I don't want to be friends anymore...

[boshemia]

I've been divorced for almost five years now. In the beginning I really did want to remain friends for the sake of the kids but I am starting to realize that I am the only one who values our friendship.

 

After five years apart he has only managed to see the kids a handful of times. I've always tried to keep the lines of communication open for the kids, but he only seems to be interested in parenting when it is convenient for him.

 

This summer it got much more convenient. He got remarried to a woman who obviously adores my kids. They have nothing but good things to say about their new Mom and I'm glad... it makes it a lot easier on me. They however had very little good to say about their Dad. From what I can tell he hasn't changed a whole lot.

 

When he asked if he could take them for the Summer it was difficult for me. I've never been away from them for longer than two weeks. I wanted them to spend time with him, but they are still my babies. I'm not used to sharing them.

 

Then it all went to hell. I didn't catch the fact that they already had a house big enough for all of the kids to have their own rooms, I only caught it when they started talking about all of the neat things the new wife was buying for their rooms. It seemed funny to me that they were spending so much money on kids that they would only have a few months. I finally caught on when I asked my daughter about a comment she made and she started crying. She said Daddy told her they weren't allowed to talk about it.

 

Their father had decided that he was keeping the kids without even telling me. It wasn't too big of a problem since I have sole physical custody, anything past the agreed upon time would have been kidnapping. A bad move at this point in his military career. He wasn't happy when I refused to just give the kids to him, but he didn't have much of a choice. He did however decide that it wasn't convenient to get them back to me on the agreed upon date, so I had to take the train to go get them.

 

Now the kids are telling me that he and his new wife are coming to spend Thanksgiving with the kids, and plan to take them to California for Christmas. Suddenly he is super-dad and thinks that he has a right to just do as he pleases. The kids however don't want to go for anymore long visits with their Dad. He is never home, they have to stay with a babysitter, and even on his days off he doesn't do much with them.

 

I have to straighten this out, I need for him to understand that just because he is finally ready to be a father doesn't mean he can just make plans and expect me to work around them.

 

Should I write him a letter and explain it? How much do I tell him?

 

1. I am concerned about the night he came home drunk and kept oldest up until 1 AM begging her to stay with him.

2. I am concerned that the kids were being touched inappropriately by the babysitters child and all their Dad told them was that "He didn't know any better"

3. I am concerned that he ignored our youngest medical needs even though she could have had free medical care while she was there, instead he sent her home with a severe problem that only needed a doctors followup to get rid of.

4. Twice now he has agreed to pay for their travel, but once he had them in his care it wasn't convenient and I had to make rush arrangements to get them home.

5. The divorce agreement says that I have sole physical custody, it isn't his decision to make.

6. Also according to the divorce agreement he is not to discuss any changes in visitation with the kids.

 

I am concerned that he might be thinking about going for custody of the kids... which is particularly upsetting since he is being transferred to England very soon.

 

Since out divorce was as civil as possible we didn't have any custody battle or fights about anything. We just sat down together, filled out the papers, and filed them. However, if it came to that I still have certain information that show not only what he put me through when we were married, but what kind of father he was. Would it be rude to remind him that I still have access to that information if I need it?

 

Help, I really feel like I need to stand up and explain that our friendship WAS important to me, but that the lack of respect for myself and my children is a major concern.

[kandi r]

Hey there I read all your post and what a bummer. From reading your post I feel that your EH has started his new life and is realizing he wants this new W to be the mother permantly for his kids. Or either he wants his kids closer so he can keep this new W closer also. It seems he does not respect your wishes even though it is on paper. He is making his life happier for him and his new W having these kids around. Which apparently is making his new W so excited and he seems to want to give this new W just that. I feel you need to put your foot down with this man.

 

Now it seems he is playing the greedy card as well as trying to make you envious which I am sure is not working. He is being really immature. He needs to realize what you and him had he should have learned to be a father then and now all of a sudden in his new life he wants to be a father. I think he is messing your kids up for the long run. Teaching them to not tell you things , that is awful. I feel even though he is buying all these things for his kids so what if they tell you, I mean that is great why hide that. That is BS!!! Your the mother and you have custody. Now I don't think you two need to get nasty with eachother but make him understand he is not going to have his way. You also need to protect your kids. Talk to them.

 

Tell them you are always there no matter what to tell you anything. No matter who tells them what tell them never to be afraid of telling you anything because you are on there side. Seems you are having to fight to keep a peaceful environment between you and your EH. His new W needs to bud out. Seems she may be telling your EH that she thinks he should have custody of kids. Seems he wants to make her happier. Hey pray about this hun. I know its hard for this kids. You have got to be strong. keep notes and let family members know what is going on. To keep tab. Not saying anything ugly can happen but I read all these horror stories about custody battles. Its not good. Just hang in there.

[Gunny376]

I'm seeing a lot of "vinegar" in your post. You may have sole custody, but you don't have sole possession. You may be their Mom, but that doesn't mean he's not their Father. As such he should have fair and reasonable visitation and access to his children. It seems to that your interpertation of that would be limited to no more than two weeks a year. WHhooooohooooo!

 

Now your trying to dredge up any and everything past and present to build your case, to include dragging the military into it. Where do you get off? That's his job, that's how he makes his living, that's what pays the child support, Honey. You've no more right dragging his boss into the picture over custodial issues than any of your civilian counterparts.

 

Bottom line you've got personal issues.

 

With that said, he's being an AZZ! And he needs seriously squaring away on a thing or two when it comes to the children. The marriage is gone, and he's re-married, but the two of you are still parents to those children, and no paper is going to take that away.

 

The answer is simple, you and he need to re-hash out a visitation agreement (I didn't say custody) and it needs to be fluid, and it needs flexable, and the two of you need to communicate as to what is in the best interest of the children. And, you know what? You may have to re-negotiate it again in the years to come.

 

What I'm saying in the end is that you're both are wrong here! Depending upon the time of day, on any given day him more than you, and at other times of the day, on any given day ~ you more than him.

[PSmith]

I’ve been there done that with custody / visitation / scheduling issues / and relocation issues, that seem to come up on a regular basis. I think Gunny was way too harsh on you.

 

Guuny – it’s possible that she has always gone the extra mile to accommodate her ex with visitation and that he’s the type of person who will always try to take more and give back less. I’ve been there and still going through it. While I’m willing to change weekends / nights / summer vacations to fit my ex’s work schedule, she is far less giving. And there are times when my ex has suddenly changed things on me without warning or consulting me first.

 

Here’s my advice :

 

He may be an ass and a real jerk, but sometimes you have to let it go, and be the bigger person.

 

Return date.

If he has them for a visit and wants to send them back on Sunday instead of the agreed upon Friday (he wants to keep them one weekend longer), see if you can let it go. However, if he was suppose to return them on Friday, but instead tells you that he can’t do it now and doesn’t know when he’ll be able to. Time to call the lawyer.

 

Christmas.

What do the papers say? If he’s not entitled by the papers and the kids don’t want to go, then the answer is no. If he’s not entitled, but the kids want to go, let them go. Just remember to call the lawyer if he refuses to bring them home. If he’s entitled to the kids, but they don’t want to go . . .well we all have to do things we don’t like, even the kids. So they should go.

 

Travel.

I would talk with a lawyer about this. A good compromise is that he forwards you the money for travel before arrangements are made. This way travel is prepaid. Your ex could send you a check to cover the round trip travel expenses for the kids. You would make the arrangements for their travel and pay for it with the money he sent.

 

Custody.

He may try for custody, but it’s very difficult to win custody if the current custodial parent is not negligent. I wouldn’t worry about it for now.

 

The agreement.

One thing Gunny did say that I do agree with, is that the visitation agreement needs to be reworked from time to time. As the kids get older or families change (remarried, etc.) the old agreements just doesn’t work anymore. My ex and I just redid our agreement last year, 10 yrs after our divorce. Get a lawyer and bring up all your concerns and put together a new agreement. Have your ex get a lawyer and then the two of you can work something out.

 

Hope this helps

[Gunny376]

I think Gunny was way too harsh on you.

 

You can't have Angels with Devils, you can't have Republicans without Democrats, I knew someone like you would come along and balance it out.

 

And, yea I was a little too harsh, but this business of calling your boss in on the picture,, just because he's carrer military is BS! My XW tried that stunt, and I went around and around with the Battalion Sergeant Major and my First Sergeant, and we all got nose to nose in each other's face with neitherside backing down, just because my XW thought all she had to do was to pick the phone up and spew a bunch of lies, just trying to make my life Hell.

 

And, I sense that the OP (Original Poster) might not be so happy with the fact the XH bought a big new house, and was furnishing it for the children. Maybe the XH does have an ulterior motive. But, I sense that the OP would be content with the DD (Dear Dad) not getting more than two weeks visitation a year. A lot of women not only want to replace their husbands with another man, but replace them as fathers as well. And, that BS.

 

I had a Bro in the Corps, who lived in the barracks after the divorce, and went to see his children across three startes whenever he could. His XW got killed in a carwreck, and the stepfather was suing him for custody of his children. I know! I had to go testify at the court hearing.

 

Should I write him a letter and explain it? How much do I tell him?

 

1. I am concerned about the night he came home drunk and kept oldest up until 1 AM begging her to stay with him.

2. I am concerned that the kids were being touched inappropriately by the babysitters child and all their Dad told them was that "He didn't know any better"

3. I am concerned that he ignored our youngest medical needs even though she could have had free medical care while she was there, instead he sent her home with a severe problem that only needed a doctors followup to get rid of.

4. Twice now he has agreed to pay for their travel, but once he had them in his care it wasn't convenient and I had to make rush arrangements to get them home.

5. The divorce agreement says that I have sole physical custody, it isn't his decision to make.

6. Also according to the divorce agreement he is not to discuss any changes in visitation with the kids.

 

I am concerned that he might be thinking about going for custody of the kids... which is particularly upsetting since he is being transferred to England very soon

 

Absolutely you should pull his "punk card" and call him on the carpet.

And, if he's still not with the program? Slam dunk his azz!

 

The only way he's goingg to get custody, being carrer military is if you just lay down and roll over! He'd first would have to get an expert on military familyl law and socialology, and that's going to cost him big time.

 

The thing that got me dandruff up was that this smacks of a lot of women's mentality in America, that there are my chldren, this is my house, that the women is suppose to get the house and everything in it worth stealing, and the man is suppose to go crawl off into the woods, sleep in a hollow log, drink muddy water, and eat road kill for the sin of having been born a man.

 

Not all the good men are either married or gay ~ some of us just got smart as the first azz-raping in divorce court!

[Gunny376]

Travel.

I would talk with a lawyer about this. A good compromise is that he forwards you the money for travel before arrangements are made. This way travel is prepaid. Your ex could send you a check to cover the round trip travel expenses for the kids. You would make the arrangements for their travel and pay for it with the money he sent.

 

 

Ahhhh, here we go! Daddy pays, but Mama get to play! He pays to pick them up, he pays to get them back, she get the tax deduction, she get the EITB, she get the alimony, she get the after tax child support, he pays all the taxes, if the kids don't want to go and its not spelled out, they don't have to go!

 

Its a win-win for everyone but Dad.

 

And, BTW, he's carrer military, probally hundred's of miles away ~ so this switching up weekends, etc doesn't get it!

[Lor]

Way harsh here, Gunny. I think you've blown this completely out of proportion.

 

A bad move at this point in his military career.

 

That's the only time I hear her say a word about the military. No where else did I read she was going to his CO with her complaints.

 

I think the list of things she was thinking of puting in a letter are valid, especially the one about the babysitter. It sounds more like the NW is the one making the effort with the kids, and probably pushing the issue with Dad on getting to see them more often.

 

Mom, loosen up a little and work with them on this. They could have a chance to get to know their father, something it sounds like they don't have now and didn't before. You are too used to having them around and don't want to let go. Try splitting the travel expenses, try talking to them both before you go running off to lawyers and causing a big stinking headache. He isn't going to get custody of the kids and unless he's really really stupid, he won't try and kidnap them.

 

Physical custody is only a word on paper (with some teeth if it comes to it). You both need to look at what's best for the kids and quit playing tug-o-war with them....I want them! No, I want them!

[Lor]

The thing that got me dandruff up was that this smacks of a lot of women's mentality in America, that there are my chldren, this is my house, that the women is suppose to get the house and everything in it worth stealing, and the man is suppose to go crawl off into the woods, sleep in a hollow log, drink muddy water, and eat road kill for the sin of having been born a man.

 

Not all of us, Guns...you know that. There are more of us "nice" ones out there than you think; we're just off sitting quietly in the back. Its the rude, crude ones that are up front making all the noise.

[Gunny376]

OK, Lor, (and the rest of the ladies) now that I've gotten in from work, and have had a chance to cut back on the afterburners, and cool my jets ~ maybe, just maybe I lost a little bit of objectivity, being carrer military, this might have touched a raw nerve or two (or three) of mine, and I might have gone high and to the right, and maybe, just maybe I drug a personal issue or two that doesn't belong in this thead, and maybe I went just a little high and to the right, instead of hitting the bullseye on this one.

 

Hey! There was this one time back in 81' when I thought I was wrong ~ but it turned out that I was right!

 

*(Note: In case you missed it ~ this is the Marine equivalent of a heart-felt apology!")

[behonest63]

I am new here and dont want anyone to misread this for being mean but;

 

I cant stand this situation, he needs to stop munipulating the kids with money stuff and you know what I mean..its seems financially stable always seems to bring out the worst in situations like this. From your post I dont trust his intentions. But I do agree with Gunny a little dont try and hurt him when he is an Ass. Get your child support and let him see them when scheduled..but; if he is wrecking your realtionship because of crap he is doing then tell him and if he doesnt understand or want to stop find out if he can do this and do something about it...no thru military but thru the custody process I guess not to familiar with that...

 

It appears to me he is trying to win over his kids more so than ever to hurt you..he has issues..spending time is one thing but talking about their moms and doing all the stuff that kids may fall for as love is freaking wrong to me..

 

His wife has issues and it sounds like she is trying to support him thru it all even with the buying and doing of things and that sounds like she is trying to win his approval of more love or something geez...I dont know if he was actually this great seems like it would have came out before this...its easy for him to do all the fun things and make you do all the hards this..you know the old saying nice place to visit but wouldnt want to live there..

 

Im not saying build you anger from my post, I am just saying this is very difficult at best and its stinks..I dont have the answers but i feel for you and I am sorry about this..

 

My ex to be is always saying she wants to remain friends and at first I was pissed hated the rejection, she says she hasnt loved me in sometime and was staying til the kids got out which they did and then she broke it to me, life isnt always fair and I am glad you didnt continue to put up with your situation just for the kids, but now you have a different set of problems that needs to be addressed from you end with calmness, clarity and strength. You know what your kids mean to you and you know who you are so just apply it.

 

As far as being friends I will tell you what a girl that gives me good advice told me just last night on this, she said she is the mother of your children whom you love very much, you both have problems and its not right to make the kids suffer over this, mine are old and grow but you have to let them make there own decisions as they grow older on how they view this and how and when they want to spend time. Along with that doesnt come your trying to reheal yourself in some way bye trying to win their approval with bashing there dad. Do like my mom did when my mom and dad got a divorce. Always answer any questions with yes I hear you and your father is a good father to you. Dont offer information either let them decide..now your situation may no dictate this but the principal is sound and it worked for me as a young man and I love and respect my mom more for that then trying to tear down my father...

 

Well I know I havent provided any clear guidance nor would I want to but;

bottom line is lift your head up, dont hold judgement over anyone, dont be a payback person and do the best you can with your new situation versus your old, take time for yourself when he wants to take the kids and as long as he takes care of them be greatful someone else can give you some free time that will truely take care of them..go on a date or spend time with friends and dont look back, you changed one situation for the better to have another challange. You are on the right track as far as thats concerned and you know it probably is for the best...Keep smiling and keep your head up...your friend Donald

[anna13]

 

 

Should I write him a letter and explain it? How much do I tell him? Don t tell him everything that you have in mind , some things keep to yourself .

 

1. I am concerned about the night he came home drunk and kept oldest up until 1 AM begging her to stay with him.I would discuss this with him but i would also write all this down so you have it in the future.

2. I am concerned that the kids were being touched inappropriately by the babysitters child and all their Dad told them was that "He didn't know any better" You have a right to be concerned about this . maybe tell him that you do not want your child around this other child . and if your child is around this other child there will have to be a different arrangement. you XH cant just say "no biggie" and have you accept that . although I dont know exactly what happened there but better safe then sorry I say.

3. I am concerned that he ignored our youngest medical needs even though she could have had free medical care while she was there, instead he sent her home with a severe problem that only needed a doctors followup to get rid of. document these types of things, since that has happened already , just tell him that next time he needs to get her medical attention.

4. Twice now he has agreed to pay for their travel, but once he had them in his care it wasn't convenient and I had to make rush arrangements to get them home. you have physical custody so next time he screws up previously made arangements I would make sure that the next arrangements are on your terms . it is good that you are cooperating with your X but sounds like he is more concerned about his needs and not his kids.

5. The divorce agreement says that I have sole physical custody, it isn't his decision to make. it isnt his decision at all . make visitation agreement and stick to it , such as he can have the kids for the summer or maybe 1 week a month or something that will be routine and not random visits. remember , if you are bending over backwards trying to be considerate to him he is going to take advantage of that. like i read somewhere , you teach people how to treat you . ( i like reading these days)

 

6. Also according to the divorce agreement he is not to discuss any changes in visitation with the kids. So does this mean he has no say in the visitation arrangements? if so , take controll of the visitation dont leave it to his needs. I mean of course work it out but what I am saying is dont let things be random like if he says " oh , i have a funtion and i need the kids this thursay " that isnt good.

 

I am concerned that he might be thinking about going for custody of the kids... which is particularly upsetting since he is being transferred to England very soon. I would talk to an attorney to see what they say about his options. since you already have custody i dont see it being that easy for him to change that . I dont think that a court would let him just up and go with the kids to England . that wouldnt be the best interest of the kids.

 

Since out divorce was as civil as possible we didn't have any custody battle or fights about anything. We just sat down together, filled out the papers, and filed them. However, if it came to that I still have certain information that show not only what he put me through when we were married, but what kind of father he was. Would it be rude to remind him that I still have access to that information if I need it? I dont think you should remind his of that. keep it for yourself in case you need to use it . If you tell him this he may contemplate how to counter those things you have on him later.

 

 

anyway , I dont know the details but those are my reactions to your questions. hopefully i helped in someway .

[anna13]

oops , i did that wrong but my answers are in the quote , sorry .

[Guest]

of course, it is completely voluntary and only accepted if given in the spirit of the first trade agreement. if there is any concern, then use invisible ink. hey, there is no planned invasion of japan and frankly i don't think canadians have it in them. HONESTY, if there is any anxiety then do not send. there is no 'magic JFK' bullet and always remember when it comes to da kiddies - well - enuff said.

[boshemia]

No, no, no... I don't care that they have a big house and bought the kids fancy things. Sorry if I wasn't clear. That's just how I figured out he wasn't planning to send them back.

 

In the previous five years he has shown vey little interest in visiting the kids. The visitation agreement was "as military duty allows" which ended up being a few days out of a two week leave home, the rest he spent partying. All told he spent less than a week with the kids in over four years... even though he came home three times.

 

Three years ago he decided that he wanted to give up full parental rights so my new husband could adopt them, then he met the new wife and actually took them for two weeks last year. I was tickled pink... so were the kids, they had missed him and it had been almost a year and a half since they'd seen him... Then he wants them for the full summer this year and decides he isn't giving them back... he is planning on taking them to England with him so they can finish the shool year there.

 

So I wasn't talking about an extra day or two here... I was talking about a full year. Then he tells the kids they aren't allowed to tell me about it! I was in tears for two days. \\

 

I want to work with him... but he has to work with me too...

[ilmw]

No, no, no... I don't care that they have a big house and bought the kids fancy things. Sorry if I wasn't clear. That's just how I figured out he wasn't planning to send them back.

 

In the previous five years he has shown vey little interest in visiting the kids. The visitation agreement was "as military duty allows" which ended up being a few days out of a two week leave home, the rest he spent partying. All told he spent less than a week with the kids in over four years... even though he came home three times.

 

Three years ago he decided that he wanted to give up full parental rights so my new husband could adopt them, then he met the new wife and actually took them for two weeks last year. I was tickled pink... so were the kids, they had missed him and it had been almost a year and a half since they'd seen him... Then he wants them for the full summer this year and decides he isn't giving them back... he is planning on taking them to England with him so they can finish the shool year there.

 

So I wasn't talking about an extra day or two here... I was talking about a full year. Then he tells the kids they aren't allowed to tell me about it! I was in tears for two days. \\

 

I want to work with him... but he has to work with me too...

 

Ok... I think I am missing something here.. and if I missed it.. I apologize now...

 

Who has custody of your children.. the ratio...50/50.. or does he just have visitation rights... ?? You mentioned he was giving up full parental rights..3 years ago? What happened with that?

 

The idea of him taking the kids to England for a year? Hell No... you have been those kiddies primary care giver.... you are the most important thing/person it their little lives... He has... as it sounds not been there at all... right?

 

He should not have those kids for that long... you are their life line to stability... a normal life... if we can call split families the norm these days...

 

You might want to look into your custody agreement... and make sure you are covered... I would hate to see him take off with your kiddies... and all of a sudden does not want to give them back... and you don't have a leg to stand on????

 

Hope that made sence... but I dont know your family laws where you are.. but.. in a lot of places they are pretty useless.... and parents should be aware... that he who has custody of the kids at the time... and no formal agreement is set in place... it the custodial parent until... a judge makes a decission... and that will be difficult if your kids are in another country. I have seen mother... and father put through hell because of this... misunderstanding.... and they have to wait in limbo... until there is a court decission...

 

Don't know if you have been through the above already... but it is something to think of...

[Gunny376]

No, no, no... I don't care that they have a big house and bought the kids fancy things. Sorry if I wasn't clear. That's just how I figured out he wasn't planning to send them back.

 

In the previous five years he has shown vey little interest in visiting the kids. The visitation agreement was "as military duty allows" which ended up being a few days out of a two week leave home, the rest he spent partying. All told he spent less than a week with the kids in over four years... even though he came home three times.

 

Three years ago he decided that he wanted to give up full parental rights so my new husband could adopt them, then he met the new wife and actually took them for two weeks last year. I was tickled pink... so were the kids, they had missed him and it had been almost a year and a half since they'd seen him... Then he wants them for the full summer this year and decides he isn't giving them back... he is planning on taking them to England with him so they can finish the shool year there.

 

So I wasn't talking about an extra day or two here... I was talking about a full year. Then he tells the kids they aren't allowed to tell me about it! I was in tears for two days. \\

 

I want to work with him... but he has to work with me too...

 

 

Ahhhhhh!!!!

 

OK! Now I'm PO! At HIM!

 

I'm 150% ON YOUR SIDE NOW!

 

Write him and SPELL it out to him AS how its going to be, better yet have your attorney do it on his or her letterhead!

[Gunny376]

Ok! Since we've clarified things a bit, and establised that your not the wicked witch of the East, there's something that you need to be made aware of.

 

If he got the kids to England etc, and refused to send them back to you per the custody agreement, (per the state ordered divorce settlement) he could envoke his rights under the federal Soliders ~ Sailors Relief Act, which pretty much gives him carte' blanch protection from any civil (to include divorce, custody issues) court action in so long as he's assigned overseas, until such time as he returns from such overseas duty. Thus in theory, if he extends his tour of duty indefinately he could nullify your custody rights, (Federal court overrules and nullifies state court rulings) in that you would never see your children again until they're grown ~ in theory.

 

Bottin line? Get Ye an lawyer, and don't let the kids out of the country.

[boshemia]

Thank you for all of your help. Having grown up without a father it was and is important to me that they have him in their lives. Because of this I have held me tongue over many matters because I didn't want to drive him away...

 

As for what happened to giving up parental rights? When you give up parental rights you have to give them TO someone or you are still financially responsible for the kids. So when he wanted my new husband to adopt them I refused. Giving up parental rights for a nineteen year old girl wouldn't have been a healthy decision for him or the kids, and asking my new husband to take the responsibility from him wasn't fair to anyone either. I refused, we made a choice to have kids together... when we divorced any commitment he had to me ended, but not to the children.

 

 

 

The divorce agreement says that we have joint custody, but that I have sole physical custody. I'm not exactly sure what that means.

 

And it's okay... I'm divorced, I've grown accustomed to being the wicked witch. When I'm nice it's just because I'm trying to get him back, when I'm not I'm bitter, and when I just stay neutral then I'm not cooperating with him. It used to really tear me up because I wanted to be the perfect ex wife, I really did. I've watched people my whole life, the way that they screw each other when they get divorced... screw up the kids... It's awful. I didn't want to do any of that...

 

When we got divorced I had two requests... one that we love the kids more than we hate each other, and two... that we agree to work together instead of against each other. I don't think it's working so well.

 

He told me that he requested the transfer to England, and after that he wants to go to Italy... that would be eight years overseas. That would put youngest at 17. I can't imagine living without them that long... to be honest if it happened I would find a way to move to England too. I was born in Germany (army brat) so I'm supposed to have dual citizenship

 

So I really do want the kids to have their father in their lives, but I don't want them out of mine either. I don't know, I can't really afford an attorney right now but I guess I'll call around. I was really hoping we could work it out without court intervention... I've had enough of a courtroom for five lifetimes lol...

[Gunny376]

I'm starting to like you and your attitude!