MM is celebrity -how can I get over him?

[belovedbeauty]

i have been helped by reading other's stories and I just really need to talk with some other OW's and rant a little. My situation is really stupid and I know exactly what I need to do and not do but I am angry and hurt and confused and feel like I want revenge but know it would not help me. Here is my lame story.

 

Seven years ago my boyfriend took me to see this performer in Las vegas.I fell in love with the guy and became infatuated with him immediately.Although he is very talented he is considered by many to be

" washed up". I didn't care , i gave his manager my band's CDs and began writing to him and about him online on his website and fansites. I went to a bunch of his shows and events and felt that he was flirting with me but couldn't be sure.

 

Then I got to have dinner with him and his band when his drummer invited me to an after show get together. Long story short i thought i was going insane , misinterpreting signals( too numerous to mention) from him and gave up. I felt that he was just a tease , an incurable flirt, he kisses lots of his fans, even the GROSS ones on the lips during shows which really sickens me and lowers his value , other stars of his size would never kiss strange fans on the mouth but he does, dozens of them which is gross. I put him out of my mind , stopped writing or reading anything online , stopped seeing him perform, and got over him.

 

Two years passes and he comes to my town , chicago ,he lives in florida , for a week long radio show , he had a radio contest to have lunch with him and i entered it thinking if he remembered me we could finally get together in this cutesy way for lunch.

 

He called me the next day at home and said I would not be chosen for the contest winner but that he did want to see me for a rendezvous and started talking dirty to me. I actually cried the first time after he called because it dashed all my romantic fantasies over the years of what would happen once we finally got together. I imagined he'd say , I have been watching you and loving you from afar all this time, let's get together but he didn't .

 

He called me several more times for phone sex and then one week did not call when he said he would, i got upset and wrote him a stupid long possessive email saying maybe we shouldn't do this , if you don't respect me enough and only want a one night stand it would destroy me. My best friend( my now ex boy -friend who took me to see him) says don't send it , he will never call again.

 

But i sent it anyway and he did call again - just to bitch at me about sending him the email and for more phone sex. he promised we would get together and do all these things the next time he was in town. then my brother died and i was very upset and the MM came into town for concert but did not see me and i didn't want to see him because i was deeply in mourning , very depressed .

 

Then a whole year passes and he does not call. My father passes way and I email him about it and still he doesn't call. I take my mother who knows all about the situation to a mother's day concert of his and we end up getting a poster from him signed , much love, the way i signed my card to him , so i think he is wanting to see me again. I see him this past summer at a Cubs game that I am covering as a reporter in the press box and he flirts and kisses me on cheek ,etc. but still doesn't call, I assumed because his son was with him.

 

I can see that he is never going to DO ANYTHING with me but have a tough time getting him out of my mind. He did exactly what i told him not to do, I told him that I had had a crush on him and didn't want to start it up again if he was just going to use me and not call again, he said he wouldn't and then that is exactly what he did.

 

He is completely self centered( Aries) and does not care about my feelings and never did , never tried to make me feel better and is totally unforgiving. he can dish it out- but can't take it . I think he was scared to actually get together and test our chemistry because I am fifteen years younger than him .It is very hard to accept that he is so mean and immature and uncaring and incapable of telling the truth or apologising for mistakes that really HURT me - in a genuine way - because the fantasy was so strong for so many years and i loved him so much.

 

I really kicked my self for sending him the email that seemed to ruin everything and probably always will -but then I wonder if my subconcious was helping me out, knowing that he was a pretender/ vampire out to suck my lifeblood and destroy my self confidence. Still, i'll always wonder what would have happened if i hadn't sent that email and things had followed their course.

 

this is driving me crazy, sometimes i feel so used and led on -like I want revenge- by sheer conincidence I know a "marriage destroying" type secret about one of his family members and could get revenge - BUT -I really am sickened by the thought of sinking to his level. Also, it would hurt the brother more than him and the brother is really cool, so i don't want to hurt him.

 

It would only humiliate me and the MM would just feed off the desperation of it and feel even better about himself. I'm not going to expose him, his wife probably knows what he is up to, they have been married for seventeen years, and his fans would just get all excited about it and attack me not him . He does the same thing , no matter what he has done wrong or not done - I end up saying I'm sorry , like I'M the bad guy even though he called ME and he started it!!

 

He could have given me a private email address to write to, or a private cell number but when he finally called after all those years - he acted like i was this desperate groupie he had just met, not the nice , educated Jewish woman he had been seeing over the years in many different social situations, like when I painted portraits for his wife's charity , etc. always very normal and in control around him, but by not calling or explaining ANYTHING or giving me any way to contact him or express myself, he MADE me act and feel desperate and needy like a fan, not a friend.

 

Now it is totally ruined and weird between us and nothing really even happened so it is hard for me to stop wishing it had and hoping he would just call and talk it out but he never will , he can't handle a woman who really is her own person and is not afraid to argue back at him and call him on his bull****. Whenever it gets heated he just hangs up, he can't even debate anything rationally without getting totally overwhelmed. Never admits he's wrong or did anything wrong .

 

I'm so0000 disappointed and sad. Anyway I just needed to tell someone who understands the weirdness of this situation . how do you get the UNREQUITED affair out of your heart?? Did i screw up the chance of a lifetime with the person of my dreams or did I dodge a bullet? Or neither?

[Adunaphel]

how do you get the UNREQUITED affair out of your heart??

 

Try to see the situation in a different perspective. Re-read what you wrote and pretend someone else wrote it (obviously, about a different guy).

 

Did i screw up the chance of a lifetime with the person of my dreams

 

You never had that chance to start with.

 

or did I dodge a bullet?

 

Let's say that you have dodged more than one - you actually did not really *dodge* them - you were just lucky the guy is just shooting carelessly, if not randomly. You can count on luck just that much, though, and if I were you I'd run the hell away until you are no longer in his firing range.

 

 

The *real* him has nothing to do with your fantasy.

It's just too easy for a person to get lost in a fantasy (I should know, I am very good at doing that, too! And I did suck up my fair share of crap from guys because of this!) and make confusion between the actual person and the nice, troubled but romantic guy that lives only *inside their head*, as a fantasy character.

 

This guy is a celebrity, using his the charisma coming from his job to, among other things, get laid.

 

He is *used* to women taking a lot of crap from him because he is famous.

And, guess what, he enjoys having sex with women on his own terms and treating them like sluts.

 

Trust me:you might be a great, nice, interesting, well educated person, but he does not know or care.

To him you are nothing more, and no better than, any of his female groupies who want to screw him just because they dig celebrities.

 

Well, he'd probably pick the average, disposable groupie because they give him no hassle, do not get jealous, do not send him lenghty e-mails, do not expect one shred of exclusivity. They will just feel honored to have mr. Famous Guy into their pants.

 

Lady, count your blessings that he has not time to waste (waste=in *his*mind, not mine) with you when he can use it to talk dirty and screw someone who will be happy with just that.

 

sometimes i feel so used and led on -like I want revenge- by sheer conincidence I know a "marriage destroying" type secret about one of his family members and could get revenge - BUT -I really am sickened by the thought of sinking to his level.

 

On a side note... this would be really smart, destroying the life of someone who did not anything personally to you just to hurt someone who happens to be their relative.

This is a huge NO. It would be a really disgusting thing to do.

[Road Rage]

You have to close the door on him entirely, meaning no contact. It appears you are leaving the door wide open, even now, and it seems if he doesn`t find you there is still the determination on your part to not let it go. Somehow you always seem to seek him out.

[quankanne]

He could have given me a private email address to write to, or a private cell number but when he finally called after all those years - he acted like i was this desperate groupie he had just met, not the nice, educated Jewish woman he had been seeing over the years in many different social situations, like when I painted portraits for his wife's charity , etc. always very normal and in control around him, but by not calling or explaining ANYTHING or giving me any way to contact him or express myself, he MADE me act and feel desperate and needy like a fan, not a friend.

 

hate to burst your bubble, but this is exactly how he sees your "relationship" with him: as a desparate fan willing to debase herself for him because she has built him up in her mind. And those kinds of people are highly dangerous. Just like the movie where the woman killed her lover's bunny because he refused to continue their affair ...

 

as hurt as you are, you really ought to seek professional help. Otherwise, you'll continue to imagine you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't see you as a real person, and you only hurt yourself psychologically for believing in something that's not there.

[whichwayisup]

I can't believe you let this go on for so long...

 

Don't talk to him ever again! Don't reply to his emails, calls, or anything.

 

The best revenge is to move on, live your life happily without some obsession...Cuz that is what he is, an obsession and a fantasy.

[outofdarkness]

i have been helped by reading other's stories and I just really need to talk with some other OW's and rant a little. My situation is really stupid and I know exactly what I need to do and not do but I am angry and hurt and confused and feel like I want revenge but know it would not help me. Here is my lame story.

 

Seven years ago my boyfriend took me to see this performer in Las vegas.I fell in love with the guy and became infatuated with him immediately.Although he is very talented he is considered by many to be

" washed up". I didn't care , i gave his manager my band's CDs and began writing to him and about him online on his website and fansites. I went to a bunch of his shows and events and felt that he was flirting with me but couldn't be sure.

 

Then I got to have dinner with him and his band when his drummer invited me to an after show get together. Long story short i thought i was going insane , misinterpreting signals( too numerous to mention) from him and gave up. I felt that he was just a tease , an incurable flirt, he kisses lots of his fans, even the GROSS ones on the lips during shows which really sickens me and lowers his value , other stars of his size would never kiss strange fans on the mouth but he does, dozens of them which is gross. I put him out of my mind , stopped writing or reading anything online , stopped seeing him perform, and got over him.

 

Two years passes and he comes to my town , chicago ,he lives in florida , for a week long radio show , he had a radio contest to have lunch with him and i entered it thinking if he remembered me we could finally get together in this cutesy way for lunch.

 

He called me the next day at home and said I would not be chosen for the contest winner but that he did want to see me for a rendezvous and started talking dirty to me. I actually cried the first time after he called because it dashed all my romantic fantasies over the years of what would happen once we finally got together. I imagined he'd say , I have been watching you and loving you from afar all this time, let's get together but he didn't .

 

He called me several more times for phone sex and then one week did not call when he said he would, i got upset and wrote him a stupid long possessive email saying maybe we shouldn't do this , if you don't respect me enough and only want a one night stand it would destroy me. My best friend( my now ex boy -friend who took me to see him) says don't send it , he will never call again.

 

But i sent it anyway and he did call again - just to bitch at me about sending him the email and for more phone sex. he promised we would get together and do all these things the next time he was in town. then my brother died and i was very upset and the MM came into town for concert but did not see me and i didn't want to see him because i was deeply in mourning , very depressed .

 

Then a whole year passes and he does not call. My father passes way and I email him about it and still he doesn't call. I take my mother who knows all about the situation to a mother's day concert of his and we end up getting a poster from him signed , much love, the way i signed my card to him , so i think he is wanting to see me again. I see him this past summer at a Cubs game that I am covering as a reporter in the press box and he flirts and kisses me on cheek ,etc. but still doesn't call, I assumed because his son was with him.

 

I can see that he is never going to DO ANYTHING with me but have a tough time getting him out of my mind. He did exactly what i told him not to do, I told him that I had had a crush on him and didn't want to start it up again if he was just going to use me and not call again, he said he wouldn't and then that is exactly what he did.

 

He is completely self centered( Aries) and does not care about my feelings and never did , never tried to make me feel better and is totally unforgiving. he can dish it out- but can't take it . I think he was scared to actually get together and test our chemistry because I am fifteen years younger than him .It is very hard to accept that he is so mean and immature and uncaring and incapable of telling the truth or apologising for mistakes that really HURT me - in a genuine way - because the fantasy was so strong for so many years and i loved him so much.

 

I really kicked my self for sending him the email that seemed to ruin everything and probably always will -but then I wonder if my subconcious was helping me out, knowing that he was a pretender/ vampire out to suck my lifeblood and destroy my self confidence. Still, i'll always wonder what would have happened if i hadn't sent that email and things had followed their course.

 

this is driving me crazy, sometimes i feel so used and led on -like I want revenge- by sheer conincidence I know a "marriage destroying" type secret about one of his family members and could get revenge - BUT -I really am sickened by the thought of sinking to his level. Also, it would hurt the brother more than him and the brother is really cool, so i don't want to hurt him.

 

It would only humiliate me and the MM would just feed off the desperation of it and feel even better about himself. I'm not going to expose him, his wife probably knows what he is up to, they have been married for seventeen years, and his fans would just get all excited about it and attack me not him . He does the same thing , no matter what he has done wrong or not done - I end up saying I'm sorry , like I'M the bad guy even though he called ME and he started it!!

 

He could have given me a private email address to write to, or a private cell number but when he finally called after all those years - he acted like i was this desperate groupie he had just met, not the nice , educated Jewish woman he had been seeing over the years in many different social situations, like when I painted portraits for his wife's charity , etc. always very normal and in control around him, but by not calling or explaining ANYTHING or giving me any way to contact him or express myself, he MADE me act and feel desperate and needy like a fan, not a friend.

 

Now it is totally ruined and weird between us and nothing really even happened so it is hard for me to stop wishing it had and hoping he would just call and talk it out but he never will , he can't handle a woman who really is her own person and is not afraid to argue back at him and call him on his bull****. Whenever it gets heated he just hangs up, he can't even debate anything rationally without getting totally overwhelmed. Never admits he's wrong or did anything wrong .

 

I'm so0000 disappointed and sad. Anyway I just needed to tell someone who understands the weirdness of this situation . how do you get the UNREQUITED affair out of your heart?? Did i screw up the chance of a lifetime with the person of my dreams or did I dodge a bullet? Or neither?

this is wierd...let him go...I suspect that mabey you need some indiv. counseling...yes, he used you...don't waste anymore time on him...you might get into a REAL mess if you continue to keep contact with him...good luck!

[belovedbeauty]

I know you are right and i sound like a hundred other deflated and disillusioned women on this site. What is bothering me is the feeling that if i just hadn't sent that possessive email and scared him off , we would have gotten together and everything would have been different. I was never going to blow the whistle on him or his brother either, i just couldn't help fantasizing about revenge at first but the pain is starting to dull already, he has done this to me several times over the years , i am getting numb to it by now. it is HARD to let go of the fantasy though because onstage and on tv he is so attractive .

[quankanne]

What is bothering me is the feeling that if i just hadn't sent that possessive email and scared him off , we would have gotten together and everything would have been different.

 

I honestly don't think that would have made a difference, BB, because his concept of you is most likely "groupie," not a human capable of feelings or worthy of a relationship. Given the circumstances, I daresay he considers you and other women he meets on the road expendable ...

[Green]

I'm sure its been alot of fun getting special attention from a celeberity, and he did use you, and its good that your starting to get over it. Your aloud to think up crazy revenge fantisies that you never actualy plan on doing its part of the healing process. Go out and meet some normal less exciting guy and start a relationship with him.

[guest]

You seem delusional...I think there's med for what ails you. Read your post again...read it as if you were sitting where I am sitting...conclusion, delusional.

 

Sorry, you need some help, get on with your life.

[Guest]

What is bothering me is the feeling that if i just hadn't sent that possessive email and scared him off , we would have gotten together and everything would have been different

 

Nothing you did or did not do would have changed this. You have basically been a groupie - one of probably hundreds. And bunches of them, I promise, think exactly what you want to believe - that this skank of an MM has true feelings for you. Not even close to true. You've built up a fantasy in your imagination.

 

Time to climb off the clouds and live on the real planet before you waste one more second of your life pining after this schmoe.