MirandaBeth Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 I am in my mid twenties. I was best friends with this girl I'll call her Ann. We have been friends since 1st grade, we went to the same college and were roommates. I've been there for all of her ups and downs and she for mine. We have spent time apart- when I graduated college I moved to another state but still kept in touch with her. She got married three years ago and I was in her wedding. When she got married her husband is in hte military so she moves around a lot. Still we kept in touch, a few phone calls a year, lunches when she came back to the area, emails, christmas cards etc. We were no longer "best friends" but we were still friends and still confided in each other. I've been hurt by her thoughtlessness in the past, two years ago I sent her and her husband a christmas card (she had told me she would be in town for the holidays) and called her to see if she wanted to get together and she never responded to either. I chalked it up to she was very busy (she is very invovled in her husband and his family) and got over it. Last christmas we made plans to get together but our schedules never quite worked out. She was supposed to get together with me and my close friend Michelle (who Ann knows but not very well) She has emailed me a few times since then but htey are mass emails that she sends to everyone. She recently sent me a mass email saying she was pregnant and i was thrilled for her. She has been trying for a long time. I sent her a congrats card and never heard anything back. I followed it up with an email nad still nothing. I figured she was busy. Well this week I received an invitation (from her mother in law) for Ann's baby shower which is going to be next weekend. Ann never emailed me or called to tell me she woudl be in the area. I was disapointed but planned on attending the baby shower so I could see her. I should note I am not married (but in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for four years) and have no kids. Well I found out from my close friend Michelle (who isn't close to Ann at all) that Ann had called her last weekend to make sure Michelle had received HER baby shower invitation and to see if she was coming (Michelle has a 2 year old daughter). Michelle actually didn't know who Ann was when she called (she asked Ann who?) and then realized who it was when she told her her last name. So they are definately not really friends. Recently I had emailed Ann about my engagement and also that my grandmother had passed away just to update her on what was going on in my life. I n the email I asked what names they had picked out for the baby adn how was she doing with the pregnancy. Ann never responded. She also has NOT called me to ask if I am coming to her baby shower as she did Michelle. I am so hurt by this. Last night (after I found this out) I was so depressed. I just feel hurt because I;ve made an effort to keep a least a casual "see you twice a year" friendship going with Ann and I'm not even important enough to call to personally tell me she is coming to town or to ask if I'm attending her baby shower. I am angry that she called my friend Michelle instead even though they haven't talked in years. I have no idea why she is treating me like this. I haven't done anything to her and I've tried to keep in touch. THe only thing I can think of is because I don't have any kids and am not married (and MIchelle is and has a child) that she feels I don't fit in with her anymore. Is it time to give up on the friendship? Should I skip her baby shower?
Ariadne Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Hey, Yeah, it sounds like she is ditching you. At least she could have replied to your contacts. But I'd still go to the shower, since you know her since first grade and all. And maybe the not fitting in is a part of it, Ariadne
luvtoto Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 I wouldn't email her or contact her anymore. You've done your part in letting her know that you want contact. If she doesn't respond, then there is nothing you can do about it. Just let her go.
memati Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 It sounds like you just don't fit into her life anymore. Like you said her life consists of family and kids now. Maybe your both just at different stages in your lives
Leikela Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I would email her one last email, as a last ditch effort and then stop contacting her. Just email her and tell her that you are hurt by her actions and that you see it as a sign that she does not want to be friends anymore. Tell her you will not be contacting her again and if she wants to contact you, that is fine. Just leave the ball in her court. If you never hear from her again, then you have your answer.
ScorpioLady Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 wow sorry to hear about how your being treated. Unfortunatly ive learnt the hard way, friends change with time and its a sad fact of life but years ago i was best friends with someone and we were inseperable but then she got a boyfriend got herself pregnant and felt like she had everything she needed now and didnt need me anymore. I would do what Leikela said and email her one last time just letting her know that your hurt at how shes treated you and let her know that if she wants to keep in contact with you shes more thna welcome to email you but you have made the effort with little success. Hope it works out for you i really do and i know its hard when friends change, belive me ive seen it alot but sometimes you have to leave them to it and let them realise one day when they do need you who was really supportive of them. If she doesnt bother with you then you dont need friends like that in your life. You seem like a nice person find friends who will appreciate you
Guest Posted November 4, 2006 Posted November 4, 2006 I myself wouldn't call anymore and I wouldn't go to the shower either. She's already hurt you enough. Why put yourself in a situation where she will ignore you in person, which is far more painful? I agree with the others that now the ball is definitely in her court. If she were really a true friend she would talk it over with you as to what is bothering her. You don't have time for these games. You don't want to be in a relationship where you constantly have to walk on eggshells so as to not say the wrong thing. (If you look at examples of her past friendships you may see times where she has treated someone else just the way she is treating you. These people are often super-sensitive, analytical and find fault in and mistrust others) I've been in both ends of your situation. I've been ditched by a friend and, sadly, admit that I once ditched a friend too. In the case where I ditched a friend (and really for good reason) she called my many times a day for quite a while leaving desperate messages on the answering machine. I know that you wouldn't do this but in an odd sort of way I felt a further need to get away from her because she seemed almost crazy. You don't want your former friend to think this of you. I would stop showing interest and keep my dignity, otherwise, she will think that she has won. I'm sorry if this sounds as childish and manipulative as she is being but I think that you now need to protect yourself and your personal pride.
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2006 Posted November 5, 2006 I would send a present, out of respect seeing as it took her a long time to get pregnant, but not go to the shower. Send a note with the present, short and sweet, just saying something like, "sorry I wasn't able to attend your baby shower! I hope all goes well with you, take care" And leave it at that. I honestly think you two have just grown apart, and maybe her intentions are good inside, but she hasn't got it in her to make the effort and keep intouch like before. I don't think she's pissed off at you, I just think she doesn't think - PERIOD! Yes, that hurts, but people's priorities change once having a family and that woman, Michelle, has a child so because of that, they have something huge in common. Don't feel like this is your fault! You did nothing wrong!
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