Chapter2 Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Has anyone experienced their husband/wife making what appeared to be significant change for six or so months only to revert back to their previous behavior? I guess this question smacks of "do leopards ever change their spots" but I know of two couples right now where the wife has made the desicion to leave simply because the supposed changes are not lasting. They both say that its as if a "flip switched" and they were finally "done" trying. They had nothing left to give. No emotion, no bargaining, no ultimatums, just plain old done. It wasn't even that their spouses had any huge technicolor sins. They both conveyed that they were simply tired of begging to be loved in various ways over the years and that they were truly living as roommates. One of them even said that the first thing that comes to her mind every day when she opens her eyes is "should I leave today?"... I just wonder how prevelant this is in marriages today.
norajane Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 One of my friends has been married for 15 years and is now getting a divorce after years of marriage counseling and trying because he finally couldn't do it anymore. He travels a lot for his job, had some serious career goals he was trying to achieve. His work schedule wreaked havoc in his relationship for a number of reasons, but the idea was that once he got the promotion he was after and could rest on his laurels a bit, they'd be free to start a family. He got his promotion, and spent more time at home, continued counseling and things seemed better between them for a while. But, then, he just couldn't do it anymore. He felt he'd gotten so little support and understanding from his wife when he was working for their future, that he couldn't even think of starting a family with her. He couldn't get what he wanted out of life with her, and that was it. He was done.
Author Chapter2 Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 This is happening everywhere I look....does it seem like that to you? Is it a cyclical type thing? I'm single and would love to have a marriage one day but I look at the couples around me, how miserable so many are and, honestly, its scary. One of my friends has been married for 15 years and is now getting a divorce after years of marriage counseling and trying because he finally couldn't do it anymore. He travels a lot for his job, had some serious career goals he was trying to achieve. His work schedule wreaked havoc in his relationship for a number of reasons, but the idea was that once he got the promotion he was after and could rest on his laurels a bit, they'd be free to start a family. He got his promotion, and spent more time at home, continued counseling and things seemed better between them for a while. But, then, he just couldn't do it anymore. He felt he'd gotten so little support and understanding from his wife when he was working for their future, that he couldn't even think of starting a family with her. He couldn't get what he wanted out of life with her, and that was it. He was done.
norajane Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 There was an article that came out last weekend based on US Census data that showed households that consisted of married couples were a minority for the first time in America. Married couples: 49.8% Unmarried couples living together (gay and straight), single parents, and singles: 50.2% The article stated that this continued a downward trend for marrieds. Big cities had fewer married couple households and the smaller towns and rural areas still trended pretty high for marriages. I guess there are a lot of ways to live your life. Marriage is a social construct - maybe it doesn't work anymore when we have different expectations of what we want out of life than we did 70 years ago. Or it could just be changing demographics...lots more widows who can't remarry because men don't live as long.
norajane Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 This is happening everywhere I look....does it seem like that to you? Is it a cyclical type thing? I'm single and would love to have a marriage one day but I look at the couples around me, how miserable so many are and, honestly, its scary. I don't know that I see it everywhere. I know a lot of happily married couples. But divorce is not at all uncommon in this country, so there are a lot of people who don't get it right.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Has anyone experienced their husband/wife making what appeared to be significant change for six or so months only to revert back to their previous behavior? I guess this question smacks of "do leopards ever change their spots" but I know of two couples right now where the wife has made the desicion to leave simply because the supposed changes are not lasting. They both say that its as if a "flip switched" and they were finally "done" trying. They had nothing left to give. No emotion, no bargaining, no ultimatums, just plain old done. It wasn't even that their spouses had any huge technicolor sins. They both conveyed that they were simply tired of begging to be loved in various ways over the years and that they were truly living as roommates. One of them even said that the first thing that comes to her mind every day when she opens her eyes is "should I leave today?"... I just wonder how prevelant this is in marriages today. I think it's happening more now for the simple reason that people are more financially able now to leave their spouses when it's not working the way they want to. But yeah, this happened to me after around 8 years of trying to get my exhusband to get into the marriage-go to counseling- etc. He would always make an effort for 2-3 weeks and then it would be back to the same old thing. That kills any feeling that you have for that person. Because their actions are basically saying to you "You're not worth the effort" without saying so verbally.
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