Really Upset

[wreckless316]

Hi im 19 now and my ex, shes 18 and we were going out for 2 years and everything was pretty stable and great until everything went crazy. After our first year of going out, i went off to college wich was pretty hard because she stayed back in high school, but we got through that. We broke up a few times but always got back together because we knew how much we loved and needed each other.

 

this last summer was great because we got to spend so much time together and we went to a lot of different places like yosemite and vegas with her family and it was just awesome. I was a little worried because in august she was going to start school and it kinda scared me a little but not too much. So she went off and the first week was ok but not too hard...i would call her and she would tell me she was busy and all and i got a little upset but that was ok i was kind of understanding.

 

Then the second and third week passed by and thats when it got really bad... first she wouldn't pick up some of my calls, then when she would pick up she was busy with some of her work or her softball team. I kept nagging her about giving me a call because she would never call and i wasn't used to that. One time i called her and she was a little drunk and she told me to like **** off and that i was annoying and nagging her too much. It happened again a few more times after that....so i got to the point where i was getting really hurt and i felt really betrayed by her.

 

I knew that she needed her space and adjustment but i really felt like she wasn't treating me right. so i guess we just kinda broke up. But i couldn't let go, every so often i'd ask for her back and id beg and cry, and she would cry but nothing would budge. She didnt want a boyfriend. But at the same time...shed call me sometimes and wish school was easier, and that she was back at home with me happy again. shed tell me she miss me and she loves me. everytime she would do this, id go back to her and ask for her back but shed say no. so this last sunday i decided to give it my all and pour my heart onto her by going to her school and surprising her.

 

she didnt really like the idea....we had an emotinoal moment, i asked for her back and she said she couldnt and we both cried and said our goodbyes for the last time. her reason was that she just didnt want a boyfriend she wanted to be independent and wanted to grow some more and see what was out there. so we agreed that we wouldn't talk anymore and communication needed to hault. i was devastated. so that same night she texted me asking me if i was still alive, and i called her back asking her what that meant and she said she wanted to make sure that i was ok...and i said yes, and she said ok then and thats that and we hung up...the next day she called and i picked up and i asked her what she wanted, and she said she just wanted to hear my voice. and i said ok then is that all? and she said ya then i said ok bye n i hung up.

 

Then the next night she called again but i didnt pick up....i was just sick of it and i couldnt take it anymore she keeps hurting me (or at least thats how i see it) she called again at 5 in the morning the next day and i didnt pick up....then she called 2 hours later and i couldnt take it nemore i picked up...and she said....i just wanted to make sure your ok you wouldnt pick up my calls. Ok now....im sorry to put you through all that reading.. but im just full on desperate and depressed....i dont do much i just go to school and back....and ive talked to people and everyone tells me the same thing...to get over it and i dont need her. i need something more in depth. please help as i want her back i want her to call back begging i need some reassurement or a reality check on whats really happeneing...please give me some advice...i really need it thanks

[Guest]

From what I'm reading it just sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. How old is she? I'm a girl and in love with My first everything and all I could tell you is that if she really Loved you she wouldn't be doing that stuff to you. Maybe she just needs time to be on her own and think about how her life is going to be without you . It sounds like she wants to let you go but when she actually does it....... It freaks her out at the thought of being without you. Which is good and I think you should just try your BEST to ignore her for a little bit.

 

She likes the attention she is getting from you and probably wants to see how much more she could get from you. If you think about it..... Once you stop calling her... What does she do, she starts to call and call. She cares but I think she really needs to not have you in her life to really start to appreciate you. Time make the heart grow fonder. I do believe that....if there is Love there. I also know that the NC thing is a whole lot HARDER to do then to say. I'm going through NC right now and you just have to keep your self busy and try not to think about them. Hope I helped a little. Wishing you the best.

[andy_whitewater]

Hey wreckless,

 

Sounds like the best thing you could do right now if give yourself a few days of N/C and see how that goes. It sounds like this girl is messing you around a lot. If she loves you and wants to be with you, then knowing how you feel she should commit. If not then she should not keep calling you at all hours "just to hear your voice" - thats gonna cause an awful lot of heartache.

 

I suppose you could just ask her out and out if she wants to be with you. If so, great, if not then you're gonna be best off walking away from this. It'll hurt so so much in the short run but in the long run if you stay with her you will probably end up hanging on to see if you'll ever be a "proper couple" again. You don't really want your entire relationship to be determined by how this girl feels that particular day. One day shes feeling great and you're all happy together, the next day shes confused and needs time alone and you're back to where you began.

 

I know you probably love her more than anything, and thats definitely something worth fighting for. But please realise that she sounds like she needs to spend some time sorting herself out - I guess the question is, do you want to be hanging around waiting for however long that takes or do you want to do your own thing and have your own life? Both options have their pros and cons but I personally think I'd rather take the pain, and move on. You don't have to go out and find another girlfriend - but you don't want to put your life on hold while shes figuring out whether or not she wants you in hers anymore. Take some time for you, do stuff you love and you're good at and get that confidence up. You could well be back together soon enough, or if not then at least you're feeling good about yourself and have a good life.

 

good luck with it