rosybifocals Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 its so hard not to pry. i do not trust that my boyfriend is not keeping things from me. he acts weird, and has all these friends that i do not really know very well. they are all friends from school and i know he isnt doing anything bad to hurt himself or anything, but i just dont trust that he is not doing anything to hurt this relationship. he is very defensive of this one girl that is president of some club he is in. he went to a conference in california and danced with her there after he promised me he would not dance with other girls. pictures were posted online, and i saw them, and he told me he was lied because he didnt want me to be so obsessive. i think lying made it worse! he makes me trust him even less and expects me to be fine with him talking to this girl. i tell him i dont like it, but he goes on about how she is sick, and he has been trying to comfort her and that i dont know her and cannot be so jealous towards someone i do not know... this is why i am jealous, it is so hard for him to comfort me in a time of need...and he is trying to make some random girl feel better. i do not know what to do, i always feel i want to check him email and text messages etc to make sure he isnt doing anything wrong, but i know it is wrong to do that. i have the urge and just do not go through with it. i have done it in the past, and it always makes me feel worse because ill find something and interpret it wrong or whatever. for example, this same girl text messaged him telling him she had just broke up with her bf and that was why she was down. i dont like that my boyfriends is becoming close with her, it makes me feel extremely insecure. i dont know what to do, i do not want to control him i just want to feel like he loves me...like i am important in his life. we have been together for 2 1/2 years and he just doesnt seem to care anymore.
LakesideDream Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 How old are you and your BF? Seriously, unless you have more to offer LS about your "insecurities", I don't know what you expect from the community. BTW, IF (a big little word) my GF (not wife) made a habit of going through my cel phone call history... she wouldn't be my GF anymore. If it was a wife doing it, I would want to know why.
Author rosybifocals Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 wow, that was really not necessary at all. I am in college, and I am sorry my emotional problems are not at the same level as your own. My "insecurities" stem from him hiding things from me, lying to me and just plain being an insensitive jerk 99% of the time. I am with him because I love him and we both are working things out. He has admitted that he hides things from me, and there is no question about the justification of my insecurity. My point in this thread was to say that I DO NOT LOOK THROUGH HIS EMAILS AND TEXTMESSAGES, BECAUSE I AGREE THAT IT IS WRONG. I have the desire to do so, as anyone who does not trust their partner would, but i do not actually go through with it. I came here to express that hoping that somebody would relate to me and maybe I could get a different point of view on the matter. I agree that it is wrong to invade the privacy of others; however, I am insecure, I am suffering from depression and anxiety...and I really do need some advice on how to ignore this urge. I ADMIT, I have done it, AND HE IS AWARE OF those particular times. He has even given me permission to do so in front of him once, because he acknowledges that I am insecure for a reason. So if you are merely coming to dismiss my feelings as inadequate, and to call me immature, you are only showing the immaturity and insensitivity that you yourself withold. Is this what you came to this community to offer? I came to this website for help. Maybe eventually after I have recieved some, I will be able to offer the community something more satisfactory.
the_alchemyst Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I don't think "ignoring" the urge is a good thing. By ignoring it, you won't go through with it, but that doesn't mean that things will go away. He will continue to hide things, you will continue to be insecure and distrust him further, the urge will rise again, you will ignore it, and it will continue. Notice how your ignoring it is at the end of the cycle--ending that part will do no good; in order for this negative cycle to be canceled, you must end it at the beginning, before it keeps growing. But the beginning is him hiding things, that there's not much you can do here, I don't think. You can confront him by telling him you are aware of this deceits and that he MUST stop or else your relationship will never be okay. But it will ultimately be up to him, I'm afraid. Believe me, rosy, trust is such a HARD thing to repair, especially when it is broken by someone you love. You need to seriously try to get him to stop, or you need to start thinking about leaving, before this escalades and you end up, well, hating him.
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