Guest Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Hey guys, I was with a woman for just over a year, she has been divorced twice, has 2 awesome boys, 6 and 10, we fell in love after we started hanging out as friends. It seemed so natural and when we made love it felt so right. Anyway, we ended breaking up because she said I was emotionally un-available which is true to some extent. I've been seeing a therapist lately to improve myself and it seems to be helping. After we broke up we decided to still sleep together because the sex was amazing. 3 months back she had a meltdown and told me to get lost and to never contact her. Last month she calls me out of the blue and acts like nothing happened. Now she calls me and texts me quite regularly. I called her last night and she treats me like I have the plague. My question is, what does she want from me? Why does she go from hot to cold without any warning? Why did she initiate contact after telling me to get lost. I am at the end of my rope with her, I still care about her and her boys but she makes it so hard for me. I think I am just going to stop taking her calls or texts and maybe she will just get the idea and leave me alone. I don't hate her, I love her very much. I am just tired of all the emotional games. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
FELIZE Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 [Guest quote]: "Why does she go from hot to cold without any warning?" Bipolar maybe?
panzer6 Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Yeah, I know what you mean, she seems to be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. I have read a lot about the subject and she exhibits alot of the symptoms. It's sad really cuz I truly love her despite her faults. She really is a very beautiful woman and she has the capacity to be the most loving and kind person I have ever known. I just wish we could cut through all the crap and be honest with each other. I honestly don't know what I should do. I miss her and the boys terribly. I will try to talk things through with her and just let her know that I care about what happens to them. The rest will be up to her. I would accept us just being friends so that I could at least be there for her when she needs someone she can trust. This whole thing just really hurts.
D-Lish Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 perhaps another angle to the story... You have admitted to being "emotionally unavailable" yourself. Let me tell you- women can sense it when a man has barriers, and it affects how we view ourselves as well as how we view our partner when we are unable to knock the wall down. I have dated a man like that- he was nice enough....but I just never felt he could give me 100% of himself. In response to that, I began to pull away myself- I began to test him a little with my behaviour just to get an emotional response from him- to see how much he loved me. Women need to feel loved unconditionally- to sometimes feel like we are the most important thing to the man we love. It's frustrating when we can't find that in our partner. Just another possibility to consider... Maybe her actions have to do with feeling rejected by you because of your difficulty with intimacy? D
panzer6 Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I freely admit to being emotionally unavailable to her. It's something we discussed alot. But our relationship was very loving and intimate. She told me things about her that she never told her best friend. I was very open with her and told her that I loved her and her boys very much. I want to be there for them in any capacity I can. We had alot of physical closeness as well, I would always show affection to her whether in private or out in public. I never gave her any reason to doubt my feelings for her or her boys. However, when she would have emotional meltdowns caused by someone else, such as her ex-husband who can be very cruel to her, she would become impossible to talk to. Nothing I did would help her feel better, she would become so full of anger that nothing I did or said would get through to her. She would say and do things that made me feel like I was nothing to her. It seems that she has a deep mistrust of men in general because she has been hurt in the past. She becomes blinded to the fact that I love her, and lumps me in with all the rest. I know alot of women who are like this and alot of men as well. When this happens I end up withdrawing which makes her feel even worse. How many times can you tell someone you love them and try to be supportive when all they do is throw it back in your face. I know that as humans we are all flawed and I accept that as a fact. But I will never understand how someone can say they love you and show it yet be so unfeeling and cruel. She has said that I am a very loving man and I am great with her boys and she feels that I am the one. Those were her words. I feel very sad about this whole thing, I don't sleep very well at all. I miss her and the boys more than I can say. But I feel that I have to let her have her way and just be friends. I stayed away for 2 months, no contact, no calls, no texts, nothing! She called me and now we talk and text regularly. I still haven't seen her in person yet so I'm wondering what it is that she wants. Part of me wants to let go but it is difficult. I honestly don't know what to do. I know we need to sit down and talk about this, but she doesn't seem open to it. I feel that she is afraid to see me because all her feelings may come back. This whole thing really sucks. Thanks for your opinions.
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