the things your saying to our girlfriend id consider dumping him because it would make me feel guilty, pressured and like thats all he wants. I think your approaching the situation the wrong way. Your approaching it looking at your wants and needs but you need to consider hers. What does she want sexually and emotionally and meet those needs before your own and she'll probably feel more comfortable taking the next step

October 20, 2006

1) in these anticonception times it is not normal behaviour

2) suggest TRAUMA - abuse or low self esteem....does she get naked when you mingle??

3) suggest form of SEXPLOITATION. She thinks that when you 'take' her, you will leave, so she tries to attach with you more to keep you.

4) suggest she sleeps with other man and you are just provider - emotional or material. (3 men before you? multiply by 3, dont forget)

5) suggest she just wants to know that she has control over you...she has you

Her behaviour is selfish and immature. Waiting for clear skies? Blah. She will wait another 28 years for that....and then cry a lot. And I knew a few which waited half a year with one guy and then ****ed another after party.

Dont talk with her about sex....JUST DO IT. Dont ask for it. Make her all wet and hot and go for it...if she says 'No' make her hotter....if then says 'No'....is it 'NO' or is it dreamy 'no'?

My advice....leave her. It can get worse with age (headaches etc.) and I dont see any good reason in her behaviour.

October 20, 2006

Judging from your post, if I were this girl, I'd get as far away from you as possible. You treat sex with her like it's your right. It's a privilege, pure and simple, that you earn by treating her with respect, not as a booty call. Sex does NOT equal love, as so many seem to think.

If you're not getting what you want, then move on to a girl who'll put out and serve you sexually like you want. Move this girl to the "friend" category, or stop seeing her altogether.

October 20, 2006

A few cents to throw in here:

I was in a relationship where this was reveresed- HE wanted to wait. We did everything else (and I can tell you it was far better than hanjobs and lousy head) BUT at one point he felt like I was really pressuring him and what did he do?---- he broke it off with me, and this was after a year together. (And we weren't young teens either, both in college).

The break up only lasted a day, because I really wasn't pressuring him at all, it was all a misunderstanding.

But I totally backed off the sex front--- and VERY soon after, lo and behold, he was ready.

I think there's a very good chance that if you show her you truly accept her, 100% with or without sex, she will very soon be ready for it.

October 20, 2006

Hi,

She seems like she could be a sexual dynamo given time though.

No, that girl is no sexual dynamo.

She will always get you frustrated.

If you ever have sex with her... the next time you want to have sex she'll tell you she has a headache, or every excuse in the book.

She doesn't like sex.

Ariadne

October 20, 2006

I doubt if this girl is a sexual dynamo either. I'm a woman and after 4 mos. if you really were turned on by a guy you couldn't wait any longer. You have made it clear that you care a great deal about her by waiting around this long. I wouldn't be surprised that after you get it, you will only get it every now and then. BTW you said you are don't want to lose her because of her beauty and status. What is her status? just curious.

October 20, 2006

1) in these anticonception times it is not normal behaviour
2) suggest TRAUMA - abuse or low self esteem....does she get naked when you mingle??
3) suggest form of SEXPLOITATION. She thinks that when you 'take' her, you will leave, so she tries to attach with you more to keep you.
4) suggest she sleeps with other man and you are just provider - emotional or material. (3 men before you? multiply by 3, dont forget)
5) suggest she just wants to know that she has control over you...she has you

Her behaviour is selfish and immature. Waiting for clear skies? Blah. She will wait another 28 years for that....and then cry a lot. And I knew a few which waited half a year with one guy and then ****ed another after party.

Dont talk with her about sex....JUST DO IT. Dont ask for it. Make her all wet and hot and go for it...if she says 'No' make her hotter....if then says 'No'....is it 'NO' or is it dreamy 'no'?

My advice....leave her. It can get worse with age (headaches etc.) and I dont see any good reason in her behaviour.

oh my word have u heard of things called STD or Aids ? four months is not very long to date it seems love should have something to do with sex. I am very sad by some of these responses I pray my daughters when they grow up never run into your sons if this is what you teach them. That sex is like a emotional credit card... you give me sex = I love you.

October 20, 2006

1) in these anticonception times it is not normal behaviour
2) suggest TRAUMA - abuse or low self esteem....does she get naked when you mingle??
3) suggest form of SEXPLOITATION. She ............................

Wow.. I really didn't understand this. At all.

1.) just because she's mostly protected from pregancy (nothings 100%) then no matter how she feels emotionally then she should put out?

2 & 3.) Valid reasons why she may be hesitant to place her self in an incredibly vulnerable position in which she could potentially be seriously hurt again.

4.) Highly unlikely. Shows a lack of understanding of the female mind. the 10% of the women who are capable of sex with no emotional connection might do this.

5.) Don't agree with this either. It might be true in a different situation. But he's already told her he'll drop her if she doesnt' have sex with him. He's already negated any power play she may have tried by with holding sex at this point. So I don't feel this is relevant to the situation.

Dont talk with her about sex....JUST DO IT. Dont ask for it. Make her all wet and hot and go for it...if she says 'No' make her hotter....if then says 'No'....is it 'NO' or is it dreamy 'no'?

and this...???? What kind of idea is that?!?! Force her to have sex with you? Great. Condoning forced sex now. sweet.

Grow up Daniel. This is terrible advice. How would you like it if a woman emotionally manipulated you until she'd drained you of every penny you'd earned? That would be the inverse of what you're suggesting here. Manipulate her into selfishly getting your own needs met, without any thought or concern for her mental or physical well-being.

Let me reiterate for you: SELFISH!!!!!! Only thinking of your wants and needs. All about YOU. That aint love. That isn't even like. That's seeing her as an object who's only there for your physical gratification.

October 20, 2006

maybe she has a std?

October 20, 2006

I am very sad by some of these responses I pray my daughters when they grow up never run into your sons if this is what you teach them. That sex is like a emotional credit card... you give me sex = I love you.

I agree. I guess I knew there were people out there for whom sex was more important than love, and I've met many people for whom love is more important than sex. But I've never seen quite so many who seem to equate sex with love.

"She has an STD, emotional trauma, etc." Of course, I can't rule any of these out, but you all are acting as if these are the ONLY reasons she could POSSIBLY not want to have sex after ONLY FOUR MONTHS? Good grief.

What if under her belief system, she doesn't want intercourse until after marriage (rare these days, but possible). What if she doesn't trust you yet with that kind of intimacy? (For good reason, as we see here.) And what if, "She's just not that into you"? That could also be a very likely possibility.

Treat her well, and forget pushing her in any way. If it develops toward intercourse, fine. If it doesn't, and she knows you well enough, she may be clearer about her reasons--also fine. Or, you may just need to move on.

But for heaven's sake, she's not some irregularity. Among the general population, she's probably more the rule than the exception.

October 20, 2006

I seriously don't understand this double-standard.

Is it so bad if a guy gives his time and attention and expects sex in return? Why is the guy a jerk just because his needs happen to be sexual?

If a girl dates a guy for four plus months and if he doesn't give her enough attention I am sure she will be cribbing as well. And I am damn sure she will have all your support as she is not getting her emotional needs fulfilled.

But if the guy talks about his needs then he is immediately a jerk... just because his needs are physical rather than emotional..

huh..

October 20, 2006

I seriously don't understand this double-standard.

Is it so bad if a guy gives his time and attention and expects sex in return? Why is the guy a jerk just because his needs happen to be sexual?

If a girl dates a guy for four plus months and if he doesn't give her enough attention I am sure she will be cribbing as well. And I am damn sure she will have all your support as she is not getting her emotional needs fulfilled.

But if the guy talks about his needs then he is immediately a jerk... just because his needs are physical rather than emotional..

huh..

She hasn't ignored his physical "needs". She is intimate with him - handjobs and blowjobs and kissing and touching are sex too, you know. She has held off on penetration and it's more than likely because her emotional needs aren't necessarily being met. If she's uncertain that he cares for her, if she's wondering if he's only after sex and will drop her after he gets it, if she's not sure whether she trusts him, if he's pressuring her and making her feel like sex is the most important thing to him, if she's wondering if he likes her only because she's beautiful and it increases his status among his friends to be seen with her, yes, she might hold back.

He hasn't indicated whether he goes down on her...he's just talked about what she does for him. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. But a guy who is only focused on what she's done for him isn't likely to inspire trust and security in a woman - two things that are necessary for her to let go.

Women also tend to really become attached to the men they have intercourse with. There's all those chemicals that are released in her brain that causes her to bond with that man. She may be worried about bonding with someone whom she isn't entirely comfortable with yet. She may be hesitant - after her last 4 year relationship - to jump into a serious relationship with this guy.

She told him she needs to feel a comfort level with him before having intercourse. My guess is she doesn't feel it yet, for whatever reason.

October 20, 2006

She hasn't ignored his physical "needs". She is intimate with him - handjobs and blowjobs and kissing and touching are sex too, you know. She has held off on penetration and it's more than likely because her emotional needs aren't necessarily being met. If she's uncertain that he cares for her, if she's wondering if he's only after sex and will drop her after he gets it, if she's not sure whether she trusts him, if he's pressuring her and making her feel like sex is the most important thing to him, if she's wondering if he likes her only because she's beautiful and it increases his status among his friends to be seen with her, yes, she might hold back.

He hasn't indicated whether he goes down on her...he's just talked about what she does for him. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. But a guy who is only focused on what she's done for him isn't likely to inspire trust and security in a woman - two things that are necessary for her to let go.

Women also tend to really become attached to the men they have intercourse with. There's all those chemicals that are released in her brain that causes her to bond with that man. She may be worried about bonding with someone whom she isn't entirely comfortable with yet. She may be hesitant - after her last 4 year relationship - to jump into a serious relationship with this guy.

She told him she needs to feel a comfort level with him before having intercourse. My guess is she doesn't feel it yet, for whatever reason.

That's a good explanation Nora. Fair enough.

Will this hold good if she continues to withold sex for the next 1 complete year?

Honestly I would give up at that point regardless of whether she calls me a jerk or not.

October 20, 2006

That's a good explanation Nora. Fair enough.

Will this hold good if she continues to withold sex for the next 1 complete year?

Honestly I would give up at that point regardless of whether she calls me a jerk or not.

I don't know how uncertain she is about him, or how cautious she is about getting involved or what their relationship is really like.

My guess is it won't get that far - she'll probably break up with him long before a year is up if she doesn't want the sex to go any further than it has.

October 20, 2006

oh my word have u heard of things called STD or Aids ? four months is not very long to date it seems love should have something to do with sex. I am very sad by some of these responses I pray my daughters when they grow up never run into your sons if this is what you teach them. That sex is like a emotional credit card... you give me sex = I love you.

There is no STD where is condom. Besides 4months wont cure it. And there is a chance he might visit prostitute because of the frustration.

What I teach them? Not to be exploited by some manipulative girl who thinks her vagina is her weapon and credit card.

Who said that?
She is doing the most common shyte test. 'Will you respect me even if I wont have sex with you test'

October 20, 2006

and this...???? What kind of idea is that?!?! Force her to have sex with you? Great. Condoning forced sex now. sweet.

Grow up Daniel. This is terrible advice. How would you like it if a woman emotionally manipulated you until she'd drained you of every penny you'd earned? That would be the inverse of what you're suggesting here. Manipulate her into selfishly getting your own needs met, without any thought or concern for her mental or physical well-being.

Let me reiterate for you: SELFISH!!!!!! Only thinking of your wants and needs. All about YOU. That aint love. That isn't even like. That's seeing her as an object who's only there for your physical gratification.

FORCE HER? Making her hot is called foreplay silly, not forcing.

Comparing sex to money....nice.....after all Im the one who is more ideallistic here:sick:

So....I agree with you in some points so we have only two possibillities left....Emotional baggage or she simply doesnt love him so much....but why are they playing with each other????? Its pretty weird.

October 20, 2006

FORCE HER? Making her hot is called foreplay silly, not forcing.

Comparing sex to money....nice.....after all Im the one who is more ideallistic here:sick:

So....I agree with you in some points so we have only two possibilities left....Emotional baggage or she simply doesn't love him so much....but why are they playing with each other????? Its pretty weird.

And if she says "no"... as you indicated here: "FORCE HER? Making her hot is called foreplay silly, not forcing." then it means 'STOP', not continue to get her 'hot'. There is such a thing as rape, 'silly'.

And to the OP... you're whiny 'expecting' attitude is a real turnoff. If you're that 'hard up', then find someone who is more willing to go along with your game but quit forcing yourself on a woman who simply isn't ready for it.

October 20, 2006

I don't think that preferring to wait until you are confortable to have penetration has anything to do with liking sex. It is probably quite the contrary - you like sex, it means a lot to you, you value it, you want to have it with someone you love when you are feeling confortable (and of course the other partner is, too).

Personally,the more I'm into a guy, the more I'd rather wait to have sex.

And feeling pressured or feeling that you are *expected* to have sex won't help speed things up.

I'm with Norajane (and with some other posters!) on this one too.

October 20, 2006

Has she ever had a pregnancy scare?

I just had one with a guy I've been dating but of which I'm unsure of the status.

It was sooo stressful.

I was really angry with myself for being so foolish - even though I used protection it became very clear to me that no matter how remote the risk is of getting pregnant - there is still some risk of getting pregnant.

And what would happen if she got pregnant???? She'd be forced to make a very serious decision with someone who she is just starting to get to know.

If she chooses to have an abortion, she would live with that thought her whole life. A woman's body undergoes some serious trauma from an abortion.

And having a baby is a whole another story. A whole other one altogether.

Holy moses.

October 20, 2006

some of the women that have responded to this are downright hostile. You seem to want to automatically paint me as a total jerk that is only concerned about sex.

I can get sex anytime I want. I could go out to a bar and meet some girl that will let me hit it on the first night. Or, I could call up my ex for a fling or some girls down the street I used to hang out with. My point is "THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEX JUST FOR THE SAKE OF GETTING MY ROCKS OFF!"

Either you people are stupid or you just didn't read what I wrote. Let me reiterate, "I GENUINELY CARE FOR THIS GIRL"

I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER FOR THESE REASONS:

1. I WANT TO FEEL ACCEPTED BY HER

2. I WANT TO SHARE THAT PHYSICAL INTIMACY WITH HER

3. I WANT TO FEEL THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH HER

I do a lot for this girl -- Ive given my time, energy , and emotion. Im just asking for it to be reciprocated. I can't fathom how that could in any way be construed as wrong.

October 20, 2006

Bigmil, I know you care for her. Don't doubt it. And you want your desire for sex "to be reciprocated." That's understandable, too, because men often need sex to feel loved. I get that, I understand that.

However, you've got to understand that most women think differently than men. For a woman, pressure to have sex can seem extremely aggressive and can put her off even more. A woman needs emotional connection to get that far. Even more important, she needs to TRUST YOU.

You came on this thread asking, "How do I get her to have sex with me?" And a lot of women are answering: "You don't." Plain and simple. Because pressuring her to have sex is simply the wrong way about it. We're trying to tell you that, for some reason, she doesn't feel comfortable enough to do the deed with you right now and pressure will only make her more uncomfortable. If you want her to have sex with you, you need to show her you care in OTHER ways (many woman feel cared for when men do so in other ways besides sex...send flowers, pick up her drycleaning, take her to a favorite restaurant, do something special, with no expectations except that she be happy)....only then will she trust you enough to "go all the way," so to speak. If she never builds that trust, then that's your cue to move on.

That's all we want you to understand. Plus, some of the hostility you sense may be more to some of the responses to your post than to your post itself. They seemed insensitive to what this girl may be thinking and feeling. Many were portraying her like some sort of freak because she wanted to wait, which I simply don't think is true.

Anyway, it's not wrong for you to FEEL the way you do. It is wrong to pressure her into a position she doesn't want to be in, just to make you feel better.

October 20, 2006

Either you people are stupid or you just didn't read what I wrote. Let me reiterate, "I GENUINELY CARE FOR THIS GIRL"

I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER FOR THESE REASONS:

1. I WANT TO FEEL ACCEPTED BY HER
2. I WANT TO SHARE THAT PHYSICAL INTIMACY WITH HER
3. I WANT TO FEEL THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH HER

I do a lot for this girl -- Ive given my time, energy , and emotion. Im just asking for it to be reciprocated. I can't fathom how that could in any way be construed as wrong.

Then you need to tell her this. Have you told her how you feel? IMO if your not getting what you want out of your relationship then maybe you should go elsewhere. You need someone who will let you do this and will do the same back.

October 21, 2006

Hell, next time you two are fooling around stop things and let her know that you don't want to pressure her again.. and that you think you two should stop and do something else. ie.. stop pushing.

I think this is a good idea.

It's a pretty big turn-off when a guy knows I don't want to have sex but keeps trying to get physical in order to coax me into it. But it'd be a pleasant surprise (and pretty sexy) for a guy to respect my wishes enough to call it off on his own. It also makes you look less desperate and more in control.

October 21, 2006

There is no STD where is condom. Besides 4months wont cure it. And there is a chance he might visit prostitute because of the frustration.

What I teach them? Not to be exploited by some manipulative girl who thinks her vagina is her weapon and credit card.

Who said that?
She is doing the most common shyte test. 'Will you respect me even if I wont have sex with you test'

Not only can you not form proper sentences but also you are poorly informed from the American Social Health Association

reducing transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) during intercourse. Organizations around the world recommend condom use for the prevention of pregnancy and HIV/STIs.

The American Social Health Association (ASHA) supports the promotion and use of male latex condoms to limit the spread of sexually transmitted infections and their harmful consequences. Condoms are effective when people use them correctly and consistently.

The surest way to avoid transmission of STIs is to abstain from sexual intercourse or to be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and is not infected with any sexually transmitted infections.

here’s the link....

http://www.ashastd.org/condom/condom_introduction.cfm

You would not know the first thing on how to raise a morally decent young lady do not procreate please we have enough morons in this world. As a matter of fact every person that agrees with this poster should just go sterilize himself or herself immediately

October 21, 2006

I need your help. Ive been dating this girl for 4 months and things have been getting progressively more intense emotionally and physically. We've been having a lot of fun. She will do pretty much everything with me except actual penetration. Ive talked to her about it mulitple times and it's never a fun conversation. She says that she wants to be with me and that she wants to have a relationship with me and that she likes me. She says that "it'll happen", and that it will be "soon" She's been saying that for 2 months now. She says that when I tallk about it she feels pressured and it makes it worse and that it'll actually take longer. Last Saturady she said that it'll be "in a week or so". I let it go at that until last night when she wasn't down for anything. Right now she has had a tampon in for about a week and a half because of spotting due to a depo-provera shot. She says that is why she doesn't want to have sex right now. I feel bad because I feel like Im being rejected in a way. It hurts. So, I don't want to keep asking and come off as begging or seeming desperate or whatever but what the hell should I do? I feel like I've invested too much to let her go. Plus, I like her and want to keep her around cause she's a lot of fun and really cute.
I explained to her that I need 100% intimacy from a gf in order for her to be my gf. I dont want to throw out ultimatums. It seems like her interest level and desire are strong. Do you all think Im being played? What should I do? This is a very stressful situation and I need some help as I've never dealt with a girl like this before. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

I see a lot of posts here and I doubt this will be anything new, but I wonder if she knows how selfish and shallow you are. Need 100% intimacy? Perhaps intimacy to her is a guy who will respect her view and pace of things. If I were you (and I rarely say that), I would simply say to her that I am into her for her and I like the whole package. I have been in that situation before (no sex until marriage) and it was okay with me. I really respected that girl and still do to this day for her taking that position. And she really was pleased that I was not someone who told her that it had to be a certain way.

Good luck

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