Can The Guys Look At This?

[swirly27]

Hey everyone,

 

I have been on here for the last couple months and my popular thread was labeled 'Baffled'. Well I have a new situation I am curious about people's thoughts on.

 

It has been about 10 weeks since my breakup with the ex - he started to blow me off and the last time he did, I ended it with a text message (not the way I would have planned, but I was so hurt and felt like I was meant to take a hint). I think he was just a coward and didn't want to deal with stuff - I don't think he would have broke it off if I would have just let it slide that he blew me off! lol Nice huh! Once I ended it though, I never heard anything back, so its been hard.

 

So, I do good all this time, keep busy, hang out with friends, DON'T DRINK, didn't call him either or anything. My best gf turned 30 this past weekend and we had a limo bus and plans to do dinner and hit local bars with a huge crowd of us - I had it all planned too of what I would do if I got drunk and wanted to dial the ex, so I was good to go. Well, we hit one of the bars and there the ex is!! Floored is not even the word to describe how I felt. I was drunk myself and he came right up to, as he was walking out that way towards the bathrooms. He gave me a hug and made small talk, asked how I was, what was new. I bit my tongue and never asked what happened with us and I went along with small talk. He did tell me that he's been going to this bar the last few weeks (and this bar is in my town) and he was there with a girl too! BUT....I met her, she's a friend of his and maybe they're together, maybe not, but he just said he was there with his friend and they were just out to get out. So then I made it a point to walk away first and went inside and said it was good seeing you.

 

Well you know how girls can add to drama, so all my friends were asking me all kinds of questions and I got a little teary-eyed cause it hurt to see him but I breathed and sucked it up and tried to have a good time, or appear so anyway. I was in line for drinks and he tapped me and asked to borrow my lighter so I lent it to him and then we all went and got a spot to stand at and him and the girl went and stood across the room. My friends said he was watching me alot but I made it a point to not look at them. I was nice and tried to laugh and dance alot but we didn't talk anymore the rest of the night.

 

Here's where it gets weird. Him and this girl then move and stand right next to where we're standing, which annoyed some of my gf's because they thought it seemed he was trying to shove this girl of his in my face - I just didn't look at them but he is not THAT guy that would do that to me, especially since he blew me off when we were dating, what reason would he have. So I'm still trying to just remain calm and I think some of my friends acted gay, making commentes, staring, dancing near them. One of my friends said she saw him and the girl kiss once - who knows, I didn't see it, but he would have no reason to try and make me jealous. Sooo, we leave finally. I was a mess the rest of the night, but oh well, alcohol will do that to you.

 

So I hear all these stories the next day and I am embarrassed. This girl did nothing wrong being there with him and he was nice to me and he can be with whoever he wants. I don't know why he came and stood next to us, but whatever. So, I called him the next night and luckily he didn't answer and I left a vm saying I wanted to apologize if any of my friends were rude and to tell his friend that too and I said ok goodbye and that was that. Well he called me back that night but I was asleep. So I gave him a call the following day, got no answer so I didn't leave a message and then he called ma back last night and just wanted to know about my message and he said him and his friend did notice that people were staring and stuff and he wanted to know why? He can't be that dumb right.....the way things ended with us, of course people are going to look. Plus, he put him and this girl right next to us, of course my friends are going to look. So anyway, I just said that I didn't do anything and if they did, it was immature and he was cool about it and then said he had to go but he'd call me later - I didn't get another phone call but what the hell does any of this mean, IF ANYTHING???

 

Here's what I am curious about??

- Why did he tell me he's been coming out to that bar for weeks, when he knows I usually go there?

- Why is he going to other places he told me about that he knows I usually go to?

- Why did he end up standing right next to me and my friends?

- After I called and left the apology message, why did he even call back? I didn't ask him to.

 

I am sorry this is so long, but oh my goodness, this boy broke my heart and I have been doing so good, even being so sad and I was JUST STARTING to feel better and let hope go and not seriously thinking about it as much and then BAM! I am back to being all unnerved and wondering what everything means. UGH! I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and gives me some opinions, especially the guys!

[db75]

Hey Swirly,

 

I don't know that I really have an answer on any of this for you. His behavior is kinda odd. I don't know if he was trying to make you jealous or if perhaps he's been trying to run into you.

 

Honestly, while it's really really hard I'm sure, try not to overthink the incident. Try a hard as you can to just let it go. Keep moving forward. I'm sorry you're hurting over it. You will be okay though.

 

You hang in there.

 

DB.

[D-Lish]

Why is it that everytime you feel like you're starting to get over things and feel better- that something crazy like running into an ex happens to throw you for a loop?

 

His behaviour is odd (and no- I'm not a guy, just a fellow female supporter). No matter what- you seemed to handle yourself well by acting like you were having a good time and showing him things were going well for you. It's good you didn't bring up the relationship and only engaged in small talk.

 

I can't think of a reason he would purposely stand near you and your friends with his friend/date/?/ that's just weird. Is he perhaps one of those guys who is clueless? Remembering that men and women are on different ends of the spectrum when it comes to how we think about things...and how we deal with things.

 

If I ran into my ex it would set me back to day one of the break up. I'm just glad him and I live in different cities.

 

Wait for him to call you- especially if he said he would.

No chasing!

:-)

D

[elijahBailey]

It's kinda normal that, after a breakup, both parties would want it be known that he or she is getting along just fine without the other person. It's just a pride thingy. Please don't start reading too deep into things.

 

Maybe he was trying real hard to send that message across to you that "he's got options" just so that he can spite you. But, seriously, does it matter at all? I feel for you, though, because I wouldn't do that to an ex. He's a dickhead is all I gotta say. I suspect that he's got some control issues. Like, he knows you're more vulnerable than he is, and it sure sounds like he is enjoying it. Maybe he's not really worth your time.

[swirly27]

Thank you guys for responding. I know that none of this should matter and I shouldn't be reading into things, but unfortunately I do - I know the rule that nothing matters unless he is actually calling and showing up at my door but the way things ended was just so unfinished and it has been hard for me. I know that most people will say this about their ex, but him and I never fought and I've never seen him act mean or heard of him being a jerk - he was a coward and non-confrontational with me when the breakup occurred but I would figure he'd have no reason to try and make me jealous.

 

As I mentioned, I met this girl once before when him and I were dating - I know they have been friends for a really long time, but maybe now they are more or are just hooking up, but I am not sure why he would have them stand next to us....or even if there was a reason or he was just stupid like D-Lish said and he didn't think twice of it. But it was all awkward and I am not over him and I was shocked that he did call me back after me leaving that message.

 

Maybe part of me was looking for a reason to call, but I haven't called for 10 weeks and when I find out my friends may have acted rudely, I truly did just want to leave a message to him because I didn't want their actions to reflect on me - I was trying to just appear to be fine and having fun.

 

No, there will be no chasing from me cause I know I am more vulnerable than him. My friends say I should go out to that bar this weekend and see if I run into him again but I don't think I will. I wouldn't drink but if he was there with her again, what would be the point of having to be around that again. Yeah, I could look real cute and act like I'm having the time of my life, but I was REALLY starting to feel better until this happened so I don't want anything new happening if I can help it. Unless he's calling me or knocking on my door, I really can't handle anymore heartbreak with him. UGH, its just sooo ironic!

[Moai]

As a guy, I think it's weird. I would avoid my recent ex at all costs, especially if I was with a new woman. And if I did happen to see her out,l I wouldn't go and stand by her. I wouldn't borrow her lighter, either.

 

I think that he is trying to make sure that you still want him. He may not want you, but it is always nice to have the ego boost of that feeling.

 

I admire you for not holding a grudge against the girl he was with. noen of this is her fault, poor thing, and in all probablity he is using her as a pawn in some weird game with you. I feel bad for her, and you should too.

 

I'd also forget about this guy, as hard as that may be. What you described sounds really vindictive and strange, and emotionally backward. big red flags, I think. He broke your heart, got off on it, and wants ot keep twisitng the knife for his own pleasure. That's all I can figure.

 

Why did your friends tell you he and that girl kissed? Why should that matter? Did you ask them to spy on him for you or what? You guys are not a couple anymore--for wahtever reason--so he can kiss anyone he wants any time he wants. And so can you. It strikes me as odd that your friends would tell you something like that, knowing it might make you feel bad. I would think that they would do whatever they could to get your mind off of that guy. But then, people love drama--especially other people's drama.

[swirly27]

Thanks Moai and I hear what you're saying, its good to get a complete objective viewpoint. Yes, people, especially girls, will feed off drama. I do know none of this is the girl's fault but I guess she was throwing out some looks herself, but who can blame her if she had 12 girls glancing her way here and there.....but none of that occurred until him and her moed to stand right next to us, so who knows.

 

He has never been vindictive to me and we have mutual friends and his reputation was that of a great great guy, not a tool, so not sure what his perceptions of all this are, but he blew me off and couldn't deal - he later told my friend I wanted more than he did, but he was there with me leading the way with the relationship so I figured that was BS on his part and for the last 10 weeks I have been trying to move on.

 

Yes, he did come up to me, did explain he was there with his friend, did ask to borrow my lighter later on in the night, so things were nice. My friends told me his kissed the girl cause I asked why they were all annoyed and asked why they thought he was being a dick - they said cause he moved to stand right next to us with her and then we see them kiss and they were pissed cause they said it seemed like he was shoving it in my face - but I didn't see it and you're right, he can kiss who he wants when he wants. Just childish if he did kiss her and had to do it right next to us.

 

So I don't regret apologizing on my friends' behalf because I don't want bad blood towards this girl or him for what my friends did, so I felt fine about that. What threw me is that he called me back. The friends I know of his are both boys and girls and they all say he has never been a player and so I am just not sure, but I am sure that all this has me all twisted up again. Its get me excited, then angry, then mad and then sad again. The thing is, I don't think he even has a clue that he broke my heart. I don't think I am going to go out to that bar, at least not right now and then next week I go away so maybe when I get back I'll see.....it is somewhere I used to go alot, just to get out and see people....but once again, no drinking for a bit. haha

[D-Lish]

...but him and I never fought and I've never seen him act mean or heard of him being a jerk - he was a coward and non-confrontational with me when the breakup occurred but I would figure he'd have no reason to try and make me jealous

.

 

 

 

My ex was a coward too. He broke up with me over the phone, refused to discuss anything with me- just blurted out everything he disliked about me and said it was over... then went straight into no contact with me. It left me with feelings of guilt and confusion- desperate for an answer, etc.

 

Let me tell you something about this kind of man. No- they show no outward signs of aggression or anger.... But cowards are often passively aggressive. No contact and withholding IS an aggressive move....it's just not overt. This is how they punish - through silence, and by being aloof.

 

So don't discount the fact that he was being a jerk by flaunting his date in front of you.

 

D

[swirly27]

Thanks D-Lish!

I hear what you're saying but I guess I am trying to be objective about this. He can go out with whoever wherever he wants, I know that. But he does know this is a place I go to alot and he even told me he's been going there the last few weeks, so I figured if he wanted to avoid me, he'd not go there, but its his perogative.

 

This girl is his friend and he does hang out with girls, never had been a problem with me, it wasn't like he did when we were dating but the night I first ran into him he was with a girl that was a friend cause he wanted to go out and none of the guys wanted to go out. Either way, he didn't plan on seeing me that night either. But he did and yes he did move to stand right next to us....won't know why and I didn't ask when we talked last night. I figure if he was trying to get to me or make me notice him more, I won't feed into it and if he wasn't, then I don't want him to think I was thinking this. But he is not a mean person and from the guy that I know, he has no reason to ever be mean to me and I can't even imagine it.....so not sure what all this means, but its got me all thinking about everything again. I just have to keep saying that nothing means anything until it actually means something!

[dreamguy]

You want to know what this all means ?

Why he moved closer to you (with the girl who was with him at the party) ? Why he asked you for a lighter ?

 

He wants to make you jealous. He wants to tease you and as Moai said "it is always nice to have the ego boost of that feeling."

Any man who has self respect would not do those childish things to you.

 

I hate to say this but, after the trick he played at the bar, and especially when you know where he will be (since he told you) you should get a guy (preferably a friend to whom you can explain the situation) to go out with you where the ex is.

I know it's a game but this guy is obviously playing games with you. Either drop him and walk away or beat him at his own game (he deserves it anyway).

 

Let us know what happens...

[Moai]

He may not have been a player before, but you have to start somewhere. maybe he is changing into one, or always has been but has gotten away with it. Either way, more power to him, but you need to get to a point where YOU truly don't care.

 

As I mentioned before, a normal guy would avoid you at all costs, at least right now. It was cool that he was being nice, yes, but the standing next to you thing was totally bizarre. There is absolutely no good reason for him to do that. He was either rubbing your face in it, trying to make you jealous, or he just so obtuse he didn't think that it would effect you. Take your pick.

 

If he claims that you wanted more than he did, ask yourself what that means: Either he is a player, just "stealthy" or he thought you wanted marriage and he doesn't want to marry you. Either way, you know how he feels and there is nothing you can do to change that. If you ignore him and show him that you are a strong person without him that might make him think twice, but in your situation, I doubt it. He has shown you that he has no problem being with someone else right in front of you, so he is not worried about losing you AT ALL. In fact, he doesn't care. I'm sure he has no hard feelings, but you are no longer on his "I give a s**t" list.

 

Put him on yours. Try to avoid talking to your mutual friends about him especially. If they bring him up, let them finish and change the subject. Only talk to them about the good things that are going on with you, and how you are moving forward with this project or hobby or whatever. Flirt openly in fornt of them. Be happy in front of them. As always, you should be that way ANYWAY, regardless of this issue, right?

 

If you do bump into him, be nice. You seem like a nice girl, so that should come easily to you! Be nice to the girl he is with, too. Sounds hard, but once you try it you'll see that it is really easy. Try to keep your friends out of it as much as possible. I know they are trying to "have your back" and all, but it really is none of their business, and if they are being harsh to that other girl (and him) that isn't fair, and just makes it weird for you. If they ignore it too, you're that much better off.

 

Then one day you will wake up and you truly will not care what is happening with that guy. You'll be too busy paying attention to your life and your goals and your friends to give him a second thought. And that is the time that he will come back--if he ever will. And trust me, at that time you won't want him.

 

Good luck, stay cool, and always remember that you rule!

[swirly27]

Thank you for all your advice. I was doing great before this all happened. Not saying I wasn't sad and heartbroken but I was getting on and slowly moving on. Like I said though, yes he claimed I wanted more......not sure what he meant cause we never had the 'serious' discussion....but he couldn't deal with being held accountable for him blowing something off and I wanted to talk about it and he kept blowing if off and then I ended it. Something very stupid turned into it being the end....as far as what I wanted, he was the one who wanted to be with me as much as he did and did the asking and calling most of the time.....I called too and asked some too, but I let it in his court. So who friggin knows.

 

I don't know why he stood next to us with the girl, but the consensus is it was a jerk thing to do. He is friends with her and they can stand wherever they want. I didn't get a chance to be nice to her cause when he talked to me, she was in the bathroom. I just don't want to play his games......the night this happened, my friend's fiance took me out to dance to one song so that was fun, but I don't want it to be obvious that I am trying to get in his face either.......because I still care and still miss him, everything is all blurry in my head. I have to say he was probably the most sensitive and sweetest guy I had ever dated, so it is baffling.

 

I did stop talking to our mutual friends about him pretty much, except one girl who is one of my best friends and she has just know him for a long time....but I actually don't talk to her much about it either cause she pissed me off thru all this. I think my heart is just getting in the way here because I miss him so much.

[Josalina]

heya swirl, just read through ya thread, as i said, i still think he is doing it to make you jealous, he will try and bump into you again if he is interested.

remember don't do the chasing if he wants you he has to make up for what he has put you through and work for it.

i hope you r ok? take care.

[swirly27]

Thanks everyone for your responses, just bumping this up.

I have to say though too, as we get older, it gets really hard to discuss this stuff with my married friends....I hope I don't become so insensitive if I ever get married one day - I think most people wouldn't trade places with someone in the dating scene if they were married, its rough.

 

Anywho, any more guys' thoughts out there? One good thing I am getting from this is anger, after discussing this with a couple friends I can talk to - he blew me off multiple times, left me waiting at my house the last night we talked, I ended it and never heard back from him, I even tried ONCE after the breakup to call him and smooth things over and never heard back and I am the one with the broken heart and here....I call him to apologize for my friends staring and dancing near him - I didn't see him apologizing to me for blowing me off and standing me up multiple times, but I guess that makes me either too nice or too stupid huh? When I talked to him 2 nights ago about this past saturday, he did think it was rude if my friends were acting immature.....I'm glad I DIDN'T say this but I SHOULD'VE said well you were rude for the way you blew me off before.....so maybe if this gives me some anger, that'll help. But, I'm still not over him. lol

[latefragment]

swirly, so good to hear from you again, i was worried about you after we hadn't heard from you ... but i guess that psychic was right huh! Thank GOD you didn't call him or anything ...

 

i'm so sorry this had to happen to you. sounds absolutely terrible what he was doing. i am sure he is not involved with her, if he really cared about her he wouldn't have done that.

 

anyway, i sent you a pm like last week (don't worry i never went to the giant party) ... just wanted to say hi and i'm really sorry this happened. did you think he was as cute as you remembered? it must have been so awful, the realization of it all, huh?

 

i am so sorry. you should be angry. =(

 

i'm sad.

[swirly27]

Actually haha, the psychic was 4 days off. But, I guess close enough. I was REALLY busy with work and other stuff last week and at times I am sick of hearing myself talk about this or seeing myself type about it, haha. But after this past weekend, I am just angry again. I know there is no black/white template of how every action should be judged and how every comment, word or look should be taken.

 

It would appear, understandably so, that my ex was being a dick, and maybe he was, but he wasn't shady at all when we talked in the lobby and he came right over to me, to be very mature and nice....so why then try and hurt me.....I'd almost bet my paycheck I can't see him trying to hurt me. Yes unfortunately, he looked just as good as I rememebered, I hope I did too!! My friends said I looked hot, so lets hope! haha From what I hear, he stared at me alot....but in all reality, none of this matters because its all speculation and hearsay.....until he actually says something or shows up AND admits he was a TOOL for the way he treated me at the end, it doesn't matter. This just took me back though, I am upset a bit, wasting money on psychics hahahaha and just thinking more again. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger right! hahaha

 

Late, didn't I PM you back last week? Sorry, I thought I did.

[swirly27]

Just seeing if anyone else has any insight. I am driving myself nuts thinking about this and I KNOW I can't but I do anyway. I think I've exhausted myself of ranting about this to my friends too, so sorry if I seem desperate here. How can ONE night take me back this far??? UGH

[latefragment]

swirly,

 

i'm off to new york tonight but i wanted you to know that i'm thinking about you and your situation and i do feel bad that you had to have such a crappy run-in with him behaving in the all-too-familiar mixed messages salad.

 

WTF???!!!!!!

 

im not over my guy either but fortunately i think of him rarely now ... bc i'm STILL sick and have been so busy.

 

but when i do think of him it does hurt. and it makes me feel confused. i can only imagine what you're going through too.

 

anyway, i will talk to you soon when i get back on monday ... hope you do ok in the next couple days.

 

i'm feeling very sick... (from the flu/antibiotics combo)

[swirly27]

Thanks Late! I hope you have a good time in NY! I am sorry to hear you are still sick, I hope you feel better soon! I know how you feel, you know you're not over it but you think about him less and less - I KNOW in time I will feel better too....like i WAS feeling right before I saw him and now have all these mixed up feelings again. I know I shouldn't because nothing has really changed. Maybe he just thought I looked good and that confused him for a night, or maybe he was trying to 'bump' into me - but still, NOTHING has changed.....except I am taken back a bit. I think alot of my friends think I am a retard for being upset over a guy this much or rather for this long but they're the ones who are married or have been with one guy and truly don't know how I feel.

 

Guys, am I reading too much into things? I think I unfortunately already know the answer, but thanks to those who did respond.

[Loserdude]

Here's what I am curious about??

- Why did he tell me he's been coming out to that bar for weeks, when he knows I usually go there?

- Why is he going to other places he told me about that he knows I usually go to?

- Why did he end up standing right next to me and my friends?

- After I called and left the apology message, why did he even call back? I didn't ask him to.

 

 

Well first of all, you absolutely handled yourself with maturity and aplomb, especially give how you felt about this feller.

Now, as to your questions:

Why did he tell me he's been coming out to that bar for weeks, when he knows I usually go there?

THe reason he told you this was the opposite of what you think. He told you so that you would not think that he was trying to run into you or do something goofy. He's been going there and so he was bound to run into you because he goes there too.

Why is he going to other places he told me about that he knows I usually go to?

Don't know but it could be because you introduced him to those places and he liked it there.

- Why did he end up standing right next to me and my friends?

Sounds a little immature. Probably trying to rub it in your face or show the new girl how cool he is - two girls in the same room who like(d) him

- After I called and left the apology message, why did he even call back? I didn't ask him to.

He called back just to find out what you were saying. This guy was not nearly into you as much as you were into him so seeing you, chatting with you and calling you now that he found out you weren't all hurt and angry was no big deal.

[Guest]

Swirly,

 

I have a theory here yet I doubt you will like to hear it. If I am right you mentioned in your "popular" thread that you only saw him a very short time (few months at best?). Now think of this possibility......while you were falling hard for him, he was at best taking your time together very slowly and never got to the point that he felt he had made an investment in you. He very well might not have even comprehended just how head over heals you were for him, thus, when you chose to text him that night, he simply figured that with very little invested he should simply walk away without any hard feelings between you two and begin to look for other mates.

 

Since that point you have created this "relationship" in your mind between the two of you that never existed........when you saw him at the bar he simply approached you as he would any other friend he has not seen in months and was polite and straightforward. I doubt very much that any of his actions were premeditated and he simply was acting as he would when and if you were not there with your friends.

 

You need to stop reading into this guy and accept that maybe there was nothing there in the beginning to build upon.

[swirly27]

Thank you LoserDude for your response, it definitely is another point of view to consider and I welcome that.

 

BUT, I have more to add now. As I was sitting here reading this site, my ex just called. SHOCKED THE HELL OUT OF ME. He asked what I was doing, asked how my one friend's brother is, as he was in the hospital, and then chatted with me for a bit. Asked if I was going out tonight, and I'm not, so I told him that. He said he was just calling everyone to see what they were doing and see who was going out....but why does that include me? I told him I was staying in to watch a movie and he said he'd call me later to get a review. What is going on???? This guy hurt me and I know that, be he is sooooo obviously dancing around the subject of him blowing me off, leading to me ending it with him. He also said he saw my landlord one day and asked if my landlord told me....weird thing is he saw him in my town, he was at a place tanning......he has tanning beds over in his town......ugh, i am reading into things again, but I can't help it. hahahaha

[Loserdude]

Thank you LoserDude for your response, it definitely is another point of view to consider and I welcome that.

 

BUT, I have more to add now. As I was sitting here reading this site, my ex just called. SHOCKED THE HELL OUT OF ME. He asked what I was doing, asked how my one friend's brother is, as he was in the hospital, and then chatted with me for a bit. Asked if I was going out tonight, and I'm not, so I told him that. He said he was just calling everyone to see what they were doing and see who was going out....but why does that include me? I told him I was staying in to watch a movie and he said he'd call me later to get a review. What is going on???? This guy hurt me and I know that, be he is sooooo obviously dancing around the subject of him blowing me off, leading to me ending it with him. He also said he saw my landlord one day and asked if my landlord told me....weird thing is he saw him in my town, he was at a place tanning......he has tanning beds over in his town......ugh, i am reading into things again, but I can't help it. hahahaha

I just think to him you guys were not that big of a deal, so now he can call you because you were (and are) cool to him. He has no idea that he hurt you because you acted okay and never told him. Usually when I've blown off girls that way (sorry to say I have) I get some sort of lame voice-mail from them (which you did not do) or when I see them they act all stand-offish. Since you were okay, he's got your number, he knows you, he calls. He is probably saying you are one cool chick that he should remain friends with...

[swirly27]

Maybe, and you could be very true, but he does know he hurt me. After I broke it off, or right before actually, I told him how hurt I was that he was blowing me off. He blew off plans one night and blew off a call and then we talked. He was coming over to talk to me about it and blew it off. He told my friend he felt bad for hurting me because he knew I had wanted something serious....so he knows.....he just doesn't want to talk about it now. Yes, I have been cool because I figure right now is not a time to ask him a million questions about what happened....I probably wouldn't get anywhere anyway. But when he dated, he told his friends, guys and girls, that he had finally found someone he could be serious with and was seriously smitten with me...thats why I was so shocked when he started blowing me off.

 

I hear what you're saying though, I do, but I guess if he continues to call and want to be friends, I will have to say something eventually about how things ended, for my own benefit. I just feel mixed up now.....

[Loserdude]

Maybe, and you could be very true, but he does know he hurt me. After I broke it off, or right before actually, I told him how hurt I was that he was blowing me off. He blew off plans one night and blew off a call and then we talked. He was coming over to talk to me about it and blew it off. He told my friend he felt bad for hurting me because he knew I had wanted something serious....so he knows.....he just doesn't want to talk about it now. Yes, I have been cool because I figure right now is not a time to ask him a million questions about what happened....I probably wouldn't get anywhere anyway. But when he dated, he told his friends, guys and girls, that he had finally found someone he could be serious with and was seriously smitten with me...thats why I was so shocked when he started blowing me off.

 

I hear what you're saying though, I do, but I guess if he continues to call and want to be friends, I will have to say something eventually about how things ended, for my own benefit. I just feel mixed up now.....

 

Oh, wait, I didn't get all that before. Well, I too am confused so I see your point totally. He gave you huge mixed signals. But did he tell you that he was smitted and that he could be serious about you? Careful, friends can muddy the waters and say what they perceive.

 

Frankly I think he owes you an explanation. I wish some of the girls in your position with me would have called me to clear the air because I felt too bad to call them myself (or too scared or something, bad, I know).