leftone Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 damn.....mixed emotions....lots of anger...but theres pain too. ran into my ex while she was with the fool she left me for. all the hurt that i was getting over instantly hit me....F***. i hate this sh**. i still have her in my heart but i almost wish i could rip out the feeling and just throw it in her face!! right when i saw her i wanted to say something...do something but i know nothing i do or say is gonna change the situation...or better it. so F*** it!! just need to vent.....after the anger comes what?? what are the stages again??
mental_traveller Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Stages are as follows: 1) You get dumped 2) You get angry 3) You go out, get drunk, get laid 4) You forget about the silly moo
andy_whitewater Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 lol, mental traveller - are those the *official* stages that you go through? I think I need to get myself onto stage 3! Leftone, man thats gotta be hard seeing them together. I am dreading the first time I see my ex and her boyfriend together. Even seeing her by herself totally makes me feel all the hurt again. Are you feeling any better now? I believe the stages are 1. Denial 2. Anger / Resentment 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Remember if you got over the pain once you can do it again! Good luck man
joriel Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 leftone--i remember your story b/c it was very much like mine. i was angry the first time that i saw the ex with the new guy as well. over the next few days as i processed it, i decided that neither of them were worth my time thinking about them. when i hear stories about them i still get angry but it's getting better. for me the thing that helped was when a mutual friend told me that she verbally b**chslapped my ex the other night because she thought my ex was being a total a**hole about the whole situation. i don't know why but, damn, it sure as hell made me feel better. i said all that to say that just because you feel like you're the only one that thinks your ex is being a jerk right now, doesn't mean that you are. perhaps your mutual friends or her friends even are thinking the same way.
DamnThisLife Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 What if you never get to acceptance. I may never get over ANGER..... The lies and the cheating have me really pissed off.
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. 2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving. 3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. 4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal. 5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person. they dont have to be experienced in tis order either. I went from denial to bargaining to depression to anger....and now acceptance with a little anger still lurking about.....I dont think that will ever leave me...I just need to tuck it away somewhere...
Author leftone Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 thx for the stage confirmations guys. i felt much better after i vented yesterday. i realized that no matter what, there's nothing i can do about it. if there's nothing i can do about a situation i can't control no more, then no point in stressing it or being affected by it. for a long time this b**ch controlled how i felt, what i thought, what i did. i took a step back yesterday from the situation and was like....WTF...even now, when i know its over...I'm still letting her control me....hell no. i have more respect for myself than that, i have control of my life..not anybody else. so i made the choice to say to myself..you know what..that sh** doesn't matter no more. her life is hers and mine is mine. i'm not gonna let her bring me down no more and i choose to live again....which is what i'm doing. i'm satisfied knowing that one day....it'll come back around to hit her..karma's a bi**h. a friend of mine left me the following text while i was pissed off last night and it made me feel better and kinda put things into perspective: "its true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but its also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives....may you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy" life goes on...no matter if our lives are scattered and we can't fix what went wrong....life goes on!!
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