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Posted

Hi everyone I have a subject I'd like some advice on...



 

My fiance (we've been engaged for a year, on new years) is deployed and currently in South Korea, (he's been to iraq and afghanistan twice) but here in Korea his work hours are really really weird, lastnight he said he would call me when he got off work, but he never did, I waited and fell asleep and woke up to him calling me at (5 am his time) saying he just got off work......he had reasoning as to why he worked for 24 hours, but I got upset at the fact he didn't call me to tell me he was gonna be working that long...he says he has today off as a result, and as proof (since I have trust issues from time to time) he has never cheated on me, but I'm having a hard time dealing with this situation for some reason, somthing just feels weird about it...He keeps telling me and swearing he was working this entire time, and I gave in to let him go shower and sleep, but I'm feeling insecure about it....anyone else had this experience or have any advice as to how I should handle it? I know the military gives weird work hours, and I know if u work 24 hour shifts u get 24 hours off. But like I said..I'm insecure...so any advice would be appreciated, or what you make of the situation, should I trust and believe him? Or should I continue bugging him about it? thanks

Posted

I'm retired out of the Marines, served four tours overseas in Okinawa, (besides other depolyments) All at the same base. On that base there were 5600 males, and 256 females, (and most of them already had husbands, BF's back in the states, or on base, or weren't into men) I use to work just to keep from climbing the damn walls. Korea is about the same.

 

Work, PT (Physical Training ~ Gym) read, go to the libarary, watch the one English TV channel, that's the equivalent of TVLand, listen to music, drink, shoot pool, play cards for hours and hours. Do it all over again the next day, and the next, and the next.

 

Plus there's a 13 hour time difference, I had to walk like two miles to the USO to use a payphone, spend $20 to speak just five minutes back to the states.

 

Cut the guy some slack!

  • Author
Posted

We talk all the time .....but this stress is begining to make me wanna explode

 

I am clinicaly depressed and I have anxiety attacks that began happening to me this year, im seeing a therapist about it and everything, but right now my main focus is this relationship that has had NOTHING but obsticles since he got orders to go to Korea.

 

No one I know has ever been in this situation before, so I came here looking for someone who has and can maybe help me figure this out a little, so I'm not so stressed out over it.

Posted

I agree with the last poster-cut the guy some slack. My husband works 4000k away in a mining area and his work hours are often all over the place. Just try to imagine how it is for your guy to be where he is, away from all that is familiar and having to deal with whatever is thrown at him. I guess he just needs your support at this time. Sometimes we just have to trust and remember that it's not all about us. Maybe try and focus your energies into your work or hobbies-I'm not saying this is a substitute but the more you dwell on the negative the more you spiral down.

Good luck. I am coping on my own with three children as well.

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Posted

I've never had the mentality of it being all about me, or all about him, I've been supportive, I rarely ever complain, I deal with things as they come, but it just begins to feel entirely too much to handle at times, and no one around me knows what it's like to go through this sort of thing, so I don't really have anyone to turn to when I begin to break down over it, except him, and I don't want to break down with him because it'll make the whole situation worse.

Posted

You might find more understanding, and better suggestions if you try the forums on millitary.com.

http://forums.military.com/eve/forums/a/cfrm/f/377197221

This is for the "Spouses" of miliatary members. All branches. They have an awesome and understanding group of people who could probalby help you get through this without totally flipping out. :)

 

My reserve base also had a support network set up for the SO's left at home during deployment. I forgot what they called it. Talk to your fiance and ask him if he can find who you could contact to find out more about it. Or how to join. If you found others who's SO's were stationed with your guy, it might help you feel more connected to him. More a part of his life.

 

They might also have a website that has contact information on that. I guess Google his branch, and where he's stationed at, and see if you can find the home page for his base or unit.

 

I was in the Marines for 4 years and we got volun-told to do extra duties. And there wasn't a possibility of calling home. Well. I suppose if you were willing to risk the ass chewing and punishment....

 

My suggestion.. I think you're jumping the gun on getting upset with him if this is just an occasional occurance.. Maybe if this happens constantly, and if it's normally during weekends.. then maybe. If this is something that's come up recently, and he's doing it a lot more now then he had been previously, ask him some questions that are not tinged with distrust. More along the lines of questing to find out how he thinks and feels regarding this shifts. Maybe that could help ease some of your suspicions that he's doing something wrong. Just learning more about how he feels about it, and what's going through his head.

 

otherwise.. Check out the military spouses site. I used to glance around in there back when my unit was deployed. Seemed really informative and helpful.

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Posted

Thanks!

 

I know he isn't doing anything wrong, I just have this fear of that kind of thing happening, especialy lately, I really don't know why, I guess it's my mind struggling to peice it all together since I'm under alot of strain with my family and classes at the moment, too.

 

I'll check that site out, thanks for the advice

 

Also: He get's volun-told to do extra duties, too. It's annoying, but understandable.

Posted

Hi Miwi,

My boyfreind is military to and he is going to be deployed to Afgh. soon. I know i will all kind of crazy thoughts too. One weird thing - all those military wife forums just make things worse. Better never go there.

Posted

I am not in the military but live by two large army bases. My best friend was stationed in Korea a few years back and there is nothing too exciting there....or so I was told by him....I have heard of soliders pulling 24 hour duty.......and I know that they hate it...you have to remember you knew what you were getting into when you got engaged and now you have to be supportive of him. I am sure he does not like being away from you any more than you like being away from him.

 

I am currently dating someone in the military and I knew before we got together that he is going back to Iraq in June, I am not happy about this at all, and the best thing I can do is just be there for him and be here when he gets home wether we stay together as a couple or decide to be friends...good luck

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