Guest Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Hello all, I looking for opinions from you guys, so many people here seem to be great at getting to the crux of relationship tangles! :-) I met a guy soon after splitting from a long term (and un-necessarily drama filled relationship). We dated for a while, but I was not really open because I had some residual trust issues from that last thing. (typical woman thing!) i didnt tell this guy much about my dating past. I was physically attracted to the guy from the beginning, though it was quite hidden by the fact that my body languge said different. Anyways, I began to have feelings for him because I found that he had the qualities of someone I would actually settle down with - honesty, courage of conviction etc. W e didnt sleep together, he is waiting for marriage (Were not kids both late 20's), but the fooling around was good ;-) Long story short, he broke the relationship off because his career may cause him to move out of the country and so he felt he couldn't "get into a relationship." So, that was fine, I took it as he just wasnt feeling it. But, we have since gone to movies and hung out, with me being much more relaxed (i guess because I didnt feel any pressure), and ended up fooling around and sleeping together. Nothing has changed in his circumstances so we won't be resuming a "relationship." There is still a good bit of contact and havent been any arguments, and all our meetings have been initiated by him. He has been a good friend at all times. So, I guess what my question is, should I cut contact between us? I would ideally prefer a relationship and am quite into this man. I am not lovesick or anything but do wonder if we have more time to really get to know each other things might change (we only dated for about two months). Do these things always play out the same way, with you getting played? Is is wrong to settle for a bit less if you respect and enjoy the persons company and they are nice to you in return?
Kamille Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Sounds like you're in a tricky situation. You sound calm about it, and like you have a clear idea of what's going on. And also it shows that you don't want to play games. However, if things stay as they are, I don't think there is much chance that he will change his perspective on your relationship being a casual one. And since right now you are level headed about the whole thing, maybe right now is also the best time to leave.
Guest Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 I should have mentioned when I said we slept together, we didnt have sex (in case anyone was thinking he had just changed his mind about that too!) Kamille, I think you maybe right about leaving, but the thing is I feel like that would be making a big deal about something small (we werent together that long) and actually it did feel good to be close (im nursing my parents and was quite worn out it / felt good have hugs,you know?). Your right, I dont want to settle or play games. Do you think I should articulate the fact that I don't want that to happen again casually or just kind of take it as a mistake, dont mention it, and make sure I'm not over there late at night again!
gfto Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 You're being played. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. When he told you he wasn't going to be in a relationship with you, he was telling you just that: he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Trust me, it had nothing to do with his potentially moving to another country.
Sand&Water Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Guest, There is no problem to solve, here. It should be obvious what you should do next. IF you haven't figured it out yet, here is a hint: This statement . . . ...he broke the relationship off because his career may cause him to move out of the country and so he felt he couldn't "get into a relationship". Conflicts with this statement . . . ...and ended up fooling around and sleeping together. Think about it. Sand&Water
Guest Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Guest, Think about it. Sand&Water I did think about it, you guys are right. I told him we wouldn't be seeing each other again because I don't want to be hurt. He just said he could understand that. Thanks for talking some sense into me. I prefer to be alone than to just be someones fallback. I've never stood up for myself before.
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