Am i getting played or a possible second chance

[The write one]

I posted in the second chance forum. but it slow as hell over there...So bear with me becasue this one is long but i really need everyone's help. I'm not thinking in realitiy right now....

 

Part 1 of a my ongoing saga to get her back

 

I know i shouldn't have but i did. I slept with the ex. I call myself reestablishing contact after a month or so of doing NC to try and get back with my ex. Last weekend, I finally called and invited her out for coffee on Friday and she agreed. We talked, laughed, didn't bring up the relationship or dating. However, she told me that her life sucks in every aspect. I just stayed happy and told her my life was good. I also let her do most of the talking.

 

Throughout the date, she hinted at going out again and kept telling me how good i looked. I replied accordingly and kept the conversation light and funny. She tells me she has no money, no job, no friends, rarely goes out only chats on the computer, created a myspace page.

 

Sidenote--if your ex gives you their myspace address, do not go visit it. Infact if they say they have one try and change the subject. I went on my ex's page and it really messed me up because of all her strange new friends and she looked so damn good. That S#$& will make crazy and you will start to panic.

 

She aslo says she has really been lonely, therefore resorted to call my phone 20 time in a row and interigate me over the phone the week prior. "I was stalking you," she says with her head down toward the plate.

 

I decided early on to end the date earlier than we both wanted, keeping it only an hour long. When i said i have to go, she asked what i was doing that weekend. I said i had nothing planned, thinking she would invite me out with her. She didn't. She then asked what i was doing that night. I again said nothing, wanting for her to invite me out or over her house. Again, she just said nothing. However, she goes on to say "then why are you leaving early" I just added that I have to get to a store before it closes. She then starts to ask why i've been ignoring her call, texts and emails. Trying to aviod an argument or a bad experiance, I tell her haven't been, but i understand how she can see it that way. She continues by saying she's been lonely and having very bad days...carma is a bitch, BTW.

 

Right before the check comes, she even starts crying. I asked what was wrong, and she laughes and say allergies. I dropped it, figuring if she didn't want to discuss it, then i won't push her. So as we're walking out the coffee shop, she ask to walk me to my car. I say cool. We make small talk and then hug before I get into my car. I then think, hey, i should give her a ride to her car. so i did. Date ended and i believe i've made progress in my attempt to get her back.

 

Well that night around 2 am, she calls.

[The write one]

[FONT=Geneva][FONT=Nimrod MT]So she calls that same night (2am) and we make small talk at first and then she opens the flood gates on the tears. Everything in life sucks for her. She feels like she's slowly putting me out of her life by returning my mail, left over items at her house and documents on the computer i gave her. She also said she knows we're not together so we won't talk as often and eventually won't be best friends anymore, but she at least wants to hear from me, but it seems like i'm ignoring her. Keep in mind, she dumped me.

 

Anyway, she continues for hours into the morning about how life sucks for her. I just stay possitive, make her laugh and try to be understanding. She adds that she is sorry for accusing me of ignoring her and for her crazy phone calls. She also tells me thanks for listening to her problems and for being understanding.

 

Around 4 in the morn, i say I have to go and she should get some sleep. She comes back with why are you trying to rush me off the phone. I said i wasn't, it's just that i have to go. She goes back into how bad life is and why i don't call her. After i explained that i've been busy, she contiues to cry. I asks if there is anthing i can do for her and she says no. So I see i'm not getting anywhere with getting her back, at least not that night, so i felt i should get off the phone.

 

I have to go now...i say. She again says your rushing to get off the phone with me she says amongst her tears and sniffiling nose. I laugh and say If i was trying to rush, then i'm doing a bad job at it. We've been talking for hours." She laughs and says she's sorry for not getting off the phone it's just she doesn't know when the next times she'll talk to me because I don't call her. She also says "Our situation is just complicated. I guess our relationship was complicated. I mean toward the end"

 

She always refers to our break up as "our situation." It's like she's making light of what it really is. Anyway, i felt a little defensive when she said the relationship was complicated, but i held it all in and agreed that our current situation is complicated, but I tell her i l still love her and care for her and she can call me anytime.

 

She responds that she still loves and cares for me and that's why she at least wants to know where i am in life and not completely write me off. Not really what i was looking for, but i was tired of digging for things to read into in this aloof woman. So i said take care of yourself and goodnight. She finally responded accordingly early into Saturnday morning.

 

 

The following Sunday i made the dreaded mistake of looking at her myspace page...[/FONT][/FONT]

[The write one]

[FONT=Geneva][FONT=Nimrod MT]I go on her page and see a bunch of strangers, both male and female. These are people who she is in contact with on a "friendly" basis who i've never met within our 8 year realtionship. You right, we're not together so it's none of my business. However, it still messes with your head when you see guys from all over with pics of them pumping iron or sexy bi-sexual women who are chatting with your ex lover.

 

In addition, she looks so damn good on her page. Even her words are attractive. So after looking at this site and continuously reciting "don't sweat the competition, don't sweat the competition," I panic and go and buy and ebook of getting an ex back, i call a bunch of friends seeking advice and start to believe i have to act fast or i'm going to lose her to "Jizz" from brooklyn, who like walks in the park, poetry and devouring recently seperated women.

 

None of my guy friends seem to be soothing my panic and i can't get in touch with any girlfriends. So i pause, tag a long drag from my Newport and think. What i came up with was i was going to call my ex when i got home from work that night and tell her I love her, wanted her and understand she has to do what best for her. i'd leave it up to her on the future.

 

So around 7:30 pm (Sunday) I called her house. No answer, but left a message just saying hey just wanted to know if you are feeling better today. I already texted her the same message on Saturday, but she didn't respond. Her cell phone is shut off, but can still recieve incoming calls and messages.

 

Back to Sunday night. so i left the message and figured, if she doesn't return my call tonight, then i have lost her to all of her myspace suitors. I pace around my apartment reading my how to get your ex back material. Very sad, i know, but it calms me down on some nights. According to the book, i'm doing all the right things, but it's taking too long and our encounters have been unreadable. I keep reading and pacing.

 

Suddenly, i get a call from the guy who i'm subleasing my place from. He needs to pick up his remaining items at the house. Cool, i'll have someone to talk to and something to do to occupy my time. As i'm helping the guy put stuff in his car, I get the call from the ex around 9 pm.

 

I answer in spanish, i'm taking classes. She asked to speak to me by my fisrt name. She knows she called my cell, who else would answer the phone. Regardless, i happy she called and i say are you busy because I have to call you back. She says not really...probably chatting online...yeah call me back.

 

So around 10:30 pm, (BTW: the timeline is important to my story), I puor a drink, write down my phrase in case i stumble, turn off all the lights, sit in the window seal and dial her number. She picks up. I expect a happy to hear from you tone of vioce, but it was real distant. so i decided to break the ice and made a few jokes, spoke a little spanish and told her a little about what i've been up to.

 

She warmed up a bit and said that was the first time she has laughed all day. She loves to laugh and to go a whole day without it, must of been a sh>>ty day for her. So two piont for me and none for myspace men (and women). 30 min. into the conversatin, i fiigured it was time to drop my lines. I take a big swig from my drink and as i'm about to smoothly transition into my decleration, she blurts out "what are you doing tonight" At first, i assume she's just asking for no real reason, just like she did at the coffee shop.

 

I tell her i'm just chillin, noithing really and she asked if i wanted to out with her. Now, i thought, Hell Yeah, i said to myself. But i played it call and said do you have a specific spot. She suggest a popualr pool hall. I asked did she want to pick me up and she said she'd be at my house in 15 minutes...

 

I smoke another jack and call up a girlfriend, actually two. One tells me, that it sound like she wants to have sex, the other just said that its wierd she wants to get up with me kinda late on a Sunday night.

 

I didn't know what to think, all i knew was that i would give her my line in person, which could work in my favor. Time to go get freshened up before she arrives...[/FONT][/FONT]

[The write one]

She picks me up and i'm looking good, she is too. When we get to the pool hall we get a few drinks while waiting on a table to open. We make small, friendly talk while we sip. As we talk i try and slip in a old term of endearment i used to call her. She makes note of it by saying, it's not like that anymore. That saddens me, but i don't show it.

 

I prepared myself for all of the hurt in the world, before i started my mission to get her back. so my heart is wearing a lot of armor right now, even though the myspace page was like a raod side bomb, I'm still protected

 

So our table finally open and we played two games of pool and laughed and talked a lot, but not about the relationship, dating or anything negative. I figured it was the wrong time to tell her what was on my mind, so we kept playing and talking. I mentioned a new CD i had that i wanted her to hear. She comes back with "you can play it for me at your house. I thought that was an unusual reply, and just said ok. Little wierd hints like that kept flowing from her all night. Like after knocking one of her balls in the corner pocket she says "that makes me horny." She never talked liked that

 

So i took off my shirt, exposing my tight t-shirt underneath. I've lost a lot of wieght and have been working out like a machine in the past month so i wanted to expose my guns, esecially since i saw he myspace buddies.

 

As the night and drinks progressed, she became more touchy feely and i became more bold with my body language. We closed the place down and headed back to my place. When we get there, i warmed her up a slice of left over pizza i had in the fridge and she asked if i would eat with her. I wasn't hungry, but i could eat.We sat down, turn on my stereo and listened to my new CD. She like it and she takes off her shoes as we sit on the floor. We talk and laugh about our old habits and how we've changed. She keeps complimenting how i look and my tight looking body. I just lay back and say thanks. My dumb ass still didn't even think about any type of sex. I just thought she wanted to catch up.

 

Still we talked more i joked her a little for acting crazy and stalking me the last few weeks. She even admitted that she was holding some of my mail and using it as an excuse to come see me or make contact with me. That tidbit is for all who have been following my threats in the breakup section.After eating, she tells me she's cold, so i say, come a little closer, i haven't contracted mono or something since we were together. She comes close and then wraps herself around me. I start to think..."Maybe i could sleep with her tonight, let me delve a little deeper." She then say's her feet are cold. I say you want to get in the bed and get under the covers

 

She agreed. I turn off all the lights, put on some slow music and we crawl into the bed. As she is wrapped around me like a glove. I suddely start kissing her. Fast forward to the weeeee morning. (the sex was amazing BTW, beeter than she has had with me in several months) I get out of the bed to clean up and take off and she just can't stop compliment my body and my performance. She asked to stay over, so i let her. The whole night she held me tight and snored in my face. so i didn't get any sleep.

 

The next morning, i got up and told her it was time to go. We got up and she kept complimenting me on my looks, my cut up body, my manhood (it "looked super long") blah blah blah. I on the other hand compliment her on her new brazilian bikini wax job(wierd because she never did that before either). So before we leave my house to go move our cars (parked in a no parking zone the night before) I asked her if she wanted to come back up after finding another parking space. She did.

 

As soon as we get back up to my apt. She peals off her clothes and we go for round two. a few hours later we just lay there in my bed, half sleep and out of energy. I kind of mess with my power a little bit and asked her if she liked me as she layed their worn out. She said "of course." I went there again as she fell in and out of sleep. "Are you dreaming about me, i asked. She says yes and i asked what is it about. She says she can't tell me

 

After somewhat waking up, she asks "Do you think you will feel wierd about this becasue of "our situation?" I asked what she meant, knowing exactly, but i still asked. I say "do you mean that i will feel used or get false hope. Well, i'm cool with it right now, but i'm new to this, so i don't know how i'll feel later on." I then asked her is she feels wierd. She responds "i'm ok with it right now." That's when it hit me. This is the perfect time to say my line. So i look at her and say noncalalntly (ms) "You know i still love right, she says "yes." I then say in a confident vioce, "you probably don't know that i still want you, but i do, however, i understand that you have to do what is best for you." I just brace for a responce, hoping for the best, but expecting the worse. She however, didn't say a word. I guess that was enough said.

 

We parted shortly after, she kissed me on the lips,which she had not done in out last few encounters. I then remind her that i'd like to take her to a haunted house in two weeks and she said she'd think about it. (I asked earleir at the pool hall and she said she's have to get back to me, but she is leaning toward a yes.) What the hell is that all about. Anyway, we part and i feel great. But it was a short lived celebration. Later that day, while at work, i start to feel like i got played. I feel like i lost all my power and that i was just used just for sex. I don't believe my ex is like that, but all is fair in love and war right

 

I didn't get a call or anything from her that night and that made me feel even more like a piece of meat. (Ladies i now know how you feel.) So i figured i'd text her that night just to say thanks for a good night in spanish. I did it just to see if i could envoke any remaining emotions she had from our night/morning. I didn't get a responce that night, but i saw that she emailed me to say thank you for the message and that she had a good night too. (keep in mind she can only recieve calls on her cell, but she does have a home phone, but it can't call my number for free because it's long distance

 

Sorry for the long post you guys but finally my questions: Was i used for just for sex? Am i on the right track to getting her back? Regardless, i think i'm going to go back to NC for another 2 weeks. I think i made myself too available, which may look like desperation. Plus she is supposed to get back at me about going out again in two weeks.

 

I hate to think that i was just used as an emotional crutch or used for sex. I didn't think she was like that. My plan was to wait and see if she wants to go out with me again on the 27th. She said she'd think about it and she's leaning toward a "yes." What the hell is leaning toward yes all about anyway? Anyway, depending on her answer, i am going to cut the cord and let her initiate another date or contact with me, while i go on living.

 

My hope of course is that she comes back, but i can't read the situation right now. i'm clouded by my wants and she is too aloof to pick up on anything. I emailed her today just to say stay focused and keep looking for another job, but i don't think i should have done that. From here, i'm going back to NC. If this leads to more choice encounters, i will eventually ask her her intentions of reconcilation

 

So what do any of you guys think of "our situation," as she would say?

[basscatcher]

I started to read this thread then I went to the other thread you said was slow.

 

As I read I couldn't finish it all.

 

What I did pick up is the same as Yamaha said.. She is weening herself form you.

 

She also sounds needy. I know the signs because I am too a needy person. When I feel alone and lonely panic sets in and I reach out like she is and I hold myself back from being open in the conversations or meetings.

 

I can say she is overly confused.. She doesn't know what she wants..

 

In your case, I would just put her on the spot and point blank ask her what she wants.

Ask her if she is seeking a second chance or if she is just having a hard time letting go because you are all she has known for awhile and is afraid of a unknow path in life.

 

Don't expect an immediate answer from her if you confront her about her motives. Give her a little bit of time to figure herself out. But not too much time. Don't play her games. Don't feed her need for attention.

You need to make sure she is truly seeking a second chance with you because she loves you and that she's not using you to fill the void left from your breakup.

 

I am familiar with what I read in your words because I have been in her shoes. I have done similiar things. I have basically been 'her'...

 

If you want the second chance then you need to find out what her intentions are and request that she give you an honest answer..

 

Don't get your hopes up..

 

She maybe leaning on you, using you, because you are what she knows and is familiar with and she might be just having a hard time adjusting to singleness and finding alternative things to keep her intertained and she might be using you for it.

 

(since I didn't read your whole thread (I couldn't-sorry) If I'm off base. I am sorry.)