Guest Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Okay, in this day and age, let's be honest. When we ask how soon is too soon for sex in a relationship, we all tend to err on the side of caution. For instance, I would set a certain timeframe on it, but I break my own "rule" pretty much every time I am REALLY interested in someone. (Which is the only time I would sleep with someone anyways.) So my question is this. We're anonymous here. Let's put aside all of what we think we SHOULD say and really talk from our EXPERIENCE. So what is too soon? Can we put a # of dates on it? Or does it have more to do with chemistry? (And this is really for the people that aren't saving themselves for marriage, so if your answer is it's too soon unless you're married - I respect that but I live a different lifestyle and am looking for opinions from people in similar situations.) I think the answers will be interesting...
luvtoto Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 I was JUST going to post this same topic!! I am dating a new guy, and we both can't wait to get each other in the sack. This weekend will be our third *official* date. By official, I mean Saturday night date which included dressing up. During the week, I call or he calls every night. He also refers to me as his "cute little girlfriend". Not trying to hijack this thread, just saying that I am also interested to hear other's experiences.
Green Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 hmmm... well I dont even know how to broach the subject but I'm going to be going out with a girl for the third time pretty soon and I may try to invite her back to my place and hope things pick up from there. With the last girl things got sexual on the second Date and I was happy with that...
amaysngrace Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 I slept with my current BF pretty soon into the relationship...big surprise there, huh? But we spent hours talking on the phone and went out twice. I just really wanted to be with him...so I was. I have no worries by being with him so soon either, it made the awkward time go by sooner to make the good stuff come that much more quicker, if ya know what I mean... But that's just me...
Cyrus9789 Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 3-5 dates. Personally, anything under three and I have a hard time respecting the woman. I would say age has alot to do with it also.
Kamille Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Hmmm, it would be nice if some guys could tell us what goes on in their minds when sex occurs early on with someone they're seeing. I don't personnally believe there are any rules, but I have wondered, with one guy I was with, if the fact we had sex after the 4th date is not in part responsible for the relationship failing shortly thereafter. There was another issue (the ex was back in the picture making want-you-back declarations), but a part of me wonders, maybe if we had not had sex, his thought process would have been different... As in, it would have kept him infatuated with me. And then the mess would have dragged on so things worked out for the best, but still : why does it sometimes seem like having sex too early makes some men 'devalue' the great thing they have?
rainfall Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 I think it really depends on the couple. I had sex with my current boyfriend on our second date and we have been together for 6 years now. I don't think it made him respect me any less. (At least it better not have because, hey he was doing the same thing I was and I didn't respect him any less.)
amaysngrace Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 (At least it better not have because, hey he was doing the same thing I was and I didn't respect him any less.) I love your logic!
rainfall Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I love your logic! Why thank you. Now if only everyone thought this way.......
Mova Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Yeah it really does depend on the couple. Some like to just wait and see what happends and others just hop right in the sac.
Celeste_Craftenstein Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I have been dating my boyfriend for a month now and we are waiting until marriage. So, IMO, there is no "right time" to have it unless you're married. Reading about these people who have done the deed after only a few dates makes my respect for them drop and my questions of their morality rise.
amaysngrace Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I have been dating my boyfriend for a month now and we are waiting until marriage. That's great for you! I have always preferred to taste the samples at the candy shoppe before making my selection.
rainfall Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I have been dating my boyfriend for a month now and we are waiting until marriage. So, IMO, there is no "right time" to have it unless you're married. Reading about these people who have done the deed after only a few dates makes my respect for them drop and my questions of their morality rise. That great that you wanna wait till marriage to have sex. However just because someone esle doesn't feel it is something they believe in doesn't mean they are a bad person with no values. I would not want to marry someone only to find out on my wedding night that we are not compatible in bed.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Okay, in this day and age, let's be honest. When we ask how soon is too soon for sex in a relationship I say if you have the attraction and chemistry, just do it. Worst case scenario you can at least boast about finally getting laid. Women and men are a little different here, usually women will hold out on sex either because they don't want to look like sluts, or more common is that they can't seperate sex and love. Women usually are more emotionally attached. Again, I say go for it, enjoy sex it's something that is totally natural. Cheers!
Celeste_Craftenstein Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I would not want to marry someone only to find out on my wedding night that we are not compatible in bed. You have a point. But sample too much and you might rot your teeth until you find the perfect type of candy. Or so to speak. I wouldn't want to try to marry someone after catching some horrible disease from just casual sex. I'm sure I would no longer be very "appealing." Besides, think of it this way...if you only be with one person in that way you have nothing to compare it to. Which may be a good thing.
rainfall Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 You have a point. But sample too much and you might rot your teeth until you find the perfect type of candy. Or so to speak. I wouldn't want to try to marry someone after catching some horrible disease from just casual sex. I'm sure I would no longer be very "appealing." Besides, think of it this way...if you only be with one person in that way you have nothing to compare it to. Which may be a good thing. My current boyfriend is the only guy I ever had sex with so quickly. All my other bf's I waited 1-2 months. I'm not a big fan of "casual sex" myself and will only sleep with someone I am in a relationship with because I don't really want to get a disease either. However sometimes 2 people can have sex early in a relationship and it doesn't mean they are skanky or have low morals.
Celeste_Craftenstein Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I just disagree respectfully. I guess I am just stunned at the plethora of posts condoning this and me being the only one who is opposed. I suppose it is a mirror of society today.
amaysngrace Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Rainfall, you don't have to defend yourself. Some guy here says he has a magic number he uses to judge a woman. This one is waiting and is therefore on a moral high-horse as a result. She can judge about 99.9% of the Earth's population, I'm guessing... You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. It's your life. Are you okay with who you are? Yeah...I thought so!
Celeste_Craftenstein Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 This one is waiting and is therefore on a moral high-horse as a result. She can judge about 99.9% of the Earth's population, I'm guessing... No need to flame. I am just surprised no one else seems to have morals the way I do. Chill.
amaysngrace Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 No need to flame. I am just surprised no one else seems to have morals the way I do. Chill. Was I speaking to you? Um...I didn't recall that I was. But since you're now speaking to me, I will tell you that I am pretty chilled. I tend not to sit and ponder why others aren't like me, but rather accept others' individuality. I do believe that our differences is what keeps this place interesting, and I try my best to keep an open mind to see other's perspectives. To learn from them. And perhaps grow from them. I try my best not to sit in judgment of others, as I know it is a sure way for me to be judged. Now, do you have any more good advice for me?
Celeste_Craftenstein Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Was I speaking to you? Um...I didn't recall that I was. But since you're now speaking to me, I will tell you that I am pretty chilled. I tend not to sit and ponder why others aren't like me, but rather accept others' individuality. I do believe that our differences is what keeps this place interesting, and I try my best to keep an open mind to see other's perspectives. To learn from them. And perhaps grow from them. I try my best not to sit in judgment of others, as I know it is a sure way for me to be judged. Now, do you have any more good advice for me? Seems that you were considering you posted that after I did. Sarcastic smiles don't work for me either. I believe that since everyone else seems to be making judgmental comments about when is the correct time, that mine should be equally accepted. I respect individuality, but am surprised by the lack of agreement with my post. THAT IS ALL. Lecturing me about being "open minded" and "growing" is very shallow of you. Perhaps condescending someone makes you feel better. But I am not here for a flame war.
Mova Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I don't recall anyone saying that your choice to wait was bad. It has of course as you know its ups and downs. If you want to wait then wait. Nothing wrong with that at all. Others here don't and won't so your going to get jumped on when you jump back at them and say their lack morals or whatever else may come up. Just a heads up if you starting posting in other threads.
crazy_grl Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I believe that since everyone else seems to be making judgmental comments about when is the correct time, that mine should be equally accepted. The difference between all the other comments on this thread and yours is that others were stating their opinions on the topic. Yours went beyond that and made judgements about the morals of others. Do you see the difference? Also, if you'll note in the original post, the OP specifically stated that she wasn't interested in the wait until marriage viewpoint and requested not to have it on this thread. While you're still free to post your opinion, you should take into account that it will likely result in your posts being looked at less favorably (because you're kind of thread jacking) and fewer posters sharing your opinion (since those who agree with you may not post out of respect for the OP's request). Now back on topic: I don't think there's a magic number of dates or time. I do think people should wait until both parties know where they stand with each other and what it will mean or won't mean to each of them and for their relationship. I think it's good for a person to have a general rule, such as 3 months. It gives a person perspective so they don't rush into things too quickly, but if they're comfortable with the relationship, I think the rule is breakable. That said, I do think the first couple dates is too soon if you intend to have serious relationship. It might work out sometimes, but I think that's the exception. And if a guy tries to sleep with me on the first date, it's an immediate strike out.
quietintrovertgirl Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 Damn i never seen some horny people so the lastest fad.A person has to have sex within 3 months
quietintrovertgirl Posted October 20, 2006 Posted October 20, 2006 I have to speak up on this one because some nonvirgins crack the hell out of me when this topic comes up. I'm one of those sex for commitment people and i'm going to answer your post.I'm not AFRAID/BOTHER by sex without commitment post online because I believe in a balance not one view point. To Crazy_grl and amaysngrace, Hmm if your proud of your sex without commitment views.Celeste's post wouldn't bother you one bit and you would embrace her post,her differant view point and be proud she's not following the crowd on this thread.I see by your post that you can't handle her post. Judgement my butt and give me a break!!!Every person who speak is making a judgment on some levels. My advice to people who ask for online advice.I wouldn't ask for advice if you can't handle hearing differant views point.Enough said.Celeste i hope you don't mind my post. Everyone can continue!!!
Recommended Posts