Treadstone Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Last night I did something really stupid that I'd vowed never to do. Out of the blue and out of curiousity I called my ex. After the breakup, I tried not even to keep her new number with me. However, she'd called and left her number countless time on my answering machine to the extent that now her number has been imprinted into my memory by default. Don't have it written down but its stuck in my head. Anyway, she picked up and said "hello" but I couldn't go through with it. I hanged up without saying a word. Luckily, I used a sterile phone so she wouldn't know for a fact that it was me. At worse, she can only speculate. Today, I feel like bi*ch-slapping myself to oblivion for doing that. I wish I'll develop amnesia right now so I can get the number off my head. This really sucks! Treadstone.
KittenMoon Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Well, don't beat yourself up, but don't do it again. As for consequence, you really didn't do much, I'm sure your ex just thought it a wrong number or a bad connection or something.
Kamille Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Really, no harm done but to yourself. And you have been struggling all week and we've all been there. Except, unlike you, I don't stay quiet or use a sterile phone, so at leat that part was smart of you. It's been a year... this is the anniversary of your break-up. It's normal to go through a lot of mixed up emotion, but once you get pass this, you'll feel even stronger then before. I think getting over someone is kind of like a wave making it to shore. You'll get there. good luck. here for you.
Ssheena Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 It's ok. No harm done and just think how bad it "could" have been. I'd rather be a person who couldn't turn off their emotions like an on/off switch than someone like my x who apparently just can. I bet hearing her voice was like a knife going into you though, I can imagine it hurt. Post instead of calling. Cheers.
Author Treadstone Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 Thank you all for your understanding. Lately, ever since I could remember her number off head, I just can't seem to resist the impulse to call to find out how she's doing some times. I know this girl betrayed me to the bone and yet, I still have her good interest at heart. Why? I just don't bloody well know. Why am I incapable of absolute hatred towards her? It will definately make things easier if I could hate. Since we broke up, I've done so well to ignore her overtures and persistent phone calls; telling myself that its the right thing to do. She wanted her space and I gave her just that. Sometimes, I just can't help but feel that NC, whilst well-intentioned, is self-defeating to my personality type. You see, I'm the type who needs to resolve things peacefully in other to attain closure. I'm not trying to get my ex back and I don't intend to but sometimes I feel that even the illusion that she's something akin to a friend will allow me to move on faster. I don't know know where these feelings are coming from and I admit I may be completely wrong but that's just how I feel now. For fear that I may be wrong, I'm trying not to act on this feelings. Realistically, how long must a person go NC before they should put everything completely behind them? Treadstone.
johnnytable Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 You have to go for as long as it takes. I know that you want closure and that you want peace. This things must come from inside of you. She can't help you here nor is it her responsibility even if she could. Talking to her will not bring you closure, especially when you are in the state that you are. Its funny because 5 minutes ago I had the thought, "I wonder if being friends would make this all go away." I then realized that it would make *some* things go away while creating a mountain of pain and problems for me which I do not need. You don't need them either. You did good by hanging up. Don't put yourself through this again. Don't call.
Author Treadstone Posted October 20, 2006 Author Posted October 20, 2006 Good to know someone is in the same boat as I am. Its wierd but I have a date with a sweetheart in about an hour and here I am still pondering about my ex. Ouch, will somebody trade me brains before I leave? Treadstone
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