Ladywithafan Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 What is it with cheating? My bf of six plus years wanted to borrow my truck this friday to go 60 miles out of town to "bid" a landscaping job...on a friday after work...well, turns out I checked his phone and found a number which comes from where he was going to bid the job with a name...called it...was another woman... He's been on this people to people chat line...I saw that number on our cell bill with like 20 min per phone call on the time...I think this woman may be from those calls... He's mad I checked his cell. Cell is in my name. I feel there is something going on...he told me I'm paranoid and have no right to check his cell. Yes, he's strayed in the past. I have done everything for this man (obviously too much). Friends & parent says he doesn't love me. Just hanging in for the roof over his head...you all know that story...I love him but I can not live with this behaviour...I don't like to feel like I"m being used... This is just a brief synopsis but please, am I being stupid & used or what?
JackJack Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Are you the one putting a roof over his head?What does your gut instinct say is going on? If you are putting the roof over his head and he is in fact doing something then you need to tell its time to go.
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 Talk to him about this. You are unhappy, people are telling you he doesn't love you and he's doing things he really shouldn't be doing! Listen to your gut, plus, you know that he has joined a people to people chat, find out WHY he is doing this! You have a right to know and if he isn't inlove with you, yet feels the need to stay because it's a roof over his head, that is NOT fair to you. You're not stupid!! Take this matter into your own hands and talk to him.
FELIZE Posted October 18, 2006 Posted October 18, 2006 [Ladywithafan quote:] "My bf of six plus years wanted to borrow my truck this friday to go 60 miles out of town to "bid" a landscaping job...on a friday after work" So again?? What was you're reason for not going with him 60 miles -out of-town?? I must have missed it??? (u had to work maybe) You've got classic signs right here: [Ladywithafan quote:] He's been on this people to people chat line...I saw that number on our cell bill with like 20 min per phone call on the time...I think this woman may be from those calls... He's mad I checked his cell. Cell is in my name. I feel there is something going on...he told me I'm paranoid and have no right to check his cell. Yes, he's strayed in the past. I have done everything for this man (obviously too much). Friends & parent says he doesn't love me. Just hanging in for the roof over his head Dont need anymore proof do you? You're not a doormat.....Stop letting him walk over you!
Author Ladywithafan Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 Are you the one putting a roof over his head?What does your gut instinct say is going on? If you are putting the roof over his head and he is in fact doing something then you need to tell its time to go. ....something is up....We share the rent but I always have to pick up the slack when he spends his paycheck. I've basically put the roof over our heads for the past two years...he just started being responsible since May. I'm an emotional wreck over this...
Author Ladywithafan Posted October 18, 2006 Author Posted October 18, 2006 ...at 3:30 in the afternoon...I don't get out of work until 5 p.m. I just found it highly coincidental...about the cell phone call w/out of town number as well as the timing of the borrowing of the car...[Ladywithafan quote:] "My bf of six plus years wanted to borrow my truck this friday to go 60 miles out of town to "bid" a landscaping job...on a friday after work" So again?? What was you're reason for not going with him 60 miles -out of-town?? I must have missed it??? (u had to work maybe) You've got classic signs right here: [Ladywithafan quote:] He's been on this people to people chat line...I saw that number on our cell bill with like 20 min per phone call on the time...I think this woman may be from those calls... He's mad I checked his cell. Cell is in my name. I feel there is something going on...he told me I'm paranoid and have no right to check his cell. Yes, he's strayed in the past. I have done everything for this man (obviously too much). Friends & parent says he doesn't love me. Just hanging in for the roof over his head Dont need anymore proof do you? You're not a doormat.....Stop letting him walk over you!
GuestI'mHere Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 Is he worth all the trouble? The heartache, the guessing, the money.. And he's strayed in the past. He obviously has not changed yet and why did he get so offended when you do something that most people do who pay the cellphone bill: check it and ask questions. How do you know this is simply emotional? He could have strayed more and you have not known. I agree with your friends and family.
FELIZE Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 ...at 3:30 in the afternoon...I don't get out of work until 5 p.m. I just found it highly coincidental...about the cell phone call w/out of town number as well as the timing of the borrowing of the car... Well, okay (gotta work, as I thought)......... But like I said, you still see all the classic signs, SO when are you gonna realize? Stop making excuses, and do something about your unhappiness!
Ill Posted October 19, 2006 Posted October 19, 2006 I completely understand about the need to check the cell phone bill for proof. My girlfriend of three years has secretly developed of relationship with someone, and has entertained this person for 18 months. Other than the feeling that I had in my gut - I had no proof. So I said nothing. About 6 months back her actions appeared to me somewhat suspicious - she ended telephone conversations when I walked in the room; She always kept her cell phone close to her person - even when she showered; even on long road trips that used to be our bonding time together - she spent hours sending text messages to (as she stated) her friends. One day I was going through her cell phone bill and noticed a pattern - she'd talk to me for a few moments as I drove to work, then she's hang-up with me and call her new friend back. Since I work overnight, I'd call her to give her a wake-up call every morning. She'd talk to me for one or two minutes, then she'd call this person and engage in very lengthy conversations. This occurred not once a week, but every day. There were even nights when she called my place of employment (obviously to make sure I was working), then she'd call this person 2am, 3am, and even 4am. This pattern began about 6 months according to her cell phone statements. But the real proof that she was cheating appeared when she left a note on the kitchen counter for me inside of a notebook. I read the note – which appeared to be normal, but when I turned the page I noticed letters that she had written to her new friend claiming he ‘made her happy’ and ‘since he had her heart and her mind he needed nothing else’. As you can imagine I WAS CRUSHED! But her initial response was to deny knowing anything about a friend that existed outside of our relationship. When I told her about the letters, and the cell phone bills, she said, “Okay I didn’t tell you because I knew you would not want me to have him as my friend. But the only thing we ever talked about was my love for you.” I asked her to please come clean for her actions were far too abnormal to be a part of a purely platonic relationship. She then turned it all around and said that the reason she chose to seek someone outside of our relationship is because I lack the trust that she needs. She has hidden this relationship from me for half of our relationship; and when confronted she chose to lie about it. HOW DOES SHE EXPECT ME TO GIVE HER MY TRUST, WHEN SHE DOES NOT GIVE ME THE TRUTH??? But the only way I was able to get the ounce of truth I did receive, was to look through 18 months worth of Sprint telephone bills. So, yes I understand.
Author Ladywithafan Posted October 19, 2006 Author Posted October 19, 2006 ...I have an update...please read it in my next thread.
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